Chapter 85: Solo

So, the weekend is finally here. One thing I forgot to mention in discussing my plans for this weekend was that, duh, Sunday happens to be the biggest night of the year for music! Yes, folks, the 52nd Annual Grammy Awards are about to be here! I absolutely love Grammy night, and am kind of sad that I don’t have friends here who really care about music enough to make for a really good Grammy party. Still, I will sit at home and watch the show on my own, and have just as good a time as I would if I were throwing a party. The Grammy’s are a magical evening celebrating the very best of the music industry, but for an aspiring musician like myself, the Grammy’s are so much more than that. They are the wildest dream you could possibly have. They are the goal you never really believe you will be able to reach. It is always so inspiring watching the biggest and brightest stars music has to offer being accepted into the music elite. I am particularly excited for this year’s show because music has been particularly brilliant, and particularly unique, this past year and it should make for a really interesting mix of awards being given. I figured that since the awards are being given the day after tomorrow, I would take a little time right off the bat to make my official predictions in the major categories for this year. First of all, there is the Record of the Year, which goes to both the artist and the producer. Nominees for this year are: “Halo” by Beyonce, produced by Ryan Tedder, “I Gotta Feeling” by the Black Eyed Peas, produced by David Guetta, “Use Somebody” by Kings of Leon, produced by Jacquire King, “Poker Face” by Lady Gaga, produced by RedOne and “You Belong With Me” by Taylor Swift, produced by Nathan Chapman and Taylor Swift. Who would be my personal pick to win? I think that is fairly obvious, despite the fact that I love all of these songs. Lady Gaga, “Poker Face.” What do I think will actually win? Either “I Gotta Feeling” or “Use Somebody,” but I am kind of leaning towards “I Gotta Feeling.” The Grammy Academy has a tendency to lean towards the biggest and most widespread hits in this category, and while all of these songs were big, “I Gotta Feeling” spanned from top 40, to hip-hop to even adult contemporary charts. Second, there is Song of the Year, which is a songwriting award, (and the Grammy I would most like to win someday, should I ever actually get to the point of being nominated for a Grammy.) This years nominees are: “Poker Face” by Lady Gaga, written by Lady Gaga and RedOne, “Pretty Wings” by Maxwell, written by Hod David and Musze, “Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)” by Beyonce, written by Thaddis Harrell, Beyonce Knowles, Terius Nash and Christopher “Tricky” Stewart, “Use Somebody” by Kings of Leon, written by Kings of Leon and “You Belong With Me” by Taylor Swift, written by Liz Rose and Taylor Swift. My personal pick would, again, be “Poker Face” by Lady Gaga, but I am guessing that the winner of this will be “Single Ladies” by Beyonce, and I can’t really begrudge her that. It isn’t a song that I am particularly into, but it can’t be denied that this song is pretty hardcore and has managed to reach much farther than I ever would have imagined. Then there is the category of Best New Artist. This category caused a bit of a controversy this year due to one person who was not nominated: Lady Gaga. She is undeniably the biggest, and arguably the best, new act of 2009. Unfortunately, her debut album, “The Fame” was released at the very tail end of the 2008 cut-off time and she was nominated last year for Best Dance Recording for “Just Dance.” If it weren’t for this technicality, I think it would have almost been unfair to nominate anybody else. The actually nominees for this year are: Zac Brown Band, Keri Hilson, MGMT, Silversun Pickups and The Ting Tings. My personal pick would DEFINITELY be MGMT, whose album “Oracular Spectacular” was a favorite of mine from the past year. I also think that they have a pretty fair shot at getting the award. If it doesn’t go to them, I would assume it would wind up going to Zac Brown Band, who I am not overly familiar but who I know have been receiving an insane amount of critical praise and took the Breakthrough Act award at the American Music Awards. Lastly, and the biggest of the four major categories, is Album of the Year. This year is an extremely stiff competition for this category. The nominees are: “I Am… Sasha Fierce” by Beyonce, “The E.N.D.” by the Black Eyed Peas, “The Fame” by Lady Gaga, “Big Whiskey and the Groogrux King” by Dave Matthews Band and “Fearless” by Taylor Swift. Just through process of elimination I can pretty confidently say that this award is really between two records: Taylor Swift and Lady Gaga. These are two of my most frequently played albums and are both extremely worthy of this award, in their own ways. “Fearless” was the biggest selling album of the year and Taylor Swift became the most downloaded artist in history. “The Fame” has sold 8 million copies and Lady Gaga has become the biggest sensation the world has seen in a long time. My personal pick in terms of artistry alone would have to be “The Fame.” Do I think it can win over Taylor Swift, though? I am not 100%. I really think that it will take this one, but I won’t be overly shocked if it goes to Taylor Swift. The Grammy Academy has a tendency to surprise you from time to time, though, and could very well wind up giving the award to Dave Matthews, but they also love to award Album of the Year to a bright young ingénue, who also happens to be a media darling, and both Taylor and Gaga would fall into that category. Lady Gaga’s nomination in this category really reminds me of 1998, when Lauryn Hill got the pretty unexpected nomination, and wound up winning. Hopefully Gaga will have the same fate. Critics, as well as fans and other artists, all seem to be behind Gaga. My only fear is that she may be considered too outlandish and controversial to be given this, the biggest of the awards they hand out. I really believe she will get it. I am also extremely excited for Gaga’s performance that night. She is opening the show and will be performing a duet that is supposed to be pretty mind-blowing. She has only confirmed that it will not be Beyonce, who she duets with on her newest single, “Telephone.” Rumor across the internet says it will be Elton John. The only way I can really picture that is if they perform “Speechless,” which kind of seems like it wouldn’t make for an epic, Gaga-style performance to open the show. Of course, knowing Gaga, she would find a way to make it completely insane, brilliant and epic. My hope? Madonna. I know it won’t be her but, my God, how amazing would that be? I suppose we’ll see. It is Lady Gaga, after all, and she is nothing if not full of surprises.

So, to step back into the world outside of music, today was a pretty good day. I didn’t wake up until after 8:30am, which was okay because we hadn’t planned on working out this morning, anyway. I still ate a bowl of cereal for breakfast, and spent the morning dicking around online and taking a nice, long shower, as opposed to the quick ones I normally take. I didn’t have to start until 10am, and since my Mom’s boyfriend was here he drove me to work then instead of having to be ready and gone by 9:30am only to wait around the building for 30 minutes. Work was pretty boring today, unfortunately. There wasn’t a lot going on and we were missing a few of our noisiest people and my friend/team lead was in a terrible mood, so it was pretty quiet. I spent most of the day feeling really tired. For lunch, I had a chocolate chip muffin that I got from my sister and my daily meal replacement bar and was pretty satisfied until after work. This evening one of my friends/co-workers picked me up and we went out to dinner at Lee Roy Selmons. I had only ever been there once before, almost a year ago to the day, with that same co-worker before I had actually started working with her, and a couple of other people who I would wind up working with and becoming good friends with. While we were waiting to be seated, which was a good 45-60 minute wait, we kind of talked about that and how much things have changed in such a short period of time. I mean, a year is a considerable amount of time but in the grand scheme of things it really isn’t long at all. It just seems like the workplace, back when I first started shortly after that first dinner we all had there, was a very different place. It seemed more fun at that time. I had a whole little group of people I was friends with there and we spent a lot of our workdays just having a good time. I kind of miss that period. It seems like, more often than not, I barely speak to my co-workers and certainly not about anything substantial. It seems like, over time, all of my favorite people that I worked with started dropping like flies. There are still a few people at work that I like, but just barely a few. It’s a shame. At the same time, though, I feel like my workplace is kind of exactly what I need it to be right now. It seems like a very large portion of my time that is spent in a creative headspace is the time I spend at work. I like that a lot because it kind of feels like, in a lot of ways, I’ve started to look forward to going to work because I know that I will get some brilliant ideas or draw something interesting or something. Honestly, I find a lot of solace in the workplace, and that solace tends to be where I can really get creative. So, it’s really a good thing. Still, that doesn’t stop me from also kind of missing the time when I kind of looked forward to going to work because I enjoyed spending time with the people I worked with.

At dinner, my friend and I were kind of discussing the concept of being lonely. I really hate it. I hate the fact that I feel it. I’ve always felt like I was “above” the whole concept of love and longing for companionship and such, but it always finds a way to creep back up on me when I least expect it. It’s just strange because I know, in my head, that it simply isn’t logical for me right now. I am pretty messed up, for one, and I am also really focused on things that really mean so much more to me than any kind of romantic ideal of love ever could. There is also the fact that I have no real, viable prospects at this point. I pretty much spend all of my time at home or at work. It has become increasingly rare that I go anywhere aside from those two places. Sadly, my workplace is no place to be looking for viable dating prospects. It is pretty much a dry county. There is one guy who I kind of have developed a thing for, but he is REALLY not a plausible option to me. It wouldn’t make much sense, and we don’t really speak to one another often enough to ever get to a starting point in the first place. Plus, he just isn’t someone who would be a good idea for me. He is probably more messed up than I am. Sadly, that is the only person in the workplace who I even really have an interest in. There is this other guy that I spotted, who works in the evenings after I have left, who is adorable. I have never spoken to him and know absolutely nothing about him, but when I saw him for the first time I was immediately attracted and, for my work, that is really a rarity. Again, though, I really know absolutely nothing about this guy beyond his name and that he’s hot, and there is really very little chance for me to bump into him in any way because we work really different schedules and his shift starts a while after mine ends and I have left the building. I only actually spotted him by chance. I really shouldn’t even be thinking about this in the first place. I have much more important things to focus on before I will be ready to take as big a step as even considering getting involved with anybody. It just seems like I am surrounded by couples lately and, in spite of myself, I can’t help but see people being happy in their relationships and feel a desire for a little bit of that in my own life. Whatever. It was nice spending a little time with this friend outside of work, though, and getting to talk on a more personal level.

When I came home from dinner, my Mom and her boyfriend were here preparing their dinner. I was full and opted to just come into my bedroom and watch the first of the movies I downloaded. “New York, I Love You” is a collection of short films pieced together to make one full-length film. They are all from different directors with varying degrees of experience, all featuring New York City not only as a backdrop, but really as it’s own character in each story. This film was absolutely brilliant. It tells so many different types of stories of people that you could easily see in every day life, not only in New York. One of my favorite segments was the one directed by Brett Ratner and starring Anton Yelchin and Olivia Thirlby, with a very brief appearance by Blake Lively. This was kind of the comic relief amidst some of the more serious stories. Anton Yelchin played a quirky kid who was dumped by his girlfriend the night before his senior prom. He went into a convenience store where the owner set him up with his beautiful daughter, played by Olivia Thirlby, as a prom date. When he arrived to pick her up he was shocked, and disappointed, to find that she was in a wheelchair. Being a nice kid, he went ahead and took her to prom, anyway, and she wound up having a really great time. While walking her home through Central Park she asked him what she could do to make his night as good as he had made hers, and he said he was hoping to lose his virginity that night. In an absolutely hilarious set up, she hoists herself up with a belt over a tree branch and has him remove her panties and they have sex there in the middle of the park. They wake up the next morning and frantically gather up their clothes and rush to get her home before her father can notice she was out all night. When they arrive her father is outside and, fortunately, not upset with the situation at all. Then his daughter does something completely unexpected: She stands up out of her wheelchair and rushes off into the house. Method actress is the punchline. It’s pretty hilarious to see this played out on screen. Natalie Portman also directed one of the segments of the film that is basically following a young father around on a day in the park with his 5-6 year old daughter. It is a very sweet scene and very impressive for her directorial debut, as far as I know. Natalie Portman also starred in the segment directed by Mira Nair, which featured her as an orthodox jew on the eve of her wedding making some sort of diamond deal with a muslim man and the two discussing their strict cultures and the sacrifices they have had to make for them. This scene was extremely moving. Another favorite portion of mine was the piece directed by Shekhar Kapur, featuring Shia LeBeouf and Julie Christie. Julie Christie is an aging opera singer visiting her favorite hotel in New York with the intention of committing suicide and Shia LeBeouf is a bellhop in the hotel who takes a shine to her. This scene is pretty heartbreaking and extremely hopeful in the same breath and Shia LeBeouf’s performance is greater than I ever thought he was capable of. Another performance that I was incredibly impressed with was Ethan Hawke’s, as a random writer who appears in different parts throughout the film. Ethan Hawke was a sexy guy in his younger days, but since he has aged has really come to look and act like a complete crackhead. His performance in this film really took all of that away, though, and he came across as that same sexy, interesting young guy from “Reality Bites.” The best segment in the film, in my opinion, was definitely the one directed by Allen Hughes, starring Bradley Cooper and Drea De Matteo. This is a very simple scene inside the heads of a younger man and an older woman who had recently hooked up traveling to meet each other again to clear things up. They are both pretty dead set on making sure that it is clear to the other one that the whole experience didn’t really mean anything, all the while both admitting that it really did. I loved this segment so much because it really kind of captured the process of falling in love, even when you are trying really hard not to. These are just a few of the shorts included in this film, and the entire thing is truly amazing. I highly recommend anybody who may read this see this film. It is absolutely worth it. I have never actually been to New York City, but this film really captures everything I have ever imagined it to be. It is not the glossy, “Sex & The City” version of New York, but not the run-down, dangerous, frightening “In the Heights” version of New York, either. It’s that middle of the road that I have always imagined every day life in New York City must be. Like I said, definitely check it out – it is amazing.

I also got a response to my email to Eliezer Rivera this evening. I was getting a little worried because I sent the email to him last night and he had been very quick about responding to all of the others, responding that same night in most cases. I was a little surprised when I woke up this morning and didn’t have a response already. I kept checking back all day long and was really beginning to get concerned when I checked my email after midnight and still hadn’t received anything. Fortunately, when my phone checked my email for me last, around 2am, it included a response. I am so excited to get started on music lessons. As I have said before, I just have a really good feeling about this whole thing. I have a really good feeling about my life right now. I know that it is going to wind up greater than I have been able to imagine at this point, and what’s even better is that I know that it is all starting right here and right now. I am moving forward and I cannot wait to see where the Universe will lead me. If that includes some sort of boyfriend along the way I’ll be okay with that, but I will be just as okay if it doesn’t. The Universe will provide me with everything that I could possibly need to get to where I am meant to go. Life is great, even if it gets lonely every now and then. It will all be worth it in the end.