Chapter 65: Animal

Before doing anything else, I want to give a bit of advanced warning: I am a little drunk. I’m not really, anymore. I got home about an hour ago and my buzz has pretty well worn off at this point. Now I am just feeling extremely tired. The best and worst part of drinking is always that period afterwards when the buzz starts to wear off. It is the best part if you are able to just go home and pass out. That’s always a great feeling. I have made a commitment to myself, though, to write a blog every single day. I haven’t actually missed a day, out of 65, and I don’t intend to miss one just because I’m still slightly drunk and extremely tired. So, this is when that coming down period is the worst; when you aren’t just going to bed.

Today was pretty laid back. I woke up around noon, ate a variety of random things instead of eating breakfast. We have these weird boxes of chocolates that we got for Christmas, but they aren’t actual chocolates. They’re like tiny cake things covered in chocolate and made to look like a box of chocolates. I didn’t know this beforehand, and it was quite a shock when I bit into one. Still, they were pretty tasty. I also ate some random cheese and crackers and one of those little pre-prepared cans of tuna packaged with crackers. Those tuna package things are really kind of gross, but I ate it anyway. While eating all of this random stuff, I also fell into a world I had been curious about but hadn’t actually explored yet; the world of “Jersey Shore.” “Jersey Shore,” for anyone who doesn’t know, is a series on MTV. It is basically “The Real World,” except it is set in New Jersey and instead of casting 7 or 8 people from different backgrounds and different parts of the world, they cast 7 or 8 people from exactly the same background: A bunch of “guidos” from Jersey. This show has become a pretty big deal lately and I had yet to actually watch it. I happened to notice that it was on, so I decided to give it a try. The funny thing about this show is that it really isn’t very interesting or appealing in any way, but I sat there and watched two full episodes. There were moments where I thought, “Maybe I should change the channel,” or “Maybe I should go do something in the bedroom,” but I just couldn’t turn away. It’s not even that it was like a car crash or anything like that, it was just kind of mesmerizing watching nothing actually happen. It kind of reminds me of the early days of “The Hills,” except nowhere near as good. I don’t know what the deal is with that show, but I can’t deny that I’ll most likely wind up watching more. It’s just weird because the entire cast is so strange looking. They’re all orange and have fucked up haircuts. Also, they are really violent. I watched two episodes and there were a total of five times where people broke out in full-blown fisticuffs, most often in defense of one of their fellow cast members. These people all talk so much shit about each other, but are so quick to defend one another against anybody else. It’s like they have formed a little family unit by way of a TV show. I like that, although I don’t find physical violence entertaining or appealing in any way. It’s definitely an interesting show, while not being interesting at all. I don’t know how to explain that really, but I kind of enjoyed it. I will say, as well, though, that the breakout stars of the show, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi and Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, are the two that I find the least interesting. My favorites are Ronnie and Vinny, the only cast members without some messed up nickname. They are the most attractive and seem the least dysfunctional. Vinny is also the only of the guys who don’t live by the mantra taught in the most recent episode, “Gym Tan Laundry.” “Gym Tan Laundry” is, essentially, these guys daily routine. Every day, in that order, they will go to the gym, go to a tanning salon and do laundry to prepare for going out that night. I am think that could be a valuable life lesson for me, personally. I would exclude the tanning, because I don’t want to be orange, but perhaps I should start going to the gym again and doing laundry every day. Of course, the difference between these guys and I is that I don’t go out every night and I, you know, have a job and stuff to do with my days. Still, I like the concept of it.

I also worked at the keyboard for a while today. I am still working on perfecting the song I have already written, “A Breakthrough,” before trying too hard to work on anything else. I feel like the more I work on this song and learn bits and pieces of other artist’s songs, the more I understand the left hand/right hand dynamic of the piano. It’s kind of like, more often than not, the left hand is kind of a base and the right hand is doing most of the actual riffs and such. This is not always the case, of course, and I really want to learn more about how to create a cool riff with single keys, as opposed to chords, kind of like the intro to Gwen Stefani’s “4 In The Morning,” or Alicia Keys’ “Never Felt This Way.” I have always been a bigger fan of that type of sound, although I am really coming to find the beauty in chords on the piano. It is a really cool, fun process. I am also feeling like “A Breakthrough” is coming closer and closer to being absolutely perfect. In some ways, I feel like it already is and the only thing holding me back from believing that is my own insecurities about my skills on the piano, since I don’t actually know the technicals of it all. It’s going to work out, though. It is already working out. I have a song written, MUSIC and lyrics. That’s HUGE for me. Sure, the music is only in base form right now, but it is written and that is major. I am well on my way.

Okay, I have to interrupt the chronological re-telling of my day to speak about something I just discovered. One of the things I listed last night that I was going to focus on as part of my retraining myself to use “The Secret” has already happened! I just happened to check my email, and 6 days after the fact, I have heard from my Uncle! He basically said that, as far as me staying there, he would have to take it up with the other people living there and get back to me. The other people mentioned are two of my cousins and one of their girlfriends. I know this doesn’t necessarily sound like a huge accomplishment at this point, but he did give me his current working numbers and I now know for certain that he got the email, he knows of the request and is considering it. I doubt if my cousins would say no. I mean, I don’t think they would. I don’t know them all that well, but I don’t think that they would deny me a place to stay out there. I’m just freaking out excited to know that the request is officially confirmed as having been received and is being considered/discussed. That is a definite step in the right direction! It just serves as further evidence that “The Secret” is working, and the Universe is working in my favor. Now I need to focus on my cousins saying yes to me staying there and getting an official invite.

Actually, another of the things that I listed as something to use “The Secret” for happened tonight, too, in a much broader way. I spent the evening having a good time with people that I care about here in Florida and really made the most of the evening; Kind of, anyway. I had a really good, fun night. My sister’s girlfriend, who had been out of town all week after announcing that she was leaving our program at work, finally got back into town last night and we had a little get-together tonight as a welcome back/birthday/congratulations party for her. There were a lot of people and the restaurant we were at didn’t really have space to accommodate that, so we were a little crammed into a corner, but it worked out fine. I applied one of my favorite party tips, actually. When meeting up with people in a restaurant always eat beforehand, that way you have more money for alcohol and don’t run the risk of spilling food on yourself or looking like a big fat ass. I had four Midori Sours at this place and was feeling pretty good when we decided to carry it over to this other bar in town. The particular bar we went to is kind of creepy. I don’t like to go there often, but a very good friend of mine runs karaoke there so we wind up there every so often. I just don’t like it because it’s really kind of a redneck bar and is full of people who are completely shit-faced and don’t necessarily take kindly to “my type.” I was a little concerned this evening because I had makeup on and that tends to draw attention more than I already do. Fortunately, I made it through the night without incident. One of my favorite co-workers came out and we had fun together, as well as my sister and her girlfriend. Also, that guy who I have mentioned in this blog a few times (the one who I always say doesn’t seem to want to associate with me) was there. It seemed like the more he had to drink, the more he did want to associate with me. It’s funny, but it seemed like there were quite a few moments this evening where it seemed like he wanted to approach me and talk to me more but got kind of awkward and just said something silly/random and walked away. I don’t know what was up with that, but I am not going to put any focus on that. I’ve got much bigger things to focus on right now. Besides, as I have said before, I think the only reason I am attracted to him is because I feel like he isn’t attracted to me. Of course, if he were to actually make an approach I’d totally go for it. When I say I would “go for it,” I mean I’d have sex with him. I would NOT get involved, though. That would be silly and pointless at this point. Since I was drunk, I was kind of more focused on another guy tonight, anyway; a really hot, but straight, friend of mine who I hadn’t seen in quite a while who was looking really good. I don’t know why I enjoy the straight men so much… that whole unattainable thing, I suppose. Still, there are plenty of gay guys who are just as unattainable and I don’t know why I would pay any attention to an unattainable straight guy. Who knows? I’m having trouble focusing on writing this blog. “Hot straight boys” is the point, though. That is what I am focused on right now, (not in life, but in this moment.)

It is almost 4:30am, and I have to get up at a decent time to get to the Yehuda Berg signing/discussion at Barnes & Noble tomorrow. It starts at 2pm, but I kind of want to get there early. I have absolutely no idea what type of turnout there is going to be for this event, but I want to get there early in case it winds up bigger than I am expecting. All I know is I am extremely excited for the whole thing. I have been saying to people around me lately that I feel like I could use a bit of a Kabbalah tune-up, and meeting/hearing a talk from one of the founders of the Kabbalah Centre International seems like an excellent way to do just that. I’m pretty sure my sister and her girlfriend are going to come pick me up and drop me off there. I don’t know if they’ll pick me up afterwards, but either way. Getting me there is a big help. I can figure out a way home. I do need to get to bed, though, so I can make sure I am up in time to get ready and get there early. I am really excited for this whole event and even though I don’t know what it will be, I have this really strong feeling that something really big is going to come of me attending it. Therefore, I have to make absolutely certain that I get to it. If not, I will surely regret it. All of this is basically reiterating the fact that I need to go to bed. Goodnight.