Chapter 73: Ready

Sunday is normally the day of the week that I use to just be at home and in my own company, and do mundane things that need to be done but that I don’t care to make time for any other day of the week. Sundays are often spent watching movies or catching up on TV shows I missed during the week. No matter what, though, I always try to make it a point to make Sunday about relaxing. I try really hard to make sure there is no type of stress or drama or issues without resolution on Sunday so that it can really just be a day of rest. I don’t do this for any sort of religious purposes, or even out of a sense of traditionalism. It’s not anything of that nature, it’s just the way my schedule works nowadays. I have weekends off, and Saturday tends to be the day that most of the people I care to spend time with have off, as well, so Sunday is the day that works best for just laying around. Today was no different.

I woke up around 1:30-2pm this afternoon, which is not bad considering it was after 7am when I went to bed last night. My Mom had been out, at church, and called to see if I wanted anything to eat before she came home. She went to our favorite little place in town, Gyros & Seafood, and picked up some hamburgers. I got up and brushed my teeth and all the rest of the normal morning routine, then came back to the computer. One thing you may or may not have noticed is that last night’s blog didn’t get posted until this afternoon. The reason for that is because I didn’t begin last night’s blog until after 6am and fell asleep before finishing it, so after completing the morning routine I went straight to finishing that. So, I kind of cheated… but I say it still counts. I kind of considered just not posting anything for yesterday, but I couldn’t allow myself to do that. It would be lovely to say that this is because I have made a commitment to myself that I am dedicated to following through on. That is certainly part of the reason, but it is mainly because I have this strange obsessive-compulsive fear of the numbers of the blogs not matching the amount of days I have been doing it. I know that nothing bad would happen based on those numbers not matching, and I know the exact date that will be the end of the blog, but I just can’t let myself have them mismatched. It’s silly, but it’s something that is stuck in my head and that I am really trying to avoid. Speaking of those numbers, though, I can’t help but feel like it is completely insane that I am already at blog #73. I know 73 days isn’t all that many in comparison to the planned 365, but it still kind of blows my mind to think about the fact that I have been at this project for 73 days so far, without missing a single day. It’s kind of funny, because I have become so used to doing this every night that I find the thought of it ending really strange. I can’t imagine what day 366 is going to be like. What will it feel like ending the day on November 8, 2010? What will I do that evening? It’s interesting to think about. I have come up with an idea for after that point that I think will be pretty cool, but I don’t know if I will still feel that way by then. I am kind of thinking that, at that point, I am going to continue blogging. It won’t be like this one, where I am really trying to capture the moment in my life or where it is a daily commitment, but I think I certainly have more to say to the world and, while it may not be my passion, writing is something I am pretty good at and a medium I would certainly like to continue working in. It isn’t a medium I want to work in professionally, by any means, but it is a medium that I enjoy and would like to continue simply for the pleasure of it. We’ll see what comes of that at the time, though. Either way, though, that will most definitely be a separate blog from this one. This blog is meant to be a snapshot of this year in my life. If I were to continue posting in this blog beyond that time it would take away from that, I think.

One thing that I did today was took a first step towards getting started on this new journey I have planned, staying here in Sarasota. What was that step? I emailed the owner of Schumann Music Works inquiring about taking lessons. It was a pretty basic little email just kind of explaining my intentions, (to learn to play properly in order to compose music for myself,) and asking for rates and hours and such. It really isn’t a big step to have taken, but it’s one that will likely get the ball rolling on major things. I really hope this place works out for me. I love the idea of getting lessons from a professional composer because it seems like somebody who composes music themselves would be able to teach with more of a focus on composition. That is what I really want. That is the goal I am working towards with taking lessons, anyway. The only thing that concerns me is that when I initially bookmarked the site, it included rates for lessons and now those rates are gone. The home page of the site still lists lessons as a service they offer, but for one reason or another the actual rates are no longer listed there. I also looked up the location of the studio and found that it is pretty much right around the corner from my house. That is a really good thing, too. Like I said, I really hope this place can work out for me. We’ll see, I suppose. For now, I await a response.

The bulk of today was spent in front of the TV. I didn’t really have a ton of laundry to do or anything else of that nature, so I basically just spent the day lying around. I watched a few episodes of a favorite TV show of mine, “Jeffery & Cole Casserole.” “Jeffery & Cole Casserole” is basically these two gay kids, Jeffery Self and Cole Escola, doing funny sketches and such, all filmed on their webcam and such. It is all very low budget and basically began with them doing silly videos on YouTube that were seen by the right people at the Logo Network and picked up for a series. It only had six episodes in it’s first season, all of which I have watched many times but can still watch as if it was the first time I were seeing them. These two guys are just completely hilarious and come up with some of the most inventive, unique ideas I have seen in a very long time. They are also obsessed with television from the 80s and 90s, an influence that shows a lot in their videos on YouTube and on the show. They make some hilarious references to some of the most random, obscure stars of the past, like Laurie Metcalfe, Delta Burke and Cybil Shepherd. They are hilarious, and I would absolutely recommend following their blogs (Jeffery & Cole,) and their YouTube channels, (Jeffery & Cole.) While you are checking out Cole’s Youtube channel, make sure you watch his brilliant cover of Taylor Swift’s “Fifteen,” from some small club in Manhattan, it may be my favorite thing he has done!

My Mom and I also sat down and caught up on the past two weeks episodes of “Ugly Betty.” I am sure I have mentioned it previously, but “Ugly Betty” is one of my absolute favorite TV shows of all-time. It includes so many of my favorite elements of entertainment, including fashion, gay themes, tons of drama, comedy and, most of all, an underdog as the protagonist. One of my favorite things about this show, though, is that there are no real antagonists. I mean, there are, but there are no characters that are strictly “the bad guys.” They find ways to make all of the characters on the show completely human and really represent the fact that people who seem all good are just as capable of doing terrible things and those who seem like all-around bad people are just as capable of doing good. This is best exemplified in the characters of Betty and Wilhelmina Slater, played to perfection by America Ferrera and Vanessa Williams, respectively. These are kind of the two most exemplary characters of “good” and “evil,” but both are really shown through and through to not be one or the other, but contain both. This really plays to one of my strongest beliefs in life: There is no such thing as bad people, just as much as there is no such thing as good people. We are all just people. Some of us may seem to get it right more than others, but they are no different than the rest of us and are just as capable of completely falling apart as the rest of us. Another thing that I love about “Ugly Betty” is the way that they manage to incorporate fashion into stories of much greater things. For example, in one of the episodes I watched tonight Betty was assigned to write a story about stilettos that are comfortable to walk in and she didn’t feel that this was a heavy enough story, so she decided to turn it into a piece on “walking a mile in someone else’s shoes,” and showcasing the work that people do and the types of shoes they wear to do it. I love that concept and wish there were more features like that in real fashion magazines. I just love entertainment that really provokes emotion and makes you think, and “Ugly Betty” always manages to do both for me.

After that, I watched a Kathy Griffin comedy special and painted my nails. I was trying to come up with something cool and different to do with my nails, and came up with what I thought was a pretty interesting idea. I have this really hardcore, Barbie-style pink polish and wanted to cover it in this white & silver glittery clear coat. I put it on and it looked really cute, but I felt like it was a little too feminine. My whole thing with wearing makeup and nail polish and such is to kind of try to showcase the fact that it doesn’t have to be a masculine/feminine thing but just a self-expression thing, so I have been keeping it pretty neutral. The Barbie pink with the frosty colored glitter topcoat seemed like it was considerably less neutral than I am going for. Plus, I kind of fucked it up before it dried and I took that as a sign that it was probably more than I should be doing. So, instead I put on a cool metallic-looking silver polish and was done with it all. I like silver polishes, though, because I feel like they have a kind of robotic or futuristic feel to them. I like the futuristic idea. The color of it also kind of reminds me of duct tape, which is kind of cool, too.

Tomorrow it is back to work, which sucks. I have a plan, though, for tomorrow morning that I am kind of excited about. My Mom has been on a quest for the past year and a half or two to lose weight, and she has done an amazing job of it. She has actually lost a really good deal of weight and still battles on, working out nearly every morning and even using her breaks at work to walk around the parking lot, for a little additional exercise. It really is pretty inspiring and I have seen her clothes become more and more baggy on her and such. I have never really been uncomfortable with my appearance or cared too much about my weight, but I do kind of have a renewed desire to lose weight at this point for one main reason: Clothes. I don’t know whether or not I have gained weight recently or not, but I am finding that my clothes don’t seem to fit me as well as they used to, pants in particular. Plus, if I can lose like 3 pant sizes I would fit into a lot of designers size limitations and could dress much better than I do now, (which is saying something, because I am already a very well-dressed person.) I have mentioned here a time or two that my favorite designer is Calvin Klein. I have various items from Calvin Klein, like t-shirts and tops, accessories and even my gorgeous bag. One thing I do not have by Calvin Klein, though, are jeans. Calvin Klein jeans are kind of his main thing and the thing that kind of began the entire line. I have dreamed for a while now of getting myself a really nice pair of Calvin Klein jeans, but I have yet to find any that will fit me properly. As I mentioned before, if I lost just two or three pant sizes, I would be able to find plenty of Calvin Klein jeans, as well as jeans from a lot of other designers that I love. So, I decided that, starting tomorrow morning, I am going to start working out with my Mom in the mornings before work. Not only will that help me in my quest to keep fitting into my current pants, as well as a future pair of Calvin Klein jeans, but it will serve me well into the future. The thing is, while I may be comfortable with my weight and the way that I look, if I intend to pursue a career in music, I will be on display for public consumption. When was the last time you saw some big fat guy musician? John Popper, from Blues Traveler? I do not want to fall into the same category as John Popper, thank you very much. I don’t really care to lose TOO MUCH weight, but just a few pant sizes to start is plenty. We’ll see how it all goes, but I don’t think it will be all that hard for me to lose some. It’s just a matter of really dedicating myself to it. I was actually doing really well with working out before. I had a really good friend who I worked with who was my workout partner, but through a series of occurrences in my life at that time I wound up falling off the wagon. Still, I know that if I really apply myself to it I can get the job done. I am still young, which is the best time to try to lose weight, and they always say that it is easier and quicker for men to take off weight. My brother has recently lost a good deal of weight and looks really good. Of course, my brother has always been considerably thinner than the rest of our family, so the extra weight he had wasn’t much in the first place. I’m excited to give it another try, and to really apply myself to it this time. We’ll see how it goes. Right now it is 12:28am, and if I am going to get up and be ready to work out at 8am tomorrow, I’d better get to bed pretty much immediately. I want to make sure that I am off to a good start with this whole thing. This is just another plan I am putting in place to make sure that not moving to California now is not completely blowing my future. I know that it isn’t, but it sure is giving me a swift kick in the ass to start working on things and make sure that my future is going to be great. Like I said in last night’s blog, I know that the Universe is working in my favor and making sure that my future is going to be great… but what I am doing right now, with all the plans that I am making, is planting the seeds that I will tend to and make grow into me really making something of myself. Instead of sitting around waiting for the Universe to work for me, what I am doing right now is working in collaboration with the Universe to make sure that it doesn’t only work out for me, but that I have really earned what I will eventually have. I am really excited for all that is yet to come, and I am even more excited to be serving as writer, director and star! I am determined to make this one fucking great movie.