Chapter 79: Crying At The Disco

I woke up at 11:30am this morning. My Mom was at work, putting in some overtime, so I was alone in the house. I spent the morning dicking around on the internet and checking out random stuff online, like Twitter, Oh No They Didn’t and, a classic, gay porn! In the midst of all that, I was also listening to the new album from Nick Jonas & The Administration, “Who I Am.” It leaked late last night and I had intended to listen to it while I went to bed, but my iPod speakers were in the other room and I didn’t feel like getting up to get them. I’ve got to say, I am incredibly impressed with this album. I could already tell after listening to only three of the albums ten tracks that I liked this much better than any of the Jonas Brothers’ albums. I have always had a strange relationship with the Jonas Brothers because I absolutely adore them, but don’t really listen to their music that much. Some of it is really good, but for the most part it’s not entirely up my alley. They are just really fun and adorable. I saw them live and met them all when they were opening for The Veronicas back in 2006, and they put on a really great show in such a small setting and were all very sweet and talkative. I really loved their first album, too, but after they got involved with Disney and became what they are now I kind of stopped liking their music as much. They have certain songs that I really love, but I don’t really get into their albums as a whole. This is not the case, though, for the Nick Jonas & The Administration album. It is a really solid and very mature record for a 17 year old to be releasing. Nick Jonas has said that he was really inspired by Bruce Springsteen in doing this record, and that influence is easily heard right off the bat on the opening track, “Rose Garden.” The entire album, although it is only ten tracks, is pretty damn impressive. From a songwriting perspective, it is leaps and bounds above anything on a Jonas Brothers record and, like I mentioned before, is very mature. My favorite tracks would be the first single and title track, “Who I Am,” as well as “Rose Garden,” “Olive & An Arrow,” “Last Time Around,” “State Of Emergency,” and, most of all, “Vesper’s Goodbye,” which is a very sweet, soft track. I don’t know how to explain how it is soft exactly, but that is the word that feels best to describe it. As much as I hate to admit it, I really think that Nick Jonas is best working on his own. Joe can become an actor, which he is really good at, and the other can fade into obscurity and stay married. I’d be happy with that outcome for them. In any sense, I highly recommend checking out this record. It is about a million times better than you would expect.

I felt kind of guilty for dicking around online this morning when I could have and should have been working on my drawings to submit to that company seeking t-shirt designs. I got a call from my Mom saying that she was going to go out to lunch with a friend of hers after she got off work and would be home a little later, so I knew I had time to work on the art a bit before she came home. I started working on the “Dancing With Tears In My Eyes” drawing and, as I worked on it, I kind of felt like it was becoming less and less the “Dancing With Tears In My Eyes” drawing and was really developing into something similar, but separate. As I was working on it, I found myself thinking less of the Ke$ha song and more of the song by Platinum Weird, called “Crying At The Disco.” First of all, a little back story on Platinum Weird. Platinum Weird is a fictional band that surfaced in 2006 with a whole backstory about a band who skyrocketed to fame but crashed and burned. They released a record of what was labeled as lost recordings from 1974. This was actually the collaboration between Dave Stewart, of the Eurhythmics, and songwriter/American Idol judge Kara Dioguardi and the record was actually recorded between 2004-2005. It is a completely brilliant record, recorded to sound like it had been recorded back in the 70s. What was even better than the album, though, was a Best Buy exclusive second disc to the album that was Kara and Dave’s recordings from the same time period that were made to sound modern. This bonus disc included some real gems, including the very first recording of one of my favorite songs of all time, “Taking Chances,” (the same “Taking Chances” that later became the title track of a Celine Dion record and my favorite performance by Lea Michele on “Glee.”) This bonus disc also included the song “Crying At The Disco.” It is essentially a song about a night out, being in the midst of crowds of happy, fun-seeking people and feeling the complete opposite of them all. “I was crying at the disco, everyone was dancing, everyone was dancing but me, I was crying at the disco, everyone was laughing, everyone was laughing but me, I was crying.” I have always been a very big fan of this song because I have had this experience in the past and it is awful. It is one of those moments where you couldn’t possibly feel more alone or more like nobody else understands what you are going through. That is kind of what I am trying to capture in the drawing. While I haven’t been to a “disco” in quite some time, I feel like I was having that experience in life up until recently – watching everybody around me moving on and growing and progressing, while I was just feeling completely lost and alone. THAT is what I am really trying to express with this drawing. We’ll see how it turns out.

Once my Mom had finished with her lunch, she called and asked me if I had anything I wanted or needed to do. I couldn’t really think of anything, but she made a suggestion for something that I had been discussing with her for a while: Going to get manicures. We weren’t entirely sure of where to go, as it isn’t something either of us do regularly. In fact, it isn’t something I had ever done before. I’ve had plenty of manicures, but never any that I hadn’t done myself. We just kind of drove around talking and listening to music and such for a while, and went to Sonic to get a drink, before figuring out a place to go for manicures. We went to this really adorable salon in town, full of cute little women who were just kind of sitting around waiting for somebody to come in. They sent us to select colors and I wasn’t sure at all what to choose. Initially, I had wanted gunmetal gray, but they didn’t have anything like that. I looked through all the colors, which were mainly pinks and reds and really bright colors. I didn’t really want anything like that. I was looking for something darker and more offbeat. Eventually I came across an almost black looking olive green color called “Here Today, Aragon Tomorrow.” I was particularly attracted to the olive green after hearing the Nick Jonas & The Administration song “Olive & An Arrow.” This is extremely nerdy, I know, but I was inspired and decided to use that inspiration for my nail color. The whole manicure process was a lot more fun and had much more of the “pampered” feeling than I expected. I always heard people talk about getting manicures as a way of pampering themselves, but I never really understood it until today. They really do a lot to make it really relaxing for you, even massaging the hands. I liked it a lot and, for the price, it is something I would like to make a bit of a habit out of. It was fun. The woman who was doing mine asked if I was paying for my Mom, as well, and I did. I felt like this would be something nice for her, particularly with her birthday coming next weekend. Sadly, I don’t know that I will be able to afford much more than that. We’ll see, though.

When we came home I cleaned up the house a bit to prepare for company this evening. My Mom and I also figured out how much I will be getting back from my income tax. $612. Not as much as I had hoped for, but still enough to be plenty of help. As I have mentioned before, $249.02 of that will be going to my dental bill. I also intend to use $169 of that on a Sony Bloggie camera. After that, there will be about $150-180 leftover. The wise thing to do would be to put that towards my cell phone bill. At the same time, though, there is a very strong part of me that wants to take that money and do a little shopping. I haven’t gotten to shop for clothes in quite some time and would really love to pick up some new clothes. I get so bored with wearing the same things so often that it would be really nice to get $150-180 worth of new things to add to the mix. Like I said, though, the smart thing would be to put it towards the cell phone bill. The nice thing to do would be to put it towards something nice for my Mom, like a new iPod Nano, since her current one has been dying for quite some time and she really gets use out of it when she is driving to her boyfriends house and such. The selfish, but fun, thing to do would be to shop with it. I’m not sure which I’ll end up doing, but I really love the idea of getting some cute new clothes. I think it also depends on when exactly I wind up getting it. We are going to have it direct deposited into my Mom’s bank account, which makes it a much quicker process and I may wind up with it by next weekend. Part of me questions whether or not I should actually get the camera. I think it would be a good investment, in a lot of ways, and I really like the idea of making a short film/long form music video, but I have had the problem with purchasing cameras in the past that I wind up being really excited to have them for a little while, but never wind up using them. Of course, those were cheap, digital cameras that I was just buying for the hell of it. While I am not a photographer, by any means, there are a few reasons why I feel like this would turn out different than my camera experiences in the past. First being that this is not some cheap digital camera, it is an HD camcorder. While taking still photos was never my thing, taking video is a whole different ballgame. Plus, I have much more of a direction in mind with this one and will use it as such. It’s not about just getting it for my own entertainment – it is about getting it to create something real and tangible with. With this in mind, as much as I was just sitting here contemplating not getting it I have changed my mind and think I absolutely should use it. The remainder of the cash, I think, should go towards my first round of music lessons with Eliezer Rivera and maybe something less expensive for my Mom, or a donation to Haiti. Either way, I am excited to get this cash and do something good with it.

Later this evening, Nate, Whitney and my friend April came over to hang out. I hadn’t seen April since Halloween, so it was very good to see her. I showed them my recreated drawings and they had very good responses for them, as well as a few interesting ideas to possibly improve on them a bit. I also told them how I didn’t necessarily feel like anything I had done was good enough for Threadless at this point and they all kind of disagreed with me, which made me feel a lot better about my prospects for that. Like I said before, I have no idea what this local company is paying for the t-shirt designs, but I somehow doubt it is anywhere near as much as Threadless offers. Still, I think this local company could be a really good jumping off point for me. If nothing else, having my work accepted by them would help me build the confidence in my work to move forward pursuing it in other ways. I intend to spend tomorrow working on these drawings, as well as doing laundry and various mundane tasks like that. April also gave me some really interesting ideas about my eating habits. Namely, she was kind of telling me about the Special K diet, where you have Special K for breakfast and some sort of protein shake or something along those lines for lunch, then a sensible dinner. I hadn’t really thought about it before, but something along the lines of a protein shake or some sort of liquid food supplement would be a very good thing for me for lunch. That way I would be providing myself some sort of sustenance mid-day but not actually eating anything, because I hate eating lunch at work. I have already bought some cereal to begin eating in the morning before work. We also picked up some fruit mixes and things of that nature to have something tasty but still kind of healthy to snack on at the house. We spent a portion of the evening watching Gaga interviews, both from Oprah and 20/20, which was pretty cool. It was a lot of fun, but then April wound up having a bit of an issue and wound up cutting out early. Then it was back to what has become a fairly regular Saturday night routine: Nate, Whitney and I all just hanging out, watching a movie and talking and such. Tonight we watched one of my all-time favorite movies, “The Sweetest Thing,” and just had a generally good time. I am really glad and grateful to have friends like the ones I do, those two in particular. It really helps make like much more enjoyable and relaxing.

Nate and Whitney wound up staying until just about 5am, though, and it is now 7:30am. My Mom is already up and getting ready for another 5 hours of overtime. She doesn’t seem to have slept well and is feeling very tired. She was saying she would like to take a nap after work, but she has a lot to do today. I offered to wash the dishes to take at least one thing off of her plate so that she could come home and take a nap. She seems like she could really use it. She has worked every day for the past 2 weeks, including weekends and still has a full 5 days of 10-hour shifts to get through. Luckily, she is taking next weekend off because it is her birthday and her boyfriend will be in town to visit. As odd as it is for me to say, thank God he is coming. She is working herself to death and definitely needs to take a break from it. I understand why she is doing it, things like the rent and car payments and such aren’t going to pay themselves and, as much as I wish I could, I am not able to cover them. I am really keeping my fingers crossed and trying as much as I can to stay positive that she will find another, better paying job SOON. I don’t doubt that she will, and things will be much easier than they are right now. Either that, or I will find ways to earn the extra money. No matter what, though, I know things are going to change for us very soon and it will be wonderful. It is 7:36am, though, and I absolutely must get to bed immediately.