Chapter 84: Jump Then Fall

So, today was pretty boring, honestly. I woke up and worked out to a selection of songs from the Adam Lambert album, “For Your Entertainment,” ate cereal, (Honey Bunches of Oats with Pecan Clusters – delicious!) and got ready for work. Work was pretty boring, as well. The day was mainly spent drawing some random stuff. Since I finished the “Fame Monster” series, as well as the basis for the t-shirt designs, I am really just kind of experimenting with different angles and such. I’ve done two small, unimpressive drawings that I really like the concept of. The first was a chubby ballerina sitting in a ballet studio while all the skinny ballerinas are dancing happily. Then I did a separate drawing of a chubby girl dancing in a club amongst all the skinny girls in whore clothes. For some reason, there has been a lot of discussion of weight in the workplace recently, and I have kind of had my focus on weight issues, anyway, with the working out and such. It only makes sense that it would be reflected in my drawings. Then today I drew a man in a tank top and shorts running. That was pretty interesting because I have never really taken to drawing men the way I have with women. I kind of liked it, though. This drawing was also a reflection of my current workout-focused mind frame, though. It’s interesting how much I don’t think that I am really thinking about it THAT much, to then find it coming out in all of my recent drawings and such. I am really dedicated to the whole workout and dietary routine. I have been enjoying it much more than I ever expected to. Like I have talked about before, last year I was doing a pretty regular workout routine with a good friend of mine and I enjoyed it at the time, but I feel like my mind was too muddled at that time to REALLY enjoy it. This time is different, though. It is going really well. I think my Mom makes an excellent workout partner, as well. We have fun with it, like we have fun with most things that we do together. I am really happy with the way this year is going so far.

Speaking of the way this year is going so far, one thing of major interest that I did today was email Eliezer Rivera to inquire about his schedule for the week of 2/8-2/14. I think that week will be the perfect time to get started on this magical journey of learning. It isn’t too close, so I will be sure to have gotten my income tax by then and will have gotten another paycheck, just in case. It’s also not too far away, so I don’t have time to over-analyze or get too anxious about it and drive myself crazy. I’m extremely excited to get started. I just have such a strong, positive feeling about this whole thing. I have never taken any sort of professional music lessons, so I am really unclear on what exactly is going to take place in these lessons. The one thing I do know is what the outcome will be, and that is being able to play the piano and write my own songs on it. After that point, the sky is the limit! If everything goes well and Eliezer and I mesh well, it could possibly wind up leading to him producing a record for me. That is my big hope in this. The lessons, of course, are the biggest step I need to take to get there. I certainly don’t want to do a record that I haven’t written myself. That is very important to me, and these lessons are what will get me to a place where I can write music to go with my lyrics. Just the thought of it all is an insane thrill to me. I don’t even know how to explain it. No matter what other artistic goals I may develop in my life, this is the one that has always and will always mean the most to me. This is what I am really meant for in life. This is my destiny and I am finally taking the steps towards making it happen. I have picked up my chisel and am starting to chip away at the stone that is surrounding me and keeping me from being what I already am inside. I know I keep using that analogy from the Jewel blog, but that is only because it is so true. As soon as I read that blog I knew exactly what she was staying and I knew that I was in that place where it is do or die. Either chip away at the stone or sit down and allow myself to become nothing more than stone. Anybody who knows me could tell you: I am no stone.

The eating routine worked out really well again today… at least, it did until I got home. As I mentioned before, I had a bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats with Pecan Clusters for breakfast and didn’t feel hungry until just before my lunch break. I wound up having an hour lunch today to get rid of some overtime, which worked out well because I was able to spend the first 15 minutes of that hour with my Mom. I ate my meal replacement bar, but my Mom happened to have a sandwich in her lunch that she didn’t want all of, so I also had half a ham sandwich. These two things were just the right amount to keep me satisfied until I came home. When I got home my Mom’s boyfriend was here, coming to stay for the weekend to be with her on her birthday. I knew he was coming today. I didn’t know that he would be preparing a feast. He had timed it out so that it would be ready when my Mom got home, so I ate one of those little cups of lime jello with pineapples in it to hold me over. A couple hours later, my Mom came home and we ate dinner. It was huge! It was also delicious. I went back for seconds, but I didn’t eat so much that I wound up feeling sick and I feel perfectly fine now. Seriously, though, it was a very large meal. He made pork chops, chicken in this delicious cheese sauce, broccoli, baked potatoes and angel hair pasta. It was an amazing dinner, and like I said, I ate a lot but it wasn’t enough to make me feel sick or anything. I even sat out in the living room and ate dinner with them, which I don’t normally do when her boyfriend is here. I guess I’m slowly getting more comfortable with the whole idea of him in our house. Don’t get me wrong, he definitely isn’t allowed to move in or anything, but I am okay to be out around the house when he is here. I mean, I’ll probably still spend the bulk of my time in my room while he’s here this weekend, but I’m feeling much more comfortable also spending time outside of my bedroom.

I am actually kind of excited to spend the weekend hanging out in my bedroom. It’ll be a good time to catch up on rest, plus I downloaded a couple of things to keep my interest over the weekend. First of all, I downloaded this movie that I have been kind of dying to see called “New York, I Love You.” This is from the makers of “Paris, Je’Taime,” which was absolutely brilliant. It is basically a collection of short films about different relationships of New Yorkers, all from different directors, put together into one full-length film. The cast is absolutely insane, too. It has a group of some of the most talented actors out there, as well as being directed by a whole list of some of the most innovative, interesting directors in the business. This all-star cast includes people like Bradley Cooper, Natalie Portman, Rachel Bilson, Hayden Christensen, Shia LeBeouf, Orlando Bloom, Ethan Hawke, Anton Yelchin, John Hurt, Christina Ricci, Robin Wright Penn, Andy Garcia, Eli Wallach, Cloris Leachman, and countless others, including two personal favorites of mine Drea De Matteo and Blake Lively. I love the concept of the film and I love so much of the cast, and I loved “Paris Je’Taime” so much, I have really high expectations for this movie. I am really excited to actually watch it this weekend. I also downloaded another film that I have been really curious about/intrigued by, called “Up In The Air.” This film stars George Clooney and one of my favorite up-and-coming actresses, Anna Kendrick. I first discovered Anna Kendrick in one of my all-time favorite films, “Camp.” She was one of the best parts of that movie and completely stole a couple of scenes, one of which she literally stole. After “Camp” she didn’t really do much for a while until suddenly she popped up in the film versions of “Twilight,” and “New Moon.” Her role in these films was miniscule, but she also managed to completely usurp the scenes that she was in. Then, somehow, she managed to get herself a starring role opposite George Clooney and now has Oscar buzz. I love instances like this where I have followed somebody since their early career and am able to watch them blow up. I also really love the concept of “Up In The Air,” which is the story of a man who is required to travel all over the country for his job and is trying to reach the goal of having traveled ten million miles by plane, at which point you get unlimited frequent flyer miles, but is suddenly asked to leave the position for one in a centrally located office. Basically, it is the story of one quirky man trying to cope with being forced to settle down. I am very drawn to that whole concept. I’m pretty excited to watch that movie, as well. I was also thinking about downloading the movie “Post Grad” starring Alexis Bledel. I never particularly thought of myself as a fan of hers, and never really followed “Gilmore Girls,” but I have really loved pretty much every movie I have seen her in, and always find her very charming and endearing, so I guess I am a fan on some level. This movie looks really cute, too. It is about a girl who is forced to move back in with her parents after finishing college and having the job of her dreams stolen away by a high school rival. The main draw to this movie, again, is Alexis Bledel. I’ve liked everything else she’s done, so I can’t imagine I won’t like this one just as much. I’m sure I’ll wind up doing a movie blog sometime this weekend.

Movies on my computer are pretty much the only plans I have for this weekend. I had initially made tentative plans with my friends Nate and Whitney, but they are kind of blowing me off. I am perfectly fine with that, honestly. I am really more into the idea of hanging out in my bedroom and watching movies this weekend, and working on the stuff I am planning to submit to the t-shirt company. I am really hoping to be able to submit them by Monday, but we’ll see how that goes. Another cool thing that should be happening Monday is receiving my income tax refund. Then I can go ahead and order my camera, pay my dentist and make payment for my music lessons. I can also use a little of the cash that is going towards my phone bill on the Owl City concert and just replace it on Friday when I get paid. Honestly, since I am not going out this weekend, aside from tomorrow night’s dinner with my friend/co-worker, I will probably still have enough cash for the Owl City concert without dipping into my income tax. I am really excited to order my camera, though. Aside from working on the short film/long-form music video, I am kind of thinking of trying to experiment a bit with photography. Since I started doing this whole drawing thing, and how I am a much more visual person than I ever thought I was, I have been thinking about photography. It is something I also never really though I was any good at, but I thought I wasn’t good at drawing and I am slowly figuring out that I was wrong about that. I have always had an interest in photography and have been very inspired by photography as art, particularly the works of David LaChappelle. I love how photographers can find beauty in so many different places, and that is something that I would definitely like to work on trying to do, as well. Fortunately, the Sony Bloggie doesn’t only take awesome HD video, it also serves as a 5 megapixel still camera. I only wish I would be able to get it before the Owl City concert. I feel like that would be the perfect first thing to film bits of for the short film/long-form music video. It’s okay, though, I know that I will wind up getting all the footage I need to make something really beautiful. Plus, it may be better not to include any sort of concert footage. I want it to capture more of the everyday random stuff that goes on in my life, and with the people I love. At the same time, though, some footage of Whitney and I at a concert would be pretty cool to capture and include, too. I wonder if my local Best Buy would have the cameras available to pick up instead of ordering online. I may have to look into that. We’ll see, though. Either way, like I said, I know that I will end up getting all the footage I need to make something really beautiful. I am pretty excited to get started on that, as well.

I really feel like the future is laying itself out for me, and all I have to do is try my best to be fearless and just jump in. I have said it a million times before and I will say it a million times more, the Universe is working in my favor and it will lead me to exactly where I need to go to make all of my dreams come true. It is already in the process, and I just have to follow where it leads and be ready at any moment to jump, even if those jumps lead into a fall. Any fall I take will only lead me to an even greater victory. I am so excited for everything that is yet to come! Life is unfolding before me and I am confident that it is going to be great. How can I be so confident? Well, it’s pretty easy – I am going to do whatever it takes to make sure that it is great! Come along for the ride?