Chapter 80: Put Your Makeup On

I woke up at 3pm today. I was immediately kind of irritated that I had woken up so late. I had set my alarm for 1pm and did wake up when it went off, but I somehow allowed myself to fall back to sleep for another couple hours. I absolutely hate sleeping that late for a number of reasons, but mainly because I know that will make it harder for me to get up tomorrow morning when waking up on time is kind of crucial. I have to wake up at 7:30am tomorrow. The weekend was nice, but it is time to get back to working out tomorrow morning. My Mom and I have decided to start working out earlier, at 8am instead of 8:10-8:15am, to allow for time to eat breakfast and get ready without having to rush. So, if I am not up at 7:30am I will have to rush through the morning routine, or miss out on coffee and cigarettes; I am NOT willing to miss out on my coffee and cigarettes. Those are a very important part of my morning routine. So, waking up at 3pm today and possibly ending up having trouble sleeping tonight is a clear threat to that and put me in a bit of a mood. It didn’t help that I got up and my Mom seemed to be in a bit of a mood, as well. She was watching football, so I just came back to my room and dicked around online for a while. I could hear her doing stuff out in the living room/kitchen area, so I knew I needed to get off my ass and do something, too. I gathered up my laundry and threw it in the washer, then washed the dishes that were remaining in the sink. I felt bad because she had already done a lot of them, but I figured I could at least save her from having to do the rest.

I asked my Mom if she had actually filed my taxes yet, and she kept getting irritated with my questions about this. She said nothing would happen until tomorrow, but I tried to explain to her that I just feel more comfortable knowing that it has actually been done already. She also wasn’t sure of the timeframe in which it would come back, so I was kind of anxious to find out how soon it would be coming. None of this assisted with her being irritated with my questions about it. Once she finally did the actual filing, we found out that it would be 7-10 days. That isn’t exactly what I was hoping for, but it will certainly do. I am still keeping my fingers crossed that it will come by Friday, but I suppose we will see. I explained my dilemma on what to do with the remainder of the money with my Mom and she didn’t seem to see anything wrong with the concept of just using the remainder of the cash to shop for new clothes. I know, deep down, that this is NOT the answer. That isn’t going to help me move forward at all. That will only make me momentarily happy. It would be like a band-aid, it wouldn’t actually create any long-term change for me. I talked about this with my Mom a little later, though, when she was in a better mood, and we figured out what would really be the best solution; I will put $100 of the remaining $150-180 towards pre-paying 2 weeks of music lessons with Eliezer Rivera and the rest will go towards the cell phone bill. There are a couple of reasons that feel more tangible in my head than “it’s not right” that helped me to decide not to shop for clothes with that money. First of all, if I am serious about continuing to work towards my weight loss goals, then it seems kind of silly to buy clothes in my current size since I plan on having that change in the near future. Also, it just makes sense to put the money towards paying for music lessons because, as I put it to my Mom, “When I’m recording my album, I won’t really care what I’m wearing! …I mean, I WILL care what I’m wearing, but it will be worth the sacrifice.”

I’ve figured out that I only have about $97 to get through to my next paycheck, and I have to take my friend/co-worker to dinner next Friday and I have the Owl City concert to go to, but if I am frugal I shouldn’t have any problems. I have figured out a way to avoid ordering lunches during the week or anything, which will be helpful. As I mentioned yesterday, my friend April gave me the idea of using some sort of meal replacement to get sustenance mid-day, because I do feel like that is very important for me to start doing. I talked to my Mom about this, and she happened to have a few boxes of different types of meal replacement protein bars. So, starting tomorrow I am going to eat a bowl of cereal for breakfast and one of these bars for lunch then eating a smaller portion for dinner. Therefore, I really have no reason to spend money during the week, aside from on sodas out of the vending machines at work, and should still have about $90 on Friday night when I take my co-worker out to dinner. I am pretty sure that this dinner shouldn’t cost more than $50, which will leave me with $40. If I avoid spending over the weekend, I should be okay and still have that $40 left for the Owl City concert. However, not spending over the weekend may not work out so well for me considering I kind of made plans to go out somewhere with Nate & Whitney on Saturday. I’m really into that idea, too, because I haven’t really gone OUT anywhere in a while, at least not with Nate & Whitney. Plus, my Mom’s boyfriend will be here then and I will surely need a little time away from the house. They were talking about some restaurant out in the Venice area, kind of near Whitney’s house, that has really great drinks, so we may wind up doing that. I don’t know for sure. I figure, though, that if I can figure out a way to spend only about $20 there I should be fine. Having only $20 for the Owl City concert wouldn’t really be a big deal. I generally like to buy merchandise there, but it’s not a requirement and oftentimes is skipped due to a lack of good merchandise/range of sizes. As a matter of fact, I just checked out http://www.owlcitymusic.com and found that there really isn’t much on there that would really fit in with my personal style anymore. I think that I am neglecting to realize about this whole situation. I used to love going to concerts and buying band t-shirts and such, but I don’t really wear band t-shirts anymore. It is still important that I have at least a little cash at the concert, though, for a couple reasons. First of all, in case I need a drink while I am there. I normally don’t buy drinks at concerts, but if I need water or something it is good to have cash on hand. Also, in small venues like this one, the artists will often do a meet & greet after the show and it is always good to be able to buy a CD there for them to sign. More often than not they will have posters or something free to sign, but I just think an autographed CD is cooler than a poster. Of course, my poster that the Veronicas totally tagged up is pretty awesome. Plus, CDs at concerts are usually considerably cheaper than they are in stores and such, normally around $10. So, all of that is my plan for getting through the next 10 days or so on only $90. Hopefully everything goes according to plan and I won’t have to deviate from this plan.

In the midst of dishes and laundry and such today, I managed to find a little time to work on the “Crying At The Disco” drawing. I don’t know what it is exactly, but this one just isn’t coming as easily as the rest have. I think it may be the fact that I am working on it outside of the workplace. I am used to drawing under the fluorescent lights there and in the upright position in my cubicle. At home, I don’t really have a place to recreate that sort of positioning and have been drawing lying on my bed. I am hoping that it will all come together at work tomorrow. Then I will do one more and maybe do a little work to refine them all a bit before submitting them to the company. We’ll see what comes of it. I do think they are all pretty cool designs, though, and would make some pretty awesome t-shirts. I just hope this company feels the same way. Selling a few of these drawings would be a big help to me right now in a lot of ways. As much as I may be a little anxious, nervous and intimidated by the whole concept of actually selling these drawings I also feel like, although they may not be the most professional works possibly, they are really good and would make pretty great t-shirt designs. I just love the idea of it so much. I imagine buying these t-shirts for my friends and stuff and then bumping into them out places while they’re wearing them. I know, it is kind of a nerdy dream, but I absolutely love the idea of it! I was watching “The View” Friday, and their new segment “Fashion Fridays” and their guest this week was Diane Von Furstenburg, who is absolutely brilliant. Last week they had Vera Wang on for “Fashion Friday,” and it is totally my new favorite part of “The View.” I just feel like these people create work that makes people feel good. They make clothing that people can put on and just feel special. A woman can throw on a wrap dress by Diane Von Furstenburg and feel like they look like a million bucks. I love that whole aspect of fashion. I have discussed it many times before, but that is where this passion I have recently developed comes from. Fashion is about making people look good, but so much more than that it is about making people feel good, and feel beautiful in their own skin. That is the important part of fashion for me and I really hope that I can take part in that, even if only in a small way.

I also must mention something else I did in the midst of all the rest I’ve mentioned here. I downloaded an old record by an artist who I have only recently discovered, but whom I think is really destined to make a major impact in pop music: Simon Curtis. I was aware of this guy because he had a part in the movie “Spectacular!” “Spectacular!” was Nickelodeon’s answer to the insane success of “High School Musical” for Disney. This movie is nowhere near the quality of “High School Musical” and didn’t achieve anywhere near the success of it, but it was pretty decent and had a couple of really great assets: Nolan Gerard Funk and Simon Curtis. Not only were both of these guys gorgeous, but they were also both extremely talented. Had they had a better script and better music to work with, “Spectacular!” would have been pretty unstoppable. As it is, though, Simon Curtis is left working on developing a career in pop music. He has a new record that he is releasing for free digitally, called “8 Bit Heart,” and has given out two of the records tracks so far. The first track is called “Delusional” and has a completely brilliant electro-pop/dance sound to it. The second song, a song that has been driving me insane with it’s greatness lately, is called “Diablo.” “Diablo” has the same electro-pop/dance sound as “Delusional” but the lyrics are incredibly clever and unique. The song opens with the line, “Here’s the thing, we started off friends, but this is not a Kelly Clarkson song and not where it ends…” It is essentially a song about a relationship with somebody who is just plain evil, like the Devil or, in Spanish, El Diablo. Many of his fans, and critics who have gotten advance listens to the album, compare him to a “male version of Lady Gaga.” While I don’t necessarily know that I would go that far, I would definitely say that he is one of the most interesting, unique, thought-provoking male pop artists I have ever come across. The record I downloaded today was meant to be released back in 2006, but unfortunately never actually saw a release. It is titled “Alter Boy” and has really blown my mind. It has the same sort of sound as “Delusional” and “Diablo” and the same clever, unique style of songwriting, too. What I have is 10 songs that were written and recorded for that record, and supposedly there are more out there, but these 10 tracks make an incredible record on their own. Every single track is amazing. My personal favorites would be “Detox,” “Broken,” “Answers,” “Sugar Sugar White,” “Left Right Left” and, most of all, “Put Your Makeup On.” “Put Your Makeup On” is basically a song about celebrating the things that make you different and dressing yourself up and strutting your stuff no matter what anybody else has to say. There is a part of this song that really spoke to me in a lot of ways. In the bridge he sings, “As a kid I got a lot of shit for liking my music but what is it for? ‘You should listen to this because it gives more,’ ‘Yeah, but it sounds lousy on the dance floor.’” Hearing that I couldn’t help but think, “I know EXACTLY what he is talking about.” As a kid, and even still, I took a lot of shit for my love of pop music. I think this is the story of many gay youths. I don’t know if that is what Simon Curtis is referencing, or if Simon Curtis is even gay, but I feel like that makes a very powerful statement for gay youth. More than that, though, it makes a very powerful statement for anybody who has grown up with pop music and made to feel bad or stupid for enjoying something so “frivolous.” One of many things that I have come to realize in my life is that, as Gaga puts it, “Pop music will never be low brow.” I don’t care what anybody has to say about it, pop music has heart. It may not say things in the most complicated or poetic ways, but it says what it needs to say and is accessible to everybody. Not everyone can put on a Tori Amos song and really get the emotional meanings behind it, but they can hear Britney Spears sing “From The Bottom Of My Broken Heart” and feel like, “Yeah, I’ve been there.” I write lyrics in a pop style, for the most part, (although it is very different from the Britney, Hilary, Miley Cyrus stuff,) and I don’t see anything wrong with that. I have honestly tried to shake it in the past in favor of something that seems a little more “artsy” but I have realized that pop and artsy don’t always have to be opposites. Artists like Lady Gaga and Simon Curtis are living proof of that. Pop music can be made with real artistry and depth. I hope to join the ranks of artists proving that in the future.

It is 12:45am now and I am feeling pretty tired. Hopefully this means I will fall asleep pretty easily and will have no problem waking up in the morning. I am excited to add to my morning routine tomorrow and to get back on the workout wagon after the weekend break. I am also excited to work on these drawings at work tomorrow. Hopefully it won’t be too busy of a day to really make some progress. We’ll see I suppose. For now, it is time to not fight my tiredness anymore and get to sleep.