Chapter 62: Casey

Tonight I am starting this blog considerably later than I usually would. My nightly ritual of taking a Tylenol PM commenced about an hour and fifteen minutes ago. In general, once I have taken the pill I have about 2 hours before I am REALLY ready for bed. Normally, I would start writing the blog right after I take the pill, but tonight I got a little sidetracked. For the past 2 months or so I have only had two ringtones on my phone, “For Your Entertainment” and “Time For Miracles” by Adam Lambert. Normally I keep eight or so on there, and have one for each of the most important people in my phone and one for all the “stranger bitches,” (my new favorite slang term, more on that later.) I set these two songs as my ringtones, (“Time For Miracles” for my Mom, “For Your Entertainment” for everyone else,) back before the Adam Lambert album was out and these were the only two songs from it out. I am not one to keep the same ringtones for that long, especially considering that I make them myself and it doesn’t cost me anything to change them out frequently. I wouldn’t say it’s because I’ve been busy, but I just haven’t put much thought into it. A few days ago, though, it popped into my head and I have been saying ever since that I need to change them. So, after taking my pill this evening, I decided to go ahead and do it. Now, I have ringtones of all eight tracks from Lady GaGa’s “The Fame Monster.” I figured if I was removing my Adam ringtones, I should go with something equally as amazing and my mind immediately went to GaGa.

After making my ringtones, I sat down to start writing this blog but was interrupted by my Mom. I wouldn’t really say she interrupted me, I just happened to overhear that she was off the phone with her boyfriend and went out to talk with her. We also decided to paint our nails in the same color: A cool, glittery, metallic blue. It’s a really cool color and, even better, she put it on over the pale pink polish she was already wearing and I put it over the black I had on, so while it’s the same color it looks very different on each of us. It’s kind of cool, too, because hers being lighter and more purple looking and mine being more of a darker gray color really reflects both of our personalities really well. I am darker and more intense and she is brighter and more cheerful. I love when things like makeup and nail polish and such manage to do a really great job of capturing your personality. In my mind, that is the whole point of these things: They are meant to be an outward expression of what is on the inside; Make up, fashion, nail polish, all of it. I am a big fan of taking what’s on the inside and putting it on display in little ways like that. My Mom also shared something with me that is slightly upsetting, but still very manageable: She is going out of town to her boyfriend’s house this weekend. That’s a pretty normal thing, and I’ll certainly take it over her boyfriend coming to stay with us for a whole week again. The thing that upsets me about it is the fact that this Sunday is the Yehuda Berg discussion/signing at Barnes & Noble. I was really hoping she would come with me to that event, as I think it would be a really good thing for the both of us to learn a little more about “The Power To Change Everything.” Plus, now I have to figure out a different ride there. I’ve been trying to think of somebody else to actually come with me to the event; someone who could take a lot from it, as well, but I am kind of drawing a blank. If anyone reading is here in town and interested in learning more about Kabbalah and “The Power To Change Everything,” let me know. It is sure to be very interesting, and I am determined to go to this event no matter what. I really don’t mind going alone, and I could certainly take a cab there, I just think it would be nice to have somebody else to share in the experience with. Either way, though, I will be there and ready to take as much as I can from it all.

Work was pretty bland today. It was another not TOO busy, but not TOO slow day. It was pretty chill, and I was able to finish off the two drawings I had been working on, (“Dancing With Tears In My Eyes” and “The Story,”) complete with color and everything. I guess now it is time to start working on a new one of some sort. I don’t know what it will be, but I’m sure inspiration will strike soon enough and I will come up with something else really cool. The day passed fairly quickly. I have figured out a minor solution to my weather problem of the past few days, (a.k.a., the fact that all of my breaks have been miserable because it is simply too cold outside.) I spent my first break in the atrium, which is the usual spot for smoke breaks for most people, then somehow came up with the idea to spend lunch in my Mom’s car, where it was considerably warmer than just being outside. I think I may start doing this every day, because it was just much better than sitting out in the atrium and freezing my ass off. I turned the car on, plugged my iPod in and listened to music throughout lunch, (played a good chunk of the Orianthi album today.) For my last break I went out in front of the building, where the sun was shining and warming things up a bit more than in the atrium where you are surrounding by very tall walls blocking the sunshine from getting in enough to keep you warm. While I was on my last break, there was a girl from another account, (a stranger bitch,) who was waiting for a ride and we spent my break talking about the weather, which lead into all kinds of other conversation. She was really nice. I didn’t catch her name or anything, but I certainly enjoyed our conversation. I normally kind of make it a point not to converse with too many stranger bitches around the place that shall not be named for security purposes, but it was kind of refreshing dealing with somebody at work other than the same people I have dealt with every day for the past year, (almost.)

After work, my sister came and picked me up and we went out to dinner. Her birthday was this past weekend and I told her I wanted to take her out to dinner this week, since her girlfriend had to go out of town to train for her new job. My sister doesn’t deal well with being separated from her girlfriend, so I figured she could use some time out of the house and away from work. We went to a Perkins, which is basically like a glorified Denny’s or Village Inn, and had a good meal and talked about a bunch of different stuff. It was really nice to spend a little alone time with her, as that hasn’t really happened in a VERY long time. Most of my time spent with her is with her girlfriend or other family members. It was nice to get some one-on-one time and talk a bit more than we normally get the chance to. I talked to her a lot about my California plans, as well as my concerns about our Mother once I move. It was a really good feeling, much like I mentioned yesterday, to talk to her about these things and have her actually seem to take me seriously about it all. For one of the first times in my life, I finally feel like people may actually be taking me seriously and actually listening to what I have to say. I really cannot express how huge a deal that is for me. Before and after dinner, when we were in the car, she had an iPod shuffle playing in the car and it was full of music like K’s Choice, Save Ferris, Marry Me Jane, etc. It brought back a lot of memories of back when we were in California, when we would drive around all over the place listening to a lot of this same music and talk about all the random things going on in our lives and with all of our mutual friends and such. My sister and I used to be really close and back in the early 2000s would spend 90% of our time together, most often riding around and listening to music by these bands, or compilations of the dance music of the time. Riding around town with her this evening really took me back to that time, nearly 10 years ago now. It reminds me of a song by Darren Hayes, called “Casey.” Casey is actually his sister, and this song is basically about an experience like I had this evening. “1989, Summer had heat but it was not moving, What is it with this town? Every time we win it just feels like losing, We were never gonna fit in, I was a mixed up kid and you were my sanity in a yellow car, We don’t even have to go far, Cause that song you’re playing sounds like peace on the radio.” That song has always reminded me of our days back in Banning or Joshua Tree, CA. I am very glad to be able to say that we both managed to get out of those places. It’s kind of sad to think about the fact that soon enough we are going to be 3,000 miles apart, but she has got her own thing going on, with a girlfriend and family and such, and I have to go off and get my own thing going, as well.

The key now is to make the most of the time I have left with her, and my Mom, and all of my friends here; People who will remain a part of my life, but not as directly anymore. The more I think about it, there is a lot I am going to miss here; Mainly a lot of people. Still, I know what I have to do. I know what is right for me, and in spite of anything I may miss, I know that I would be missing out on something major if I didn’t go. Besides, like I said before, they will all still be a big part of my life and of who I am, they just won’t be a part of my day-to-day as much. In the long run, every sacrifice made based on this decision will be well worth it. I feel absolutely certain of this. My life is going to change immensely, and I am certain that it will be for the better. It won’t be without it’s share of struggles, but they will all be completely justified in the end. I cannot wait to get this all started. I mean, I cannot wait to get this all REALLY started. In the meantime, though, I do need to make sure to cherish and make the most of my time left with the people I love here. I am kind of trying to make plans with a few friends for this weekend, but it is all very unclear right now. I am also trying to talk Whitney into going shopping for eyeshadows and white eyeliner with me. I have been slowly delving more and more into the world of makeup in my day-to-day life, but so far it is just nail polish and eyeliners… and I feel the need for more. Eyeshadow, in particular, is what I need. I am also very curious about white eyeliner because they say that white liners open up your eyes and make them look considerably bigger. Black liner does the opposite and makes them look smaller. My eyes, while being on of my best physical assets, are pretty small and ever since I hear that about white liner I have noticed how small my eyes really are and how the black eyeliner isn’t really doing them any favors. I am very curious to try out a white or light colored liner, along with some cool colored shadows. I am pretty excited to experiment with it all a little more. For now, though, it is edging very close to 1am, and I have 2 days left of work this week, so I’d probably be best off to go to bed. After all, I took my pill two and a half hours ago and am definitely feeling the effects of it at this point. It is time for me to sleep.