Chapter 44: Take Me To Love

Ahhh, love. What is to be said about love? For me? Absolutely nothing. For others, though, it is in the air and that is a beautiful thing! It makes me happy to see these feelings blossom between two people, especially when they are two people who are clearly right for each other. Does that mean it will last? Not always, but does the idea of it possibly not lasting make it not worth taking the chance? Absolutely not. As cynical as I may be about the whole concept, I do believe that love is out there for everybody. I think it is important to remember, though, that it may not always come in the form one would expect. For some, there is a beautiful man or woman out there who is absolutely perfect for them. For others, there is a different kind of love - there is love for yourself, love of art, love of what you do with your life. Those loves are just as valid and people need to not put so much pressure on themselves to find the love of another person. Some of us, I believe myself to be included, aren't really meant for that type of love. Not to say that it isn't out there for us or that it will never happen, but it isn't the focus of our lives. In the story of my life, once I am dead and gone, I believe that type of love will wind up being a sub-plot. For some, though, it is the main focus of the story. I don't see anything wrong with that, it is simply a difference in priorities. Either way, though, it is still a beautiful thing to see the seed of love being planted and watching it as it grows. In fact, there is a song by Jewel called "Love Is A Garden," that says, "Love is a garden, if you let it go it fades away before you know, Love is a garden, it need's help to grow and ours is starving, but there's still hope." One smart cookie, that Jewel is.

Today was a pretty uneventful day. I woke up at about noon, which isn't too bad. I got up and ate something, then spent the first few hours of the day on the keyboard. As I mentioned previously, I began work recently on my very first full-length musical composition but that work has hit a snag. That snag? My lack of knowledge on the technicals of playing. Don't get me wrong, I have picked it up much better than I had ever anticipated, and the fact that I have managed to write out a melody on the keyboard is insane. Despite my general confidence in most things I do, I have always had an insecurity that I have never really spoken to anybody: I have always feared that I am not a musical person. I mean, I know that I am a musical person. I have always been able to sing and write lyrics to a melody but I have always been afraid that if I tried to play an instrument I would find that I don't have an ear for music. Fortunately, my keyboard has proven to me that this is not the case and I thank God for that. Not to say that I am not without setbacks on the quest to becoming a working musician, but at least I know it is something I am definitely capable of. Sorting out that melody on the keyboard got me thinking, though. I think I may have mentioned in a previous blog how I felt very sad that the songs I had written previously would wind up being tossed aside once I started writing music. Well, I think that is less true than I thought. I have worked out the melodies of a few of my older songs on the keyboard, as well. That, for me, is a breakthrough, which is funny, because the song that I first started working on that has inspired this breakthrough is titled, "A Breakthrough." I am especially excited, though, about one of my favorite songs I have ever written, titled "White Noise." I have already worked out most of the melody on "White Noise" on the keyboard almost exactly as it was in my head when I first wrote the lyrics. As I said, "White Noise," is one of my favorite songs I have ever written. Many people are not overly familiar with the concept of white noise but it is the frequency of sound that induces sleep. The song is about a guy I used to know, who was probably the closest thing to being in love that I have experienced, and how having him around and talking to him made me sleep better than I ever had before. His voice was my white noise. I am a person who has never had the best sleep patterns but, for one reason or another, when he was around I slept wonderfully. I haven't slept that good since. Anyway, that is what the song is about. As far as what makes it one of my favorites, I am not entirely sure. There is just a connection I have to that song that isn't there with every song I write. I don't know how to explain that because there is a connection with every song I write, (if not, why would I bother writing them?) but this song is really special to me. I also feel like it is one of the best songs I have written. I have always dreamed of that song being the title track for my debut album, maybe even the first single. We'll see how that plays out, though.

After spending time on the keyboard, I decided to pick up the Florida Drivers Manual. Finally, right? I picked it up a few days ago but only got through the first couple pages. I am hoping to have the entire thing read by the end of this weekend, so I can get on with taking the silly online course about substance abuse and whatever and get on to the taking the actual written test and getting my learner's permit. Today wasn't the best start, unfortunately. The book is 42 pages, and I got through 12 of them before I feel asleep. I took a 3-4 hour nap today. That is terrible because now it is 3am and I am wide awake. I am determined to wake up by 11:30am tomorrow, though, no matter what time I wind up going to sleep tonight. I am also determined to get through the remaining 30 pages of the drivers manual. In the midst of all of that, I should also do some laundry and a little cleaning around the house. I think, with a little time management, I should be able to get all of that accomplished in one day. Of course, my time management skills have never been my best quality. For example, this evening when I woke up from my nap, I could have used that time to go back to the Driver's Manual and saved myself some of the reading I have to do tomorrow. Instead, I spent the rest of the evening in front of the TV.

As I mentioned in yesterday's blog, I have 5 or 6 movies piled up on the DVR from the Independent Film Channel. In this time that all of the network shows are on hiatus for the holidays, I have taken to watching IFC more than any other channel. I have always had a love for independent films, so a channel dedicated to them is right up my alley. Tonight I watched a wonderful film called "Bride & Prejudice," which is a retelling of Jane Austen's "Pride & Prejudice," set in modern day India. I can't honestly say that I have ever been a big fan of Jane Austen's work or the films based on them, but I am familiar with the stories. A few of my favorite films have been loosely based on her stories, most notably one of my all-time favorites, "Clueless." "Bride & Prejudice" told the old, familiar story in a completely fresh, fascinating way: As a Bollywood musical! Bollywood isn't something I can say I have been overly familiar with, either, but I absolutely adored this movie! The stars, Martin Henderson as Will Darcy and Aishwarya Rai as Lalita Bajri (Elizabeth Bennett,) were completely adorable and the music was over-the-top and beautiful, often at the same time. There are scenes that are completely ridiculous in the best possible way, like the two leads in a falling in love montage that ends with a random choir showing up on the beach where they are to sing the song that had up to this point only been playing in the background. It was also fascinating seeing a lot of concepts of Indian culture used in the film, especially the various wedding scenes. I must say, India knows how to put on a wedding and it makes me think that if I ever were to marry, should it become legal, I would love to have one with an Indian theme. Of course, if I succeed in my scheme to marry a jew, a Jewish wedding would be just as good. Maybe we could somehow combine the two? Of course, I needn't think about weddings right now because that is a long way off for me personally, as well as for the world as a whole. In any sense, I definitely recommend checking out "Bride & Prejudice," because it is a LOT of fun to watch!

Aside from all of that, it was a pretty boring day. I ended the night by watching Saturday Night Live with James Franco as the host. He's gorgeous. He's also a lot more talented than I expected back when he first started acting, and more... odd. General Hospital? Where the hell did that come from? It was one of the better SNL episodes of this season, which isn't saying all that much because very few of the episodes this season have been any good at all. It's sad to see, too, but I think SNL is a sinking ship. It'll probably hold on a few more years, but it's just not very good anymore. The cast is full of nobodies who don't bring much of anything to the table and the stronger cast members are used to death, to the point where you just get sick of seeing them in every single sketch, (Kristen Wiig, I'm talking to you.) Also, where the heck did all the black people go? Anytime there is a call for anybody black, it is Kenan Thompson. Anytime they do a sketch of The View, there has to be a guest host because they don't have a second black person to play Sherri Sheperd. It's a mess, that show is. I still watch it every week, though, thinking it may get better. Most weeks I am disappointed, but the weeks where I'm not are pretty decent. They still have good writers, the problem is the cast... and you can tell my day was uneventful by the amount of time I have sat here talking about SNL.

Reports are coming in about the budding new romance amongst my circle, and it sounds good. I am glad for it. Like I said, it makes me happy to see people who are right for each other in so many ways coming together. Again, will it last? Who's to say, really? Not I. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. And what of me and my love? Music is my love and that is one that is guaranteed to last a lifetime and beyond. I think of the musical "RENT," where Roger spent the whole story trying to write "one great song," and in the song "Your Eyes," just before the finale, he sings to Mimi, "You were the song all along." On one level, I can't help but think, "Gee, I'd love to have that kind of feeling," but, on another level, I feel like that would demean the love I have devoted my entire life to. Barry Manilow says, and I know I have quoted this before, that "Music obliterates everything else in your life," and I say to music: Go right ahead. I welcome and embrace it.