Chapter 32: Pacific Coast Highway

Okay, so just when I thought I was out of the "sitting by the radio" game, they sucked me right back in! Apparently, for the rest of the week 93.3 FLZ are still giving away tickets to the Jingle Ball in the 7am, 12pm, 5pm and 8pm hours. So, this evening in the 8pm hour I tried again. I was caller 30, then caller 63. I didn't realize until later, relaying the story to my Mom, that those two numbers together equal 93, which is the caller they are actually looking for. She said that I should tweet that to them and see if anything comes of it, (which I did, just in case,) but I really just kind of took it as a sign that I am going to win at some point this week. Despite the fact that I keep giving up on the whole idea of it, opportunities keep arising. It simply has to happen! I honestly don't know why I am obsessing over this silly radio contest so much. I must be trying to distract myself from putting too much thought into everything else on my mind. To be honest, since it is working I am not going to complain.

I was thinking while watching Gossip Girl this evening, which featured the song "Empire State Of Mind" in the open and close of the episode, that it is funny how there are so many songs celebrating New York but very few celebrating LA. Not to say that there isn't music about LA, there just really isn't much that shows it in a positive light. For example, I can remember a period in 1999-2000 when there was a lot of music about California coming out at the same time. In fact, three entire albums about and inspired by California came out at once: "Mechanical Animals" by Marilyn Manson, "Californication" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers and, my personal favorite, "Celebrity Skin" by Hole. "Celebrity Skin" is actually in my top five favorite albums of all-time. I have always been a huge fan of Hole, as well as Courtney Love's solo work. I really think it is a shame that she is so fucked up because she is a brilliant artist and it seems like 90% of the world don't realize that because they just know her as the trainwreck that you see all over the media. My favorite work of hers, by far, is "Celebrity Skin." It is a breathtaking album. Every time I listen to it, I find myself taken back to my younger years in California. Every song on this record brings back a whole flood of memories; Some good and some bad, but all memories that I will cherish for the rest of my life. In any sense, all three of these albums were very clearly inspired by life in the greater Los Angeles area, but none of them really express much of a love for it. In fact, many of the tracks on these records are all about the negatives of the entertainment industry. It just seems to me that there is so much more to the city than Hollywood. One song that does express that really well is "Under The Bridge," from a much earlier Red Hot Chili Peppers album. It is a very melancholy song, and rife with desperation and loneliness, but it is also a song about being one with the city. I was never a big fan of the song when it was new or through much of my younger years, but at one point or another I heard that song and it dawned on me: "I know EXACTLY what this song is saying." I have felt that exact feeling of being isolated from everybody but intertwined or connected with the city. I hope to feel that way again soon, minus the isolation. Then, of course, there is the ultimate ode to California: "California Love" by Tupac and Dr. Dre. I am not a big fan of rap, especially not the stuff that gets made nowadays, but I have the utmost respect for what Tupac did. He was amazing and it is a shame he was lost so young. "California Love" is my favorite song of his, and I will always go a little wild any time I hear it.

The day I had today was a little odd. Work was pretty busy; busy enough to keep me from doing much of anything between calls. I did draw/design an offbeat, GaGa-esque Butterfly dress, complete with a mask and butterfly pieces to go in a woman's hair. Aside from that, though, the day was pretty boring. One thing about the place that shall not be named for security purposes, though, is that there is a very clear reason why it shall not be named. No, not security purposes. That is just a memo they sent out to everyone. The real reason is that it is filled with drama and gossip and rumors run rampant. I believe I've discussed before how much it is like a high school but if I haven't, it is absolutely true. A rumor began swirling today and, if it is true, it may cause dramatic changes for the people closest to me. I am not going to go into details but I will say that if it is true, I can only be happy for the person it is about. Despite the fact that it will suck for some other people, I can't help but feel like it would be the best thing for the person it is actually about. We'll see, though. Aside from that little bit of intrigue, though, it was a pretty bland day. I just wish time would pass quicker or something interesting would happen to make the coming months more bearable, because right now they look like an insanely long road. Once I am at the end of that road, though, I will know that it was all worth it.

I also found out today that my recent Fingerhut order, aka my keyboard, has recently shipped! I cannot wait for it to arrive and to start learning how to play it. I am kind of contemplating taking some piano lessons once I do receive it. I will have to see how it goes just toying around with it on my own first. Piano isn't like guitar in the sense that people can just teach themselves to play, in general, or just kind of dick around with it and come up with something that sounds good. I looked around a little bit online and found that lessons are pretty reasonable and even found a local studio owner who offers lessons whose website I just get a good vibe off of. I think that the keyboard/piano will go much better for me than the guitar ever did, although I do still hold out hope that once I get the keyboard figured out it may make it a little easier to figure out the guitar. I'd really like to, eventually, be able to play both. One thing at a time, though, and since I have fucked around with the guitar for a long time now that thing gets pushed aside and the keyboard becomes the priority. I still need to sort out the whole driving thing, too. I know the place to start and for some reason I just keep not doing it. I absolutely HAVE TO pick up that damn Florida Driver's Manual and study it for the written test. I MUST. I don't know what it is in me that just keeps making me disregard it. Whatever it is, though, I refuse to let it win. Living in California, driving is going to be an absolute necessity more than it ever has been for me before. I absolutely must get it done.

On the topic of driving, I have always imagined that I would never be one of those people who actually enjoys it. My best friend Don, for example, is definitely one of those people. He enjoys driving and does plenty of it. My Mom is one of those people, too. My sister used to be, too, although she doesn't really drive much nowadays. I have just never been able to see myself as one of those people but the more I think about it lately, the more I think I might actually like it a lot. I have been doing a lot of imagining my life in California lately, (if you hadn't noticed,) and I can just picture myself driving down to Palm Springs to visit Don on the weekends, getting stuck in traffic and being okay with it because I am enjoying the music in the car and the scenery along the freeway. It is odd, actually, because the freeways in LA aren't really filled with pretty scenery or anything but I have a lot of memories from growing up where I really enjoyed looking at the mountainsides and tagged up walls along the side of the freeway. I don't know what it is exactly, but I have always been more attracted to that type of thing than I ever was to real nature. I like watching other cars, seeing drivers doing whatever it is they happen to be doing as they drive. I've thought about maybe taking road trips up to San Francisco when I have a little free time just because I've never been there and have always wanted to go, or even up to Sacramento. I mean, obviously I'd have to have a pretty good chunk of time available for trips like that but they're definitely doable. I just have been thinking a lot about the aspects of driving that are more for luxury and less for necessity. That is pretty much the best way for me to think about anything that I am lacking motivation to do. It certainly does add a bigger sense of urgency to the whole situation for me. I'm never gonna get there, though, if I don't pick up that damn Florida Driver's manual.

I am sitting here now, at the end of the day, preparing for bed and listening to some of Courtney Love's leaked demos from her eternally forthcoming new record. I question whether or not the record will ever actually get released or if it will simply get scrapped and maybe somewhere down the road she'll just release a whole other record. Either way is fine with me, although I would really love to see this record get released. There is some real magic in these demos. Some of these songs are, in my opinion, the best of her career. My personal favorite is the song "Pacific Coast Highway." It is a fucking tragic song. I felt completely gutted the first time I heard it. I deal with it better now, but it is really an incredibly powerful song. The general consensus amongst fans is that the song is about Kurt Cobain's death, which would make a lot of sense listening to the lyrics, but for me it is a song about losing someone you love and the desperate, drowning feeling that comes with it. I can relate to it a lot, although not about anybody who has died. It actually makes me think a lot about an ex-boyfriend of mine, probably the most significant romantic relationship I have ever had. It wasn't the longest I ever had but in many ways was the most significant. That is a story for another day, though, probably in a blog titled: "The One That Got Away."

...or not. It is time for bed now, though. I have to get up early tomorrow in hopes of catching the radio contest in the 7am hour. For some reason I just have the feeling that it will be easier to win in the 7am hour than in any of the other hours. Even this evening, in the 8pm hour, it was much easier to get through twice than it was to get through even once over the weekend. My theory is that this is because there are more kids available to call on the weekend than there are on weekdays. So, hopefully this theory will ring true and I'll wind up winning this week. I just really want to meet Adam Lambert. I am putting the Secret to use on this one... We'll see how it turns out. I am still pretty confident that I am going to wind up winning and getting to go next weekend. Keep your fingers crossed for me!