Chapter 36: Live Like Music

It was kind of a long day, in some ways. It was a nice day, though. I woke up on time for a Friday, around 8am, and played around with "Paparazzi" on the keyboard some more. Now, after only working on it for 24 hours, I have managed to play through the entire song with BOTH HANDS a few times. I am extremely proud of my progress on the keyboard in just a 24 hour period, and am absolutely certain that the keyboard is the perfect instrument for me. I know, I know... I may be getting ahead of myself here, but there is just a feeling I get from just sitting down and pressing the keys. It's like this is where I should have been all along, and I am so grateful to have finally gotten to it. I've said it before and I will say it again: The universe is conspiring to get me to where I need to be, as a person and as an artist, and I couldn't possibly be more grateful. This evening I was having a conversation with my Mom about the future, and I was telling her that I don't have a doubt in my mind that she will find a job that is absolutely perfect for her and pays her well sometime soon. The reason I can feel so certain about this? As I said, the universe is aligning to get me to where I need to be and where I need to be is California. The universe knows that pretty much the only thing that can stop me at this point is if my Mom is not in a position to get by without me, therefore it will make sure that she is in the perfect position in time for me to go. I know with absolute certainty exactly what is going to happen from here. What happens when I get there? I am less clear on that, but I am certain that the universe will send me the signs that I need to guide me to whatever comes next. I have complete faith in that, and I know it will not fail me.

Work today was pretty bland, really. It was another day that wasn't too busy but not too slow, either. It picked up a lot in the later afternoon, which always sucks because it stresses me out. A lot of people called in today, too, so the last half hour of the day I was alone. That is never a good position to be in, but fortunately Friday evenings are not generally busy. You would think they would be busier, considering it is the last day to call in before the weekend, but I am glad that they aren't. I managed to get out right on time today. It was an odd day at work, though. The rumors I briefly discussed in a previous blog were revealed to be absolutely true and today was the last day for one of my co-workers. I had pretty much confirmed the whole thing already, but I didn't realize how soon it was happening. It is a shame but, as I said previously, I really think it is the best thing for all parties involved. Still, it is always sad to see somebody that you have managed to get kind of close to go away. It also puts some other people in a bad position but, again, I think it is for the best. What's funny is that this opens up another position that would be a promotion and I can't seem to bring myself to care. I don't really intend to apply for either of the positions opening in the near future. Part of me still wants to simply for being able to go to California with a resume that includes a management position. At the same time, though, I don't even think they would actually give either position to me because my sister and her girlfriend, the people who would be doing the hiring for these positions, both know that my intention is to leave in just a few months. It seems like it would be stupid of them to put somebody in a supervisory position knowing that they would just have to refill that position a few months later. It also seems like it would be stupid of me to even bother applying for the position knowing how I already have the feeling that I am just wasting time at this job until I can make the move. Taking on more responsibility is probably the last thing that would help ease that feeling. Plus, the schedule would really suck and I'd rather not spend my remaining months here in Florida stuck in such a shitty schedule.

After work, my friend and co-worker came to pick me up to go buy some groceries and hang out at my house and make dinner. I had only hung out with this girl a few times outside of work before, and they were all before I started working there, so I was slightly concerned about what the non-work dynamic between us would be. Fortunately, it was good; probably better than in the workplace. We went to cash my check and picked up the items we needed to cook a pre-planned dinner of Cheddar Chipotle Chicken and green beans & salsa, as well as a cheesecake. We came back to my house and cooked and talked about all the things we can't really talk about in the workplace, especially about our other co-workers. A little later, my Mom came home and joined us. It was all around a pretty fun evening and I am glad that we did it. It is always nice to get to know people you get along with at work in a different capacity. Despite any previous misgivings, I really get along well with this girl and had a really good time hanging out with her and will likely do it again. Apparently, I missed out on a "going away" gathering for the previously mentioned departing co-worker, but it was well worth it.

After dinner and hanging out, I sat down to my keyboard again and finally perfected "Paparazzi," which, as I said earlier, is something I am very proud of. I am trying to decide on what the next song I should attempt is. Initially, I was thinking of going with another Lady GaGa song, (most likely "Poker Face,") but am kind of thinking it would be a better idea to try something of another genre. Maybe an Alanis Morissette song, like "Not As We," "This Grudge" or "That Particular Time." I think, of those songs, the first one I would like to attempt would be "That Particular Time" because it is probably my favorite song of Alanis', off of my very favorite album of hers, "Under Rug Swept," and it is a pretty simple song that is pretty much solely piano. It is also the one that I know the best. It seems that "Not As We" has more tutorials available online, though, so I may go with that one. I don't know yet, but I think Alanis Morissette would be the best next step in my learning process. I just can't even express how happy I am with the keyboard. It is absolutely perfect for me. I am just so excited to be at the start of the process of learning to write my own music. It is already an amazing feeling being able to play somebody else's song, so I would imagine that writing my own music to go along with the lyrics I have been writing for the past 13 years of my life will be the greatest feeling I could ever have. It is amazing to think, too, that I wrote my very first song, lyrics and melody, when I was 13. I am 26 now. That now means that I have been writing songs for half of my life. It is pretty intense to think about. I just can't imagine that my life could possibly be meant for anything else. I refuse to believe, and will never accept, that my life has any other purpose than making music that could inspire others to do something greater with their lives, like so many artists have done for me. Music is inspiration, and I have long said that my job in life is to inspire. That is what music is about for me; inspiring others to lead better lives or look at the world differently. That is the main reason that I want to create music. Of course, music is not the only way to inspire others. It is my way, though. I do, however, try as much as I can to create that same sort of inspiration to others in many of my actions. I try to live what the music does for me. Like the song by Canadian singer-songwriter and actress, Alexz Johnson, "I wanna live like music."

I think that is something else that I need to remind myself of more frequently - I want to live like music. I need to learn to take the things that I pour into my songwriting and apply them in my everyday life, as well. I feel like I have become a little too quiet and reserved in my day-to-day life. I have become extremely internal and have spent the bulk of my time recently living inside of my own head, especially since making the decision to move to California. I need to put more effort into stay in the present moment, and enjoying the time that I have left here in Florida. The one person I am not internalized with, though, is my Mom. This evening, after my friend left and my playing the keyboard for a while, my Mom came in and we spent a little time just hanging out. She even sat down to the keyboard for a little bit, as well, playing simple, classic ditties like "Heart & Soul" and "Chopsticks." She was telling me about when she was a kid and she would play her grandma's organ for hours and hours. I have always kind of known that I got my musical abilities from my Dad, but I really see more and more lately that I got my love and passion for music from my Mom. She grew up being obsessed with music just like I did, and she still loves it. My Mom enjoys most of the music that I listen to, as well, but also has more of a taste for artists like Josh Groban and Michael Buble and some of the more adult contemporary artists of today. Still, her favorite modern band is the Scissor Sisters. She may enjoy the music of old people, but she can still enjoy the crazy, outlandish, over-the-top styles of new and unique artists like Scissor Sisters, or GaGa. I am really going to miss her when I move... but I have to follow the road that has been shown to me. My Mom will still be a big part of my life, I just won't see her as much. She'll still be there, though. I am also extremely grateful for that. I have a lot of friends who have serious issues with their mothers, who have to question whether or not their mothers actually care about or love them. I can't imagine what that feeling must be like, and I am extremely grateful for my mother, who is unconditionally loving and supportive and stands by me through anything and everything.

Speaking of my Mom, we have made plans to go out to brunch at our favorite little cafe tomorrow morning, so I should probably get to bed. Perhaps I will start on learning another new song before I do. I am not sure. It's the weekend, though, so I don't have to worry about getting up too terribly early or anything. Plus, I will have a lot of the day tomorrow to play keyboard, as well. That is probably what I am most excited about for this weekend. For now, though, it is time to wrap up this blog and at least start the process of going to bed.