Chapter 29: First Train Home

I woke up this morning with a bit of a startle. Okay, the startle wasn't what woke me up, but it happened immediately after I woke up. Much like every other day, the first thing I did was checked my phone for messages or anything along those lines. There were none. This is kind of unusual. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I'm so popular that it's just not possible for me to not have any messages when I wake up but in general I do have at least one or two from overnight. This morning, however, there was nothing. It wasn't anything to get concerned over but when I attempted to get on Twitter on my phone and was told I didn't have a connection, that did seem weird. Last night I tried to send a text while I was in bed and it didn't go through, but I didn't think much of it. These two things combined, though, had me concerned. I immediately attempted to place a call, to my Mom who was in her room, just to test it out and I got a recording saying I was being redirected to Sprint's finance department. This was immediately not okay. Since my Mom lost her job, we haven't been in the most secure financial state, but I figured we'd been doing alright. I knew that the cell phone bill was behind, which is something I have tried to avoid as much as possible in my 5 years with Sprint, but I had no idea it was in danger of being shut off. Apparently, though, it was. I went into my Mom's room all dramatic and confrontational. She had made a payment to Sprint just last week, but apparently it wasn't as much as I thought. It was just really upsetting. I just feel like I work very hard and I never see the bulk of my paycheck because I give it directly to my Mom now to pay the rent and bills and such. I buy dinner more often than not when we wind up eating out, and it feels sometimes like my one luxury in life is my cell phone. So, it being shut off was extremely upsetting to me. Like I said, I work very hard and the least I deserve is my cell phone. Fortunately, I called Sprint and discussed it with them and, much to my surprise, they offered to restore my service now so long as I can promise to make the payment by next Friday, which is my payday. I have never really had any problems paying my bills or anything in my five years with them and, apparently, they recognized that and were willing to work with me. So, I was extremely grateful for that and will be making absolutely certain that I see with my own eyes that the full past due amount is paid come next Friday.

I hate being in the position that I am right now. I hate getting frustrated with my Mother and I can't really. She is doing the best that she can. I am just not at all used to this type of thing. At least, not as an adult. When I was growing up we had situations like this fairly frequently. My Mom was a single mother and we often had to struggle to get by. Utilities being shut off was a fairly regular occurrence in my adolescence and it is something that has made us all very grateful for having gotten out of that sort of lifestyle in more recent years. This whole cell phone experience brought back a lot of very unwelcome memories of my younger years, only much worse because this is something that I am responsible for myself and should have been keeping up with and making sure we stayed on top of. It's moments like this where I really start to realize that this whole "being an adult" thing may not be all it's cracked up to be. I just have to remind myself frequently that this situation is only temporary. Things are going to get better and they are going to get better soon. Soon enough I will be making a life for myself back in the land I love, (I know, that is very "Little House On The Prairie" of me, but you know what I mean.)

Speaking of which, I have been saying all along that the universe is slowly but surely piecing everything together to make this move to California happen for me. Just last night I talked about the fact that one thing that I really need to happen before I can move away is for my Mom to be in a more stable, higher paying job. Preferably one she doesn't absolutely HATE like the one she has now. Well, turns out, today she got a call from a plumbing company that she had applied to on Craig's List a few weeks ago and they wanted to schedule an interview with her. The woman doing the hiring at this place told her that she had gotten 20 or so responses to their Craig's List ad, and my Mom's was the one that really popped out at her. Again, this is the universe at work. I am certain of it. This would be back in type of work she did before, (receptionist/office work,) and would pay considerably higher than her current job does, (and more than I currently make, which would just feel more comfortable for me.) She has an interview scheduled for Monday, but it is during her shift at the place that shall not be named, for security purposes. She is going to try to reschedule it for Tuesday morning, so it could be done before her shift. I told her that I think it's best she doesn't mess around with the current job, just in case. For some reason, though, I really have a good feeling about this job she's interviewing for. As soon as she told me about it, I just had this good feeling. It's gonna work out and she is going to be a lot happier with that than she is right now. Plus, that will be more money coming into the household which should mean less likelihood of a repeat of this morning's incident. These are all very good things. This is going to work out perfectly and I am going to be one step closer to getting back to California.

When I got to work this morning, I was immediately put into kind of a bad mood. They moved our cubicles around last night and now I don't have my favorite cubicle neighbor, and whoever made the moves left my new cubicle a fucking mess. In retaliation, I spent the first 15 minutes of my day unavailable to take calls, because I was straightening up my desk and taking my time with doing it. Aside from that, the entire work environment was a bit of a mess with a bunch of my co-workers, who should have been on the phones, decorating our production floor with Christmas stuff. I don't know why, but I found this extremely annoying. I'm just not feeling the holiday spirit this year. I suppose it makes sense, really. I can't afford to buy anybody gifts, which works out well, because nobody can afford to buy me gifts, either. All I really want to do for Christmas is go to the movies and see "Nine." I don't want to see family or friends, and I don't want to decorate the house or have a big dinner. I just want to go to the movies. I know, it is very "Bah Humbug" of me, but I just don't care about the holidays this year. My main concern this Christmas, actually, is the gift that I am going to buy for myself: My keyboard. Is it selfish of me to buy myself a keyboard as opposed to buying gifts for my friends and family? Yes, probably so. However, I am not going to let a little guilt stop me from doing what I need to do to achieve my goals. Everything is happening exactly as it is supposed to, and I will not let the fear of being selfish derail my plans. Maybe I am a selfish person, but I have this feeling that selfish people are the ones most likely to achieve their goals in life.

Despite the fact that it was actually a short day for me, (I didn't go into work until 10:45am,) it still felt like a really long day and I wasn't in the best of moods. I was very anxious to see this day, and this week, end. Now the weekend is here and I don't have any plans except to lay around the house and watch TV or movies or something. I found when I got home from work that the new Alicia Keys record had leaked to the internet. I was a huge fan of her first and second albums but wasn't overly impressed with her third album, so I wasn't sure what to expect from this one. I loved the first single from it, "Doesn't Mean Anything." It is a beautiful, ethereal sounding track that basically serves as a sequel to her past single, "If I Ain't Got You." I actually like this song a lot better than "If I Ain't Got You," though. It kind of feels to me like the less commercial, more mature version of that song. The second single from the album, "Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart" is just as brilliant, if not even more so. It has a similar ethereal sound, but with a bit of a harder edge to it. It is essentially a song about trying to figure out how to move on from a relationship. It is gorgeous. The album is actually much better than I expected. I wouldn't say it is as good as the first or second record, but it is leaps and bounds above the third album. The album is titled, "The Element Of Freedom," which is a very fitting title. It is kind of a break up album, in a lot of ways, and it really feels like going through the process of getting over somebody and getting back to that place of freedom. Musically, it is a very different sound from any of her previous work, as well. Ethereal, as I used to describe the first two singles, is probably the best word to use to describe the album as a whole. It has a sound that I would compare to floating. I don't know how to explain exactly what I mean by that, but it just flows up and down and has a very dreamy sound throughout. My favorite track on the album, surprisingly, is called "Put It In A Love Song" and it features Beyonce. I am always very back and forth on Beyonce. I mean, at the end of the day, I do enjoy a lot of her music, I just don't enjoy HER. I also tend not to like her collaborations with other artists because it always kind of feels like she is trying to overpower them. That is not the case with this song, though, and it is a lot of fun. It's very catchy and probably the most "urban" sounding track on the record. I like it a lot. Other favorites on the album include "Wait Til You See My Smile," "Un-thinkable (I'm Ready,)" "Like The Sea," "Distance and Time," and "Empire State Of Mind Part II: Broken Down," which I like a lot more than "Empire State Of Mind Part I" with Jay-Z. I guess it just goes to show that I will pretty much always take an acoustic based piano track over a rap-sung collaboration. Overall, though, I am very impressed with "The Element Of Freedom," and would recommend it to anyone. It may not be my favorite record of the year, but I do really like it.

I am also, at the suggestion of Rosie O'Donnell on the Ask Ro section of her website, checking out Imogen Heap. I downloaded her album "Ellipse," and fell in love with the first track on the album, "First Train Home." That is another song that really kind of captures how I am feeling in my life right now. "The first train home, yeah I gotta be on it..." I am definitely waiting for that train, and as I mentioned before, the universe is packing my bags for me and getting me ready to go. It is only a matter of time at this point, and I absolutely cannot wait for the time to come! I am already at the station, all I can do now is wait for the train to come.