Chapter 40: Don't Regret

Today was... yeah, whatever. Let's just skip this part... Something magical happened today! It was kind of an interesting day at work, some crazy shit went down, but that is not important right now. More on all that later. Like I said, something MAGICAL happened!!! How do I even begin to explain?

Well, it all started when I was at work. I have mentioned a time or two in this blog how I had been writing new lyrics at work nearly every day there for a while and how happy I was with that. Well, that stopped for some reason. I think I just had too much other stuff on my mind and I made many attempts to start writing but it just never worked out for some reason. I wound up with a bunch of unfinished, not very good sets of lyrics that really didn't amount to much of anything and it was very frustrating to me. Well, today I repeated this whole process and was becoming frustrated all over again, but I started thinking about the conversation I had with a friend of mine yesterday, (which I talked about in yesterday's blog entry.) The more I thought about it, the more I could really put myself in that person's place and the more I did that, the more lyrics just started flowing from me. That's magical enough as it is, right? Well, as I was writing the lyrics I was also setting them to a melody in my head, as I pretty much always do. This melody kinda stuck with me all day long, so when I came home I sat down to the keyboard and started tinkering with it a bit and that's when the magic happened! I am now working on my first ACTUAL musical composition! I can sit down to the keyboard and play out the entire vocal part at this point. Next I have to sort out the chords to go along with it, and intro and interlude sections and I will have written my first real song!!! I absolutely never expected to be doing something like this so early on. Of course, I understand that I still need to learn how to play the piano technically but if I can do some writing before getting to that point, why not do it?

It may sound mental but in some ways I kind of feel like my keyboard has some sort of magical powers. I mean, I don't HONESTLY believe that my keyboard is magical but there is something about it that just pulls things out of me. I know the more logical way to think of it would be that there is something about me that pulls things out of the keyboard and that is certainly true, too, but I really feel like this instrument/artist relationship we are building is more of an exchange. I feel like my keyboard is a living entity and one that I have absolutely fallen in love with. Who needs a boyfriend when I have a keyboard? Besides, that keyboard is gonna get me a lot further in life than any man ever could. I am just completely over the moon about the thing, and am overjoyed to be working on my first real musical composition. It is just insane how well I have taken to the thing, and how well it is suited to me. I just really feel like I am right here, right now taking the first steps towards my destiny. The feeling that I have right now is something I could never accurately describe, except to say that it is one of the greatest feelings I have ever had. It is one of the greatest feelings I could ever imagine having... and it is only going to get better from here!

Aside from being in the process of writing my very first full song, well... does anything else really matter? Not really, but I should talk about other things, anyway. Sadly, my mantras from last nights blog did not prove very effective and I didn't get nearly enough sleep again and wound up spending much of today feeling groggy and exhausted. The day was pretty taxing, honestly. I also didn't eat anything before work, or at work, so that probably doesn't help the whole "lack of energy" thing. I have been skipping breakfast and lunch pretty frequently lately and it is something I need to knock off. Food is important in the morning because it gives you energy to start the day. At least, that is what they say. I have never really experienced that, but what do I know? I am really out of touch with my own body and what different feelings in it mean. I don't notice the effects of things unless they are extreme. I mean, I notice that they are happening but I have no clue what causes any of them. Probably a result of being a high school drop out. I like to blame everything on that. Either way, though, I do think that I should start making a point to eat before work.

Anyway, we got some interesting news at work today. For years the company has maintained the business hours of 8am-8pm Monday-Friday and 9am-5pm Saturday, but a few months ago one of our departments was taken over by a call center overseas and the company cut their hours down to 8am-6pm Monday-Friday and no Saturdays for all but the Sales department. I was down with this, especially because at the time that this change took place I was on an 11:30am-8pm shift and worked Saturdays, all of which I hated. At that point, a lot of people started speculating that the company was on some sort of downward spiral and we all needed to be concerned about our jobs. Actually, come to think of it, people have been speculating about the company being on a downward spiral as long as I have been there. They did the same thing at my last job, too... People are silly. Well, today we were informed that the Sales Department is taking on the hours of the rest of us. This works out amazingly well for my sister and her girlfriend, who were having to alternate the evening shifts every week for the past few months. They also posted one of the positions that has opened up today. I still don't know if I am going to bother applying. There is certainly a part of me that wants to, simply because I really wanted this position before and have a very competitive side to me that I try not to let show too often. On the other hand, though, I know that it wouldn't make a lot of sense to go for it because they probably wouldn't give it to me, anyway, and I wouldn't be doing it for very long, anyway. My sister, in random comments in passing and such, seems to be suggesting that I should. I don't know what I'm going to do about it. We shall see, I suppose. I figure, it couldn't really hurt anything and it really doesn't make a bit of difference if I get it or not, so why not try? The advantages seem to far outweigh the disadvantages. Plus, one of the main disadvantages has been erased now with the change in hours, because I did not want to be the person stuck working every 8pm shift and every Saturday. So, I don't know. Maybe I will apply. It couldn't hurt.

The period after work seemed to pass extremely quickly. Beyond working on the new song, I ate dinner with my Mom, watched an episode Chelsea Lately, and came back in to work on the song some more... and suddenly it was 11pm. I had found this morning that, after God only knows how long, one of my favorite pairs of Russian pop stars/boner dykes, t.A.T.u. had FINALLY released another English album that leaked to the internet today. As with many things, I caught on to t.A.T.u. before they became a sensation/scandal here in the US and have remained a fan long after. Despite the fact that they were never actual lesbians and were generally unaware of the fact that they were being sold as such, their music was always very good. I am not entirely sure what it is, but there has always been something appealing to me about artists who don't speak English as a first language. I don't generally enjoy music in different languages, but I love when artists who generally speak/sing in different languages crossover to singing in English. The lyrics are always quirky and unique, and something about the accents make for a very interesting vocal. Other examples of this would include Shakira, Paulina Rubio, Utada Hikaru, etc. These are some of my favorite artists, along with t.A.T.u. I was always a bigger fan of t.A.T.u.'s ballads, like "Stars," "30 Minutes," "Gomenesai," and "Craving (I Only Want What I Can't Have.)" The same is the case for their new album, "Waste Management." My favorite track is probably "Don't Regret," a beautiful, epic-sounding ballad. The chorus of the song really hits a chord for me: "no more saying words, no more crying tears, all that was before is no longer here..." While being incredibly vague in it's lyrics, I kind of relate this song to that point in your life where you see that it is time to forget the past, to stop talking, stop whining and just let go of everything and follow your heart. That is absolutely something I can relate to, especially right now. I also love the song "Martian Eyes," despite the fact that it is in Russian. The whole album is honestly very good. It doesn't really deviate from the sound they created on the first two English records, but it's a great sound - why deviate too much? My favorite tracks are the two mentioned above, as well as "Sparks," "Little People," "Time Of The Moon" and "Fly On The Wall." Overall, I highly recommend this record, as well as their other two if you have not heard them. They are a pretty brilliant band and I adore them.

Well, considering I just received a text message from my Mother, all the way on the other side of the house, advising me that it is nearly 1am and I need to get to bed, I should probably heed those words of advice and get going. I must resist the temptation to go back to the keyboard and keep working on the song. The song, btw, is called "A Breakthrough," and I am thinking once I have perfected it I will find some way to premiere it on the blog. Maybe a video of me playing it, or if I can sort out how to use my microphone/hook up the keyboard to the computer I could post a rough mp3 of it or something. We'll see, I suppose. First I have to work on actually completing the song! Actually, FIRST I need to go to bed. I am exhausted and don't want to drag tomorrow like I did today and yesterday.