Chapter 20: Outside Of You

This week is over, as far as work goes, and I don't have to go back until Monday! I could not be happier about this four day weekend. I have been anxiously waiting and now it is here. I still don't really have much in the way of completely solid plans, but I will be happy even if I wind up spending the whole time at home. Well, that would have been the case, but my Mom and her boyfriend are here and I generally spend that time trying to get out of the house and away from them. It's not that I dislike my Mom's boyfriend or anything, and him visiting makes my Mom happy, so I can't bitch too much. I am happy for her to have this time, but I can't help but also feel like it is all one big interruption to my day to day life. I can't sit in the living room and watch "The View" episodes from the morning because he is in there watching some sort of sports or something that is the polar opposite of what I would want to watch. Plus, he is a person that I don't have anything in common with or any way to relate to so it just feels awkward to sit there and have absolutely nothing to say to him. So, I avoid it. Like I said, it's not that I dislike him, it's just that he serves as one big interruption to my normal routine and it irritates me. Plus, my Mom has this thing when she is in a relationship where she caters to them, and kind of immerses herself in what they enjoy and what they want to do. I assume this is just because she's from a different generation and was brought up watching her mother, who is a wonderful woman but also very subservient. I find this infuriating and hate to sit by and watch it. The whole experience is just weird for me. Plus, I know when I am dating somebody I don't like having other people around. I normally make it a point not to introduce the guy I am dating to any of my family or friends, or let them meet but never have any long-term interaction. I just feel like my relationships are personal and I don't want other people's opinions to influence the way I feel. So, I kind of make it a point to try to grant my Mom the same courtesy of keeping her relationship for herself. Tonight, though, I did go out there and force them to watch "Glee." It is the show that my Mom and I watch together every week, and if she wants to set aside HER things for him that is her business, but I won't let her set aside OUR things. Plus, missing "The View" or "Oprah" is one thing, but I am not missing "Glee!"

Today was a very long day. When I got to work my friend/co-worker had a white chocolate mocha waiting for me, which was super sweet of her and was delicious! It was a very slow day, though, and when I went on my first break at 11:30am, two hours into my shift, it felt like I had already been there for at least four. The whole day was like that. I spent most of the day talking shit, (or speaking ass, as my friend Rachel would put it,) with my co-workers and discussing Thanksgiving plans, etc. Mainly, though, it was a day of watching the clock tick by ever so slowly. There was this one thing that happened that was a little interesting, though. In my first blog post here, I mentioned a guy who I am kind of friends with who I don't think likes me very much. Because I don't feel like he likes me very much, it makes me like him more. Well, this little neuroses of mine has kind of developed into a full-fledged high school crush. You know, the kind that doesn't really amount to anything, but you find that person slipping into your mind at funny times and start having little images of them in your head. The dorky, high school type of, "Oh, he's so cute!" feeling? That is what I have. Well, we rarely ever interact in the workplace, (and not really too much outside of the workplace, either,) but every now and then we'll have a bit of a conversation in passing and such. It seems like lately he has been making more of an effort to come talk to me when we both wind up on break and things like that. I'm not sure the reasoning behind that, but I'm not complaining. Today he came up while I was talking to somebody else and joined the conversation, and we kind of veered off into our own separate conversation. It wasn't about anything of any importance, really, (Adam Lambert, who is always important but not in a real-life sort of way.) I don't know why, but this stuck out in my mind for one reason or another and I felt the need to share it. I also found out that there is a possibility I may be hanging out with him tomorrow, which is a whole other story.

So, tomorrow is Thanksgiving. For the first time in God only knows how long, my Mom and I are having Thanksgiving dinner at our house. She wanted to invite her boyfriend, which is why he is here currently. He has kind of taken over Thanksgiving, which is perfectly fine. He intends to have football on all day and will be cooking the dinner. He's a good cook. It's all good. I have basically planned to sit in my bedroom and watch "The Twilight Saga: New Moon" on the computer tomorrow morning. I downloaded it a couple days ago and haven't made time to watch it yet, so I figured Thanksgiving morning I'd have plenty of free time. I'm not overly excited about seeing this movie, really, which is why I have opted to download it instead of going out to see it. If it winds up good I may wind up seeing it in a theater, as well, but we'll see how that goes. In the afternoon, the plan is for my sister, her girlfriend and their family are coming over to have dinner with us. Then they are going back home to do their own Thanksgiving dinner. It basically consists of Turkey, stuffing, all the regular Thanksgiving accoutrements and Guitar Hero. Plus, the boy who doesn't seem to like me much will likely be in attendance. Of course, this all sounds like a lot more fun than my home Thanksgiving plans, so when I got an invite I was like, "YES!" So, Thanksgiving should be a pretty good time. If nothing else, I am looking forward to eating stuffing.

Aside from that, I have plans for Black Friday shopping with my sister and her girlfriend, which should be fun. I can't really afford to do any real shopping, but I am kind of excited to see what Black Friday is like from a shopper's perspective. I have never been on that side of it. I have worked in retail on Black Friday a few times and that sucked, so I am interested to see the other side of it. I have these images in my head of women in their 30s coming to actual physical blows over Tickle Me Elmo dolls or cheap laptops. It all seems silly to me. I doubt I'll spot any of that, but it should still be interesting. I'm kind of excited about that. Then Saturday, I have made plans to go to the Brandon Town Center Mall with Whitney and I think I have talked her into going to see Inglorious Basterds with me beforehand, which should be awesome, (if for no other reason than Eli Roth!) I am looking forward to the Brandon Mall, too, and am keeping my fingers crossed for a really good clearance sale at the Marc Ecko store. I am desperate for something new and cute to wear. Seriously, I haven't bought any new clothes in nearly two months. I know that doesn't sound that bad, but in comparison to my old habit of spending at least $100 from every paycheck at Burlington Coat Factory, it is QUITE an adjustment. I was talking to a friend of mine on Facebook about how I feel it is very important to keep a certain amount of fun and glamour in your day-to-day life. Having cute, new designer clothes to wear so frequently was one of the ways that I would add both fun and glamour to my life. I miss that, and I am really hoping to be able to find some great things that I will be able to afford. Plus, I LOVE the Marc Ecko store! Marc Ecko's stuff from the Cut & Sew collection is always really unique and adorable. I love everything right down to the collection logo, which is a classic image of a pair of scissors and needles.

Speaking of Whitney, a little later this evening she and I had about a two hour conversation on the phone and really kind of came to the realization that we are on the same page with an issue that had been plaguing us both for different reasons recently. I love and hate when that happens, at least in situations like this. It's kind of a good feeling because you know you have someone on your side and understanding your views, but at the same time it sucks because it just means another person is feeling the same shitty way that you were feeling. I am glad for Whitney, though, because I think she is taking big steps towards becoming who she is really meant to be. We have long conversations like that fairly often and it is nice to have somebody who is willing to actually listen, as well as share, for that long. I am beginning to see, the more I look at life, that friends like that are kind of hard to come by and should be cherished and appreciated. In a world where, even amongst a group of friends, I always feel like an outsider it is always great to find like-minded people. I miss having that, and it is good to realize it is not as far as it may have seemed.

I discovered something this evening, too. Apparently, without my ever realizing it, Hilary Duff released a live album. This seems a little strange to me because, much as I love her, she is not exactly known for her amazing vocal talent, live or otherwise. This is a girl who, after all, lip-synced her first tour despite having no real choreography or anything to prevent her from singing. Having watched her career as it has progressed from Disney star to legitimacy, I am inclined to believe that lip-syncing that tour wasn't really a decision made by her. This album, "Hilary Duff: Live At Gibson Amphitheatre," is actually really decent. Again, vocally it isn't Celine Dion's "A New Day Live" or anything, but it's just as good as a live vocal by Madonna. What I really like about the record, though, are some of the remixes she did on older songs, particularly the funky, "tropical" remix of "So Yesterday." Also, I have to give a shout out to what is probably my favorite song of Hilary Duff's, "Beat Of My Heart." It is a catchy pop song, but I think marked a major progression for Hilary Duff as an artist. It took her to more of a dance realm, which she wound up delving into MUCH more on her album, "Dignity." Another favorite of mine is the song, "With Love," the first single from "Dignity" and a song that I created my own re-worked acapella arrangement of. I love the lyrical content of the song and decided to re-work it for myself to kind of showcase the lyrics a little more because the poppy/dancy sound it has doesn't necessarily add any emphasis to the actual content of the song, which is about recognizing those "out of control" behaviors you have and saying, "Please call me out on these things, but be kind about it." I love that idea. Also, the live versions of the ballads, "Someone's Watching Over Me" and "Fly" both have an added emotional depth in live form that I absolutely love. Overall, this live album is pretty decent. I probably wouldn't listen to these versions of the songs any more frequently than the studio versions, but it's a fun thing to add to the collection.

For now, though, it is 2:30am on Thanksgiving and what I am about to be grateful for is a good night's sleep. "New Moon" in the morning, then a day full of Turkey, green bean casserole, cranberry sauce and gravy and, my personal favorite, stuffing! Oh, also, gratitude. I think people tend to forget a bit about that part. Honestly, aside from on Thanksgiving, I think gratitude is something that people tend to forget about in life in general. "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne teaches that gratitude is one of the greatest tools we have at our disposal. If we spent more time thinking thoughts of being grateful for the things we have, the frequency of gratitude would be put out into the universe and attract more things for which to be grateful. That sentence didn't make the most sense in the world, but essentially what I am saying is that the more we are grateful for good things in our lives, the more good things will come into our lives.

Yeah, I am exhausted.