Chapter 14: Be On Your Own

I am not entirely sure what it is exactly, but this week has felt unbearably long. I think it may be the fact that this week has been so unbearably boring. Every day has been extremely uneventful and it is driving me insane! It is especially driving me insane because of the fact that it is not making for the most interesting blog in the world. I suppose I have to be patient with this blog - when documenting a year in your life, not every day is gonna have something overly interesting happening.

One thing that is very interesting, though, is that almost every day since I started this blog I have written a new song at work. It kind of concerns me, honestly, because I just have this feeling that once I learn to write music most of the hundreds of songs I have written thus far are going to be scrapped. I have always heard it is considerably more difficult to write music around already formed lyrics and melody than it is to write lyrics and melody around an already formed piece of music. It's an odd feeling because I have been writing lyrics and melody for more than half of my life, and to think that many of those songs will never amount to anything is a very sad thought. I mean, as many as there are, I understand that not all of them were ever going to see the light of day, but there are a lot that are very special to me and that I will be sad to not see anything come of them. Honestly, though, I kind of feel like what I have been doing all these years is honing my craft. I feel like, as far as writing lyrics and melodies, I have pretty much perfected that part of the process. Now I need to learn the writing music part of it and put the two together. The song that I wrote today, though, really felt like something special to me. "When the world feels like one giant Q, you are my A..." dorky, but cute, right? Maybe at some point a little further down the road I will do a post sharing some of the lyrics I have been writing, but for now I wanna not share too much of that.

Work today was just as boring as the rest of the week has been, so I am not even going to spend any time discussing that. Although, one thing that happened today that I found kind of interesting is that I had a conversation with one of my co-workers, a straight man, about the relationships that straight men have with one another. He was telling me how he and his friends will "fake fight" each other sometimes, and it reminded me of another group of straight male friends I have who like to get together and "wrestle" with each other. It just always seemed so random and nonsensical to me. What is the point? Why would they do this? Doesn't that seem pretty gay? The guy I was talking to at work didn't really shed much light on the topic, except to deny my theory when I expressed it. The only real idea I was able to come up with as to why they would do this is because, subconsciously, they feel a need to have some sort of physical relationship or connection to one another. No, I don't mean in a sexual way. If you think about it, though, women tend to have very physical friendships with one another - they're more prone to hugging and various forms of physical contact than men are, and it has become a standard for groups of female friends to do things like go out dancing together, or work out together. Have you ever watched two straight girls dance together? It is a pretty physical experience between the two of them. Men have far less physical contact with one another, so I think that their subconscious way of filling that gap is by "fighting" with each other. The whole concept seems very gay to me, whether this is the reasoning behind it or not. Maybe I've just seen too much gay porn involving guys wrestling one another.

After work I came home and watched some random, not that interesting stuff on TV, like last night's Chelsea Lately, with guest Justin Bieber, (although it was hilarious seeing Chelsea transition from talking to him like a child to making almost sexual references to him.) I made dinner tonight for my Mom, as well, because she has been working overtime this week and doesn't need to come home and cook dinner, as well. She did last night, (we ate out Monday and Tuesday,) so I figured it was my turn. We had baked pork chops, (because I like baking things so much better than frying them or anything,) as well as pasta and peas and carrots, which I haven't had in ages. They are a delicious combination, those two! It was a decent dinner - I was proud of it. While we ate dinner, I decided to watch Oprah's episode from yesterday, with the cast of the upcoming movie musical, "Nine." I could not be more excited for this film to come out! As I mentioned previously, in brief, I have become a huge fan of Broadway and especially musicals. Sadly, here in Florida I don't have the most access in the world to live theater. Sarasota is full of theater, actually, but it's pretty expensive and not always the best productions you can find, from my experience. For this reason, I have a great love for movie musicals, and there have been some amazing ones in recent years, including "Chicago," "Dreamgirls," "Hairspray," "The Producers" and, my favorite, "RENT." There are complaints to be made with any adaptation from stage to screen, but I think all of the above did AMAZING jobs with bringing them to film. Also worth mentioning on this topic are some brilliant original musical films, or at least films with strong musical elements, that have come out in recent years, as well, like, "Moulin Rouge," "Camp," "Were The World Mine," and even the "High School Musical" series, (which I understand don't even register in the realm of valid musicals, but which I have found completely irresistible and full of fun, catchy pop music.)

Of course, there is also the EPIC film version of "Evita," which turned Madonna into a true vocalist, as opposed to a great performer with a mediocre voice, and finally got her some recognition for her acting abilities, (yes, I am one of those who believes Madonna actually has acting abilities and has been unfairly panned for years.) Aside from "Grease," of course, "Evita" was the first REAL musical that I was ever really exposed to and is still one of my absolute favorites. I have always been a huge fan of "Evita," but never really looked beyond the film version. It wasn't until "RENT" that I really caught on to the magical world of entertainment to be found on Broadway. After becoming obsessed with the "RENT" Original Cast Recording a few years before the film version came out, I became obsessed with one cast member in particular: Idina Menzel. She is, and I won't even say possibly or probably about this, one of the greatest voices of my generation. She is so incredibly gifted and, to make her even better, has this huge, boisterous personality that comes through so well in all of her roles and in her music as a solo artist. Seeing her live in concert twice was my birthday gift last year, and one of the greatest live music experiences I have ever had.

After watching the cast of "Nine" on Oprah and seeing all the clips from the film, I am even more excited than I already was for this film. I downloaded the 2003 Broadway Cast Recording of the show, starring Antonio Banderas, Mary Stuart Masterson, Jane Krakowski and Chita Rivera to learn more of the music and it is even greater than I expected. I love the whole concept of "Nine," telling the story of a man by telling the story of the women in his life, and adding to that the themes of classic Italian cinema it is bound to be an extravaganza for the senses. I really cannot wait to see it on film, and with the cast for the film it is guaranteed to be brilliant. Daniel Day-Lewis, Nicole Kidman, Penelope Cruz, Marion Cotillard, Kate Hudson, Sophia Loren, Dame Judi Dench and Fergie all together in one film will be the greatest all-star cast since "Evening" or "Love, Actually" except even better, because all of these mega-star actors and actresses are singing! I simply cannot wait! The film is having it's national release on Christmas Day, as well. My Mom and I have discussed nearly every year simply blowing off Christmas and going to the movies that day, but have never actually done it and considering our financial situation this year, I think now would be the time. I personally think that would be a great way to spend Christmas.

Tomorrow? I am hoping SOMETHING will happen tomorrow. If not, at least I can take comfort in the fact that this week will be over and can look forward to a much more interesting week next week. For now, though, I am exhausted and need to get to bed.