Chapter 2: You're The Star

Today was a bit of a crazy day.

Not really, I just went through a weird roller coaster of emotions is all.

I woke up around 11am, which is late for me these days. I suppose it's not all that surprising, considering I was up pretty late last night and was drinking. I still don't like waking up so late. I decided to use the first part of the day to catch up on a little bit of TV from the past few days. First I watched The View episode from yesterday, which was interrupted by Fort Hood coverage.

I really don't know what to say about that situation except that it is a tragedy. It is very disheartening to hear that a member of this nation's military would do such a thing, and it creates so many questions in one's mind - was this a planned incident? was this an act of terrorism? or was this just one individual who just reached his boiling point and cracked? what does this say about the screening process used by our military?

As a member of the gay community and someone who is very opposed to the war our country is involved in at this time it goes without saying that I have my fair share with the military, however I am still very grateful to and humbled by the men and women who are making such immense sacrifices to serve this country and find it completely devastating that so many of their lives were put at risk, and so many taken, at the hand of one of their own. This whole event has me shaken. I heard about it yesterday, but I half-purposely avoided learning any of the details until today. It is just devastating.

...and of course, I followed that up by watching last night's 20/20. The first portion of the show, of course, covered Fort Hood. They followed that with Diane Sawyer's exclusive interview with Rihanna. Now, I have an odd relationship with Rihanna. I enjoy her music. I sing along. I dance to it. It's good for that sort of thing. I just don't see the art in it. Even more, I don't see her involvement in it. She doesn't write it. She is, by no means, a great singer or performer. I just don't understand what makes her so popular. I also really dislike the fact that her music doesn't say anything - she's not making any point or sending any message with it. I may enjoy dancing and singing along to that type of thing, but I don't have any respect for it.

Before this Diane Sawyer interview, I don't recall having ever heard Rihanna speak, (aside from her brief appearance in "Bring It On: All Or Nothing," of course,) and given recent events in her life I wasn't sure what to expect. I must say that I was extremely impressed with her candidness and honesty. I hadn't necessarily planned on speaking about this in the blog so soon, if at all, but I have been the victim of abuse in the past. I was 16 and I was in my first "relationship," and I was "in love" for the very first time... I don't really want to tell that story at this time. I only share that it even happened because this interview that Rihanna did was extremely emotional for me because I could relate to it so much. That left me ruminating on memories I didn't necessarily want to be remembering for much of the day.

I guess I can only say, for Rihanna's part, that while I may not have much respect for her as an artist I now have the utmost respect for her as a person. As kind of a sidenote on that matter, though, I must add that the two new singles that she has recently released, "Russian Roulette" and "Wait Is Ova," are probably the two greatest songs she has released. They both just have a completely different feel from any of her previously released material. I have hope for her... but I'm waiting to see what the album is like before I put too much stock into that.

I spent the next portion of the day pretty much wasting time. I mean, not entirely wasting time... I was listening to music. Sure, I was playing Sudoku on the internet while I did that, but I was being inspired by other artists. First I listened to my newest obsession, the new record from Leona Lewis, "Echo." I was a huge fan of her first album and was unsure of my expectations for the follow-up. Often times it is difficult to follow such a huge, brilliant record... but she has done it. In fact, I think she has done better with this one. It is much more well-rounded and I, personally, find it much more relatable than the first album. My personal favorite song on the album is called "Stop Crying Your Heart Out." As much as I may say it's a good thing that she included more upbeat and mid-tempo tracks on this album, she is still at her best when belting out a huge, powerful ballad and that is exactly what this song is. More than that, though, it has such a beautiful message. It is essentially a song about holding on to hope... something I need to be reminded of lately.

I also listened to Owl City, who is probably my favorite new artist of the year and who released what is one of my favorite records of the year. I cannot get over the album, "Ocean Eyes." The more I listen to it the more I want to listen to it again and again. It is really a stunning record, and I find Adam Young, (the founding and only member of Owl City,) to be a huge inspiration. He wrote and recorded this entire record on his own and it is brilliant. I love the fact that this is the direction the music industry has taken. There is a long list of artists who I adore who have taken this route, including Jay Brannan, Schuyler Fisk, Lori McKenna, Lights and my favorite band of all time, Dashboard Confessional. It is creating music for the sake of creating music and maintaining control of it from the ground level. That is what I want to do.

This evening I prepared a lovely meal for 2 of my nearest and dearest friends, Whitney and Nate. Nate has a very funny, interesting year long vlog project taking place right now, (which is actually what inspired this project for me,) that you should all check out and subscribe to at http://www.youtube.com/unfortuNateB - it's good stuff and well worth the moments it will take you to register with youtube and subscribe!

Nate is an awesome guy. It is just funny to me because lately I am finding more and more that we have in common. Particularly, we both have a drive to be something bigger than we currently are. We are both people who are kind of used to being "The Star." We are both people who want to share our points of view with the world and make a difference to people, albeit in very different ways. It's not necessarily that I didn't relate to him before or anything like that, but I have developed a new level of respect for him because of it. I love when you realize that the people you are friends with actually have more in common with you or more of a connection with you than you initially thought.

As mentioned previously, I invited him and Whitney over for a lovely meal; Like a bit of a mini-dinner party. I have developed a thing recently for cooking. I have never been one to cook before, but for some reason I have developed an interest in it lately. Up until very recently, we did not keep food in our house at all. With my Mom and I both working jobs that paid us fairly well, we preferred the convenience of ordering out every night. We did a lot of things that I now realize were extremely decadent and outside of our means. The food was only one part of that... but then, about a month ago, my Mom lost her well paying job and it became clear that we needed to make some changes. She pretty much immediately found another job, but she took about a 50% pay cut and living beyond our means became a thing of the past. So, we developed a new, much healthier habit of grocery shopping and preparing our own meals at home... and one good thing that has come of this is my new interest in cooking.

The thing with me cooking, though, is that I don't have the patience for preparing a full intricate meal. Instead, I find myself putting all of my focus on a side dish and preparing an entree that I can just throw in the oven for 20 minutes or so. Tonight, for example, the meal was Parmesan Crusted Chicken, Santa Fe style rice medley and Green Beans with Salsa. Sounds pretty fancy, right? Well, the Parmesan Crusted Chicken was Shake & Bake, the Santa Fe rice medley was Uncle Ben's and the only thing I had to put much thought into was the Green Beans with Salsa, and even that was very simple. Essentially, the recipe was "Take green beans, coat them in olive oil, toss like a salad, add 1/2 cup of prepared salsa, toss like a salad again." I know that this sounds too simple, and like an odd combination... but it came out absolutely delicious! The whole meal was delicious. I was proud of it. As an addendum to my interest in cooking, though, I have developed a love of green beans. There was this other recipe I found through Google for green bean bundles that is absolutely amazing.

Aside from the meal, though, the company was wonderful. The issue was that I didn't necessarily feel like I was very good company. I don't know if it was Fort Hood, (along with the shooting in Orlando, right around the corner, yesterday,) or the Rihanna interview and the emotions it stirred in me, but I had a bit of a heavy heart this evening. It was unusual, considering normally there is nothing like throwing a dinner party to put me in a good mood. I felt bad, and I felt kind of awkward because I felt bad, that I was kind of in another place for the first portion of the evening. I don't even necessarily think they noticed, but I did.

So, I decided to make Mimosas. If a dinner party isn't going to put me in a good mood, surely a Mimosa would... and it worked! Couple Mimosas with Taylor Swift hosting Saturday Night Live and funny friends to comment along with it, and I wound up having a pretty fun night! Let me just say, that Taylor Swift was hilarious! I am a big fan of hers and I really feel like, as far as her career goes, she is doing everything perfectly. She seems like such a genuine girl, she writes all her own songs, she is funny and charming without ever seeming aware of it and she never comes across as jaded or "industry." I adore her.

Now, as the last Mimosa wears off, it seems like time for me to go to bed.

Plans for tomorrow? A visit with my Grandma and Grandpa who live in Arkansas, who happen to be passing through Tampa. I am a little nervous about this, simply because I haven't seen them since 2003 and I was out at that time, but not to them. I know my Mom has since told them, but it still seems like an awkward situation. My Grandpa and I have never been people who see eye to eye, but I was always pretty close with my Grandma. I look forward to seeing them, I just anticipate it being a weird experience. It will be nice to spend time with my Mom, too. Recently, due to her change of jobs and working a later schedule, we have been seeing less and less of each other. It will be nice to spend a little extra time with her on the drive, and I know that she is thrilled to have a chance to see her parents. It should be good day... and definitely an interesting one.

We shall see tomorrow.