Chapter 223: Stratford-On-Guy

Today was a funny kind of day for me. The beginning and end were the interesting parts and the middle, the main portion of the day, was nothing worth mentioning really. In middle school English we learned the basic structure of a story – the introduction, the body, the climax and the ending. If I were to retell this day in story form it would surely be an unsuccessful feat of storytelling. This is the thing with life, though – it isn’t always going to be a proper story. Today certainly wouldn’t make a proper story. I am beginning to wonder, though, how the story of this year is coming along in those terms. The whole concept of this blog was to tell the story of a year in my life and, thus far, I don’t think it is turning out to be a very interesting story. I could be wrong but I definitely feel like this story is lacking any real plot. Of course, writing it as a daily blog doesn’t really allow for me to have a great perspective on it as a whole. I knew that going in and have always assumed that I wouldn’t figure out what the story was really about until it has ended and I have read over it all again. The story in it will become clear then and, most likely, only then. I don’t know why I am thinking about this so much, considering the fact that the ACTUAL point of this blog isn’t to write a proper story. The point of this blog is to capture a year in my life and then write a collection of songs that really captures that year. I am also questioning how much songwriting can really come out of this particular year. I just feel like, in a lot of ways, there isn’t much of anything happening in this story. That is never a good sign. I mean, I’m sure I’ll figure it out but in the meantime I can’t help but question whether or not it could possibly amount to anything.

As far as the story of today, it actually needs to come with a preface. Last night I got into bed around 12:30am. I put on the Scissor Sister’s self-titled debut album and played around with my phone for a bit before genuinely trying to go to sleep. Unfortunately, when I did genuinely try to go to sleep it simply wasn’t coming easily. The first Scissor Sisters record ended, so I decided to put on their second album, “Ta Dah!,” which also wound up playing all the way through. I was having a strange issue last night, actually, where my breathing felt strange. It was almost painful. This happens to me every so often when I have been smoking too much or something along those lines. Still, last night it was different. Because my breathing was feeling so strange and painful I found myself purposely breathing harder than I usually would. It is a strange thing that I have where when something is painful or a strange sensation to me, I will purposely do things to keep it going. I don’t know why I do that, honestly. It must just be some sort of malfunction in my head or rooted in some childhood issue. Anyway, since I was breathing so much harder than usual and my throat was already feeling strange, this breathing issue started causing me some extreme coughing fits. It wasn’t a good feeling and it kept me up for quite some time. Eventually, I put on a Jo Koy comedy special on Netflix and fell asleep listening to that. It had to have been after 2am. Before moving forward, though, I did want to mention one thing – listening to both of the old Scissor Sisters records in bed was pretty great. I had listened to individual tracks from each album recently, and pretty regularly, but it had been a really long time since I had listened to the entire albums as a whole. It only served to remind me how brilliant Scissor Sisters are. I also wanted to mention the merits of listening to music that you already know by heart. It was a really nice feeling hearing some of these songs for the first time in a long time and letting every moment of it sink in and provide me with those old, familiar feelings of joy when I first heard these songs. Another album that gives me that same feeling, which I am listening to as I type this up, is Liz Phair’s “Exile In Guyville.” I can still remember the very first time I heard this record as a whole. I was completely mesmerized by it all. I was obsessed with this record and listened to it start to finish so many times I couldn’t even count. Much like the Scissor Sisters records, I had listened to individual tracks from the album but hadn’t sat down and listened to it as a whole in a really long time. Also like the Scissor Sisters records, it is really deeply seeded in my brain and listening to it now it all comes right back to me as if I were listening to it obsessively just yesterday. I feel like a really great record will always be like that – no matter how long it has been since you last listened to it, it will all come right back to you. It will always feel familiar, genuine, comforting and will always take you to another place filled with memories of that music.

Needless to say, I didn’t get much sleep last night. I woke up when my alarm went off this morning at 6am and did my best to spring myself out of bed immediately and get my day started. I had more to do this morning than I ever do on a normal day. I had to pack myself a lunch, make my own coffee and all kinds of things that my Mom normally takes care of on any normal day, plus I had to be ready about 30 minutes normally than I would usually. So, when I woke up I tried my best to get up and kick myself into gear. I did my normal morning skin care routine, as well as brushing my teeth and such, then made myself some coffee and waffles for breakfast. I sat at the computer and ate my breakfast while browsing around the Internet. Then I headed into the kitchen and prepared my lunch for the day. Lunch consisted of a turkey, cheese and tomato sandwich, some pita chips and a little dish of watermelon pieces. I figured all of the food groups were represented there, if only in a very small way, and that is all I really need to consider it a successful lunch. It was just a few minutes after 7am when I headed into the bathroom to get ready for the day. I had taken a shower last night, so I saved myself a step there, which was good because I didn’t have the extra time to take a shower. As I mentioned last night, I had decided to try out a look inspired by Barbara Parkins’ character, Anne Wells, in “Valley Of The Dolls.” I’ve got to say I think it worked out beautifully. I loved my look when I walked out of that bathroom this morning. I really feel like these 60s-style looks I have been trying, between the Barbra Streisand stuff and the Anne Wells look I did today, really work better for me than any other looks I have tried. I think I am going to stick with this type of look for a while. I just love the way these types of looks work on my face. I left the house this morning looking and feeling great.

As I mentioned before, the main portion of my day was really kind of empty and didn’t really contain much of anything worth discussing here. I didn’t write any new songs today. I think I am going to no longer make that a daily task for myself and instead just make the effort to do it when inspiration hits. After all, I don’t want it to be like a chore or anything. I text messaged back and forth with my Mom for a little while on my first two breaks, which was nice. Today was the day of the actual memorial service for my Uncle Bruce, so she was a little down. Still, she seemed to be in better spirits than she was when she was here. I really feel bad for her and can’t imagine what she is going through right now. I also really can’t wait until she gets home. Right now she is exactly where she needs to be but I will be really glad when she is back here.

After work, I went home with my sister and her girlfriend and had dinner with them. It was a lot of fun and we were basically sitting around watching TV and talking about random things. It’d been a while since I’d done that with them so it was really cool to be able to do that tonight. I also discussed my ideas for my birthday party with my sister, who actually told me that if I wanted to do a home party I could do it at their house instead of mine, since they have much more space than we do at my house. In spite of the fact that I was leaning more towards the karaoke party concept before, my sister has kind of talked me out of it by reminding me that people would have to pay to get in if I did that, which could wind up limiting the people that would attend. Aside from that, I really like the idea of doing a “Valley Of The Dolls” themed party. I think it would be a lot of fun to have a very civilized little 60s themed party, with music from the era and from the film, as well as fun decorations that include all kinds of trippy drug and sex references from the film. I think it would make more sense to do that for my birthday than to go out somewhere and kind of allow for people to separate and do their own things. I don’t want a birthday party where everyone is doing their own thing. It’s my birthday, after all, and I want the focus to be on me! I mean, not entirely, but kind of. I don’t know what I’m going to wind up doing yet but whatever it is I want to make it fun and special. We’ll see how it turns out. In the meantime, though, it is 12:30am and I definitely need to get more sleep tonight than I did last night. Goodnight.