Chapter 218: Lift Me Up

I really don’t know what to say here. It is 2:27am and I have been putting off writing this blog tonight because I really don’t even know where to begin. I also don’t know where to end. I don’t know what to say at all. At it’s start today seemed like any other day. I woke up even later than I have been the past few days, at 7:15am. I really didn’t even want to get up out of bed then but I knew I absolutely had to. I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face, but because I was running low on time already I went ahead and did my makeup for the day then, as well. I then went out into the living room and made myself some oatmeal for breakfast, smoked a cigarette and drank a cup of coffee. I was talking to my Mom about the interview she had scheduled for this morning while I ate and such but very quickly it was time for me to go get dressed and do everything but my makeup. Once I got to work I found that it was a really boring day. It was slow and not long into the day we wound up missing the majority of my team. Even with the missing people, it was dreadfully slow. Still, I managed to make the day pass pretty quickly by finishing off “One Fifth Avenue,” and starting the book “Don’t Stop Believing: How Karaoke Conquered The World & Changed My Life.” This book is a lot of fun and really kind of gets me feeling the itch to go out and get silly on stage in some cheesy karaoke bar. It’s been a long time since I’ve done that. I took lunch break with my Mom, who told me all about her interview. It went well, from the sounds, and I have very high hopes for her and this position. Everything was normal and boring until I went on my last break just after 4pm. When I checked my phone at that time I found that I had an email from my Aunt JoAnn. This email simply stated that it was an emergency and that I needed to call her as soon as possible. I called her immediately and that’s when the day came crashing down on me. That’s actually when a lot of things came crashing down on me.

My Aunt JoAnn informed me that my Uncle, her and my Mom’s brother, had passed away sometime last night. He’d been having some heart problems and was supposed to be losing a good deal of weight before having some surgery done that was supposed to help the issue. Nobody knows the exact details, as far as I know, but it would seem that this is the reason for this. It would be an understatement to say that I was shocked to hear this. My Uncle was only 51 years old and I knew he wasn’t in the best shape in the world but I had no idea anything like this could be coming. I don’t think anybody had an idea of this, though. My Aunt JoAnn said that she would call my Mom and tell her herself after she got out of work this evening at 8pm. We kind of agreed that it may be better for her to tell her about it because I am not really good with that sort of thing. She did ask me, though, to get in touch with my brother and sister to let them know and get them over here this evening. We figured that my Mom would need us to be here for her, so after I got off the call with her I went ahead and called my brother. Then, when I got back upstairs after my break, I told my sister, as well. I also asked my sister to drive me home after work so I wouldn’t have to ride with my Mom. We had all kind of agreed that it would be best not to tell her while she was at work because we all knew she would be devastated and didn’t want her to get that upset and be stuck at work for hours afterwards. All the while, I don’t really feel like I was letting it sink in for myself because I was so busy stressing myself out over everybody else’s reactions. I held it all together much better than I ever expected I’d be capable of. It was really difficult for me, though, when my Mom came over on her last break and was talking to my sister and I about her interview and such. She was in really high spirits and seemed like she was having a pretty decent day. She seemed to be in a really good mood. That good mood carried over to when she got off work at 8pm.

I had initially intended to let my Aunt JoAnn tell her when she called but once my Mom got home she could tell that there was something wrong with me and I had to tell her. As expected, she was devastated. She burst into tears and I didn’t know what I could possibly do for her but I felt like I needed to do something. It was one of the most terrible feelings possible and I began crying a little, as well. My sister had told me shortly before this that she would be over soon and it wasn’t long before she and her girlfriend arrived. Fortunately, they were both much better at comforting my Mom than I was. She was devastated, though, and couldn’t stop crying for quite a while. She talked with my Aunt JoAnn and my Uncle Glenn, who told her that she needed to come out there and that he would pay for her plane ticket. My brother also offered to pay for her plane ticket, as well, because everybody agreed that, no matter what, she needed to be with her family right now. My brother also showed up a little while later, as well, and we all hung out and did everything we could to try to take my Mom’s mind off of it or make her feel better about it. Still, this is one of her siblings and I can’t even begin to imagine what that must feel like. She also talked to her mother, as well as her boyfriend, for a while. We spent the entire evening until after midnight just doing everything we possibly could to comfort my Mom. She seemed to be feeling slightly better, as best one could in this situation, by that time and everybody decided to head back to their own homes. My Mom got really upset again and I tried my best to find the right words to say. Like I said, though, I am not very good at dealing with this sort of thing and was really struggling to find the right thing to say to her. I just can’t imagine how I would feel losing one of my siblings. I don’t know how one deals with that situation – how can you? My Mom went to bed just after this but then got up and came out to the living room and asked if we could watch some TV. I put on tonight’s episode of “The Soup,” and we watched but didn’t really laugh much. After this we watched a little bit of an episode of The Dr. Oz Show before going to bed.

I still don’t know what to say about this, as far as my own feelings about it. As I have discussed quite a bit in this blog recently, my Mom’s side of the family are the ones I feel closest to and have an immense amount of love and respect for. Every one of my Mother’s siblings holds a very special place in my heart and losing one of them is really a devastating blow to my sense of family, which has been built up a LOT after the events of last weekend. It just all seems really unfair. He was only 51 years old and, as I mentioned, wasn’t in the best shape in the world but never seemed to be at a point where his illness could kill him. I just don’t understand what exactly happened here. I don’t understand how it came about or why it had to happen to such an amazing person. Seriously, my Uncle Bruce was, first and foremost, one of the single funniest people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. He was always saying or doing something off the wall and hilarious. He was just always a joy to be around. One of the most upsetting things to me is the fact that my brother, sister and I all spent time with him but were never around that side of the family as much. I think we all agreed that it was a shame we never got to know him on a closer level like our cousins and our mother and aunt and uncle did. Still, I do have many memories of him and I can’t stand the thought that there won’t be any more in the future. It just shouldn’t have happened. I can’t imagine going out to California again and not seeing him while I am there. I can’t imagine a get-together with all of that side of the family without him there, doing crazy impressions or celebrities or making hilarious offhand comments that make everybody crack up laughing. I really hate this whole situation. It is a tragedy and I just still can’t believe that this has happened.

My Mom is making arrangements to leave for California on Tuesday, most likely and return on Sunday of next weekend. She is definitely stressing out about the fact that she will be missing an entire week of work but I told her not to worry about it and that we would be able to figure something out. I told her that what was important is that she is with her family at this time. Everything else can be handled at a later date. So, next week I will most likely be in this house all by myself. I don’t mind that much, although I do much prefer to have my Mom home. Still, I can handle 6 days on my own. I’ve already arranged for my sister and/or her girlfriend come pick me for work each day and I believe that I have plenty of food to last me through the week. For now, though, it has been a very long, exhausting day and I am definitely beginning to feel it. I am trying really hard not to doze off in the middle of writing this thing, so I really should get to bed. Goodnight.