Chapter 213: Family Portrait

Once again, keeping it brief tonight. As I mentioned in a previous blog, I will be doing a blog megapost on Tuesday to fully discuss everything that has gone on in the past few days. Right now, though, I don't have access to an actual computer &, while typing a full-length blog could certainly be done on my phone, it definitely seems like more hassle than it would be worth. Therefore, I am just supplying these mini-updates until I get my actual computer back. As great as it has been having the family here, I am definitely looking forward to returning to my regularly scheduled program. Still, this weekend has been great. I have really enjoyed all of it. I even almost made it through the entire visit without upsetting my conservative, right-wing, Christian-eccentric Grandma, (the one who I was concerned I might come into some drama with.) I held my tongue through a few different things that irked me & was so close to avoiding any issues when I accidentally let slip the fact that I have been out to California twice since living here & didn't bother to go visit their town or them, specifically, either time. I do feel bad for hurting her feelings, definitely, but I don't feel bad at all for the fact that it happened. It's kind of funny and kind of sad to me that anybody would expect anything different. After all, I haven't spoken to her or anybody else on that side of my family in several years - wouldn't you assume that this was the result of a conscious decision on my part? If not, let me clear that up - EVERYTHING I do is the result of a conscious decision on my part. I mean, not everything stems from an entirely conscious decision but everything does spawn from some decision I've made. In all honesty, even accidentally letting this information slip out was probably the result of an internal decision of mine. I think, subconsciously, I probably wanted to hurt her feelings. I know that sounds awful and I'm not going to try to justify it here. I mean, I have spent a very long time harboring a certain amount of resentment towards that woman because of what an oppressive force she was in my teen years, as well as the horrible things she has done to my Mother, some of which is still having a pretty severe financial impact on my Mom. I don't look back on the years I spent with her with any form of fondness. At the same time, though, I have no problem making people feel uncomfortable or outraged or anything like that, but I definitely try to avoid hurting people's feelings - even if those people have done much worse to me. What's done is done, though, I suppose. It's been a really long day but very fun. I will talk more about today's events on Tuesday. For now, though, I am exhausted. Goodnight.