Chapter 216: Like A Lady

Okay, so I know that I have just spent five days of the past week punking out on the blog because I was updating from my phone and such, which was a very valid excuse. Tonight, on the other hand, I am sitting comfortably at my computer and really don’t have any excuse beyond saying that I am tired and need to get to bed. I won’t be as brief as I was while updating from my phone but I am still going to keep it brief. It was a pretty long day, honestly. I woke up at 6:15am this morning, which was 15 minutes after my alarm went off, and I was feeling pretty decent considering that today was my return to the routine of my daily life, which I wasn’t very excited about. Still, I got myself out of bed, washed my face and brushed my teeth, made myself a cup of coffee and a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast. I didn’t work out this morning. I had pretty well decided that I wasn’t going to be working out this week again, which is probably an unwise idea but one that I am going with. I think it could possibly work out okay for me, though, because my Mom brought up this evening that she would like to go and sign up for the gym this weekend. I kind of took that as a sign that I should just wait until we do that and start fresh again. After all, I kind of feel like I should step up my working out to something more substantial than just doing a DVD workout at home. Joining the gym would probably be the best way to do that. I am kind of excited about that whole concept. When I went to the gym for a brief while before, I really loved the whole gym environment. I think it is a lot of fun and kind of more motivational for me to have other people around. Plus, after seeing a lot of the pictures from the wedding I have kind of realized exactly how fat I really am. I mean, I knew it before but I never really had to be faced with it as much before seeing these pictures of myself looking massive at this wedding, amidst all these really pretty, thin people. It sucks to admit it but I really do feel like, for the first time in a long time, I am unhappy with my body. I had gotten to a point where I didn’t care all that much and was happy with myself as I was. I am still happy with myself, in terms of personality and character, but I just look at these pictures and feel like I COULD look so much better on the outside than I do currently. So, moving forward this will be much more of a focus than it has been in the past. I know that I CAN lose the weight that I have been carrying all of my life – it is simply a matter of maintaining the momentum I gain and not allowing myself to become discouraged or get lazy. I KNOW I can do it and I have every intention of getting it done.

Instead of working out this morning, though, I decided to use that extra time to practice piano, which I hadn’t done the entire time that my family was here. So, I spent 30 minutes practicing piano but didn’t manage to really get any further than I was last week. I decided to just keep my fingers crossed that Viktor would understand that I had a lot going on. I had talked to him a bit about the wedding and graduation going on this week, so I was hoping he would recall all of this stuff and cut me a little slack. I got dressed in my wedding pants, which are totally my new favorite pants that I own, and gray and pink argyle sweatervest. Over the weekend, my Mom picked up a small Clinique eye shadow duo for me that she had found really cheap somewhere. This duo included a very soft, pale pink color that I like to refer to as Ballerina Pink because it reminds me of the color of the classic tutu. The other color was a darker brownish-pink color. They were pretty perfect for just a simple, semi-natural look with a soft, light colored lid and a darker color in the crease for dimension. It came out looking really gorgeous, if I don’t say so myself. I also picked up a liquid liner, (Maybelline Line Stiletto,) and decided to pair that with this look for a little added drama. Like I said, I really loved the way this look came out. I’ve been much more into doing very simple, neutral eye shadow paired with dramatic liner. I also used my Maybelline Dream Mousse foundation and concealer, which I have been finding to be a pretty bad idea in the summer weather here in Florida. Still, I love the look of my face with foundation and such on it before I step outside and it all goes a little mad with my perspiration, etc. So, I have come up with a different idea to try – Maybelline Mineral Power Powder foundation. I think that using a powder foundation may be a much better idea during the summer here. I am going to give that a try once I get paid again and can run to a Walgreen’s or something where I can pick up some. I figure it is worth a shot, anyway. I can’t imagine it would turn out any worse than what I am doing now.

Work was bland. I spent the bulk of the day reading “One Fifth Avenue,” by Candace Bushnell. It is a really gorgeous book set in the iconic building located at One Fifth Avenue in New York City. I am really enjoying reading it. I can totally picture it as a television series or film. The characters are all very complex and emotional creatures with more money than God and I think they could all translate really well onto film or television. It is really good stuff. I particularly love the fact that a large focus of this book is on the concept of “old money” versus “new money,” which I have always found pretty fascinating. There is one character in particular, Paul Rice, who is on the “new money” side who just has this insane sense of entitlement and simply doesn’t understand why he would ever be denied anything when he has so much money, even amongst all of the “old money” people who have spent years building up their reputations and making connections, etc. Like I said, I just find that whole concept fascinating. I am slowly but surely making my way through this book each day at work and I really enjoy it. It does make me wonder what I would be like if I suddenly came into large sums of money. I like to think that, after so many years of being a “have-not,” I would be able to keep sight of the experiences of my youth and would remain my regular old self and simply become slightly more extravagant. You never know, though. Like that Cyndi Lauper song says, “Money Changes Everything.” It is really fascinating to consider what life would be like on the “other side of the tracks.” I also managed to write my two new songs at work yesterday, which were both pretty decent. Neither was earth shattering or anything. They were both pop/dance songs and both kind of had really sexual undertones to them, which is not something I do TOO frequently. I kind of liked them but, like I said, they weren’t anything mind boggling or anything. I didn’t actually write anything until around 4:30pm, which is considerably later than usual. I normally like to get my writing done first thing in the morning but being my first day back after my vacation time, I spent most of the morning talking with my co-workers and telling them about the wedding, etc. It was a pretty laid back day at work, overall. One thing that did happen, though, was that my fellow evening worker randomly announced that today was his last day. No two week notice or anything, just a sudden, “Hey, I won’t be back tomorrow.” Although I easily could have, I did not allow myself to get overly concerned about it. I decided to just put my faith in the fact that my sister and the rest of our management team would find a way to make it work so I wouldn’t be there alone every evening. As it turns out, thanks to the flexibility of a few of my other co-workers, they did manage to get that done. I really appreciated it, too, because while we haven’t really been busy enough for it to be a major problem it could easily add up to me being stuck there with calls holding every evening, which is not something that I, or my team lead who would be stuck there as well, would really want.

I managed to get out of work on time and so did my sister’s girlfriend, which meant that we were able to make it to my piano lesson slightly early, which is not something that I have been able to do in several weeks. Of course, it would happen that on the day that I made it there early, Viktor would be stuck in another lesson about 15 minutes late. I didn’t go in until 6:45pm but my lesson lasted until 7:30pm. It was a good lesson and Viktor had already assumed I wouldn’t have practiced much so it wasn’t an issue. One thing that was a slight issue, though, was the fact that we began discussing my home keyboard and the fact that it’s keys are not weighted. He began telling me that he felt like I really needed to have a piano but said he wouldn’t recommend buying one. He did state, though, that I should look into getting a keyboard with the full set of keys and with keys that are weighted because he said I wasn’t developing habits as far as hitting the keys properly. I’m just not sure if that’s something I can afford right now. It sucks but I am not exactly in a financial situation where I can manage to go out and buy one of the top-of-the-line, professional keyboards. I suppose if I could manage to save up some money I could get that done but history has shown that I am not great when it comes to saving money. We’ll see, I suppose. It just sucks because I don’t want my keyboard to hold back my progress but up to this point it never seemed like it was. That whole thing was kind of out of left field for me and just added another bit of stress to me in this whole process of learning piano. Viktor said he would look into it and see if he could come up with something that was affordable and of the quality that I need. He kept saying that I “deserve” to have a better piano/keyboard to work with, which I agree with, but I don’t know how realistic a concept it is at this point in time. We’ll see.

After my lesson, my Mom and I went to dinner at Sonny’s Barbecue and didn’t wind up getting home until after 10pm, so when we did get home it was pretty much immediately time to take a pill and get ready for bed. The pill I took didn’t take long at all to kick in and I managed to fall asleep writing this blog. Then I woke up at 6:30am, a whole half hour later than my alarm, and am now kind of rushing because it is 7:30am and I need to be getting into the bathroom to get myself dressed and all made up for the day. This means it is a day to go simple with the makeup and such. So, I’d better go get to it. Have a great day! I know I intend to!