Chapter 222: My Heart Beats For Love

Okay, so let me begin by saying that I understand that this blog has kind of sucked for the past four or five days. It just hasn’t been a good time for me. I’m sure anybody who follows can understand that. Death is a strange thing for me. I have had family members and such die in the past but it has almost always been people who I didn’t have a whole lot of connection to or those cases where you knew it was coming. My Uncle is not either of those. In spite of the fact that we have always lived a little ways apart and never spent the most time together, I always felt a really strong connection with my Uncle Bruce, as well as my Uncle Glenn and Aunt JoAnn. My feelings about my Mom’s siblings have always been very different from those for my father’s siblings. I have nothing but positive memories of all of them. My Uncle Glenn has always been the one I felt the closest to, and my Aunt JoAnn is a fierce diva, so of course I have always felt an immense amount of respect and admiration for her. My Uncle Bruce, though, was the funnyman. All my life, in spite of all the things my family may not have been, we have always been a very funny family. My brother, sister and I, as well as my Mom, have never had any trouble finding something to laugh at in life and the thing that stands out the most about my memories of my time with my immediate family is a lot of laughter. That also extends to my Mom’s siblings and my Grandma on her side, as well. Any time I think of our time with them over the years, I think of having a lot of fun and laughing a lot. My Dad’s side, however, are not especially funny people. My Dad is funny and his brother, Bill, is hilarious but I never thought of the rest of his side of the family as being very funny at all. I don’t have a ton of memories of laughing with them. Still, my Mom’s brother Bruce was always the funniest one. Where the rest of us are that every day type of funny, more quick-witted than genuinely funny, my Uncle Bruce always felt like a real comedian. Even recently, I could always tell when my Mom was on the phone with him or something because you would barely hear her talking but laughing the entire time. I always felt like I got my humor from my Uncle Bruce. I mean, I feel like in relation to my Mom’s siblings, my sister is probably the most like Bruce, my brother is more like my Uncle Glenn and I would be more like my Aunt JoAnn. Still, I have always felt a really strong connection to all three of them. It is just so strange and I still haven’t really adjusted to the fact that there are only two of them now. Still, I know that my Uncle Bruce was in a lot of pain that I wasn’t even entirely aware of in his last days and that is no longer the case. I’m not entirely sure what I believe happens after we die but I know that, whatever it is, it’s got to be better than this. If there is a heaven, I don’t doubt for a second that it is where my Uncle Bruce has wound up. He was a great man and it is a shame that he is gone from this world. I definitely feel like the world has gotten a little less funny without him in it.

So, as I mentioned in yesterday’s trainwreck of a video blog, I have been on what I have dubbed “the multimedia distraction train.” This is essentially my way of keeping myself distracted from dwelling on any of my concerns about anything in life right now by immersing myself in different forms of media – music, movies, TV, podcasts, etc. It has worked out relatively well, I think. It worked better yesterday than it did today. Of course, today was my day off so I had less day-to-day stuff, like work, to distract me. Still, I did a pretty good job of remaining cool, calm and collected today. I woke up at 11:30am and made myself some chicken and waffles for breakfast. I’m not sure why exactly but I developed this strange craving for waffles recently. It’s very unusual because I normally don’t care for carbs for breakfast – pancakes, toast, waffles, muffins, etc., - but for some reason I have been eating them all recently and really wanted some waffles. I mentioned this to my Mom before she headed out to California and she picked some up while grocery shopping. So, this morning I ate some leftover fried chicken with waffles. For anybody who wasn’t familiar with this combination before, it is AMAZING. They go really well together. I sat down with my chicken and waffles and attempted to complete editing last night’s video blog but it was kind of a mess. It still is kind of a mess but I improved it a little bit from what it was initially. Then I went into the living room and watched today’s episode of “The View,” which was a bit of a hot mess. It was good but the guest was Kathy Griffin, one of my favorite comediennes. It is always hilarious when she goes on “The View” because she is a troublemaker and likes to talk shit, which always causes a little bit of an issue for the co-hosts. Today was especially good because Elizabeth Hasselbeck decided to try to get confrontational with Kathy and shit got REALLY awkward. Elizabeth said something along the lines of, “Well, you’ve said thing about some of the people on this show that were untrue and just not very funny.” Kathy was like, “Oh, I live for moments like this, bring it on.” The other co-hosts tried to intervene and change the subject but Kathy was like, “Well, is there anything else that Elizabeth needs to say?” They cut off the segment so quickly it wasn’t even funny. I LOVE when shit like that happens on “The View.” It is the best part of the entire show.

I did a little text messaging back and forth with a few friends of mine today trying to set up a little dinner party for this weekend but it seems like everybody is unavailable this weekend. I am thinking of trying to set it up for next weekend now because I don’t want to let as much time go by before I see my friends again like I did last time. It was actually a couple of months between times that I saw Whitney or Nate. I don’t like that. After seeing all of my family for the wedding and deciding that I need to make a point to try to spend more time with them than I usually do, I kind of thought about it and decided that there’s no reason I shouldn’t do the same thing with my friends. Friends are like the family that you have chosen for yourself, (although I believe your family is, as well,) and you have to put in just as much effort to keep up with them in order to maintain happy and healthy relationships. So, that is what I am going to do from now. I am at least going to try my best. A dinner party seems like a good way to get started with that! Speaking of a dinner party, I have been thinking a lot about my birthday party. My birthday is just a month and a few days away. Since my birthday is on a Monday, I will be throwing the party the weekend before and I am trying to come up with ideas for what to do for it. There are two main ideas that I am tossing around for this – either a 60s-themed party at home, with jazz and cigars and a little bar set up in the house, like in the opening sequence of that movie “Blast From The Past.” My other concept was inspired by this book I have been reading, “Don’t Stop Believing: How Karaoke Conquered The World & Changed My Life.” In this book, the author discusses these things they have in many bigger cities, like New York, as well as all over Japan, called K-boxes. A k-box is basically a place where you can rent a private room with karaoke equipment set up in it that you operate yourself. It is basically a place where you run your own karaoke show. I was telling my sister how much I loved the idea of that and how much I would really like to go to a place like that when she told me that there is a place that does that right here in town. So, I was thinking of just renting one of those rooms and doing a karaoke party for my birthday. I haven’t done karaoke in a while and reading this book is really kind of making me feel the itch again. Plus, the room isn’t all that expensive - $10 per person. If I could get a couple of people to pitch in, I could easily set that up and have a really good time with it. Plus, I have a lot of friends who could make a private karaoke room a lot of fun. I am kind of leaning towards that idea but I’m not sure yet. I’ve still got about a month to decide, so we’ll see.

I also thought of doing a different kind of 60s themed party, based around the film “The Valley Of The Dolls,” which I watched earlier today. I really loved this film. This was my first Netflix mailer, which I only mention because I just signed up on Sunday and already received my first DVD today. That was pretty handy. Anyway, for those who don’t know, “The Valley Of The Dolls,” is the story of three young women in New York City and, eventually, Hollywood, who manage to make a name for themselves only to be brought down by their addiction to “Dolls,” which are little red prescription pills that they all take to help them sleep. This film was released in 1967 and is really hardcore for it’s time. It also features some really great musical numbers from the fierce bitch lead character, Neely O’Hara, played by Patty Duke. The only thing I had known of Patty Duke before was “The Patty Duke Show.” Silly as it sounds, I wasn’t aware that she had done any work beyond that. Looking on her Wikipedia page, though, I see that was a pretty ridiculous idea. Like I said, she is a fierce bitch as Neely O’Hara and has a gorgeous voice that I never knew about, either. The other two female leads, played by Barbara Parkins and Sharon Tate, were also brilliant but there was just something about Neely that I could relate to a lot. She was a mess throughout most of the film and was the one who kind of had the biggest problem with the “Dolls.” Her final scene in the film, where she is screaming outside of the empty theatre for all the friends she had betrayed, was just brilliant. When I say brilliant, of course, what I mean is really over the top and campy and hilarious and just... brilliant. Her entire performance in the film was like that. As a matter of fact, the entire film was like that. I loved every minute of it. It also really inspired me, as far as makeup goes, and I found a gorgeous look on the character Anne Wells, played by Barbara Parkins, that I am going to try for work tomorrow. It’s a pretty basic nude and soft gray look, with very overstated, winged-out black liner. It’s gorgeous and should be a lot of fun to recreate.

Aside from that, I watched last night’s episode of my new guilty pleasure show, “The Bachelorette,” which was pretty bland. That entire series is bland. I don’t know why I keep watching it. Aside from TV and movies, I also took in a little music today. First of all, last night a moment that I have been waiting a very long time for finally arrived: Scissor Sisters new album, “Night Work,” leaked to the Internet. My dear friend, Richie, posted a link to it on my Facebook and I, of course, downloaded it immediately. This was yesterday evening. I still haven’t listened to it. I have added it to my iPod and such but still haven’t actually listened to it. There are two reasons for this one being that my Mom isn’t here to listen to it with me. As much as I love Scissor Sisters, I think my Mom may love them even more. I took her with me to see them in concert and she really fell in love with them. So, when their second album leaked I waited until she got home from work that day and we sat and listened to it together. It only seems right to wait for her to listen to this one, as well. Of course, it’s a little different this time because she won’t be home in a few hours or anything. It’s still going to be four days before she gets back. I am not committing myself to wait until she gets back but I am at least going to try to wait. Aside from that, I never really had a moment today where I could sit down and give it my undivided attention. Whether I am alone or with my Mom, I definitely don’t want to listen to it until I am truly focused on it and it alone. The second reason I haven’t listened to it yet is because I am a little nervous about it. As I have discussed a bit in the blog before, both of the previous Scissor Sisters are in my top five favorite albums of all-time. I absolutely LOVE this band but it has been quite a while since they have released anything new and I have changed a lot in that time. I am a little concerned that I may listen to this one and not be as affected by it as I was by their first two records. I don’t like that idea. Based on the first single from this record, “Fire With Fire,” I doubt that will be the case. Still, I am concerned that I may have built this third record up so much in my head that I am destined to be disappointed. It also doesn’t help that music has been kind of disappointing for me recently. As much as I don’t think it’s as terrible as people online are making it out to be, I was disappointed with the new Christina Aguilera record. That was one of the albums I was most looking forward to this summer and, while it has some really great tracks on it, I was definitely underwhelmed, in comparison to her previous records. Then there’s the new Miley Cyrus record, which leaked today. Well, all but two tracks from the album leaked today. After the first single from the album, “Can’t Be Tamed,” I wasn’t entire sure what to expect. I like the song “Can’t Be Tamed,” but I wasn’t really blown away by it and was hoping that the sound of it wasn’t the direction the entire album was going to take. Unfortunately, that did turn out to be the direction for the rest of the record. It very much feels like a pop record from 1998-2002, from artists like Britney Spear and Nsync. Don’t get me wrong, I loved those records but I feel like they are best left to that time frame and only pulled out for nostalgia purposes nowadays. For that reason, a lot of the songs on this record sound very dated, including “Can’t Be Tamed.” Of the 10 songs that have leaked, there are really only 4 that I genuinely like and a fifth that is a little bit of a guilty pleasure for me. The first track that I really like is called “Two More Lonely People,” which is one of those forlorn breakup songs but with a really cool dance/pop/rock vibe, reminiscent of something from Paris Hilton’s highly-underrated album, (in my opinion,) from a few years ago. The same can be said of “Permanent December,” which is another song that I really liked. Then there is a song called “Stay,” which is one of the two ballads on the record, and is a really gorgeous song. My favorite track, though, is the album’s closing track, called “My Heart Beats For Love.” This is a big, sweeping mid-tempo track with a very large, almost world-music sounding beat. The lyrics on this song are very inspiring, though, and it is also the only track on the album that actually feels like a natural progression from the sound of her previous records. I think that is my main issue with this record – it feels very out of left field. I am not one of those people who complain about artists changing their sounds, no matter how drastic, but this change doesn’t feel organic at all. It just doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. Even when Jewel decided to go all dance/pop, as crazy as that seemed to a lot of people, I understood it and accepted it because her songwriting style didn’t really change. It was mainly a change in production style. With Miley’s new record, that is not the case. The songs don’t come across as Miley Cyrus songs at all. It is very weird. I was pretty disappointed with this record. One last thing, in reference to Miley Cyrus, that I do need to mention is that guilty pleasure song I mentioned before. On this record, Miley does a cover song that is so random that it winds up being kind of great – Poison’s “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn.” It’s hilarious because this song doesn’t really fit with the general mood or sound of the record at all and sticks out like a sore thumb. It is also strange because it is not a song that makes any sense at all for Miley to cover, based on the lyrical content. It’s just so random that she even did it. I really enjoy the cover, though, while recognizing that it isn’t actually very good. I enjoy it for all the wrong reasons, I suppose. Still, it is pretty out there and I love it.

It is after midnight now, though, and I have to be ready for work earlier than usual tomorrow so I should get to sleep. Since my Mom is in California and can’t take me to work in the morning, my sister is picking me up on her way to work. She goes in at 8am, so I have to be ready by like 7:45am and then get to go sit in the atrium at work until 8:30am. It’s not so bad and pretty well guarantees I won’t be late this week. That is a good thing. I will be really glad when my Mom gets back into town, though. I don’t necessarily mind being alone for a while but it is always much nicer to have her around. I’ll get by, though. I think I am going over to my sister’s house to hang out tomorrow night, which will be a good way to avoid another evening alone at home. I am also thinking of seeing if my friend Rachel may be available to hang out sometime this week, since I have broken plans with her for the past two weeks. I don’t know. I’ll get by, though. It’s only four more days, after all. For now, though, it is time for bed. Goodnight.