Chapter 335: Nothing Really

Okay, so there is not a whole lot to cover today but before I get to any of it I wanted to start by making one comment: HOLY SHIT, THIS IS BLOG 335. This means that I am officially 30 days from the very last post in “The Story Of One Year.” The final “chapter” of this story is only 30 days away. HOLY SHIT. My feelings about this are kind of complicated. As I have discussed in the blog previously, if this blog is supposed to be somewhat similar to telling an actual story, now is the time when I need to be figuring out and putting into place a proper ending. I am feeling quite a bit of pressure, admittedly coming from only myself, to make sure that it is a happy ending. I have a few different ideas of possible ways to sort that out – it’s just a matter of really pushing myself in directions that terrify me. Long stories – perhaps more on that later. In the meantime, though, the second reaction I have been having to the end of this blog, pretty much since the beginning of this blog, is a general feeling of “Well, what the hell happens after that?” I feel that way about a lot of different aspects of this blog ending – first being the whole concept of what I am going to create from this blog. The plan has always been to write a group of songs based on this blog and, eventually, get them recorded to create a record. This is still the plan, although it seems like a much LARGER project than I had ever imagined it to be before, especially considering the fact that I quit my piano lessons and still don’t know how to write music. Still, no matter how large a goal it is, it is a goal that I intend to fully throw myself into. We’ll see how that goes, though. Still, I can’t help but feel like there is more that needs to be done with this blog. Along the way I came up with all kinds of plans for offshoot projects from this blog, like my plans to make a short film, but none of them have ever really stuck. I am not sure what else can be done with the year that this blog is documenting – I suppose it really all comes down to how the story ends. Maybe I could write it as a screenplay? I don’t know what exactly I am going to do with it but I find the possibilities equal amounts exciting and intimidating. As I have recently determined, though, I am a person with a strong need for routine in my life and this blog has provided a type of routine I had never experienced before… and one I am not entirely willing to let go of.

This leads me to the announcement of my plans for after this blog ends. I definitely intend to take a week or two off from having a long-term project but then I will be coming back in full force with not one but two brand new blogs. The first blog will be called Beauty In The Mirror and, as the name implies, this will be my much-discussed beauty and fashion blog. The name of this blog comes from a quote inside one of my Stila palettes, (The Backstage Beauty palette, for those in the know,) from Stila’s HBIC, Sarah Lucero, which says, “Find inspiration on the runway, find beauty in the mirror.” The concept of this beauty blog, and the thing that will set this blog apart from all of the other beauty blogs out there, is that not only will it include makeup tutorials, product reviews and editorials on different trends in the world of fashion and beauty but it will have a strong focus on the beauty that we can all find in the mirror, including personal anecdotes, features on different celebrities who are an inspiration for different reasons and, my favorite part, interviews with various types of “every day” people about what makes them feel beautiful and giving their different beauty tips and such. This will also be a multimedia blog, including text, photographs, videos and, if I can figure out how to sort it all out, my very own podcast. The second as-yet-untitled blog will be more of a personal journal, along the same lines of this one, documenting the various goings on in my day-to-day life and such. Unlike this blog, however, neither of these will be daily blogs but neither will have a set time limit on them, either. So, it is kind of like keeping the routine but not entirely. It’s the best of both worlds, really, plus I love the idea of having the two separate blogs so I don’t have to always be talking about myself, which I am slowly beginning to realize that I do way too much of. So, I am extremely excited to begin both of these new projects!

As far as today goes, it was another day of feeling pretty much completely drained all day long. I am really keeping my fingers crossed that I will get a better night’s sleep tonight and will be able to wake up tomorrow feeling considerably more awake and ready to face the day than I have the rest of this week. One thing that is really exciting about tomorrow is the fact that tomorrow is the day that my Mom is FINALLY getting back into town! She will be at work tomorrow but I probably won’t actually get a chance to see her until she drives me home after work at 6pm. We won’t get a real chance to talk until she gets home at 8pm, by which time I am sure she will be completely exhausted. Still, I am excited that she is going to be back and I will get to spend a night in a house with somebody else in it finally. Aside from that, though, there isn’t really a whole lot to look forward to tomorrow. This week is National Customer Service week and, in honor of that, my job is doing a bunch of silly little things to celebrate, including making tomorrow “Professional Dress” day or some shit like that. What this means is that they want people to dress up in their “business best” tomorrow, like it’s some sort of costume and not the way we should actually be dressing every day. Of course, I can’t say too much about that because I don’t exactly dress the most professionally day-to-day either. Still, in keeping with company spirit or whatever, I intend to dress up tomorrow. The main reason that I have decided to take part in this whole thing, though, is because it gives me an opportunity to try out kind of a “business” makeup look – very nude and neutral, matte finishes and subtlety – all things that I don’t do all that often. It should make for a fun change for a day.

I am sitting here talking about tomorrow, though, when what I should really be discussing is today. The issue with that, though, is that nothing really happened today. Just a lot of dicking around and feeling exhausted at work. In fact, I should go ahead and end this blog here because I would really like to go ahead and get myself showered and shaved tonight. I am hoping that this will save me a little time in the morning and allow me a little extra time to wake up in the morning. I am just really trying to make sure that tomorrow, the last day of my workweek, doesn’t end up feeling like the rest of this week did. I am pretty determined to have at least one really good workday this week, and tomorrow is my last chance. So, I fully intend to do whatever I can to make sure it works out in my favor. As I have been writing this blog I have been listening to an old favorite album of mine, “The Orange Album” by the now defunct band, Stefy, and there is this song called “Nothing Really,” that closes out the album. The reason I bring this up is because this song really stood out to me this evening. The chorus of this song says, “I don’t want the world to change, the world’s not mine to change, I can’t change the world, I don’t want the world to change, the world’s not mine, it’s nothing really.” This song stood out to me in particular as I was writing about my desire to have a good day tomorrow – essentially, what I am asking is for the world to change, if only in a very small way. I just remember how much I could relate to this song back when I first heard this album 3 or 4 years ago and it struck me as funny because listening to it now I completely disagree with it. I DO want the world to change, and the world IS mine to change. The world that I live in, the world that surrounds me, regardless of what anyone might say, absolutely belongs to me. It is all mine, every single aspect of it, and mine alone. It is all of yours, as well, and it is yours to change. Every single one of us creates the world that we live in and have the power to change any aspect of it that we are not happy with – therefore, I am going to have a good day tomorrow. I am going to have a lot more good days moving forward. Stefy was wrong when they said, “It’s nothing really.” It is absolutely everything… and, on that note, I am off to take a shower. Goodnight.