Chapter 140: Wind & The Mountain

Today I spent pretty much the entire day feeling worn out. As I went through all of the actions of the day I just felt really exhausted and like everything took so much more effort than it normally would. Don’t worry about me, though, I am not getting sick again or anything. It all started last night. I finished last night’s blog at something like 12:45am, which is later than usual but nothing major. I was in bed a few minutes later. In bed, instead of music as usual, I turned on the "Comedy Death Ray Radio" podcast, which featured Sarah Silverman and Andy Richter alongside the usual host Scott Aukerman, and figured it would be okay to get a few laughs as I tried to fall asleep. I’m not sure if it was this podcast, which was absolutely hilarious, or something else but for one reason or another I just couldn’t fall asleep. After this hour-long podcast ended and I was still pretty wide awake, I put on some music and lied in bed trying to force myself to sleep. It had to be well after 2:30am before I did fall asleep. For this reason, at 7:30am when my alarm went off, I wasn’t quite ready to get out of bed. My Mom and I recently discussed cutting back on working out to only Monday, Wednesday and Friday since we keep missing doing it so often but we hadn’t made any official decision on that matter. This morning, however, that decision was made for this week. I didn’t get out of bed until around 8:15am. It’s like Liz Phair says in her song, “Wind & The Mountain,” “You lose your way, You’ve got to land, You’ve got to make another plan, but sometimes I am too tired.” That was exactly how I felt this morning. I quickly ate a bowl of cereal, smoked a cigarette and drank a cup of coffee and was in the shower by 8:30am. After the shower I did hair and makeup and got dressed. I decided to finally try wearing my first piece of genuine couture, my lavender John Galliano shirt, and no matter how tired I felt, I also felt pretty gorgeous. The shirt is in my size but in this super stretchy fabric, designed for things to be skin-tight. Was it ever skin-tight! It looked really good, though, I think. It was definitely something different for me; different and beautiful. I absolutely loved it!

When I got to work I found that my sister was not there. I wasn’t sure why exactly, but she wound up coming in a little while after me. I found out later that my team lead, who normally works 9:30am-6pm along with me, had some sort of appointment this evening and needed to switch with my sister. So, my sister was working the late shift with me today, which was a pretty nice change and also meant that I had a ride home if I wound up on the phone late or something that would prevent my Mom from bringing me home on her break. This was cool. As it turned out, my sister also wound up taking lunch at the same time that I did and we got to talk a bit more than we usually do during the workday. My Mom also got to take a 15 minute break while we were on lunch so all three of us got to hang out for part of our lunch break, which was fun. The main topic of conversation was my brother and his upcoming wedding. My sister made some joking comment about how she wasn’t sure if she should feel offended that she wasn’t asked to be best man. She was joking, although I’m sure there was a little bit of truth to the statement. I’ve always felt like she and my brother were closer growing up and such than I ever was with my brother and wouldn’t have been surprised if she had been asked to be best man. I think they’ve been less close in their adult life than my brother and I have been, though. I would probably make my sister best man if I were to get married. Actually, that isn’t true. I would ask my best friend, Don, to be my best man. I would ask my sister to give me away because she has been more of a father figure to me throughout my life than anybody else has. It’s kind of silly, but all this talk about my brother’s wedding has had me thinking a lot about weddings myself. Of course, I am years and years away from having to actually think about a wedding for many, many reasons. First of all, it isn’t legal at this point. It’s terrible, but it is a fact of life right now – I do not have the legal right to be married. I don’t really have the desire to be married at this point in my life, either, but the fact that it isn’t an option for me, and for so many other people who really do want to get married, is a terrible injustice in this world. Then there is also the fact that I am not even dating at this point, let alone dating seriously enough to consider marriage. Still, I have been finding myself getting a little caught up in thinking about how I would plan my own wedding, were I to ever get married. I wouldn’t want anything TOO big, in terms of guests or anything, but I would want something completely over-the-top and fun. I wouldn’t want to wear a tuxedo, but I would definitely want to dress it up – maybe in a suit by Tom Ford, with one of his signature offbeat patterns. I would want a lot of music involved, although nothing as cheesy as singing your vows or anything, unless maybe it were a song I wrote myself. I would want to walk down the aisle to something contemporary and meaningful to us as a couple, as opposed to the old school wedding march piece. I would want to have a mixed gender group of groomsmen/bridesmaids. I would want to wear a lot of makeup and glitter and maybe a tiara with my suit. I should stop talking about this. It’s getting a little creepy for me.

The workday felt like it took forever to end. Once it did, I had to wait at work for about 45 minutes while my sister waited for the last person to get off the phone. We just kind of sat there talking about random stuff. My sister, during this time, managed to kind of talk me out of the Blackberry Curve that I have been wanting and into a Palm Pixi, which is adorable, has a touchscreen and a really amazing operating system that allows for multiple applications to run at once and simple movement between them, which is something that my current phone is seriously lacking. Don’t get me wrong, my HTC Touch Diamond has served me very well, but I would be able to get this Palm Pixi for about $50 with deals Sprint is offering, which is much cheaper than the Blackberry and a LOT cheaper than what I paid for my current phone. I really think I may wind up doing it next month with my “free check.” I watched a bunch of video demonstrations of this phone when I got home and kind of fell in love with it. The rest of the evening, once I got home, was very relaxed. I sat around and watched “Chelsea Lately” and “The View” episodes from the past few days on the DVR. I also filmed a little mini-segment for my YouTube show, which I am still really excited about. Like I keep saying on here, I really cannot wait to get this finished and posted up for everybody to see! I really think it is going to be a lot of fun to watch. It has been really fun to put together so far and I can’t wait to see the end result. More than that, though, I can’t wait for everybody else to see the end result – It is going to be so much fun! I actually intend to spend a good chunk of time this weekend finishing up filming and editing the video and hopefully have it posted up on YouTube by Monday morning. My Mom is going to be out of town this weekend and I haven’t made any plans, so hopefully I will be able to manage some major productivity during that time. I also intend to spend a good chunk of the weekend catching up on all the new TV shows from this week that I have missed. My main focus, though, will be on the show that really matters – MY show! It’s also kind of exciting because once I get the first one done, I will kind of immediately have to start working on the second one in order to have it up by the following week. Despite the fact that I haven’t finished the first video, I am already thinking up ideas for the second episode. It is going to be awesome. I am sure of it!

For now, though, it is 12:42am and, despite the fact that this blog is considerably shorter than usual, I really should be getting to bed. I downloaded another episode of the “Comedy Death Ray Radio” podcast featuring Sarah Silverman, as well as the podcast “The Nerdist,” from G4 personality and frequent “Chelsea Lately” roundtable guest, Chris Hardwick. It would probably be a better idea to try going to bed listening to some music, as that is less likely to keep me awake. Maybe I will skip the podcasts and listen to some Liz Phair – she is my second favorite artist of all-time and a true genius in terms of creative songwriting, in my opinion. She is another one of those artists whose music I can always find answers in. What is the answer tonight? “I will raise my hands and say I don’t understand, but there are days when I am too tired.” Goodnight.