Chapter 125: Sweet Surrender

Today. Today was a pretty good day, I’d say. I woke up at 7:30am when my alarm went off, but didn’t actually get out of bed until around 7:55am, and then laid on the couch for about 10 minutes before actually getting up to do anything. I’m not sure what it is, but the past two days I have had trouble waking up and trouble getting motivated to move once I did wake up. I’m not sure what the reason for this is, but I don’t like it one bit. I am guessing, of anything being done differently the past few days, it may be the fact that for the past two nights before bed I have taken both Benadryl and this cough syrup my Mom got prescribed that has codeine in it. Both of these things have active ingredients that are meant to knock you out, so I think maybe it’s been too much. Fortunately, my cough is considerably better than it has been recently so tonight I decided not to take the cough syrup. We’ll see if that winds up helping at all. Today was the day my Mom and I had decided on to skip the workout this week and so she left the house around 8am to go get her oil changed and I stayed here and dicked around on the computer for a little while listening to the Alexz Johnson album again, (since downloading it yesterday after work I have listened to the album in full 6 times, and listened to individual tracks a bunch of other times.) I had a Hot Pocket for breakfast and smoked and drank coffee a little longer than I usually do. That idea I mentioned last night of allowing myself a little more time to shower and get ready for the day didn’t end up happening and once I finished doing hair and makeup it was already after 9:20am. I had to rush really fast to finish up my last minute things, like putting on shoes and accessories and filling my spill-proof cup for work. We made it out the door by 9:27am, which is about 5 minutes later than usual, and still managed to get clocked in at work just under our 7-minute window before we get an issue for being late. Despite being rushed, I felt pretty decent when I got to work. I wore my new pink “heather” Old Navy polo I bought over the weekend with a pair of blue jeans and did a cool pink/bronze/brown makeup look today that I really liked. I felt like I was looking pretty good and was dressed well for my first music lesson this evening.

I had a few minor thoughts of “What if something goes wrong again?” but I made sure not to dwell on any of those thoughts and to be as dismissive of them as possible. More than anything, I was really excited for the lesson, though. I spent a good deal of the day imagining what it was going to be like – what my instructor would be like and what types of things we would cover tonight, etc. I imagined my instructor would be a kind of jolly, older Italian man – I have no idea why Italian, but it was the vision in my head. I think it may have been because of his name, Viktor, even though it isn’t a particularly Italian name by any means I figured he would be friendly but not TOO friendly and one of those wise old guys who is very set in his ways and kind of giggles knowingly to himself at my “young person” way of looking at the world. I wasn’t really sure what we would go over, but I figured we’d start talking about chords and I’d impress him by knowing all of the major ones already. I had this very fatherly image of this Viktor, my piano instructor, and was really excited to see whether or not I was right. First, I had 8 hours of work to get through, though. I was kind of expecting today to pass really quickly like Monday did. I had kind of attributed Monday’s quick passing to the fact that I was so excited and nervous about my piano lesson that night. That must not have been the case, though, because I felt the same way about my music lesson today but the day still felt really long. One of my co-workers was really working my last nerve today, and a couple of others were helping with it, as well. I spent much of the day drawing again. The only thing of note that I drew was a really cool looking mermaid. I am kind of brainstorming a mermaid themed design for a t-shirt, but I’m not entirely sure where it will wind up going. I did love the look of my mermaid, though. I’ll probably end up working on that a bit more tomorrow. As far as my co-workers go, it really seems sometimes like they get bored and decide to perpetuate a bit of drama amongst the team. I have been putting a lot of effort into not allowing myself to get involved or even be aware of that drama recently. It doesn’t always work out, but I think I did a really good job of it today without completely alienating myself from the rest of the team. My mind just wasn’t there at work at all today – instead it was at my music lesson, with my old, kind and wise Italian piano instructor. I had Subway for lunch that my sister bought me, which was really good because I was feeling really hungry at lunchtime today. I even got to spend the first portion of my lunch with my Mom, which is always nice and has been happening a lot lately. All in all, though, it was a pretty bland day at work and I couldn’t have been happier to see it end.

When I got out of work, just a few minutes after 6pm, my sister was already downstairs waiting for me. We had a good talk on the way to the Allegro Music Academy, discussing different work issues and listening to this random radio show that she likes, that I heard on Monday, as well. It was kind of nice to get a little extra time outside of work with my sister, especially after the day at work because she seemed really annoyed and in a bad mood all day. I was never clear on why exactly, even after talking to her on the ride to my piano lesson. The only impression I could get from her was that the people creating drama at work was getting on her nerves just as much as it was getting on anybody else’s. I haven’t talked to my sister much yet about future music lessons, but I am really hoping she will be willing to help me out by driving me regularly. Otherwise, I’m not really sure how I will manage to get there each week. Fortunately, I’m pretty sure she won’t be too against it – she has been really supportive of me in my quest for music lessons. She was telling me that her girlfriend just rolled her eyes when she told her about them, which I found a little annoying. At the same time, though, what her girlfriend thinks about it doesn’t really matter to me. What anybody thinks about it doesn’t really matter to me. I am taking the first steps on what I have always known would be my life’s main journey and I don’t care what any naysayers have to say about it. Anybody who doubts me is just going to be proven wrong in the end – I know it. Like I said, I am taking the very steps on my life’s main journey and I am not going to allow anything to discourage me or stand in my way. I have a lot of dreams in life, but if music is the only one that I can make come true it will be more than enough. It is my life’s ultimate goal and it is more than enough to make my life the greatest one I could possibly live.

When I arrived at the Allegro Academy, I walked in and was immediately greeted by name by the girl at the front desk. When I met her on Monday, I immediately felt really good vibes from her and found her to be really sweet and friendly. I got the same thing from her this time, as well. First thing when I got there she asked me if she had explained their payment process last time I was there, which she had. She explained again that they take payment at the beginning of the month for the rest of that month’s lessons. I had already prepared for this. Unfortunately, what I had forgotten to factor in was the fact that there is also a $30 annual registration fee. I also didn’t realize that my first lesson was NOT actually free, like the impression I had gotten based on my initial phone conversation with them. I’m not sure what happened with that exactly, but when getting money from the bank that was not factored in, either. All of this meant that I suddenly didn’t have enough money. So, in order to make sure that I had enough cash to pay for this month I decided to do 30-minute lessons, instead of 45. Even with that, I still didn’t have quite enough to cover payment for 4 lessons and the $30 registration fee. I explained to the girl at the front desk that I had neglected to take out enough to cover the lessons and the registration fee and she said it would be perfectly fine for me to pay that fee next week when I come in. With that settled she told me that my instructor, Viktor, was actually there this time and would be out in just a moment. So, I just kind of stood there, looking around at the various advertisements that were sitting on the counter and such.

As I was standing there, I saw a little girl come out from the back and an attractive man probably only a year or two older than I am following behind her and asking where her parents were. She said they were on their way and he was very sweet with her and told her to stay right there in the lobby until they got there, then went over to the girl at the counter and told her to keep an eye on the girl. I noticed he had a pretty strong accent, but I couldn’t really make out where it was from. In any sense, he was gorgeous and just had a really cool, positive vibe in the way he moved and spoke and handled the little girl. I didn’t know who he was, but was totally checking him out. Then he turned to me, looked me straight in the eyes and said, “You must be Jason. I’m Viktor.” This was my piano instructor – a far cry from the wise older gentleman I had envisioned in my head all day. I was a little taken aback that this gorgeous man was my piano instructor. I was already envisioning us making sweet, passionate love for hours at a time. Then I had the thought that this could be a bad thing. This could be a distraction from my lessons and, at this point in my life I really need to be focused. Still, I figured it would be worth a shot. He told me to go to his room and wait for him, so I did. When I got to his room I found a two chairs and a piano bench in front of the piano. I sat down in one of the chairs because I figured we would mainly be talking today and not doing so much with the piano itself yet. When he came in he gave me a funny look and told me to get on the piano bench. He told me to tell him about myself and I gave him some basic information, like how old I am and what I do for work and such. He asked me what I was doing there. I told him that my goal is to learn to actually write music, which he seemed really into. He said he doesn’t get to teach that very often and was kind of excited about it. He asked me what type of music I want to write and I sat and thought for a minute, then rattled off a couple of names – Sarah McLachlan and Alanis Morissette. He told me he was from Europe and Sarah McLachlan is really huge over there. He kind of rambled on about Sarah McLachlan for a little bit, which I thought was adorable. Then he told me to get up because he needed me to be sitting right. Apparently, I was sitting too far to the back of the bench and didn’t have my legs in a good position to work with the foot pedals. Once I was sitting in the right position on the bench, he grabbed my leg at the back of the knee and placed it in the position he wanted in. It seemed odd, but I was okay with it. He was very touchy-feely throughout the entire lesson, often just placing his hand on top of mine when it was just in a relaxed position not doing anything at the piano. That seemed a little odd, as well, but I was okay with this, too. As I’ve mentioned previously, I am not one of those people who thinks that everybody is flirting with them, and I don’t really think he was flirting with me, but he seemed to have a very flirtatious manner. I really liked that because it kind of put me much more at ease right off the bat. Most of today’s lesson was spent identifying notes and learning how to write them on sheet music, which was a very good thing for me because I know a little bit more of the hands on stuff than I do about how to actually read or write music. For example, when he’d mention a note by name I could immediately find it on the piano, but I wouldn’t know how to write it down on a blank page of sheet music. He also told me that he wanted me to get a notebook of blank sheet music before my next lesson, as I will need it moving forward. I am not sure where to find one of those, but I would assume I could go to Sam Ash or any other music store to find that. He also taught me about the right position to hold my finger in while pressing the keys and we drew up a little graph of how many beats each type of written note should last for. It was really cool. He also told me that I had beautiful hands, which I thought was interesting. I said thank you and he said, “No, it’s not a compliment for you, it’s for your mother and father – they’re the ones who made them.” I thought that was adorable and it made me smile a bit. It was just really interesting how well he and I vibed on each other – we kind of clicked immediately. I think he was really into the fact that he wasn’t teaching a child and could say “Shit!” when he screwed something up, which he did say a time or two during the lesson. It was a really great lesson and I cannot wait for the next one. The one complaint I have, though, is that 30 minutes did seem to pass really quickly. I do feel like I learned quite a bit during those 30 minutes, but I also feel like it would be much better to take 45 minutes. I am already thinking that perhaps when next month comes I will upgrade to 45-minute lessons, and actually be prepared to pay for them upfront. Either way, I was feeling kind of high on life when my lesson ended.

Of course, it was only 7pm and I wouldn’t have a ride until my Mom got off at 8pm. I remembered recently seeing a Latitudes Café just down the street from this place, so I decided that it could be cool to walk down there and spend the time waiting for my Mom there, with a cup of coffee and an open mind. Unfortunately, when I got there I found that they were closed – not just closed for the evening, but shut down completely. So, I turned around and walked back. There was a 7-11 between the Allegro Academy and the empty shell of the Latitudes Café, so I decided to stop there for a cup of coffee instead. I got coffee and a new Milky Way Simply Caramel candy bar, which was delicious, and sat in a covered bus bench, dicking around online from my phone. The time between my lesson and my Mom showing up actually passed really quickly. The weather was very warm today and so it felt really good outside tonight – there was a breeze keeping things cool, but not cold like it has been so much lately. I actually really enjoyed this hour or so of just hanging out on the street side. I saw a group of guys screaming at each other from opposite sides of the highway and eventually going out into the middle of the street and freaking out a bunch of drives in oncoming traffic. I saw a lot of different cars and buses and such passing by. I sat under streetlights and just kind of enjoyed being out of my normal element. It was pretty nice. Of course, by the time my Mom got there I was ready to get away from it all. I played the Alexz Johnson album, or most of it, for my Mom while we drove. Neither of us felt like cooking at this point, so we went to Taco Bell to get dinner. I told her all about my lesson and she talked to me about her oil change and how her boyfriend was pissing her off. We just had a nice talk about our days all the way home. Then we watched “American Idol,” and ate our dinner. It was a pretty good day, overall. I enjoyed it and, most of all, I felt really proud of myself for taking the first steps towards realizing my life’s ultimate goal. I feel kind of silly now for having been concerned about whether or not I would gel with my instructor or if it would go well or whatever – I should have known how it would go. The Universe is working in my favor, after all, and it has yet to steer me wrong. Everything is going to work out perfectly for me. I just know it. For now, though, it is 12:37am and I am not skipping my workout tomorrow, so I should probably get to bed.