Chapter 123: Pick U Up

I have been in a very odd mood lately – a good mood, but an odd mood. There’s this song that I have been obsessed with lately that I really feel like has been a really good reflection of my mood. The song is from my favorite album of 2009, Adam Lambert’s “For Your Entertainment,” and it is called “Pick U Up.” It is a really gorgeous song, with a bit of a classic rock vibe but with some electronic and dance elements mixed in to keep it current and fun. Lyrically, though, this is basically a song about finding somebody to love, and it really captures that amazing feeling you get when you’re starting to get involved with somebody and you just feel like, “Maybe this is it. Maybe this is what I’ve been waiting for. Maybe this is the one.” Clearly, that is not a feeling that I am having right now, but it is a feeling that I am looking for and I feel like listening to this song as often as I have been is really kind of putting me in that place and letting me feel those feelings of excitement and fear and joy that come along with that type of experience. “The Science Of Getting Rich,” “The Secret,” and various other books I have read all emphasize the importance of putting yourself in the place where you want to be, visualizing it and really feeling the feelings that you would feel once you have gotten the thing that you want. So, this song has really been helping me in that whole process. It is strange for me, though, because I have become so used to automatically reacting to feelings like loneliness or longing for companionship negatively that I think I forgot how to look at them as a good thing. I have forgotten how to look at LOVE as a good thing, I think. I am beginning to remember it well, though. I don’t know exactly what my goal is with this whole thing, but I feel really strongly that I need to be looking out for somebody – there is a man on his way to me. I’m not entirely sure of how long he’ll stick around or exactly what purpose he will serve while he is with me, but I know that he is coming and he is going to make a change in my life. In the meantime, I am keeping my eyes open.

This day started off really well. I woke up at 7:30am, brushed my teeth, washed my face, smoked and drank coffee, then worked out. This morning we worked out to Kylie Minogue’s most recent record, “X,” which wasn’t as good of a workout motivator as “Fever” was, but definitely still got the job done for me. I could tell my Mom wasn’t really feeling it, though. I’m already thinking that tomorrow maybe we’ll try working with the Adam Lambert record again – we both really got into working out to that one before. Plus, as I mentioned before, it IS my favorite record of 2009. Speaking of Adam Lambert, he put on the most glorious performance at the Gay Mardi Gras in Sydney this past weekend, complete with a very large, sparkling codpiece, a leather harness and skintight latex pants. It was all a very stunning display and I loved every moment of it. I highly recommended typing “Adam Lambert Sydney Mardi Gras” into Google or YouTube – it is definitely worth seeing. This performance also displayed something I had never really noticed before – Adam Lambert has a smoking hot body! I have always adored him and thought he was really sexy and gorgeous, but I never realized all that he was working with under his clothes. I bring this up not only because, well, it’s hot, but because his body is kind of the body that I would like to have eventually. It’s trim but not overly thin, he doesn’t have a whole lot of ass, (which, sadly, I don’t either,) but it appears firm and has a little bit of thickness to it, and it is muscular enough, but still has it’s share of soft spots. Right now, I am strictly focused on losing pant sizes, but once I have achieved that goal I don’t intend to just stop there. I have decided, after seeing that performance, that a body like Adam Lambert’s is my goal. Let’s face it, being like Adam Lambert in a lot of different ways is my goal… but not exactly. I am just very inspired by him, his look and his music. I think he is completely brilliant. I don’t want to be a carbon copy of him or anything, but I certainly draw a lot of inspiration from him.

After the workout this morning, I ate a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and then got dressed and ready for work. Today, since I was not just dressing for work but for my first music lesson, as well, I decided to go for more of a “look” than I usually would for work. I work black slacks, the lavender v-neck I picked up at Old Navy over the weekend and my black/gray pinstriped DKNY vest with a pair of plain black Converse shoes. I also used the Maybelline Eye Studio duo of Lawless Lavender, with a few touches of the Christian Siriano shade “Royalty,” and threw together a purple look that I was really proud of. After getting dressed and doing makeup, it came time to accessorize. I decided to take a bit of a fashion risk by accessorizing my black and purple outfit in red. I wore this pair of red stud earrings I picked up over the weekend, along with my Hello Kitty bubble wand necklace (which has her wearing her signature red bow,) and a red leather wrist cuff with black stars on it. I wasn’t sure if the lavender/purples and the reds would clash, but I loved the idea of it and figured it was worth a shot. Turns out, it paid off and I got a lot of compliments on my look today. More than that, though, I just felt really good. I walked a little more confidently than my normal confident walk and I just felt really good any time I passed a mirror or saw my reflection in a window or anything all throughout the day. I was a little concerned, though, about how this look would go over at the Allegro Music Academy. One concern I had about this place right off the bat was the fact that their website and advertising all seems to really stress the fact that they offer lessons for kids of various ages. I wasn’t sure if I would walk in there and find nothing but children and a staff who was all creeped out by somebody my age being there. I don’t know why, but I have always had this strange insecurity about being around children and people thinking I’m strange because of it. I worded that funny, but a good example would be when I went to see Demi Lovato in concert. I went through a very long period where I was obsessed with children’s media, in particular, the Disney Channel stars. I loved all three “High School Musical” films, am still obsessed with Miley Cyrus, including the series and film “Hannah Montana,” and have an iPod that contains a LOT of music by artists like Demi Lovato, Jonas Brothers, Selena Gomez & The Scene, etc. I’m not sure what it is exactly that attracts me to these types of entertainers so much, but I think it probably has something to do with the severe drought in the pop music landscape. My iPod is a very eclectic collection of all different types of music, but I have always had a very deep love for pure, infectious pop music. Up until the emergence of artists like Lady Gaga and Adam Lambert, there was a severe lack of pop music out there but there was this group of kids on the Disney Channel who were pretty much the only ones making it, and they are all very talented and make very fun, upbeat, positive music. I appreciate that about them. I often considered going to see artists like Miley Cyrus in concert because I love the music, but was always scared away from it by the thought of being the only adult there not bored out of their minds and having all the parents and such there looking at me like I was some child molester or something. Last year, I decided to throw caution to the wind and got tickets to see Demi Lovato and David Archuleta in concert. It was terrible and I wound up leaving before Demi Lovato even performed. It was exactly what I had feared – there was a woman with a young daughter in the seats next to us who kept staring me down and clutching her child any time she leaned too close to me. I felt terrible and, like I said, couldn’t even stay for Demi Lovato, which was a shame because she was the one I was really there to see. David Archuleta was amazing, though, just so you know. So, I had a small fear of repeating that type of experience at the Allegro Music Academy. Still, I decided that I would not let these silly concerns stop me from going in there being exactly who I am.

This first music lesson was on my mind all day. I was filled with nervous excitement the entire day, which I assumed would make the day feel so much longer than it was but found it was the exact opposite. The day at work passed by really quickly. As it got closer and closer to 6pm, I got more and more nervous and excited. At 6pm my sister came back to work to pick me up and take me down to the Allegro Academy and I didn’t really talk much the whole time. I have this thing that happens to me every time I get that nervous/excited feeling – my teeth feel all tingly. It’s not like when you’re in cold weather and they start to chatter but similar to when you bite into something cold. I don’t know how to explain that exactly, but I was feeling that the entire way there from work. My appointment was scheduled for 6:30pm, but when I called last week to try to reschedule for later the woman said no, but also said that if I were a little late the instructor would wait for me. When I got there this evening the girl at the front desk was very warm and friendly and knew exactly who I was. She told me that the instructor had stepped out because there was a break between my appointment and his previous one, but that he would be back momentarily. While I waited she had me fill out a form for their files. There was a lot of bustling around between her and another woman there in reference to me, but I wasn’t quite sure what was going on. While I was waiting, another guy came out of a voice lesson and I couldn’t help but notice him. He was shorter than me, which I like, and very fresh-faced. He was adorable, basically. He was probably 20 or 21, Asian, impeccably dressed, and had a really nice smile, which he used on me a couple times while we stood there. The girl at the counter was explaining to him that their students pre-pay at the beginning of the month for the rest of that month’s lessons. He had just had his first lesson, as well. He took lessons on Tuesdays, so there were 3 more lessons for this month. He was taking 30-minute lessons, as opposed to 45 minutes, and paid $78. She also advised him that they accept payments by cash or check. This struck me because all I had on me was my debit card. I wasn’t sure what I could do about this, but I was keeping my fingers crossed that they would be willing to work with me in some way as far as that went. Next thing I knew, I was hearing the woman at the desk explain to another woman there that I was there for a lesson with Victor. Victor, apparently, is my piano instructor. Victor was not there. The woman talking to the girl at the desk said “Call him right now.” Apparently, he was home already. It turns out, the woman who I talked to when I tried to reschedule last week just marked my appointment as being cancelled. I explained that I had tried to move it to a later time for today, but the woman said I couldn’t and so I told her I’d keep the appointment I already had. For one reason or another, I was removed from the schedule and my instructor had already gone all the way home. The girl at the desk was very apologetic about this and got Victor on the phone immediately to select a new date to schedule me – Wednesday, March 10. No big deal, except that I just had my sister drive all this way to drop me off and was already planning on a 45 minute wait for my Mom to pick me up after work. I went outside and immediately called my sister. It hadn’t even been 10 minutes since she dropped me off and I was just keeping my fingers crossed that she hadn’t gotten too far at this point. Luckily, she was actually just around the corner getting some coffee from 7-11 and was able to come back and pick me up within about 5 minutes. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little disappointed with the outcome of today’s trip to the Academy, but it really worked out perfectly and saved me the embarrassment of not being able to pay. I still wasn’t sure what exactly I was going to do about paying. I knew I could get money out of the bank to pay with but I also knew that it would leave me pretty damn near completely broke if I did take out enough to pay for 3 more lessons right now. Fortunately, my Mom wasn’t missing any time from her current paycheck and said that she would loan me half of it and I could just pay her back out of my next check, which wouldn’t be missing any time. So, that is really a bit of a lifesaver. I was also pretty proud of myself for reacting positively to this situation – after the issues with the lessons I had scheduled with Eliezer Rivera and now this, I could have easily allowed myself to become completely discouraged by this – instead, I am choosing to look at the positive of the situation and am looking forward to taking my first actual lesson on Wednesday. I am just really ready to get this whole thing started. I know that this is what I am meant to be doing and I am really hoping that this Victor, who I have yet to meet, is the right person to help guide me on the first part of this journey. I can’t wait to get started.

This evening, I came home and watched the new episode of “RuPaul’s Drag Race” with my Mom. I don’t know if I’ve discussed it here before but one of the contestants on this season, Morgan McMichaels, used to be a really good friend of mine. Morgan, who I always knew as Thomas, is kind of a bitch and we had a bit of a falling out when I was back in California, but regardless of all of that I have always recognized her as a brilliant drag performer. She is really extremely talented as a performer. Sadly, she was kicked off the show in tonight’s episode. It really is a shame because a lot of the queens left on the show are nowhere near as talented as she is. This is how these reality competitions go, though. I also spent a portion of this evening text messaging back and forth with my friend, Whitney, who I hadn’t really talked to much recently. She recently started dating my friend Nate, and I was kind of taking a step back and trying to give her the freedom to be in that “new” stage of a relationship, where you kind of neglect your friends and such. Everybody goes through that period in a new relationship and I understand that. Still, she thought that I was mad at her. I explained myself a bit and we have sorted it all out. It was really nice hearing from her after what has seemed like a long time. I think things may be improving in that area of my life. Honestly, I think things may be improving in all areas of my life. I am very excited to take the next steps in my life. For now, though, it is almost 1am and I need to get to bed.