Chapter 265: Unstable Boy

Okay, so after yesterday’s blog post I have come to realize that I am probably not a transgendered person… at least, not where it counts. I’m just artsy. The reason I bring this up right off the bat is because after writing that blog I had a bit of an epiphany – I AM an artist. So much of my lifestyle and the choices I make in life are reflections of that. The only thing missing, really, is the actual art! This is an ongoing problem that I have had in my life – I get so caught up in one aspect of what I am doing that I wind up completely missing out on what is actually the point of it all. It’s so silly. I don’t know why I let that happen to me so often. In any sense, after writing last night’s blog, I found myself feeling more empowered, driven and inspired than I have in a long time. So, I decided when I woke up this morning that what I really needed to do was focus on creation. I figured it was kind of a perfect day to start that because it is Wednesday, which I lovingly refer to as Piano Day. When I woke up this morning at 6am, I got up and did my morning skincare routine, brushed my teeth and had a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal while I watched last night’s “Chelsea Lately,” with guest Kathy Griffin. Not exactly the best way to begin my day by focusing on art – or is it? After all, I was taking in one of my favorite forms of art, and one of the few that I have very little interest in trying for myself, comedy. There was a time when I considered trying my hand at stand-up comedy. I even tried to write out a few “bits” or routines that I could use in my stand-up act. Unfortunately, those wound up coming out as these weird, long, almost-poems. They were funny but they wouldn’t work in the stand-up format. This was when I realized that, while I have always been a funny person, I am not cut out to be a comedian. There are people who are naturally funny, in an everyday way, and then there are people who are funny in a performance sort of way. Often one can be translated into the other, when a person has a real passion for it, but for most people, myself included, it doesn’t really add up to more than being able to make your friends and the people you meet in your day-to-day life laugh. I am satisfied with that, as far as humor goes, but I have a deep respect and love for comedy and anybody who is able to perform it in a way that is clever and unique. Two of my favorite comedians are Chelsea Handler and Kathy Griffin. It’s only the second time that Kathy has appeared on Chelsea’s show and it is always a really interesting thing to see those two come together. I don’t think they mesh that well, to be honest. It is always funny but also comes across as kind of awkward. Interesting, if nothing else. They just have very different brands of humor, which don’t really cross well with one another.

After watching that, I dragged myself into the bathroom and got dressed and did my hair and makeup for the day. I was really excited to do my makeup for the day for a very simple reason: I received my Stila Travel Girl palettes yesterday! I don’t know if I’ve mentioned the Stila Travel Girl palettes here in the blog before now but they are the greatest things possible. I know I have discussed the fact that I am obsessed with Stila lately – they are quickly becoming my favorite brand of cosmetics. One of the many reasons that I love Stila is because, while being a high-end brand, they make a lot of effort to create specialty items that are more affordable than their products normally are. It is a brilliant business scheme because they lure people in with these affordable items and it makes them want to buy more of their higher priced products. In fact, the first Stila product I bought was the It Girl palette, which was only $10, and I fell in love with it. I have bought several more Stila products since then, including the Backstage palette I got over the weekend and these two Travel Girl palettes I received in the mail yesterday. The Travel Girl palettes are an absolutely brilliant concept from Stila. Essentially, they have created this whole concept of “Stila Girls” traveling the world, and creating a palette for each trip that one of them takes. On their website, they kind of map out the girls travels, including bios of the particular girl that this palette is based around and her travel journals. The first one was the “Road To Radiance Across The USA.” This palette includes four eye shadows and a convertible color, which are widely known as one of Stila’s best products. A convertible color is a really cool cream-based product that serves as both a blush and a lip color. All of the Travel Girl palettes will include four eye shadows and a convertible color and, really, the convertible color alone is enough to make it worth the price. The price, though, is the best part. They are releasing five of these Travel Girl palettes over the next several months and each one will be only $10. Anyway, like I said, the first one is the “Road To Radiance Across The USA,” and it is based around a Stila Girl named Kylie, who was born and raised in Los Angeles and has decided to take a road trip across the USA to see the sights and such. The colors in her palette are all very soft, very girly shades of pink, taupe and alloy. The convertible color in this palette is called Hibiscus and it is also a very soft, “Barbie pink.” It is gorgeous as both a lip color and a cheek color. I love it! I kind of like the second Travel Girl palette, which is what I used today, better than the first. The second Travel Girl palette is called “Pretty In Paris,” and is based around a Stila Girl named Chelsea who has decided to spend a summer in Paris. This palette is full of warm tones, like coppers and browns. The look I did with these colors today was gorgeous! I actually used the look described on the face chart on the Stila website, (another very cool feature of the site,) which was supposed to be a very classic Parisian look. I really loved the way it came out. The convertible color in this palette is still pink but a much darker pink that verges more on red than pink. It is gorgeous and looks amazing on the cheeks! As conceited as it may sound, I was kind of in love with my own face today!

Anyway, when I got to work I decided that it was time to really focus on creating some sort of art. So, the first thing I did was sit down and wrote a new song. It was called “I Still Believe,” which I thought was kind of annoying as a title because I just think of the old Brenda Starr song. Still, I liked everything else about this song. It was basically a song about how I still haven’t found what I’m looking for in life, not really, but how I still believe that it’s out there. It is a song about how I haven’t lost my hope or my faith in what I am meant to do and be in this life. It is completely true. I was also really happy with this song because it is the most positive song that I have written in a while. I have realized recently that I haven’t been the most positive person in the world lately and I am making a conscious effort to change that lately. Writing this song kind of proves to me that it very well may be working. My songwriting has been the best reflection of my negative attitude lately, since I have been writing some very dark songs, with titles like “Fat Whore,” and “Venom.” “Venom” seems like the most appropriate title at this point because I really feel like, in a lot of ways, I have allowed myself to become full of it. Like somehow I allowed myself to be bitten and filled with this poison, and now it is what spews from me, as well. It is shitty and, like I said, I am making a conscious effort to change it at this point. After writing this song, unfortunately, I didn’t really manage to write anything else today. I did a little drawing, though, which is always nice. Mainly, though, I just sat around talking shit with my friends at work. I also finally got to see the new training class that is getting ready to come up on the floor. I’m not going to lie – it seems like a real hot mess. I was really keeping my fingers crossed and looking forward to some cute boys in this class but, as it turns out, there were only 2, maybe 2 and a half, that were of any interest to me. The reason I say a half is that there was one who probably would have been the most attractive of the whole bunch if he didn’t look like such a meth addict. The other two who I found attractive were really only slightly attractive, so it seems as though the well of men in my workplace is still dry. Lame.

After work, I spent the evening preparing a half-assed dinner for my Mom and I, (lots of re-heated and microwaved items,) and watching TV. Oh yeah! I completely forgot to mention in the midst of all that other talk that Viktor called me this afternoon asking to reschedule my piano lesson. I am going on Friday this week instead. It kind of sucks because I was really kind of hoping that he would do that next week instead of this week since next week will be the first lesson of August and I can’t really afford to pay them until Friday. I am thinking that when I am there this Friday, I may ask Viktor if we can move it to Friday again next week. Of course, at this point, I don’t even know if he intends to still be teaching there next month. I don’t know how much I’ve talked about that here because I haven’t really gotten a clear concept on that whole thing yet. You see, Viktor was initially telling me a few weeks ago that he was planning to quite teaching there altogether, but then last week he told me that he was still going to teach there but that he was going to take the month of August off. So, I’m not sure what’s happening yet. I am thinking that, if he decides to take August off, I may look into taking voice lessons there while he is away and, hopefully, continuing with both once he returns. Once again, though, I don’t really know what his plans are at this point. I guess I’ll find out more on Friday. In the meantime, I am kind of glad that it worked out the way it did because it has given me a little more time to practice before this week’s lesson. Anyway, for now, I need to get myself to sleep. It is almost midnight and I need to get my beauty sleep. I also need to take a shower and such in the morning again, so I can be all refreshed and ready to face the day tomorrow. So, I’m going to go do that now. Goodnight.