Chapter 260: The Safest Place

Okay, so I realize that I have been starting every blog lately by saying, "Ilm going to keep it short tonight," or something along those lines. I also realize that most of those times I haven't actually wound up sticking to that. Tonight is a different story, though. How is it so different, you may ask? Well, it's different because I am saying that I am going to keep it short and I actually mean it. I am sure of this because I am writing tonight's blog from my cell phone as I lie in my bed, ready to pass out. It is after 2am right now and I am exhausted. It's been a really long day. In fact, it's been a very long week, in spite of the fact that I only worked 3 days this week. It just felt like it took forever to get to the weekend this week. Of course, here I am - it is officially the weekend and I can get rid of any thoughts of that place for the next two days. That is a very good feeling to have. As far as today goes, it wasn't bad. It wasn't really great, either. It was mainly boring. It also seemed as if every single customer that I spoke with today had some sort of fucked up accent or a speech impediment or something along those lines. I also dealt with a good number of customers who wanted to argue over our company policies or whatever. Whatever. Aside from all of those crazy customers, I basically spent the entire day readin the next novel in the "Gossip Girl" series. They are actually really well-written books, aside from the immense amount od product placement in them. Every other page inxludes some line just randomly slipped in about one of the characters using her Stila Lip Glaze or Urban Decay Pocket Rocket or whatever else. I don't really mind that type of thing except that I feel like the way that itLs done in these books really diminishes the quality of the writing. It all just comes across as very random and forced. Aside from that, though, I am really enjoying these books and am looking forward to moving through the rest of the series.

So, that basically sums up the workday for me. After work didn't get much more interesting, either. My Mom and I had Gyros & Seafood for dinner and watched season two of the series, "Noah's Arc." "Noah's Arc," for those not familiar, is a series created for Logo about a group of four gay, African-American twenty-somethings living in Los Angeles. It is basically like a black, gay version of "Sex & The City."It was a really fun, positive and groundbreaking series that, unfortunately, only lasted for two seasons and one movie. It was brilliant, though - the writing was always really fun, quirky & current and the cast was full of gorgeous & very talented black and latino actors. What was so great about this show, though, was that it was really the first true glimpse into the inner workings of black gay culture that many people ever got. I absolutely loved this series. The main reason that I bring the series up in the first place is because of one of the storylines in the second season that really affected me as I watched it play out. Towards the end of the season, Noah gets severely attacked by a group of men at a gas station. This causes a huge emotional tailspin in his life and leaves him understandably traumatized. Now, I have long kind of turned my nose up at the use of gay bashing in gay cinema because, much like HIV & coming out storylines, it just seems like such a cliche and like it kind of only paints the picture of a very small spectrum of the gay community. However, this evening as I was watching this storyline play out on the show, it really kind of dawned on me that it is actually a very real danger to pretty much all of us in the gay community. For me and my type, the more eccentric/flamboyant types, it is an even bigger threat because we are pretty automatically identified. I have never had any genuine experience of my own with this type of attack, beyond being called a faggot or whatever else by people on the street or in bars or whatever, but it has always been something that remains in the back of my mind. It's a large part of the reason that I don't like to go out at night unless somebody I feel completely safe with is also there. To be quite honest, I really don't feel safe in public most of the time. I'm not sure when this started exactly but it's been that way for as long as I can remember. Now that I have taken to expressing myself through makeup and such, I feel as though I am even more vulnerable to this type of thing. Of course, I don't ever let this stop me from living my life but I do proceed with considerably more caution than your average straight person would when I am going out to public places or whatever. It sucks but, for the time being, it is simply how I feel and, sadly, is not without it's merits.

The only other thing I wanted to mention is this brilliant new project that is being spearheaded by Ridley Scott and directore Ken Thompson. The project is called "Life In A Day," and the basic concept is that they are asking people all across the world to
film something, ANYTHING, that they do on this one particular day. Then, you
lsubmit the video to them and they are splicing them all or a small portion of them together & creating a feature length film out of them. The point is to document what people all over the world were doing on this one day. It seems like an amazing project and I definitely intend to take part in it. I'm not sure yet of what I am going to film just yet but my mind is all abuzz with ideas for this. I don't know - whatever it is, I'll make sure it is brilliant. Also, whatever it is, I'll make sure to share it here once it is done. In the meantime, I absolutely must get to sleep. I keep wanting to doze off while writing this & I really can't fight it anymore. It is definitely time for bed. Goodnight.