Chapter 251: Too Young To Die

So, let me tell you about the night I had after I finished last night’s blog. I had taken a pill to help me fall asleep, around 10:30pm, and lied down on the couch to watch “The Hills Live Aftershow.” That ended at midnight, at which point I went into the bathroom to do my nightly skincare routine, which I know I should have done earlier in the evening since I knew I would be parked in front of the TV for a while. I finished with all that and was in bed by 12:20am. As I lay in bed, I found my breathing feeling strange. It was kind of the sensation that I get when I have been drinking and, in turn, smoking way too many cigarettes. It was this feeling where there was a sort of pain when I inhaled deeply. I also had this really strange feeling in my stomach – like heartburn, or indigestion maybe. I don’t know what all of those terms mean, honestly, but my stomach felt fucked up. I lied in bed trying to fall asleep until nearly 2am, when I decided to go lay on the couch and see if I could fall asleep there. It took a little time but I did wind up falling asleep there. Of course, aside from the fact that it had been less than four hours, when my alarm went off at 6am I still kind of felt like shit. On top of that, my body was feeling all out of sorts from having slept on the couch. Still, I knew it was Wednesday and it was back to business as usual. I ate some leftover Chinese food for breakfast and drank a cup of coffee. I spent 20-30 minutes practicing piano, then got dressed and did my hair and makeup for the day. By the time it was actually time to head to work I thought I might actually be feeling better. For the first little while that I was at work, I thought this may be the case, as well. Shortly after 10am, though, that awful feeling in my stomach was coming back and my breathing became strange again, and my whole body felt sore and exhausted. I sat through it for a while. I asked my sister about taking me to my piano lesson tonight, which she said she wasn’t sure about because she and her girlfriend had to go to some sort of special work dinner. When I went to work at 10:50am, I knew I wasn’t going to make it through the day. I text messaged my Mom and told her that I wasn’t feeling so hot and may need to go home later. I also called Viktor and cancelled tonight’s lesson. We rescheduled for Monday, which is a little weird because that means I have to go to a piano lesson on my birthday but I love my piano lessons, so I figure that will be a good way to spend 30 minutes of my birthday. When I got back upstairs after my break, I told my sister that I was feeling awful and that I would probably need to go home but said that I would hold out until 1:30pm because my Mom would have a break then and would be able to bring me home then. I felt really bad doing that because our team was understaffed today, anyway. Apparently, a few other people had made schedule requests for today or something, which sucks. Still, I wasn’t going to be able to get through the day there.

When I got home I lied down on the couch and fell asleep for about an hour. It was the strangest thing – I didn’t turn on the TV or do anything at all. I just sat down on the couch and didn’t move. The biggest thing I did during that time was make the transition from sitting down to lying down, which was enough for me at the time. I just felt completely drained of all energy. When I woke up I decided to eat something because, in spite of my stomach hurting, it was also growling. So, I did something that was probably kind of dumb. I ate the leftovers from last night’s dinner. The only reason I say this was dumb is because I assume that last night’s dinner is what made my stomach hurt so much in the first place. You see, I don’t know for certain, but I think I may be lactose intolerant. I mean, I can use skim milk in coffee and things like that but the Hamburger Helper sort of meal I made last night included four cups of milk. I think that may be what did it. This idea MAY have been supported by the fact that my stomach wound up feeling pretty bad after that, as well. I’m not entirely sure because the Chinese food I ate this morning didn’t have any negative effect that I noticed and I haven’t eaten anything since then, so I am not sure. It is after 8pm now and my Mom is on her way home with dinner – a chicken sandwich and fries from Gyros & Seafood. We’ll see how that goes. I know I am still not feeling great. My body still feels achy all over. My breathing is okay now, though, and I wonder if the ache isn’t just from the lack of sleep. I am really keeping my fingers crossed that I will wake up tomorrow and feel okay. We’ll see, though.

I’m about to end this so I can go watch “Big Brother” and have dinner once my Mom gets home. Before I do go, though, I wanted to mention this movie that I watched this evening on Netflix. You see, having this crazy lack of energy and sore feeling all over, I figured the best activity for me today would be to lie in my bed and watch a movie. So, I dug around Netflix for a little bit and came across this random movie I’d never heard of but just had to see, just based on it’s stars. This was a “gritty drama” called “Into Temptation,” starring Jeremy Sisto, who I adore for being like a male version of Heather Graham, and Kristin Chenoweth, who I have loved ever since the first time I listened to the Broadway Cast Recording of “Wicked” for the first time. She is incredible and absolutely hilarious in her various TV and film roles over the years. What was so intriguing about this movie, though, is the fact that it is a drama. Kristin plays a prostitute and Jeremy Sisto plays a priest. She confesses to the priest that she is planning to commit suicide on her birthday, which is coming up soon although how soon is never specified. The priest, in spite of his oaths or doctrines or whatever priests have, feels compelled to try to find this woman and stop her from killing herself. The story that ensues is not one of the best films I have seen recently but is definitely interesting and worth checking out, I think. It was fascinating seeing Kristin Chenoweth in such a dramatic role, as well. I was very impressed with her. Like I said, it’s a weird movie and not the best thing I have seen lately but was still a good way to spend a little time. I also spent a little time this evening making ringtones of those three or four Lindsay Lohan songs that leaked over the past few months. I really miss her as a musician and I am really keeping my fingers crossed that she will get back on the straight and narrow after this jail time she is going to be dealing with. Even more, I kind of hope she pulls a Courtney Love and writes a lot of brilliant new material while she is locked up. Of course, Lindsay Lohan is no Courtney Love. Anyway, I am off to watch “Big Brother” now! Goodnight!

10:42pm

Okay, so I just wanted to check back in since I hadn’t actually posted this yet to say that I ate a big ass chicken sandwich and fries from Gyros & Seafood and didn’t wind up feeling any worse or anything, so I think I’m going to be alright. As much as I was really into the idea of missing work tomorrow, I really was NOT into the idea of having an entire day missing from my next paycheck. So, it is for the best that I go back tomorrow. Also, this evening in discussing my mini-birthday party planned for this weekend with my Mother, I kind of came to a decision about it – it is officially cancelled. I just kind of realized that I am completely over the whole concept already and it hasn’t even happened yet. So, instead, I am just going to hang out with my family on Saturday night – my brother and sister-in-law, my sister and her girlfriend and their family, and my Mom and her boyfriend. I am also having Rachel come, as well, because she is like my BFF and I wouldn’t want to do it without her. I think I’ll have more fun that way, anyway. Plus, two of my other close friends who I had invited have birthdays a little later this month, as well, so I figured I could just get together with all of the rest of them for a group celebration or something. I just feel like right now I am so over thinking about a birthday party and who is or isn’t coming and what type of food I need to have and having to clean my house and shit like that. So, it seemed like the best idea to just stop thinking about any of it and just have fun with my family instead. It kind of seems like the more adult thing to do, anyway. Grown folk don’t make an ordeal out of their birthdays, in general, unless it’s some sort of milestone. 27 is not a milestone birthday. So, fuck it. Anyway, that is all for now. I need to try to get to bed now. Goodnight.