Chapter 195: Fire With Fire

Let me pre-empt tonight’s blog by saying one thing: I’m keeping it short. There are a few different reasons for this. First of all, it is 11:20pm and I am just starting. I could easily make a variety of excuses for this, the closest to the truth being that tonight was piano night and I didn’t get home until 9:30pm. That is true but I still could have easily started by 10-10:30pm. Another reason I could give is that my Mom was in here on my computer trying to hook up a wireless router, so I couldn’t get to the computer to start the blog earlier. This did happen but she was done by 10:15pm. The true reason is because I was being extremely lazy. Another reason for this blog being short is because my body is in pain. Aside from my workout this morning, which is a lot more strenuous and longer than what I was doing before, I also walked for 15 minutes at work on one of my breaks and walked over 2,000 steps to and from the Circle K down the street from the Allegro Music Academy. I was a lot more physically active today than I am on a usual day. My life has a tendency to be pretty sedentary so being as active as I was today really took its toll. Lastly, this blog is going to be short because there isn’t all that much to report. It was an active day but not an overly eventful one.

I woke up with my alarm at 6:15am and was up and collected enough to start my workout at 6:45am. My Mom had asked me to wake her up when I was ready to start but she wound up awake pretty late last night on the phone with her boyfriend, so when I woke her this morning she was not ready to workout by any means. So, I went ahead and did it by myself again. It was a really good, intense workout this morning – so much so that it left me feeling really sore and in pain for the rest of the day. After I finished the workout, I went into the bathroom to get ready for the day. I did a really subtle lavender and gray/silver look today, which was really cute. It was basically like a smoky eye but a little different. It looked pretty good and, like I said, was really subtle. I enjoyed it a lot. I wore my lavender Old Navy crew neck tee and jeans, so the look matched really well. I also created this look completely using the Pop Beauty Lid Silver palette, which just arrived in the mail yesterday. I really like Pop Beauty. Their products, based on the ones I’ve used myself, are really great. They are very high quality and go only very smoothly. They all look really great, as well. I like their stuff a lot, although they are usually more expensive than I care for. Either way, it is what I used today and I liked it a LOT. I actually managed to make it in to work by 8:25am, which is considerably better than I usually do. The workday was very boring. I mainly spent the day doing these random crossword puzzles that were handed out to us. I did manage to write my two new songs for the day, though, and was really happy with them both. The one that I liked the best was called “Followed You,” which I wrote about the period right after one of my ex-boyfriends left. The chorus of this song, which I was pretty proud of, says, “I am doing the best that I can, I am giving it everything I am, but sometimes I just want to quit because my heart’s not really in it, it must have followed you wherever you are.” I was really happy with that as a chorus. I think that whole song came out really well. The other song was really decent, as well, although I don’t recall the details of It off the top of my head right now to share. Of all the different tasks I have set for myself recently, the songwriting one is my favorite. I have always been extremely passionate about songwriting, more than anything else in this world, and it feels really good to be kind of reawakening to it. It is a beautiful thing and I am very happy with it.

I spent one of my breaks this afternoon with one of my favorite co-workers, walking the parking lot, which was really fun. I felt really tired all day, though, and I was also really sore from this morning’s workout so the walking the parking lot thing didn’t feel the greatest. It was really good, though, and I am glad that I did it, even if it hurt. One thing I wasn’t happy with was the fact that I didn’t get out until 6:20pm this evening. It takes about 15 minutes to get to my piano lesson, which was scheduled for 6:30pm. These two numbers didn’t add up very well. They REALLY didn’t add up well when we went down DeSoto Rd., the way we also go to the Allegro Academy, and found it closed. We had to take this really long side way and I didn’t wind up getting to my lesson until 6:45pm. I figured Viktor would probably still work with me for 30 minutes, as he has in the past when I arrived late. Unfortunately, I found out that he has taken on a few more students on Wednesday evenings, so he had somebody scheduled to come in at 7pm already. This meant that this week’s lesson was only 15 minutes long. Still, the 15 minutes that I got were amazing. This was one of the best lessons I have had, I think. Since we didn’t have much time, we just went in and started playing the pieces that I had been working on for the past few weeks. As it turns out, more than I was even aware of, I have progressed immensely with both of these pieces since last week. I was able to just play them both straight through slowly without any major issues or having to be instructed to change much of anything. Viktor also gave me some praise that I was really excited and amazed to hear – he told me that I am his best student at this point. He was telling me how difficult it is for most adults to catch on and how most people are nowhere near where I am at after only 2 months. He also said that, for most people, the pieces I have been working on would take six months or so to play the way that I am playing after just about a month of dealing with them. It is a pretty amazing thing to hear because I have been feeling like I am so far behind on them since I am just barely playing them straight through slowly without issues after an entire month. The thing that meant the most, because I have been concerned and insecure about it for months now, is that he told me that I have a really strong natural ability and musical sense. I always assumed that I would have a strong musical sense because of my passion for it but it dawned on me before I started taking lessons that it was very possible that I could go in and start working on it and find out that I just don’t have a knack for it. It is such an amazing feeling to have confirmation from a real, accomplished musician that this is not the case. Yes, Viktor is an extremely accomplished musician, I have discovered. He has performed some really amazing places and won some very big competitions, which kind of gives me more respect for him than the large amount of respect I already had for him. Again, to hear from him that I have a strong musical sense really meant a LOT to me.

It was a really good day, in spite of the fact that it was pretty boring at a lot of points. I am more determined than ever to workout even harder than I have been and practice piano even more than I have been. I may have insecurities, not to mention general laziness, about both of these things but I know that they are leading me to my destiny. I have to stick with them both because I know that they are going to take me to exactly where I want to be and where I have always known that I was destined to go. So, I am going to fight harder than I ever have before to make it all work out for me. I am going to make my dreams come true. I am going to make certain that my purpose in this world is fulfilled. It kind of reminds me of the AMAZING new Scissor Sisters single, "Fire With Fire," which says, “Now the city blocks out the sun that you know is rising, You can show me the work that you’ve done that your fears have been disguising, Is it just me or is everyone hiding out between the lights? Where will we be when we come undone? Just a simple meeting of the minds, Singing we’ll fight fire with fire, through your desire.” It is a brilliant song, and a bit of a person anthem of mine right now. It is so true, though, that when life’s fears and insecurities all come at you, the only thing you can do is fight back with everything that you have. This is what I am doing right now. Actually, RIGHT now I am going to bed. I am exhausted and sore and have to get up and workout again tomorrow morning. Goodnight.