Chapter 328: Radar

So, today was kind of a boring day. It wasn’t entirely boring but it didn’t leave me with much to report this evening. Actually, that’s not entirely true – but I will get to that in a bit. This day had a bit of an odd malaise to it right from the beginning. I woke up when my alarm went off at 5:45am but somehow wound up falling back to sleep for another hour. This, for me, is definitely not a good way to start the day. I felt very frantic when I actually did get up and was really stressing myself out about how to go about my morning in order to make the most effective use of the limited time that I had. My automatic instinct was to skip eating breakfast, even though I knew that this would be a bad plan because I would wind up feeling starved and irritated as the day wore on. Still, as fucked up as it may sound, my main priority was making sure that my makeup was tight and I was looking and, in turn, feeling gorgeous. So, that was the first thing I did. I got up and did my morning skincare, brushed my teeth and such, then immediately went to doing my makeup look for the day. Unfortunately, because I was so stressed about the time it was already, I didn’t shave my face. This was particularly bad, though, because I also didn’t shave my face yesterday. I normally skip a day because I don’t really need a shave every day but in this case I skipped two days and felt like I was rocking a full beard today, even though it wasn’t actually all that noticeable. (On a side note, as a precaution, I went ahead and shaved tonight just in case I wind up having a time restriction tomorrow, as well.) Today’s makeup look, as I mentioned in last night’s blog, was taken from Britney Spears’ video for “Womanizer,” from her most recent album, “Circus.” It was a much less dramatic look than I had done for the previous two days, although I felt it was just as effective. I did the look from the scene in the video when Britney is naked in the shower/sauna room, which is basically just a simple black/brown smoky eye. This was a smoky eye in the traditional sense of the term, fading vertically from the lightest shade at the brow and getting darker and more intense as it moves down to the lash line. I really loved the look today, although one of my co-workers continually teased me that it wasn’t actually a Britney Spears look but more of an excuse for me to be lazy and oversleep. Whatever – the evidence is right here in yesterday’s blog.

So, after I finished my makeup and was all satisfied and feeling beautiful, it was still only 7:20am and I actually managed to have time to smoke a couple of cigarettes, drink a cup of coffee, eat a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast and put together my lunch and spill-proof cup full of coffee without having to stress about the time any longer. So, that actually worked out really well – probably better than most mornings. I just get really crabby and out of sorts when my routines are shaken up. Unfortunately, this actually kind of set the pace for the day. It’s not to say that my routines were shaken up for the rest of the day but I spent the bulk of today feeling really out of sorts and maybe, just maybe, a little bit crabby. Still, it wasn’t a bad day at work. I made it through the day without any major incidents or anything of that nature. Once I left work, though, reality slowly began to set in – this is the evening that my Mom left to spend the next week in Michigan. It was one of those things that I had known about for months but when it actually came time for it to happen I was really taken aback by the suddenness of it all. Now here I am in my house alone, as I will be until this time next week. It kind of sucks but I am feeling pretty confident about the whole thing. In fact, I am kind of viewing it as an opportunity to experience what it is like to live on my own for a week. Of course, I am also doing everything I can to make plans for the weekend and such. I received a call from Rachel this evening, whom I had kind of counted out for weekend plans because she has a close friend in the military who is coming in on leave this weekend, asking if I wanted to do a night out tomorrow night. I was a little hesitant because I don’t actually get paid until Friday and don’t have a whole lot of money in the bank currently, however with a very small amount of coercing and the brilliant idea to pre-game it again, like we did last time we went out, I have decided to say “fuck it,” and just do it! I am really excited about it, actually – I am ready for a fun night out drinking and such. Plus, since it has become our favorite place in the world now, we are going to TOTI’s, which has a $2 drink deal on Thursday nights, so I can totally afford it. Of course, that is most likely $2 for beer, which I don’t usually drink, so Rachel and I have decided that we are going to give me a little bit of a beer education tomorrow night since it is so much cheaper than drinking liquor and would probably be a good thing for me to pick up moving forward, since it appears that I am drinking a lot more lately than I have in years. So, I am really looking forward to that. Then I have a couple of other people lined up to possibly come hang with me over the weekend, so I should get by just fine I think.

Now, as far as my Britney Spears lesson of the day for today… well, it didn’t seem like there was one that I really applied for the day. Since “Circus” was my album for the day, I thought I may pick up a little sense of showmanship from the song “Circus” or a little of that naughty attitude so adequately displayed in the song “Lace & Leather,” or even some of the angry confidence of the song, “Kill The Lights.” None of those were the case today, though. However, listening to the album as I write this I have realized what the lesson of the day should have been and the lesson I need to bear in mind and apply to my life moving forward – this lesson comes from the song “Radar.” “Radar” was actually one of the standout tracks from Britney’s previous album, “Blackout,” which didn’t get a lot of promotion or anything because Britney was still in the midst of her big ball of crazy when that album was released. Still, “Radar” was always a fan favorite and is, in my opinion, one of the best songs of Britney’s career. The song is basically about spotting something, or somebody, that you want and just moving full-force ahead until you get it. I had an experience today where I really could have used this type of confidence and determination but instead just kind of let it fizzle out and didn’t take advantage of an opportunity. It was shitty. Still, I understand that the Universe makes us do these types of stupid things for a reason and the timing must not have been right. Still, it would have been nice if I could have just gotten my Britney attitude on and kept my mind focused on the chorus of, “If I notice you I know it’s you I’m choosing, don’t wanna lose you on my radar, on my radar.” Like I said, though, these things happen the way that they do for a reason. So, I will not question it at this time. However, moving forward, I will make it a point to keep it fresh in my mind and remind myself frequently that once I have got something on my radar, something that I really want, I need to do whatever I can to make it happen and not just let it go and miss my chance. So, once again, applying a little Britney to my life could have, and perhaps should have, made all the difference. So, Britney Spears Week, Day 3 was a success in it’s own way. Tomorrow is all about the album, “In The Zone,” which features some of my favorite Britney singles, like “Me Against The Music,” “Everytime” and, the inspiration for tomorrow’s makeup look, “Toxic.” I have finally decided upon a makeup look from the “Toxic” video, which I was having a lot of trouble with before. There are 3 main makeup looks I was moving between to do from this video – the gorgeous, sparkling neutral look from the scenes where she is in the nude-suit covered in diamonds, the BRIGHT blue cat eye she wears in the scene when she is the stewardess on an airplane or the completely INSANE and beautiful extreme winged out black liner with red eyebrows from the scene when she has the red hair in the video. Initially, I was certain that I was going to do the really intense, over-the-top look from the red hair scene but I was hesitant because it is such an extreme look to wear to the workplace. I also really liked the sparkly look from the nude scene but worried that it would be a little too neutral and not very recognizable. Finally, I settled on the blue cat eye look from the airplane scene because I went back and watched the video again and kind of fell in love with the look. I still want to try my hand at the crazy black and red look, though, so I think I may experiment with that one a bit on Friday or Saturday, just for the sake of doing it.

Anyway, it is nearly midnight and I am feeling really tired. I am ready to go to work tomorrow and get the day over with. I am ready for the weekend, in spite of the fact that I could easily wind up spending the bulk of it alone. I will be glad just to say that this workweek is over – it hasn’t exactly been hellish or anything but it has felt extremely long. I am definitely ready to get it over with and see what the weekend may bring. In spite of the fact that, as I mentioned, I could easily wind up spending this weekend alone I have a really good feeling about it. There are a few little things that I have planned that I think could wind up being really great. No details but I am kind of excited, like I said, to see what the weekend may bring. I am really ready for the weekend to get here. I have just repeated that same statement, in different ways, several times. I am just so ready for it. I am ready to finish with work tomorrow and go out tomorrow night, to spend Friday relaxing and watching movies or something, then whatever else this weekend may bring. For now, though, it is officially after midnight and I need to get myself to bed. Goodnight.