Chapter 321: So What Does It All Mean?

God, life can be funny. Sometimes it is “funny ha-ha,” sometimes it is “funny strange,” and sometimes it is “funny I’m going to shoot myself in the face.” This evening brought me a big dose of the last one. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t a feeling of “I’m going to shoot myself in the face” in a bad way, if that makes any sort of sense at all. It’s a feeling of “I’m going to shoot myself in the face” because I don’t know how to process a piece of information that has come to me. It is particularly funny because I knew this information was coming. I knew it was bound to happen any day now. What’s even funnier is that I had all kinds of ideas of how I would feel once I had received this information but now that I actually have received it I feel completely different. I don’t know how to explain my feelings about this information without explaining what the information was and, quite frankly, that’s not something I am going to do. There are several different reasons for me not to share this information but the main reason is because it is not my information to share. Plus, there is a big part of me that doesn’t want to explain my feelings on this information because I haven’t entirely sorted through all the different emotions that have come up in response to this information. It’s all one really big, long story that I don’t have the time, the will or the desire to share. What I can say, though, is that it has definitely made a major impact. It is definitely a bit of a game-changer.

It is also quite funny that just a few short hours ago I was sitting there contemplating what I was going to write in tonight’s blog and feeling a little frustrated with the fact that this day had been just like yesterday and the day before and I didn’t really have anything new to report. I woke up at 5:45am this morning, just like any other morning. I got up and did my morning skincare routine and brushed my teeth. I made myself some breakfast, had a cup of coffee and smoked a couple cigarettes while watching last night’s “Chelsea Lately.” I did my makeup in a golden/bronze look because I decided that there was no reason not to, even though summer is officially over and fall is all about the bright colors. I also wanted to make mention here in the blog of Stila’s One Step Makeup. I know I mentioned it on Monday, after I had received it, and discussed how I was a little afraid of it and wasn’t sure of whether or not it would work out well for me. I also mentioned in Monday’s blog that I wasn’t sure that I was applying it correctly. Well, after doing a little research on YouTube and such I determined that I wasn’t actually applying it correctly at all. So, yesterday morning I tried it out for the first time going out in public for the day, and applying it correctly, and it turned out AMAZING. I used it today and was just as happy with it. This product claims to be a replacement for four different face products – primer, foundation, concealer and powder. I decided to really test it out and put it on without anything else on my face. I also used it on my eyelids and did not use a primer. It turns out, Stila was pretty accurate in their claims. I did wind up using a separate concealer because I think this would replace a concealer if you really built up the product in the areas that needed concealing but I didn’t want to do that. Still, I didn’t use a powder to set the makeup and it stayed in place all day long. Also, I put eye shadow on without an additional primer and that managed to stay in place all day, as well. My eye shadow stayed in place and popped just as much as it does any day that I use Urban Decay Primer Potion. So, it did definitely do the job of a foundation, powder and primer. Like I said, I think it could do the job of a concealer, as well, but I don’t care to build it up that much when I have a perfectly good concealer to use, anyway. Also, one of the best things about this product is the fact that you can use a very tiny amount of it to cover your entire face. It has a pump top and it only takes one pump to get your entire face done. I have worn this product for the past two days in a row and I really feel like it is doing a beautiful job – my complexion has actually looked really good the past two days, if I do say so myself. So, I walked out the door this morning feeling pretty beautiful. I even recreated the iconic Barbra Streisand moment in the opening of “Funny Girl” any time I caught myself in the mirror today. “Hello Gorgeous!”

Most of the day at work was spent talking to my cubicle neighbor about how awesome the “Glee” season premiere was last night. Work was pleasant but, like I said, it was a day just like the past couple of days had been. I was happy and content with everything but nothing was NEW. I have this feeling that tomorrow will be a different story, though. I could be wrong but I don’t think I am. We’ll see tomorrow, I suppose. After work, I was really tired and didn’t really feel like doing much of anything. Still, I decided to make dinner and have it ready for when my Mom got home. Of course, talking about it like this makes it sound like I actually did something – making dinner consisted of nothing more than taking things out of the freezer and sticking them in the oven. It wasn’t strenuous work. Still, it was more than I felt like doing. It was a really good dinner. While we ate dinner, I decided to watch this week’s episode of “90210,” and realized that the show has gotten extremely “out there” this season… not in a good way. Don’t get me wrong, I will continue watching it but I feel like some of the storylines have gotten really far-fetched and kind of out of hand. There was a rape, which has caused the victim to go completely off her rocker, a creepy, obsessive molester teacher, a guy who is sleeping with one character’s mother while obsessively trying to sleep with the daughter, as well, and this whole strange storyline about a girl who had gotten a record deal but then her record was shelved because it wasn’t that great who then stole a book full of songs written by some pop star she had been working with after he was killed in a car accident. Can you say “WTF?” I can, and I am. There have only been two episodes so far this season but they have both seemed extremely over the top and unrealistic. I am not one of those people who believes that TV needs to be realistic but it needs to be, at least, somewhat believable.

So, that was my day. Then I received this piece of information that has really thrown me for a loop. I have pretty much spent the rest of the evening stuck with one thing on my mind: So what does it all mean? I really have no idea of the answer to that question right now but I am determined to figure it all out. It is just so interesting because, like I mentioned before, it is something that I knew was coming eventually. I didn’t expect it this soon but somehow I absolutely knew it was coming. In fact, I was thinking a lot about it today. It is almost kind of eery. It is like “The Secret” at work, once again, but I don’t think this type of thing is something that could be the work of “The Secret.” I am pretty sure it has been there all along and has only been brought to light now. I don’t know exactly what this means to me, or if it actually means anything at all to me, but I can’t shake the feeling that it is going to become a pretty important event in my life. Like I said, this doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to anybody reading this if I don’t explain exactly what has happened. So, I am going to stop talking about it now. I just have to remind myself that everything works out exactly the way that it is meant to and this is just another one of those things. For now, though, it is 11:16pm and I am determined to get more sleep tonight than I have the past couple of nights, which means I should get to bed. Goodnight.