Chapter 306: I Can Hear The Bells

I woke up this morning at 8:30am when my alarm went off, which was a great way to start the day considering I normally begin my weekdays at 5:45am. I also woke up in a really good mood. Last night, before bed, I had spent a little while tossing around the idea of not going in to work today but when I woke up this morning I was actually kind of looking forward to it. I wasn’t sure why exactly but I had a really good feeling about work today. Like, I woke up with this feeling that something momentous would be happening today or that there was some really important reason that I needed to go to work today. I honestly just kind of dismissed it as “new hair euphoria,” which is something I get fairly often when I give myself a little hair makeover. I know it may sound a little silly to most people but there is just something magical about changing things up in that sort of way. You kind of get to walk through the world for a little while feeling like somebody new or like you suddenly have something new to offer to the world. I can’t explain it exactly but I had this little string theory that I had created a few years ago when I was dating my last real boyfriend that went something along the lines of “broken hearts = new haircuts = renewed interest.” I never got beyond that part of it, though. It was supposed to continue on to the point where it led to something tangible. Unfortunately, I got my heart broken, I cut my hair and the interest was renewed with the boy who broke my heart… unfortunately, as it turns out, the next part of that leads you back to where you started: broken hearts. So, essentially, the lesson here is that a new haircut may create a renewed interest but not enough of one to make anything last when it wasn’t going to in the first place. Still, if nothing else, a new haircut can at least give you that magical feeling for a little while, and that is well worth it. I actually hadn’t had my hair cut in any sort of drastic way in a really long time, so this was a really good way to shake things up for myself. I had decided last night that, in honor of my new Julius Cesar style haircut, I would do a sort of ancient Egyptian type look: see, Cleopatra. When I headed into the bathroom to do my makeup this morning, though, I kind of came up with a different plan. I still wanted to do the Cleopatra look but I really felt like adding a bit of a modern edge to it, so I wound up creating a look that I felt was kind of “Cleopatra meets Kat Von D,” complete with filling my eyebrows in with black eye shadow and giving them a bit of an over-the-top arch at the sides. I really loved the way that this look turned out and was feeling pretty awesome by the time I headed to work at 11:30am. I spent much of my time at work today getting complimented on my haircut and look, which I am always really pleased with and grateful for.

When I arrived at work, I found that we were actually pretty slow, which is odd for the first day back after a long weekend. Still, it allowed for a lot of time spent just sitting around and shooting the shit with my co-workers and such, which was cool. Everybody seemed to be in a really good mood, which I appreciated since I was in such a good mood, as well. I busted out some of my art supplies, as well, and did a little experimental sketching and such. I drew this really cool face but I ruined it by trying to color it in before I realized that I didn’t really know how to blend the colors well enough to make a good flesh toned color. So, that kind of sucked. For the most part, though, I was just bullshitting around with my co-workers. It felt really good being there realizing that I was leaving in just a few hours. I wish I could work that sort of shift every day but that would be ridiculous in terms of cash flow. Plus, it seems like it would be really difficult to give a shit about doing a good job when you only work that type of shift every day. Either way, I have no plans for changing my schedule anytime in the near future. It was a really laid back day for the first couple of hours. I waited until 2pm to take my 15-minute break so I could go when my new work BFF, Ari, went to lunch. We went downstairs and sat in my usual break spot in the smoking section of the atrium, which was a little crowded. I wound up sitting closer than I usually would to some guy who was sitting there. I didn’t remember ever seeing him around the building before but didn’t pay him much attention because I was talking to Ari about something or other. I put down my phone on one side of my seat and my cell phone on the other, the side where this stranger boy was sitting. As we were sitting there talking, I noticed that this boy kept looking at me. I didn’t really think much of that, either, because as a boy walking around in full makeup, people have a tendency to look at me when they think I can’t see. In a random break in my conversation with Ari, this boy asked me what type of phone I had. I told him that it was a Palm Pixi and that led us into this weird little conversation/geekfest about different cell phone models, which led into all kinds of other stuff, including him identifying himself as gay very early on in the conversation. I’ve been around the block enough times to know that this is an old technique that guys will use to let you know that they are available. I mean, just because a gay guy tells another gay guy that he is gay doesn’t automatically mean that he is flirting or making his availability known or anything but there is a certain way of doing it that says “I’m a homosexual, as well, we have that in common,” and a way of doing it that says, “I’m a homosexual, as well… if you’re interested.” The way that this boy did it was definitely the latter. I was definitely interested, too. He was absolutely adorable and really sweet and just gave off generally really happy, positive vibes. There was just something about our little 10-minute conversation there that made me go upstairs and tell everybody I work with about how I am planning on having his babies. This is something that I definitely intend to explore further.

It really kind of made me think, as well, about the boy that I’ve been obsessing over recently. He is a very complicated individual in many ways and it has already become clear that a relationship with him would be just as complicated. Perhaps this boy showing up today, this boy who seemed so fun and uncomplicated, was a sign that I shouldn’t run around pursuing somebody with so many issues, who would be very difficult to have a relationship with. Of course, it’s not that I don’t think that a relationship with this boy would be worth the complications but perhaps the Universe is trying to show me that I may not be ready for the type of relationship I would have with this boy and is trying to offer me another option. I also think it’s really funny that I am sitting here referring to this random boy who I spoke with for 10 minutes today as an “option.” I suppose this is just further evidence that I am a slight bit “touched” in the head; see, crazy. Either way, it has definitely got my mind running a mile a minute. No matter what, though, all of this has shown me that the Universe is indeed working in my favor and that “The Secret” is truly at work in my life – I have been focused on finding a boyfriend and suddenly boys are everywhere I turn. Well, not exactly everywhere I turn but they are showing up in much greater abundance than they have in a very long time. It only re-affirms the feeling that I have been having and have been mentioning in the blog for a while now – my James Dean is coming. The boy of my dreams is on his way to me and I am ready for his arrival. Perhaps I have met him already – perhaps I just met him today. Perhaps not. I need to stop acting like such a crazy person right now.

When I left work at 3:30pm, I came home and haven’t done a whole lot. I watched the most brilliant movie this afternoon, though. From 1966, I watched the film “To Sir, With Love,” starring Sidney Poitier. This is the story of an African-American gentleman, with a degree in engineering, who cannot find work in his field. Actually, the film takes place in London but I’m not sure what you call that – African-British? Anyway, he takes a job as a teacher in an inner-city school full of rebel teenagers and manages to turn their lives all around. It is a familiar formula, although I don’t know of it having been done prior to this. It has been seen several times since, in films like, “Dangerous Minds,” “The Freedom Writers” or even “Sister Act 2: Back In The Habit.” It was a brilliant film, though. Sidney Poitier played his part beautifully, with just the right combination of strength and sensitivity. The other standout, in my book, was the singer Lulu, who performed the song, “To Sir, With Love,” who was absolutely adorable in this film. She was a fierce high school girl in the 1960s. It was an awesome movie, and one that I highly recommend everybody check out. It kind of got me thinking, as well, about how so many kids can be so strongly affected by one teacher. I have friends and family members and such who have told me stories about teachers who really made a different in their lives, both in positive and negative ways, and it really kind of makes me curious as to why I never had that experience. I think it must have something to do with the fact that I was so uninvolved/uninterested in school. I didn’t care enough about my teachers opinions and such to let them really impact me in such a strong way. Plus, I dropped out of high school, so that makes a difference, as well, I would think. It is funny, though, because I do have to wonder who my “Sir” would be. I think, at the end, my sister would actually be the closest person to a “Sir” that I have had in my life. In my most formative years, (late teens-early twenties,) she was the person who I think made the most impact on the type of person that I would wind up being now in my later 20s. I think she was a very positive influence and really showed me the ways to be a better person than I was back in those days. So, I appreciate that about her. I guess I should probably remind myself of that every now and then when I want to start bitching about something she’s done or whatever.

The only other thing I have to say about today is that this day saw the release of JoJo’s mixtape, “Can’t Take That Away.” JoJo, for those who don’t recall, is a young R&B/pop singer who released her first single, “Leave (Get Out)” back in 2004 when she was only 13 years old. Unlike many of the extra young singers that have come out over the past decade or so, the thing that set JoJo apart was the fact that the little bitch could sing her ass off. Seriously, at only 13 years old she sounded like a full-blown adult who had been singing for years and years already. She is extremely vocally talented but the music on that first album wasn’t all that great and never really took off, aside from that first single. When she released her second album, “The High Road,” in 2006, the music had improved immensely and her voice was just as great – winning formula, right? Apparently not, because this second album also produced a really big hit single, “Too Little, Too Late,” but also failed to sell well enough to really make it worthwhile for a record label to continue working with her, especially considering the economic hardships that were already facing the music industry at the time. So, the album got very little promotion and she wound up being dropped from the label. She signed with a smaller, independent label but was kind of put into musical limbo when she had written and recorded a whole new album but they were refusing to release it, as well as refusing to release her from her contract with them. Some legal drama ensued and she wound up getting released from her contract with this label and is now signed on with Interscope Records to distribute. I’m not entirely sure what’s going on with that exactly but I do know that, after years of promising her fans new material, she has finally released something. Well, kind of. She’s put out new music but not actually put out a genuine release. Still, I can never be mad at a good mixtape. Unfortunately, I cannot say that I was all that impressed with this one. Don’t get me wrong, it’s got a good deal of really solid tracks that are a lot of fun and really showcase the girl’s talents. It is just really underwhelming, considering the wait for it. There are even two songs that sound far too similar to have both been included, (“Pretty Please” and “My Time Is Money,”) and neither of them are that interesting. There are a few songs that sound far too much like something that would have been included on either of her previous two records, (“Can’t Take That Away,” “Why Didn’t You Call,” and “In The Dark,”) and don’t show any real creative progression, which bothers me a bit. There are only two true standout tracks for me. The first is “When Does It Go Away,” which features and was produced by one of my newest “artists to watch,” Travis Garland. It is a mid-tempo/fast-ish dance track, which is gorgeous. Their vocals are gorgeous together and the overall sound of the track really takes you on a journey. It is a great song. The other standout track, the best track on this mixtape BY A FUCKING MILE, is called “Boy Without A Heart,” which is a gorgeous, somber, blues-infused ballad about, as the title states, a “boy without a heart.” We’ve all dealt with that guy or girl who just doesn’t ever show you any type of genuine emotion. It is an awful feeling, and this song is a flawless reflection of that experience. I am absolutely in love with this song. Of course, I am not going to listen to it much because I definitely have no desire to attract a boy without a heart into my life. I don’t think I will have that problem, though. Whatever boy shows up for me is going to be absolutely perfect for me. Like that song from “Hairspray” says, “I can already hear the bells.” …and on that note, I am going to bed. Goodnight.