Chapter 320: Remedy

I am getting bored with writing these blogs every day. The reason for this is because today, like yesterday and several other days lately, have turned up with nothing major to report. It is a very strange feeling when your life winds up on a really even keel because things are going well, you’re contented where you are at and such but you also can’t help but feel this overwhelming sense of “NOTHING’S HAPPENING.” I hate that feeling. I feel like since I have calmed down a bit on my boy stuff I have gotten to that place where I am happy with everything in my life for the moment but feel as though I am not progressing or moving forward. After all, I have only got 45 days left of this blog, which means that I only have 45 days left to find an ending to this story. I don’t know how this story is going to end at this point. I have a few ideas about how I would like it to end but I don’t know what will actually happen. Like I have explained here in the blog in the past, I have developed the basic plotline to the story in my head by this point – it is the story of a boy who has always lived inside of his own head trying to make a connection in the real world. So, the clear ending to this story would be the boy finding that connection. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always work out like a proper story and I don’t know that I will have that ending within this 45-day period. I am keeping my fingers crossed, though. At the same time, though, I do kind of feel like I have already achieved that ending, or am well on my way to it. You see, I have been thinking of that connection as having to be in a romantic sense – I have been considering that connection to be falling in love. What if that isn’t it, though? What if the connection I needed to make was actually being an honest, open version of myself with the people that I surround myself with in life? I have been doing that for the past several weeks now and I am really grateful for it. Sure, I am not as completely open as I would like to be – I still have my fair share of reservations and, VERY SLIGHT, insecurities but at the end of the day I can honestly say that, over the past several weeks, I have been living my life in a much more open-minded, honest, true-to-myself way than I probably ever have before. That is still a work in progress, of course, but it is a work that is actually progressing really well. So, maybe the ending of this story is simply about this boy finding a way to be open with the outside world and not living exclusively inside his own head. That’s all well and good, of course, but it isn’t what I’m actually looking for at this time. I mean, it is what I am looking for and what I am slowly finding but my main focus has been on finding somebody to really fall in love with – finding that person who I can navigate the real world with. I am keeping my faith that this will come true sometime soon and I am keeping my mind and heart open to whatever the Universe may send my way. It is quite possible I have met this person already. It’s a long shot but it is quite possible. We’ll see what happens. Of course, if the Universe could manage to make this happen sometime within the next 45 days it would be incredibly helpful to bringing this story to a proper close.

Speaking of the ending of a very different type of story, today was the day that the Senate finally voted on the order to repeal the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy in the United States Military. Unfortunately for the equality movement, it did not wind up passing. In order for any bill to pass through the Senate there must be a majority vote of at least 60. In this case, they were simply 4 votes short, for a total vote of 56-43. There are a couple of different reasons for this, I believe, the main one being that it was a part of a much larger defense policy bill and was pushed upon the Senate with limited chance for debate or for the Republican party members to fight for amendments and things of that nature. The Senate Majority Leader, Harry Reid, actually forced the vote this week. Perhaps had this not been pushed through quite so quickly and had there been further allowances for debate on the matter, it would have gone differently. After all, there were at least 3 Senators who were in support of overturning DADT who wound up voting against it in this case specifically due to their opposition of the limits on debate on the matter. So, perhaps if a little more time had been allowed and it weren’t pushed so quickly, it could have turned out differently. Of course, Senator Reid was facing a LOT of pressures from a lot of different sources, including Lady Gaga and her legion of followers. It is just awful that this did not pass, though. That is all I know. After all, over 13,000 servicemen have been discharged under this policy since it began in 1993. They say that the bulk of these cases have been gay service members outing themselves but that there is also a lot of vindictive co-workers using it as a way to rid themselves of people they had a personal problem with or whatever else. Either way, regardless of whether or not they outed themselves, it is an option that they should have. It is, more than anything else, an equality issue. Had this policy been repealed it would have been a MAJOR step in the right direction for the Equal Rights Movement. It just seems to me like every time it seems like we are making strides in the right direction, with things like Prop 8 in California and this, it just keeps turning out that we are still being viewed as something different, separate and NOT equal. Still, the dream remains alive. Civil rights are a-coming. After all, the Universe isn’t going to send me the one, my James Dean, just to have me never have the ability to create an open, honest life with him. Therefore, it has to happen at some point. It is just a slower process than it has ever seemed in my lifetime. Of course, I also have to stop and think about what it must be like for those old Stonewall gays and how much they must have never dreamed of us being where we are today. Someday I, and the rest of my generation, will feel the same way seeing how we are in 2030 or something. That is a very positive, reassuring thought.

There are only two other things I wanted to talk about this evening. The first is the new record “Bring It On” by Kaci Battaglia. Kaci Battaglia is a 22 year old girl from Clearwater, FL, who released a couple of albums that I only vaguely remember hearing about back in the early 2000s, when she was 14 and 15 years old. I never thought much about her until recently a friend of mine had been blowing her up on Facebook. I still hadn’t checked her out but when I saw that her album was released today I decided that it was finally time to give it a shot. I must say, while having several moments of feeling a little like that same old generic dance sound, the album has some really strong moments that I love. No song on this record, in my opinion, stands out more than the track “Remedy,” though. “Remedy” is a pretty simple dance-ballad about falling in love. If you haven’t noticed, these are exactly the types of songs that I have been drawn to recently. This song is absolutely gorgeous, though. She’s got a really strong vocal presence and the music on this song reminds me of glass or water or something. I’m not entirely sure how to explain that exactly but it is what the song makes me think of. It is a beautiful song, though, about finding somebody who can take away all of the stress and drama of your life – somebody who can be your remedy. I absolutely love it. Some other standout tracks on this record include “PartyAHolic,” “Seeing You Tonight,” “Captain Save A Ho,” “Tool” and the first single from the record, “Crazy Possessive.” It is a really good album if you’re in the mood for some generally fun, upbeat, party music. I recommend it! The other thing I wanted to take a minute to talk about is tonight’s major POSITIVE event, as opposed to the DADT vote, the premiere of the second season of “Glee!” I’m not going to go into too many details here but it was completely brilliant. It was really everything I could possibly have wanted out of the return of this show. The music from this week’s episode was brilliantly selected and they picked up the story in a really great way. I absolutely loved it. Plus, there were a few new characters introduced who I totally fell in love with, including the character played by Asian pop star Charice, who was absolutely adorable, and a new football player boy who is extremely hot. It was a really great way to end the day for me, I think, particularly after being so disappointed with the Senate vote. Like I said, the dream is still alive. All of my dreams are still alive and I have not lost a single ounce of confidence that I will manage to make them all come true. Speaking of dreams, I need to go to bed. Goodnight.