Chapter 324: Wastin' My Time

Today was kind of a funny day. It had some disappointment, I'll admit, but it had some positives, as well. The day started off on an interesting note, for sure. You see, I didn't fall asleep last night until around 4am. In spite of having taken some cough syrup with codeine before getting into bed, I just laid there and couldn't get myself to actually fall asleep. I don't know if it was the sickness or just the fact that I've had a LOT on my mind lately or what but for whatever reason sleep just wasn't coming all that easily for me. So, after falling asleep around 4am, I was none too pleased to wake up just after 8am this morning, particularly because of the fact that when I woke up at 8am I had this really severe pain in my stomach. It wasn't like a stomach ache, exactly, but more like the muscles in my stomach were feeling really sore, which doesn't make a whole lot of sense because I have had a cough but not one severe enough to cause pain in my stomach. It was the same pain I'd had for the past few days, though, only considerably worse. I also really needed to go to the bathroom, so I got up and tended to that, then got back into bed. Once I was back lying in my bed, I decided to focus. I focused very hard on two specific things. One of those things was the pain in my stomach, and my illness in general, going away. Actually, I didn't focus on that at all. I focused on feeling wonderful & healthy. The other thing I focused on isn't really relevant to the story that I am telling right now, (but for the record, I am still hoping it works out today.) As I lied there and focused on wellness, the pain in my stomach started to dissipate and I fell asleep. I woke up again with my alarm at 10:30am and found myself feeling wonderful.

I was kind of expecting a visitor today. So, as soon as I got up I did my morning skincare routine & immediately began cleaning up a few things around the house. Once I was done with that I ate a little something and then went about getting myself dressed and looking presentable for company, in spite of the fact that I was only half expecting it. While only half expecting it, I was hoping it would happen. So, I figured that if I behaved as if I had company coming then, by the law of attraction, I would simply have to have it. So, I went with that idea and set about doing my makeup for the day. Plus, I didn't do much of anything at all yesterday and, since I was feeling so much better today, I was definitely in the mood to doll myself up a bit. I decided to try out a look that I had been contemplating for a while now, inspired by Hayley Williams from Paramore, which involved orange, yellow and red - 3 colors that I don't wind up using often at all. It was pretty over the top but I loved the way it came out.

After finishing all of that up, it was slowly approaching noon. At this point, I decided to go to my bedroom and just hang out for a while and see what I could do to occupy my time until something interesting happened, like company. I wound up dicking around on the keyboard for a while, which was cool, and doing a whole lot of my newest favorite "home alone" activity - bedroom performances. You see, the way that this works is that I simply pull up my music library on iTunes, pick out a random song & then get up and sing, & oftentimes dance, to it in my bedroom, as if I were performing. I understand that this sounds a whole lot like reverting back to childhood but I feel as though I have a couple of very good reasons for doing this. Scratch that, I don't really have good reasons for doing it but I have a couple of very good things that have come of doing it. First of all, singing and dancing in my bedroom has helped me to discover something that means more to me than I could possibly express here. It has helped me to discover the fact that I have NOT lost my vocals, as I had talked about in the blog quite a bit recently. After the debacle that was my "Glee" audition video and how awful my vocals were in it, I had kind of convinced myself that I had lost my ability to sing altogether. I was incorrect, though. That "Glee" audition video DID wind up teaching me something very valuable, though - it taught me to be aware of my limitations vocally. After all, in that video I was attempting to sing "Don't Rain On My Parade," for chrissakes! That is WAY more song than my voice is capable of handling. So, based on the trouble I had singing that song, as well as with "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going," which is another song that is way too big for my voice, I was convinced that my vocal abilities were actually gone. However, with all of the bedroom performing I have been doing recently I have come to recognize where my voice really shines and where it should just be stopped. Also, another EXTREMELY important thing that has come from bedroom performing is the fact that it has managed to remind me of the sheer joy I have always derived from the simple acts of singing and dancing. I feel like I kind of forgot about that somewhere along the way and I could not be more grateful for the fact that I have managed to remind myself. It is an absolutely wonderful feeling and one I am not ever willing to give up. So, laugh at my bedroom performances if you may - they are brilliant to me. After all, the bedroom is one of the places where I have always performed best. *wink wink, nudge nudge*

I wound up bedroom performing pretty much the whole time from noon until 4:30pm, when my Mom got home from work. I still hadn't heard anything out of my possible visitor, so when my Mom asked me if I wanted to go out to Venice & pick up some Panda Express for dinner, I said "fuck it, let's go." After all, I was hoping for company today, sure, but I hadn't received any word and wasn't just going to sit around & wait. Plus, my Mom and I had plans for tonight, anyway. We had already decided earlier in the week that we were going to have dinner together and watch the movie "Gypsy" this evening. So, once we got back from Venice that is exactly what we did. For those who don't know, "Gypsy" is the story of a notorious stage mother doing anything & everything she possibly can to turn her daughters into Vaudeville stars, so that she could live out her own dreams vicariously through them. It is one hell of a movie, that's for sure, with some absolutely stunning music scattered throughout and fucking knockout performances from Rosalind Russell as Rose, the stage mother, and Natalie Wood as her daughter Louise, who eventually becomes known as Gypsy Rose Lee. It was an absolutely brilliant film and one that I highly recommend everybody check out. Aside from the movie itself, it was also really nice to sit down and enjoy a quiet evening with my Mom, which I hadn't actually done in quite a while. We had a good time just sitting and watching the movie, although I will admit that we were both somewhat distracted - me with my phone and her on her laptop. Still, it was a good time.

For now, though, it is after 11pm and I don't necessarily plan on going to bed anytime soon. I do, however, plan on finding something more interesting than writing this blog to fill my time before I do go to bed. I'm not sure what that interesting thing will be but I'm gonna figure it out and then do it. As far as tomorrow goes, I don't have any plans at all. This makes for a pretty bland weekend but I suppose I don't mind it. This is simply what happens when you are sick and broke in the same weekend. Next weekend should be better - I'll have money then. For now, though, I am going to figure out something to keep myself entertained. Goodnight.