Chapter 297: Make It Like A Memory

Today was Sunday. Sundays have a tendency to be a little boring. It just seems as if nothing interesting ever seems to happen on Sunday. Most weeks I cherish my Sunday and spend it watching old movies on Netflix or something but for some reason this week it just didn’t feel the same as it usually does. Let me start by talking a bit about last night. After I finished writing last night’s blog, instead of watching “A Star Is Born,” like I should have, as it has been proven to be a great sleep aid for me, I decided to try something a little different and watched the movie “Shampoo.” “Shampoo” was a huge hit back in 1975, starring Warren Beatty, Goldie Hawn and Julie Christie. Warren Beatty plays a Beverly Hills hair stylist who sleeps with all of his clients, while his steady girlfriend, Goldie Hawn, is none the wiser. She is pressuring him to settle down and commit to her but he keeps putting it off until he can open his own salon. I wasn’t entirely sure how to feel about all of the references to him being a “faggot” because he was a hairdresser but I suppose it was a different time. What I was sure how to feel about was Goldie Hawn, who was absolutely adorable. Also, I guess I didn’t realize it because I have only seen him since he has been all old and puffy but Warren Beatty used to be kind of insanely hot. I have also always known the name Julie Christie but never known much about her or her work. She is a diva and a half in this movie. I definitely recommend checking this movie out if you haven’t seen it because it was a lot of fun. It gets a little overly dramatic at the end but it’s definitely still worth watching. Two thumbs up.

Anyway, after I finished watching this movie, I kept planning to go to bed but then I kept getting distracted by one thing or another until it was finally after 5am. I got into bed close to 6am and didn’t actually fall asleep until around 6:30am. Then the crazy dreams came. I don’t know what the deal was but first I had this crazy dream that I can’t really remember right now about that boy that I’ve decided I have to stop thinking about. I woke up just after 8am from this dream. I got up and went to the bathroom and I considered my waking up then was the Universe helping me out. If I am not to be thinking of this boy but he comes up in my sleep, I am glad that the Universe woke me up to help me stop thinking about him. When I got out of the bathroom, I noticed that my Mom was sitting on the couch. She had planned on going to work this morning to do some overtime but she told me that she had decided not to and she wasn’t going to worry about it. I was happy to hear that from her because she seems to spend a lot of time stressing about money and she really shouldn’t – that will only attract more concerns about not having enough money and, in turn, more experiences of not having enough money. So fuck that. I very briefly considered staying up then but opted not to because I knew that would just mean that I would wind up falling asleep later in the day and causing myself sleep troubles tonight. So, I went back to bed and focused my mind on dreaming of something else other than this boy. It worked, too. Instead I had some horrible dream about something with my Mom that had me in a panic, and I woke up from that dream right around 10am. Once again, I really believe that the Universe woke me from this dream, as well, so I wouldn’t attract something of that nature to happen. I went back to sleep and woke up again around 11am when my alarm went off but immediately went back to sleep. Finally, I woke up again just after noon and decided that it was time to just get up for the day. Five and a half hours is plenty. I mean, it’s not actually enough but it’s enough to get me through a Sunday.

Once I was up for the day, I immediately gathered up my dirty laundry and put it in the washer, grabbed something from the fridge to eat for breakfast, (hot dogs – the breakfast of champions,) and came back into my bedroom to try to figure out what I wanted to do for the day. I first signed on to Netflix to try to find a movie to watch to pass some time. I was kind of in the mood for some sort of cheesy horror film but I started a couple different ones and couldn’t bear to actually pay attention to them, so I wound up stopping them all. Sadly, I don’t really remember what I wound up spending the first few hours of my day doing, beyond tending to my laundry and laying in my bed playing games on my cell phone. I hate that feeling of not being able to remember what I did with a chunk of time like that because whatever it was clearly must have been completely asinine. That, to me, is wasted time. I hate wasting time. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I waste plenty of time but I hate when something is such a waste of time that I can’t even remember it. I know I took a shower during that time. That’s about all that I remember. That sucks. Still, the shower was really nice. I took one of those really long showers where I spent a long time just letting the water wash over me. I also know that I watched some YouTube makeup tutorials during that time because after my shower I decided to experiment a bit with a makeup look that I saw on there. It didn’t work out too well for me but I wore it for the rest of the day, anyway. I also managed to finally work out a nude lip that I liked, something I have been working at for a while now but haven’t been able to pull off to my liking. I guess I don’t actually mean a nude lip, because that would be a lip that is it’s natural shade of pink. That isn’t what I have been trying. I have been trying to get a muted lip look – where the lip kind of blends in with the color of the rest of the face. I managed to get that right today and I loved the look of it. So, that was a plus.

The major highlight of today, though, was shortly after my shower and makeup time. I have been feeling a little listless about the piano and really haven’t been practicing much or anything but, as I mentioned a couple weeks ago in the blog, I had managed to write a really cool opening riff or verse section of music. I hadn’t really gone back to the piano since then. Today, though, I sat down and practiced the pieces that I learned before with Viktor for a while, then I decided to dick around a little bit with the thing I wrote before. I was still really happy with the sound of it and wanted to take it further than I already had. So, I sat down and wrote a little mid-section to attach it to. So, basically, I’ve got the opening section of a song and the area that leads up to the chorus. I know it’s not really a lot but I am extremely proud of myself for pulling this off. It only reaffirms my decision to not move forward with piano lessons. Like I said, I think that I can pull off writing and continue learning more and more on my own from this point. That is a very good thing and I am extremely proud of myself for getting to this point. Of course, there is also this other thing that has kind of been looming in my head for a while – I have mentioned a time or two here in the blog that I have kind of been rethinking my musical concepts lately. These reconsiderations have led me to think of something very specific. You see, I have been listening to a lot more rock music at this point and have been writing more and more songs with a rock edge to them and I have seriously been considering the concept of starting a band. I mean, it is kind of an out there idea, considering I don’t think I know any musicians at this point and I’m not really sure of how I would meet them in order to put a band together. Plus, if you’re going to be in a band you kind of need to be dealing with people that you have some sort of bond with. Of course, a bond can be formed along the way. I just can’t imagine how that would all come together. As I have discussed here in the blog, though, it is not my place to concern myself with how – if this is what I really want and the frequency that I put out, the Universe will bring it together exactly as it is meant to come. I mean, I would have to tweak my vocal style a bit here and there and learn to do that whole screamsinging thing better than I do now. It is definitely something that I am capable of, though, and I think it is something that I could do really great things with. Plus, I would make a really awesome lead singer, I think. The thing about rock music, too, is that it isn’t necessarily required that you have a really strong vocal ability in the traditional sense, which is great because I don’t exactly have the ability to sing the type of music I have been trying to work on up to this point. Like I said, this is just an idea at this point but I have seen and learned throughout my life that all great things begin as just an idea. So, I will continue working on stuff on my own for now but should the opportunities present themselves, I would definitely take advantage of them.

This evening, before my Mom got home from visiting her friend in Palmetto, I spent a little while talking to a new friend of mine who shared some very distressing news with me. Clearly, I am not going to share this news here because it was not my news or news about me. It was very disheartening to hear, though, and I was particularly stricken by this person’s depression about it. I tried my best to tell them to think positively about the whole thing and do everything they can to fight off any negative thoughts. Unfortunately, being that this was fresh news, that talk didn’t help too much. So, I told this person that I would do my best to think positively about it for them. Hopefully, through my positive thoughts they will be able to develop some positive thoughts of their own and the whole situation can be alleviated or at least understood. I don’t really know how to talk about this without saying what’s going on but I don’t really need to talk about this situation specifically, anyway. The reason I bring this up at all is because I wanted to discuss the fact that I do believe that having positive thoughts for somebody else and putting out a positive frequency for them and their situations CAN help. “The Secret” teaches that we can’t put out a frequency for others but I don’t agree with that. I mean, we can’t feel the feelings that they are feeling therefore we can’t change the frequency that they are putting out. However, I don’t believe this to be entirely true. What we can do is put out a frequency to the Universe of providing them guidance and asking the Universe to show them whatever they need to see to be putting out the right frequency for themselves. So, I think we have the ability to change the frequency that they are putting out by putting out the frequency of clarity for them, so that they can put out the frequency of what they want. I don’t know all the details of the law of attraction as well as some but I do believe that it can’t hurt for us to try to put out a frequency of somebody else seeing the light for themselves. I can’t see that there would be any wrong in doing that. Hopefully, it will work.

The rest of the evening was spent eating KFC and watching “Big Brother,” as well as some special that aired on A&E about Natasha Bedingfield, which included 5 or 6 live performances from her. This was great because I am a huge fan of hers, have seen her in concert and was blown away by it, and find her to be a major source of inspiration for me. She is a brilliant songwritier, more than anything else she does in my opinion, and really seems to know how to write a song that is extremely commercial and universally true for so many people while still being completely personal to herself and her experiences. I love that. In fact, she was talking in this special about the song “Unwritten,” which is one of my all-time favorite songs, and she was talking about how it was basically just a song that she had written for herself, a song that was completely personal for her, and then it was released as a single and became one of the biggest selling singles of that year, the theme song to “The Hills” and one of the most used songs in movie trailers and such. More than anything, though, it is a song that has really spoken to millions upon millions of people and reflected their feelings about their lives back to them. I was just thinking about what an immensely rewarding feeling that must be for her – something that was born out of her own feelings towards and experiences in life has turned out to mean that exact same thing to millions of people around the world. That is what I have always dreamed of. That is the exact reason why music has always been the answer to any question I may have had about life. I can’t believe that just a week ago I was sitting here considering giving up on that dream. What an asshole. For now, though, it is time for bed, and if I have any dreams tonight they will be the kinds of dreams that I have no desire to wake up from. Tomorrow begins a week of having a shadow at work, which should definitely prove to be a very interesting week for me. We’ll see how it goes. Goodnight.