Chapter 283: Mr. James Dean

Today I did something that has become a pretty frequent act for me on my days off – I pulled up my Netflix “Instant Watch” and dug around for some classic Hollywood gem that I haven’t seen before to watch. Today, however, I had a very different experience with this than usual. Today I fell in love. Don’t get me wrong, on my classic Hollywood excursions on Netflix I have managed to develop little obsessions with different stars of yesteryear but this was a very different experience. Today I watched a movie that starred a man who I had never actually seen on film before and a man who was really a reflection of everything that I am looking for in the search for my “perfect partner,” which anyone following the blog knows that I cannot shut up about right now. He was beautiful in an untraditional sort of way. He appeared to be a “bad boy” but was actually really sweet, caring and sensitive, struggling to find his place in the world. He was all golden and bronze, which I mentioned in Friday night’s blog that I am looking for nowadays. He was troubled but he was making an honest effort to figure himself out. He was absolutely perfect. He was James Dean, and the film was “Rebel Without A Cause.” I didn’t know a whole lot about this movie before watching it, aside from the fact that it was the basis for Paula Abdul’s music video for the song “Rush Rush” and that it starred James Dean and Natalie Wood. I also knew that it was considered amongst the greatest films of our time by many and that it was said to have really given voice to teenagers of the time. This film was released in 1955, less than one month after James Dean’s fatal car accident, ending his life at only 24 years old. This film was kind of an odd choice for me today because normally, when searching for classic films, I lean much more towards musicals or light-hearted comedies with a strong female lead. Still, there was something about this film that really reached out to me. It didn’t take long after starting the film to see why – James Dean. I really cannot say enough about this man. He was perfect. Before I go into that more, let me discuss the film a bit.

“Rebel Without A Cause” is the story of 17 year-old Jim Stark, played by James Dean, who has recently moved to Los Angeles with his parents. Jim’s parents are introduced right off the bat as constantly fighting, with his mother being extremely overbearing and his father being kind of spineless, always backing down to her. Jim’s mother is particularly overbearing towards him and he feels a pretty strong sense of betrayal from his father for not coming to his defense against his mother. Jim often expresses a feeling of being out of place or not belonging anywhere in the world, in large part because his parents have moved him around a lot. Anytime he comes into any trouble in a town, they immediately pick up and move away. Jim doesn’t have any friends or anybody to turn to, as well, because of this constant moving and he has hopes for changing that in Los Angeles. Jim quickly meets Plato, played by the absolutely adorable Sal Mineo, who is a social outcast, initially introduced in the film at a police station having shot a group of puppies. Plato seems to have a strange obsession with Jim and they strike up a friendship mainly based on the fact that neither of them has anyone else. Jim also meets Judy, an equally troubled young girl who goes to the same school as him, who runs with a guy named Buzz Gunderson and his gang. Buzz and his gang, after only minor interaction, develop a strong disdain for Jim, first getting into a knife fight with him, which he “wins,” then challenging him to a “chickie run,” which is basically driving a stolen car at high speed toward a cliff to see who jumps out of the car first, dubbing that person a “chicken.” Jim, based on seeing his father all his life, does not take kindly at all to being called a “chicken.” He accepts the challenge but the whole thing goes wrong when Buzz, the second driver in the “chickie run,” gets a piece of his clothing caught on the door of the car and is unable to escape before the car goes over the cliff. Jim feels terrible about the whole situation and attempts to go to the police about it but is turned away by the police. Some of the other guys involved in the “chickie run” see Jim at the police station, though, and become convinced that he turned them in. They try to track Jim down at home, as well as at Plato’s house. Jim is not in either of these places, though. Earlier in the film, Plato had told Jim about an abandoned mansion in the hills where he would hang out sometimes, so he immediately goes there to look for him. As it turns out, Jim was at the abandoned mansion, along with Judy, who had developed an attraction to Jim somewhere along the lines, (I seemed to have missed the point where this was developed but, honestly, who wouldn’t be attracted to him?) Jim and Judy bonded over their guilt about Buzz and the “chickie run,” and were clearly in the process of becoming an “item.” When Plato arrives at the abandoned mansion, the three bond even further and develop themselves as a little family unit. It isn’t long, though, before the other boys from Buzz’ gang arrive and shit really hits the fan. Apparently, while coming to look for Jim, Plato had taken a gun from his mother’s house and, when the other boys arrived, began firing it. He even fired it at Jim, making clear that he was unstable. Eventually, the police arrive and Plato runs off to hide in the Griffith Observatory, where Jim and Judy come find him and convince him to hand over the gun. After having secretly removed the bullets from the gun, Jim gives the gun back to Plato. When the police track them down at the observatory, Plato, still in his unstable state, goes outside and begins threatening the police with it. He is shot to death before Jim is able to tell the police that the bullets had been removed from the gun. Somewhere along the lines, Plato had gotten cold in the observatory, so Jim gave him is jacket. Jim’s parents, who were brought to the scene by the police, saw the jacket at the time of the shooting and believed that Jim had been killed. Once Jim emerged from the building, his father was overcome with joy and vowed to be a stronger man and father for his son. Reconciled with his parents, he introduces them to Judy and it is implied that they lived happily ever after or something along those lines… I mean, aside from Plato. Plato, however, at least got to die feeling that sense of family he had been longing all of his life.

Maybe I didn’t explain that as thoroughly as I could or should have but I REALLY recommend seeing this film if you haven’t. It was absolutely incredible. I was never really clear on why exactly James Dean was such a cultural icon, having only made three films in his career, but after seeing this I completely get it. He was the first of his kind. He was the gateway for so many great teen characters to come in the past 50 years, like John Bender in “The Breakfast Club,” or Jordan Catalano on “My So-Called Life.” I understand that these aren’t the best examples in the world but those were the first two to come to mind who had that extremely clear influence from James Dean. There are so many throughout the years, though, and he is the one who started it all. It’s hard to imagine being a teenager in the 1950s, where you really haven’t seen yourself or your life, your troubles and fears, reflected on screen all your life like people my age have. It is fascinating to think about what life must have been like then. Needless to say, I feel extremely grateful to be living today. After I finished this film, I began reading up a little on James Dean’s career and personal life and was very surprised to find out that, back in the 1950s, he was pretty widely known to have been, at least, bisexual. After finding this out, though, I could see that in his persona and general demeanor – not in the sense that he had any signs of the stereotypical types of homosexual behavior, like effeminacy or whatever else. There was definitely a sense of softness to him, though, beneath his hard exterior. I also very much got a sense of chemistry between him and Sal Mineo in the film, which I found out after the fact in clips on YouTube and such was not just my imagination – not to say that there was any sort of sexual relationship between the two but they were both known to be bisexual, at the very least. In my mind, though, after the reading I did online and the clips I saw on YouTube, I am considering that James Dean was gay. He was a perfect, beautiful, charming and extremely talented gay man.

So, I have decided that I need to find a man that exudes those same types of qualities that I saw in James Dean. I definitely want a man with that same combination of strength and sensitivity; hardness and softness. I want a man who is charismatic yet quiet. I want a man who seems to be making an honest effort to improve himself. I want a man who is passionate about the things that he does. I want a man who is enigmatic. I want a man who is beautiful, inside and out. I want a man who is dedicated to whatever it is he loves in life. These are all qualities that I found in James Dean, both in “Rebel Without A Cause” and in what I could find about him as a person. If he has the looks that James Dean had, as well, that would definitely be a plus. Most of all, though, I want someone who I can’t seem to tear my eyes away from, like I couldn’t tear my eyes away from James Dean on-screen. Of course, this is a lot for a guy to live up to. Clearly, it doesn’t have to be exact but these are all pretty easy qualities to find, I would think. What is more difficult is finding the proper combination of them all. I am confident that I will find it, though. I am really excited to find it, as well – not only to find it but to find a way to make it last. There is a person who I have already met, in fact, who seems to have a lot of these qualities. This person’s codename is now Mr. James Dean, like the Hilary Duff song. Of course, that song isn’t exactly describing a great guy but it isn’t mean in a literal way. I have this strange thing I have done for years, which is not speaking the name of a guy if I am interested in him. It just feels like talking about someone you like too much kind of curses you. Plus, in the movie “The Sweetest Thing” they talk about “naming the puppy,” which means that you are like admitting that you like a guy by referring to him by name. I don’t feel like I am in a place where I want to admit to liking anybody right now… so, I am using a codename. Mr. James Dean. I like it.

Okay, I am on the verge of sounding stupid, (or am I already there?) so I am going to end this here. It is 9:34pm and I need to take a shower tonight before going to bed. I also need to get to bed early tonight because I have a pretty big day ahead of me tomorrow. Tomorrow is back to work for another week, of course, but I have wound up with some pretty major plans for after work tomorrow night, as well. I got a call from Rachel this evening asking me if I would be willing to accompany her to a concert in Orlando tomorrow night. She had bought tickets to see one of her absolute favorite bands, Something Corporate, tomorrow night and had some friend who was supposed to go with her but pulled out at the very last minute and she didn’t want to go alone. I have found something out about myself by way of all of my hanging out with Rachel lately – my automatic instinct when being asked to go out and do anything is to say no. When she called me tonight and asked me about this, my automatic instinct was to say no. When Rachel and Kailey were over on Friday night I had made mention of the fact that Kabbalah teaches that the way that we connect to the light is by going against the things that make us uncomfortable or going against out base reactions to things. As I mentioned in Friday night’s blog, I found myself kind of regretting not going out with them on Friday night when they asked me. My initial reaction was to say no and that was exactly what I did. That created a negative feeling in me. So, this time I decided to go against that same feeling and say yes. Immediately after I did, a really good, positive feeling was created in me and I am feeling really excited about the whole thing. I haven’t been to a concert in a really long time and, even though I am not all that familiar with the music of Something Corporate, I am excited to get a little more familiar with it. Plus, the lead singer of Something Corporate has a side project called Jack’s Mannequin, whose album “Everything In Transit” is one of my all-time favorites, so it is kind of like seeing a band that I love – at least, part of it. I just feel like this is a perfect next step for me in my process of getting past whatever this strange social anxiety that I have developed is. I am excited. I think tomorrow is going to be a great day. So, I’d better go get myself all showered up and ready to go to bed so I can wake up tomorrow and get to it. Goodnight.