Today was a very long day. In spite of how long it was, it was actually a pretty good day. It all began when I woke up this morning at 5:45am, when my alarm went off. I wasn’t quite ready to get out of bed yet, so I just laid there for a while trying to keep myself awake. That didn’t work and I fell back to sleep until 6:10am. I don’t honestly know what woke me up at that point because I didn’t hit snooze on my alarms or anything – it just kind of happened. I am very glad that it did, though. I decided to try to use the same technique today as I did yesterday morning – the first thing I did when I woke up and saw the time was expressed my gratitude for waking up at this time. There was a small part of me that kind of panicked because I wasn’t sure if I would have time to eat and drink coffee and smoke without cutting into my hair and makeup time too severely. Still, I pushed those thoughts aside and continued to express my gratitude for all of the great parts of the morning that I really do appreciate, and went about my morning as I always do. As it turned out, I ate breakfast, I smoked, I drank my coffee and I watched “Chelsea Lately,” like I do pretty much every morning and still wound up in the bathroom doing hair and makeup at the same time as I always do. Even better, I managed to finish those by 7:40am, leaving myself a little extra time for last minute stuff and chatting with my Mom, which was a very pleasant surprise considering I had woken up later than planned. So, I was in a pretty good mood when I arrived at work this morning.
I actually wound up writing several new songs in the first part of the day at work, which was also a really pleasant surprise to me. The songs that I wrote this morning all kind of followed an odd and interesting theme – they were all kind of “rock” songs, very influenced by two of my most frequently played artists over the past week or so, Hole and The Pretty Reckless. One story in “The Secret” that really stuck out to me was this story about a guy who worked for a movie studio in Hollywood or something like that, who was having trouble with his love life – he simply wasn’t getting dates the way that he wanted to be and he felt very dissatisfied with this. He had a feng shui expert to his house, one who was familiar with “The Secret,” who immediately noticed something – his house was full of paintings of women who were facing away from him. Based on these paintings she knew that he must be having trouble with his love life, so she told him to get rid of them. He was very defensive about this because he had painted these pictures himself. The woman told him that this was even worse because he was pouring his creative energies into this type of image. She told him to paint the picture of what he would like his love life to be and so he did. Six months later the woman saw him again and asked about his love life again and, after painting the new pictures, he suddenly had everything he had wanted out of his love life. With this story in mind, I have been attempting to write songs about the love life that I aspire to have. This hasn’t worked out the best, if I am being honest. All of the songs that I wrote today were absolutely not what I want my love life to be like. In fact, they were pretty much all inspired by ex-boyfriends and the things that I absolutely hated about those relationships. That’s not a good sign… or is it? While this was focusing my creative energies on the things that I don’t want in my future relationships, it also kind of served to really remind me of the things that I have had in relationships before and really reiterate, in my mind, that I do not want anybody like the guys I’ve been with before. This could be helpful, except that “The Secret” teaches that we should NOT focus on the things that we don’t want to happen because that will only attract more of those things into our lives – but it also teaches that we need to be clear about what we do want. So, I need to turn my focus from the things that my ex-boyfriends were that I don’t want again to the opposing things that I DO want my perfect partner to be. So, these ideas were headed in the right direction but never quite made it there. They are there now, though, and that is what is important.
Speaking of stories from “The Secret” that really stick out to me, another story tells about a woman who was waiting for her perfect partner and was doing everything right, in general, but it still wasn’t happening for her. She realized one day as she was parking her car in the middle of her garage that this behavior wasn’t actually conducive to her goals because she wasn’t behaving as if she had already received her perfect partner – by her parking her car in the middle of the garage, she was not leaving a spot for her perfect partner’s car. So, she cleaned out her garage and began parking to one side. She also started to notice other little things, like the fact that she slept in the middle of her bed and didn’t leave space for her perfect partner there, either. So, she started sleeping on one side of the bed and left space for another person to sleep, as well. Now, I don’t currently have a car or a garage, so I don’t have to worry about that one, but for the past few nights I have started sleeping on one side of the bed and have even laid out extra pillows on the bed right where somebody else’s head would be next to mine. Little acts like this almost seem kind of silly but I do believe there is a very powerful force that recognizes these things as you making the effort on your part and genuinely preparing yourself to receive what you want. I am extremely grateful for what I have received already in my life and even in these past few days. In fact, my “Secret” goal for today actually came to me super easily. I mentioned in last night’s blog that I was hoping that I would get to be off the phone for a good little while today and instead walking the floor and helping the new agents out. Well, right around 1pm this afternoon I was asked to get up and help watch the floor because my team lead had to go on break and my supervisor was off the floor doing some training stuff. So, I did that, went to lunch and when I got back was told to just keep walking the floor. I spent a few hours today up walking the floor, which I had a lot of fun with. I like interacting with different people around the floor and being helpful to them. It is fun for me, in a weird way. Plus, I was really glad to get a break from being on the phones today. Of course, this wound up parlaying itself into a whole other thing where my sister asked me to stay late to help with this big crazy thing we had going on at work today. It worked out because I could stay two hours extra without getting overtime, and my sister can sucker me into doing dumb shit like working a 12-hour day for her. Still, in spite of how long the day was, it was a pretty good one. I had a pretty fun day prancing around the floor dealing with all kinds of different people and getting to know some of the new reps a little better.
I also wound up making a good deal of face time this evening with the person I discussed a bit before, the boy who I have transferred my “crush” to after the previous one proved too high-risk for my tastes. That was a very good thing. I love boys. That is all I am going to say about that. After work, my Mom and I didn’t feel like cooking, both having worked longer days than usual, so we decided to go pick up dinner from Gyros & Seafood. We came home and both kind of went braindead watching “Big Brother” and eating our dinner. By 9:30pm we were both ready to go to bed. Of course, neither of us were actually planning on going to bed at that time but we did both go off to our separate ends of the house, where she called her boyfriend and I dicked around online a bit while writing this blog. Now it is 10:45pm and I am ready to actually go to sleep. Like I said, it was a VERY long day and I need to get my rest in order to go deal with it all again tomorrow. I don’t know what I am going to focus on, in terms of “The Secret” but I am sure I will figure it out pretty quickly tomorrow. Perhaps I will make my “Secret” focus on creating a cool piece of art with Rachel and her friend tomorrow night. I don’t know what exactly we are going to do but I definitely think that it will be fun. I am pretty excited about the whole thing. I am pretty excited about life right now – I can feel in my bones that something major is coming and I am extremely excited for it to arrive. I am ready for a “game-changer” in my life and I know that it is coming for me any day. Who knows? It may already be here. What definitely IS here right now, though, is exhaustion. I need sleep. Goodnight.
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