Chapter 273: Indestructible (Acoustic Version)

Today was a pretty decent day. It was actually really boring, for the most part, but it definitely had its moments. I woke up at 5:45am and immediately did my morning skincare routine, brushed my teeth and hopped in the shower. Normally, I don’t take showers in the morning but I have recently decided to try it out for a while. I really like taking a shower in the morning but I have so much trouble getting myself motivated to do it so early in the morning. Still, I actually like it better than showering at night because it kind of helps wake me up and I feel like it leaves me with a nice, clean palette to build upon with clothes, hair and makeup for the rest of the day. After my shower, I made myself a cup of coffee, smoked a couple of cigarettes, ate a bowl of Raisin Bran and watched last night’s episode of “Chelsea Lately.” Watching the previous night’s episode of Chelsea has really become a big part of my morning routine – I like it. I feel like it is a very good thing to start off the day with some laughs. After all, “The Secret” says that it is important to feel the feelings that you want to continue to feel, and laughter is definitely a feeling that I want to continue to feel throughout each day. After all of that, I headed into the bathroom to get myself dressed and ready for the day. I wore a blue heather v-neck from Old Navy with a lighter blue denim jean with a yellow wash today, mainly because these colors lent themselves really well to the eye shadow shades that came in the Best Of Stila “Ulta”-mate set that I received in the mail yesterday and I had every intention of using those products for my makeup look today. I did wind up using them, actually, and came up with a really adorable gold/blue look that I kind of fell in love with. I took it to a new level of blending eye shadows today. I’m joking but I did really love the way that it came out. I managed to finish my look this morning by 7:35am or so, and had a little extra time to lounge around and smoke before having to head to work, which was nice. I spent that extra time talking with my Mom, which was nice because we haven’t gotten to spend much time together lately and when we have we have both not really been wanting to talk much.

Work was pretty bland today. I was bored for most of the day. I did a little more drawing, which I have really been enjoying. I need to buy myself another sketchbook, I think, and perhaps a better set of colored pencils. I feel like I should be focusing a lot more on my artwork and really trying to focus in on the whole drawing thing more and try to create more cohesive images than I have been, since I have been mainly drawing faces lately. Since I have been doing more and more with makeup and learning more and more about the contours of a face and such I have found myself pretty fascinated with drawing them and trying to perfect them with color and such. It is, if nothing else, a really good way to waste the time away at work. The thing is, much like several months ago when I was doing it a lot more, I do feel like I really have a natural talent for drawing that just needs to be honed and focused a bit more in order to be perfected. It is something that I have really been enjoying lately. I think I may actually run by Michael’s this weekend and try to pick up some supplies to work on this more. I also wrote another new song today, although to give you an idea of how great it was, I don’t really remember the name or what it was about to discuss it further here. That is a shame. Still, I do feel like some of my more recent writings have been really good and I am happy with the directions that my writing has been taking lately. Aside from all that, it wasn’t really a busy day at work and I spent most of the day being bored. I did get to spend a little time, unintentionally, helping out some of the new reps with their calls and the general questions that they had, which I personally really enjoy doing. There were a lot of other reps who were doing it all day long and really complaining about having to do it, which was a shame because I would have really liked to have been doing that all day instead of sitting at my desk being bored. It is fun for me to go around and deal with all the new people and kind of get to know them a little bit – especially this one boy who is absolutely adorable. There is something about him that I am really drawn to, although he is one of those clearly 100% straight boys who seems a little uncomfortable in dealing with me… but one of those really sweet, nice ones who are clearly trying their best to make it look like they aren’t uncomfortable. That makes me giggle. Of course, having new reps on the production floor in the workplace also means that all kinds of errors are popping up and we are all of a sudden getting these calls with these accounts that are really messed up. So, that’s a lot of fun to deal with. In fact, I wound up going to my lunch break about an hour late today because I was dealing with one of those calls. It was alright, though.

On my lunch break today, I spoke with Viktor, my piano instructor. After speaking with the woman at Allegro last night, I decided to call Viktor and try to get some clarification on the matter. On the call today, which was a little weird because both of our phones were breaking up, I am pretty sure he told me that he wasn’t planning on going back to the school and that he was leaving the country for a couple weeks and would call me when he got back to set up private lessons for us. He basically told me that I could go in for those lessons Allegro set up for me if I wanted to but that I shouldn’t count on him coming back there. I told him what I discussed in the blog here last night – I don’t really want to work with some stranger bitch and would prefer to just continue with him. So, this all adds up to me needing to call back there and cancel the lessons that they have set up for me. The only thing is the fact that I tried calling there this afternoon and reached that same ridiculous woman. I am specifically trying not to deal with her again because she is really irritating and pushy and doesn’t ever seem to understand any of the things that I am trying to tell her. I am really trying to call in and speak with the girl who works the front desk normally – she is really nice and friendly and doesn’t ever seem to have a problem with understanding. So, I am going to have to try again another day and see if I can reach her or somebody else who makes more sense to me. The whole situation is really annoying to me and I don’t want to be dealing with it. I don’t want to burn any bridges with Allegro or anything but, at the same time, if Viktor isn’t going to be teaching piano there then I want to continue my lessons wherever he is going to be teaching. I don’t know why that is exactly but I do feel a certain amount of loyalty to him. In a lot of ways, I feel like we have formed a bit of a bond – he understands the way that I learn best and the way that I work, in terms of practice and such. We have built a rapport and I don’t want to just throw that away in order to stick with the school. Aside from Viktor and the girl who works the front desk, I haven’t really ever even spoken with anybody at the school. I don’t have any real tie to the school itself. So, I would much rather stick with the person I do feel like I have a tie to. I was kind of considering the idea of quitting lessons altogether and just trying to continue on my own but I don’t really feel like I am in a place where I could pull that off just yet. I mean, I’ve made a good deal of progress and such but trying to learn the Lady Gaga song “Speechless” hasn’t gone the best for me. There are still a lot of things I need to learn.

Aside from all that, I don’t really have a lot else to talk about. The thing that I keep alluding to but not talking about is still in place, although today I found myself focusing on it a bit less. I mean, not entirely… after all, I just remembered what that song I wrote today was about. Still, I kept my emotions running at a comfortable pace today and I hope to keep them running at this same pace, and then slowly less and less until they go away. Of course, feelings don’t always work that way. I just don’t foresee anything real coming of any of it, so the best plan of attack is to try to ease up on my feelings about the whole thing and try my best to slowly but surely be done with it all. I don’t know. In some ways I feel like I may be taking an overly negative view on the whole thing and cursing myself but, at the same time, I am thinking realistically. I am not really a believer in the concept of anything at all in this world being impossible and even the unlikeliest of things are absolutely possible if they are what you really want. Still, I don’t know… it is complicated. I hate this type of shit. There is a song on the second part of Robyn’s trilogy of albums, “Body Talk,” (which leaked to the internet today and is absolutely amazing,) called “Indestructible.” This is probably my favorite track on “Body Talk, Part 2,” and it is just an acoustic version of a song that will likely wind up being included on Part 3. It is just gorgeous and it is something that I kind of feel like I should heed the lyrics of in my life. The chorus of this song says, “I never was smart with love, I let the bad ones in and the good ones go, but I’m going to love you like I’ve never been hurt before, I’m going to love you like I’m indestructible.” I love that concept. Of course, I realize that I am nowhere near the point of being in love or anything even close to that but I think the idea applies just as much to like or interest or whatever it is I am doing right now just as well. So, I suppose I should take these lyrics as words of advice to me. Of course, it’s a lot easier sung, (beautifully by Robyn,) than done. I don’t know. What I do know is that it is nearing 11:30pm and I need to get to sleep. Goodnight.