Chapter 165: Never Go Hungry

Last night I watched this special on the TV Guide Channel about Dolly Parton. It was essentially a 30-minute interview with her, with little mini-montages on her backstory interspersed throughout. I have been a very big fan of Dolly’s for years and will pretty much sit down and watch anything about her, particularly if it is actually focused on her talking like this was. The thing with Dolly, for me personally, is that more than a singer or an actress she is an inspiration. It seems like she puts such an emphasis in every interview she does, and even in every record or film she does, on trying to inspire people to figure out what makes them happy and pursue it to the fullest. She is so funny and down-to-earth in a completely over the top sort of way. I just adore that woman. In this special, the interviewer asked her, as many interviewers have before, what her secret was to maintaining such a positive attitude. Another thing I love about Dolly is her unwavering positivity and light. She always comes across as completely hopeful. I have heard her give various different answers to this question but the one she gave in this interview felt particularly inspiring to me – as if she had said it specifically for me to hear. She said that she keeps her happy, positive demeanor by waking up every day and expecting things to be good. She said that some days everything is good and some days it’s not, but anytime things aren’t good she does everything she possibly can to make them good. I think that is a beautiful way to live life and kind of more applicable to life than “The Secret” or any of those self-help/metaphysical concepts because you don’t have to put specifics on it. All you have to do is expect things to be great and they will somehow figure out a way to be great. I really do believe in the power of positive thinking, as you all must know by now, and feel that this may be the secret to “The Secret.” You see, back in 2007 when I practiced “The Secret” devoutly I saw a great deal of results from it and made some really magical things happen in my life at that time. Eventually, though, it all fell apart again and I still haven’t figured out how to get that momentum back. What Dolly said, though, I think is the key – I think when I was practicing “The Secret,” I derailed myself by focusing too much on specific things that weren’t meant for me, and as I watched those things not work out for me I became discouraged about it all. Perhaps, the answer isn’t to focus on anything specific but to focus on life in general being great. All the specific things that are meant to happen will fall in line as you go. It just makes sense. A Dolly Parton inspired “a-ha” moment!

After hearing that last night it really stuck with me, so I kind of subconsciously decided to try putting it to use today. I woke up this morning a little groggy but hopped out of bed and went about my morning routine with the attitude that today was going to be great. First thing I did was my usual morning routine of washing my face, brushing my teeth and having a cup of coffee and a cigarette. While I was having my coffee, I decided to look into something that I heard about on Sunday and was very curious about. There is this website that I somehow came across a while back, called Haute Look, which offers these really insane discounts on various designer collections and such. I check in on the site every now and then just to see what they are offering, even though I still can’t afford most of it even at the discounted prices. I still like to check in on it every now and then, just to see what they are offering. Well, they also send me emails about different new sales that they have coming up and I happened to notice one of these emails mentioned Urban Decay. Urban Decay is a very cool makeup line that I have never really tried before, aside from the amazing Primer Potion I bought this weekend, because their stuff is entirely too expensive. $18 for a single eye shadow just seems excessive to me. So, I have always shied away from their stuff because of the prices. After using the Primer Potion and being completely blown away by it, I have been a lot more open to the idea of spending my hard earned cash on some of their stuff. I still don’t feel entirely comfortable spending that kind of money on makeup without a general knowledge of the quality of their products, though, so a sale on their stuff would be a good gateway for me. Turns out, starting tomorrow morning at 8am, Haute Look is having a sale on Urban Decay products. I’m not sure what products will be included in this sale but I have made it a point to kind of set aside a little bit of money for it. I also decided to do a little pre-shopping on the Urban Decay website and found this new shadow palette they have, called “Summer Of Love,” which includes four really cute, shimmery colors, one of their 24/7 eye pencils, (which I have heard very good things about,) and a mini-sized bottle of Primer Potion in the shimmery formula, as opposed to the natural kind that I bought this weekend. The other thing about their palettes is that they all come in really awesome packaging. They are also normally very expensive, however this particular one is on sale at the moment for only $29. That is a very good price, considering just the eye pencil would normally be $17 on it’s own. It’s really a smart idea for them to do that because giving people a grouping of their products at a lower price will get them to try them out and draw them in. I have already decided that if I don’t find anything I am in love with in the sale on Haute Look, I will just order this palette instead. It is really gorgeous and I really want to give it a try!

So, in the spirit of expecting things to be great, my Mom and I had already decided last night that we would be doing the “Zumba” workout this morning, the Latin-style dance workout we tried a couple weeks ago. I didn’t think once about skipping the workout because I expected it to be great. As it turns out, it WAS great! I already knew that I really liked this type of workout because you really work up a sweat and work your muscles but you never really feel like you’re working out. It just feels like you’re dancing and having a good time. THAT is what a workout should be, as far as I am concerned. Plus, this program is considerably shorter than the “Walk-A-Dobics” thing we normally do but I leave this one feeling much more worked out than I do with the other. Plus, like I said, it is a LOT of fun. My Mom and I both have a really good time with it. We have already decided to do that one again tomorrow. It is a lot of fun and makes me feel like an openly gay Latin Pop Star! Speaking of openly gay Latin Pop Stars, I have been on a major Ricky Martin kick lately. I was always a fan of his music but kind of forgot about it since it had been such a long time since he had released anything in English but recently decided to revisit it. It is really good stuff. No, I don’t mean the “Livin’ La Vida Loca,” or “She Bangs,” stuff, (although I do LOVE “Shake Your Bon-Bon,”) but he has a really great collection of ballads, like “She’s All I Ever Had,” “Private Emotion,” “Nobody Wants To Be Lonely,” etc. He really is a very talented, and very attractive, gay man. We need more of those as an example in this world – as they always say, though, if you want anything done right you have to do it yourself! It’s time for me to become an example of a very talented, very attractive gay man. I guess I already am but it’s hard to be an example without a really massive audience.

Anyway, I went to work and expected it to be a really great day there. I wore my new pink Old Navy v-neck t-shirt and did this really cute natural-looking pink makeup look that I learned from some girl on YouTube who called it a Jessica Simpson look. I liked it a lot. I went in to work and got a lot of compliments from my co-workers on the new haircut, eyebrows, etc. I know it’s not something that people are okay with saying but I love getting compliments. I really appreciate them. Compliments, to me, seem like people really taking the time to acknowledge the work that you put into your look or whatever it is they are complimenting you on. So, I always appreciate that people are acknowledging those things. Now, I had forgotten over the course of my three-day weekend that we had a client visiting today and I wore inappropriate footwear. Still, I just made it a point to keep my feet under my desk and not make it apparent that my shoes could possibly be called “out of dress code.” The day passed really quickly for me and I just had a generally good time throughout most of the day, shooting the shit with my co-workers and such. It all passed really quickly and easily.

On one of my breaks I happened to check on of my favorite music blogs, Music Is The Heart Of Our Soul, and discovered something monumental – after years and years of waiting now, the new album by one of my all-time favorite bands, Hole, had leaked to the internet! I figured it would be happening soon because the release date is next week and it is pretty much “par for the course” for albums to leak the week before they come out. This album was supposed to be released several times over the past few years and it kept going back and forth between whether it would be called the fourth Hole album or the second Courtney Love solo album. Unlike some fans, I don’t really give a shit what it is called I just want it to be released. It took, like I said, several years to happen but now that I have heard it I can officially say: IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT. They also announced a summer tour, which is insanely amazing!!! There are only four dates announced so far but there are supposed to be more to come and I am obsessed with one of those dates being here in Florida! As far as the album, I had heard leaked demo versions of a lot of the albums tracks before but these fully produced studio versions really take a lot of the songs to a completely different level. Seriously, whether it’s Hole or Courtney Love, I have never been disappointed. I absolutely love everything they/she has released and this album is no exception. I must say, though, that I am glad this wound up being considered a Hole album because it really has the sound of a Hole record. It feels like back in the 90s when I first heard “Live Through This” or “Celebrity Skin.” It fits right in with both of those records, in a lot of ways. No matter what anyone has to say about Courtney Love, as a person, I really don’t think it can be denied that she is a completely brilliant songwriter. She is an extremely talented woman and this new record, “Nobody’s Daughter,” really showcases her greatest talent – songwriting. Every single track on this album is a highlight. I recommend this record to everybody – it is WELL WORTH checking out. My personal favorite tracks are the first single, “Skinny Little Bitch,” “Pacific Coast Highway,” “Samantha,” “For Once In Your Life,” “Letter To God,” “Loser Dust,” and my very favorite track on the record, “Never Go Hungry.” “Never Go Hungry” is a song that I had heard a few years ago in a simple, acoustic live version and completely fell in love with. I really love everything about this song, from the “Gone With The Wind” quote lyrics, “I will never go hungry again,” to the very simple, understated melody and vocal performance from Courtney. This is one of those songs that I find myself completely inspired by – the chorus simply says, “I don’t care what it takes, my friend, I will never go hungry, go hungry again, and I don’t care what I have to defend, I will never go hungry, go hungry again.” It is an anthem for anybody who has had their share of troubles and made it out the other side. It is a song about getting past all the dramas and the troubles you have faced and refusing to ever let yourself go back to that place. This is something that I can absolutely relate to in a variety of ways. It makes me think of my literal “going hungry,” back in my eating disorder days, to my various identity crises of my younger years, to my general sense of discontent with my life in the past. I will never go back to any of that. Would you like to know why? Well, I suppose it is because I have learned that it is always best to expect great things to happen. I DO expect great things, out of each day, each week, each month and each year. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times – the Universe is working in my favor. I will never go hungry again.