Chapter 160: Hello Goodbye

Today was a pretty interesting day. Well, kind of interesting, anyway. Last night I had the same problem as the night before – I just couldn’t fall asleep. It was around 2:30am by the time I fell asleep again. I didn’t wake up this morning until just before 8am. My Mom was still in bed, too. It was just kind of assumed at that point that we wouldn’t be working out. I used that time to get in a last little bit of piano practice in preparation for my lesson this evening. My Mom and I did sit down to breakfast together again, which was nice. I enjoyed it. It wasn’t long, though, before we had to rush off to our separate sides of the house to get ready for the day. I always try to make it a point to dress well on Wednesday because it isn’t just for work but for piano lessons, as well. Don’t get me wrong, I make it a point to dress well every day but Wednesday I do make every attempt to look particularly nice. I suppose it has something to do with how good looking my piano instructor, Viktor, is. I understand that is a lost cause because he is married… and to a woman! I was very surprised to learn that. Damn Europeans, being so well dressed and comfortable with their feminine sides! Still, I think it’s just the fact that I am around people other than my co-workers and my family on Wednesday. Today I put together an outfit that I really loved, with a lavender heather v-neck t-shirt from Old Navy and my favorite jeans, and accessorized with very subtle hints of red. Based on this outfit, I decided to do a red and purple makeup look today, as well. I know that red and purple sounds like an unusual combination but it is just unusual enough to really work well and I am kind of in love with it lately. So, I brushed red shadow all over the lid and put lavender shadow in the crease and blended outward, bringing it down under the lower lashline for a really funky, offbeat look. I liked it a lot. I felt cute today. I feel cute most days, honestly, but today I felt particularly cute.

Work passed fairly quickly today. I spent most of the day drawing faces with different makeup looks, which has become how I spend most days at work. I also corrected the notes I found out I had marked incorrectly last week in the songbook Viktor has me working out of. I timed my first break perfectly with my Mom’s and, since we missed our workout this morning, we walked a lap around the parking lot. I had to tattle on a co-worker today, which is never a good feeling but when somebody else’s issues start interfering with your shit you have to do something about it, as far as I am concerned. I didn’t really “tattle,” per se, but I voiced my concerns to my supervisor. I had lunch with my Mom. We have been for a while now packing a lunch in the morning and because my lunch break and one of her 15-minute breaks coincide, we get to take our break and eat together. It’s a pretty sweet deal. On one of those breaks we took together I started telling my Mom about the “Glee” online casting call and how I was considering submitting a video for it. Over the course of last night that pretty well went from “considering” to “planning on.” I don’t know what it is but I just have a good feeling about it. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t necessarily have a feeling that I will be cast on “Glee” from it but I have a feeling that it could be a really good thing for me in one way or another. I discussed with my Mom the song choices they have for one to audition to – the list includes some really big songs, like “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going,” which I would never dream of trying, “Hate On Me” by Jill Scott, which I am seriously considering, “Keep Holding On” by Avril Lavigne, which I am also seriously considering and, of course, “Don’t Rain On My Parade.” Ideally, I would make my audition video singing that song. I have to admit, though, that is only because ideally I would have the voice to sing that song. As confident as I am in my vocal abilities, and as much as I love to really push the limits of my voice, I just don’t think I could pull that off. I am still going to practice it a bit to see if I can maybe push myself to a point where I could pull it off… but it’s not looking good based on the times that I’ve tried it so far. I’m kind of stuck between the choice of “Hate On Me” and “Keep Holding On.” I figure, what is most important about this choice is that it has to be something that I can sing well, first of all, and make a genuine emotional connection to. Both of these songs would fit that category. It’s just a matter of which side of myself I want to portray. I think “Hate On Me” would be a good choice because it has a lot of attitude, is a lot of fun and would allow me to show off my more playful, upbeat side which tends to get a wider reaction from people. “Keep Holding On,” on the other hand, would kind of do the exact opposite – it is a song that I have always felt a very personal connection to and one that would allow me to show my softer, more emotional side. That could also be a really good thing, considering this is not just a singing audition but an acting audition, as well. “Hate On Me” is a more soulful, R&B type of song, which I have always been good at and comfortable with. “Keep Holding On” has more of an edge to it, and is very pop with a slight rock twist to it, which is more the sound that I have always wanted to do. I’m considerably less comfortable with the vocal on that song, which almost makes me feel more drawn to that one. I don’t know. It’s a lot to think about. Either way, I am not making the video until after this weekend when I get my hair cut because I don’t want to look a hot mess in my video and that is what my hair looks like right now. So, I’ve got time to practice each song, as well as “Don’t Rain On My Parade,” and figure out which one works best for me. I am really excited about this, though.

After work, my sister picked me up to drive me down to the Allegro Music Academy. Her girlfriend got off work right around the same time and rode with us. On the way there, the main topic of conversation was my brother’s wedding and our family members who will be attending. My sister and I were both pretty sad that only my Dad’s side of the family were coming and that my Mom’s side, or what we call “The good side,” wouldn’t be able to make it. We were both saying how much we would rather see them than the other side of the family. We were only joking, of course, but there is definitely some truth behind every joke. As I discussed in a recent blog, my Dad’s side of the family were all pretty oppressive forces for my sister and I in our formative years, whereas my Mom’s side have always been nothing but loving, accepting and a joy to be around. It would be really nice to see them again. We also shared some of the more fucked up stories about our Dad’s side of the family, because there is a pretty sordid history there, and all had a good laugh about it. I got to the Allegro Academy at 6:37pm, and found Viktor there waiting in the lobby. He was there with the same little black girl that has her lessons before me, who was still there waiting for her parents to pick her up. I’m not sure the story with that girl, but it always makes me really sad seeing her waiting there. She just always looks kind of sad and it breaks my heart. I can’t think of much that is worse than seeing a child looking sad. Kids aren’t supposed to have the type of look that this girl always seems to have when I arrive there. It makes me really sad. Viktor waited with her a few minutes longer until her parents got there and sent me into the piano room to wait for him. So, I set up my sheet music there and waited. When he came in, he asked me what I had gotten done in the past week. I told him that I was able to play both sides separately at full speed and at the same time at a very slow speed. We spent the bulk of today’s lesson playing that piece and then him correcting minor things that I had gotten incorrect, like holding certain keys down longer than I should and not holding others long enough. It felt like a very productive lesson. My homework was to continue working on this same piece, as well as working on learning a new piece, as well. I like this workload. It is very appealing. He did urge me, though, not to get too impressed with my progress at home because I will give myself a false sense of security about it. It was a very good piece of advice, as far as I am concerned. I am very good at getting a little too impressed with myself, so I need to watch myself. He also mentioned something that he had mentioned before, in passing, and I had kind of allowed myself to forget about – the recital they are having at the Allegro Academy. Apparently, it is taking place on May 16, 2010. That is really soon. That also just seems really awkward to me. I mean, I do see a lot of adults there for lessons and such, so I assume it isn’t going to be entirely made up of children but the idea of having a “recital” just seems so… grade school. I mean, I would feel like a huge dork bringing my mother to see my piano recital or something. I don’t know about this whole thing. It kind of freaks me out. Maybe if I could play “Speechless” by Lady Gaga or something, I’d feel a little better about it because I could call it a performance, as opposed to a recital. I don’t know how I feel about the whole thing but Viktor seems to really want me to take part in it. He tells me that I am progressing really well. I figure I will probably end up playing in the recital but I’m not sure how I will feel about it. After all, I probably do need to play in front of other people, so why not at a recital? It still seems weird.

After my lesson, and my hour-long wait on the streets of Bradenton, my Mom and I picked up dinner from Steak & Shake and came home for a very sad, momentous evening of television. Just as last night saw the return of one of my favorite TV shows, tonight saw the Series Finale of one of my favorite shows of all-time – “Ugly Betty.” My Mom and I have watched “Ugly Betty” together ever since the show first started. We were both big fans of America Ferrera after seeing “Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants,” and were really into the concept of the show – short, stubby girl with glasses and braces and general social awkwardness gets a job at a fashion magazine. What’s not to love? It was an absolutely brilliant series and stayed that way throughout its four seasons. I am very sad to see it end, although the writers found the absolute perfect way to wrap up the entire series. It was amazing and the tears were plentiful. Like I said, I am very sad to see this series end. It was not just a weekly dose of fun, camp, fashion and intrigue but, more than anything else, it was one of the most positive, optimistic television shows I have ever seen. Betty was a real inspiration to me, personally, because she was a girl who was living in a world in which she was an outsider but she never failed to always try to do the right thing and hold on to her faith in people doing the same. I absolutely loved that and have kind of striven for the same thing in my own life. So, rest in peace, Betty Suarez – you will be missed.

For now, though, it is 12:33am and I really need to get to bed. I am sure that I am not going to have the same problems with falling asleep tonight as I did the last two nights – I am really tired. It was a long day and I am glad to see it end. Not to say that it was a bad day in any way, in fact, it was actually a pretty good day. I am just really looking forward to tomorrow. Namely, I am looking forward to the end of tomorrow when I get to leave work and not go back for three whole days! I am sure it is going to do me a whole world of good. I am excited for it! As listed here in the blog over the past few days, I have about a million different things that I would like to do this weekend. Clearly, they will not all get done for either financial or time purposes. The main things I want to do are shop at Old Navy and get a haircut. A trip to Ulta would definitely be nice, as well. I am seriously considering ordering the Denim Daypack Bag from Calvin Klein, which has recently been marked down to $29.99 on the website, as well as possibly the Calvin Klein Coated Logo Wallet, which is only $19.60 or the Coated Logo Front Pocket Zip Wallet, which has a really cute European vibe and is marked down to $12.60. It’d be a little bit of a splurge but would probably be worth it – I could use a new Spring/Summer bag. I’m not sure what all I am going to do this weekend but I am going to make sure that all of it is fun and relaxing. Speaking of relaxing, I really need to get to doing that right now. The sooner I get to sleep, the closer I am to getting off tomorrow night! I cannot wait. Goodnight.