Chapter 161: 21 Things I Want In A Lover

So, I think everybody who knows me has to be certain of one thing about me, perhaps more than anything else they may know about me: I want a LOT out of life. I have discussed in the blog how I have long felt that, for me, my life would always come down to a choice between my personal relationships and my creative work. As horrible as it may seem to all of you living outside of my head, that choice has always been and will always be kind of a no-brainer. I have known since I was just a child that I am destined for great things in this world. I was put here on this planet to be an inspiration to others and to really make a difference in this world. If it is between that and having fulfilling friendships and romantic relationships, I will always take making a real difference in the world. It is more important to me than anything else in this world. However, over the past few months, I have come to realize that it doesn’t have to be a choice between the two – I can’t imagine any reason why I can’t have it all. I deserve it all and, damn it, I intend to have it all! This has led me to my recent decision to open myself up to the possibility of finding somebody to date and have sex with and such. Okay, so I want somebody for more than just dating and sex – I want to make a genuine connection.

I was listening to my favorite album from Alanis Morissette, “Under Rug Swept,” a little while ago and was struck by the very first song on this record, “21 Things I Want In A Lover.” This has always been one of those songs that I enjoyed but never really put too much thought into. Listening to it today, though, it really inspired me. All of the different self-help books that I have read stress the importance of getting a clear idea of exactly what it is you want out of life, whether that is in a job, a lifestyle or a companion. It seems to me that this is exactly what Alanis Morissette did with this song. In keeping with that concept, I figured it could be a decent exercise to list 21 Things that I want in a lover. Like the song says, these are “not necessarily needs but qualities that I’d prefer.” So, let’s get right to it.

1. Somebody unusual – by this I mean that I want somebody with a different way of thinking and behaving than what is typically considered the norm, i.e. a free thinker, somebody not caught up in society’s concepts of what a guy is supposed to be.

2. Somebody attractive – not necessarily movie star attractive or anything of that nature but somebody that I am attracted to. I don’t really have a type and am attracted to a LOT of different types of people. There just has to be that something about them that I am drawn to physically.

3. Somebody in tune with themselves – one of the most important qualities one can have is knowledge of themselves, their personality and their behaviors. More than that, though, somebody who understands their own instincts and follows them as much as they can.

4. Somebody who is comfortable with moving at my pace – As I have recently learned in my piano lessons, I have issues with timing. When playing the piano, I always try to play things faster than I should be – I get ahead of myself. I realized that I do the same thing with most things in my life, particularly my relationships. I need somebody who will be comfortable with moving quickly but at the same time…

5. Somebody who will keep me in line – When I am trying to move quicker than I should be or when I am just wholly inappropriate, which can be often, I need somebody who knows me well enough and cares enough to stop me before I make rash decisions or do things that I may wind up regretting.

6. Somebody who can keep up with me – I am a rapidly evolving creature. I know that all people are constantly growing and evolving but I have a tendency to make any changes in my life or my way of thinking very suddenly and rapidly. It can often be difficult for people to keep up with… in fact, it can pretty well be impossible for people to keep up with.

7. Somebody supportive of my dreams – As I said, I have known since I was just a child that I am destined to make a difference in this world and one of the most important qualities a person I may get involved with can have is the ability to genuinely support me in the dreams I have… and there are a LOT of dreams that I have, so this person needs to be ready to be a cheerleader for a lot of different things.

8. Somebody who is okay with sharing – no, I’m not talking about orgies, you perverts! I mean that I need somebody who will be okay with not always being the first thought that comes to mind, or being a part of the thought and not the entire thought. Like I said, I have a lot of goals in life and if I am ever going to make them happen for me I simply cannot allow another person to be my main focus. They will certainly be a large part of the focus but not the entirety of it. I need somebody who will be okay with that.

9. Somebody who makes me look at the world differently – I don’t necessarily mean somebody who will completely change the way that I look at the world but somebody who will be able to put things into a different perspective. I am a pretty single-minded person at times and, hard as I try, sometimes have trouble seeing the world from other people’s perspectives. I need somebody in my life that will be able to make me stop and think about these things.

10. Somebody who will call me on my bullshit – I have a lot of it and I need somebody who will call me on all of the shit that I will inevitably try to pull, but who will know well enough to do it in a way that doesn’t make me completely resentful. Like the Hilary Duff song says, “Just do it with love.”

11. Somebody who can keep me stimulated – this has multiple meanings. I am a person who needs to be stimulated in a lot of ways. If I am idle for too long, my mind begins to wander to all kinds of crazy places. In terms of a relationship, that has been known to lead to all kinds of trouble. I need somebody who will be present enough, both emotionally and physically, to keep me from jumping to conclusions about what our relationship really is.

12. Somebody who makes me feel important – I want somebody who will put me up on a pedestal and, in turn, who I will put up on a pedestal just as high.

13. Somebody who is sure of themselves and sure of me – I need somebody in my life who will not always be worried about things going horribly wrong. I do enough of that worrying myself and I will need somebody whose certainty can inspire the same type of certainty in me.

14. Somebody who has a creative outlet – I have a wide variety of creative outlets and I need somebody who will not be threatened by that and who has just as much of their own. I want somebody in my life who is just as much of an artist as I am, or just as passionate about whatever it is they do as I am about what I do.

15. Somebody spiritual – I need somebody who has a strong belief system. It doesn’t necessarily have to match mine but I will have trouble relating to somebody who doesn’t have a strong belief in the power they have inside of themselves.

16. Somebody funny – I need somebody who will make me laugh and who will be able to banter back and forth with me and share in my laughter. I had this boyfriend before who would just get into these hilarious conversations with me in front of other people and it would be like we were putting on a show for others – we would make each other and everybody else around us laugh. I loved that and would like that in somebody in my life moving forward.

17. Somebody with similar interests to mine, but not exactly the same – I want somebody who enjoys the same type of things that I do, but who doesn’t do all the same things that I do. I have a small competitive streak in me and would not want somebody in my life who would incite envy in me if I felt like they were doing better at what I do than I am. Plus, I would want to be able to teach them a bit about what I do and learn a bit from them about what they do, as well.

18. Somebody inquisitive – One of my favorite qualities in a mate is somebody who is inquisitive, always wanting to learn more and explore anything that they are faced with. I have that quality myself but often keep it quieted inside myself. I want somebody in my life that will bring that quality out in me more.

19. Somebody who loves pop culture – I mentioned previously that I want somebody who is also an artist and has an appreciation for various types of art, but I also want somebody who shares my passion for all things entertainment. I want somebody in my life who I can ask things like, “OMG Did you hear about Jennifer Aniston?” or “OMG Have you heard the new Heidi Montag song?” who will be able to answer “Yes,” and share in my excitement over silly things like that.

20. Somebody who is not overly “romantic” – Of course, I want somebody who is sweet and considerate but I do not want somebody who has an overt interest in the typical, cliché concept of “romance.” I don’t want flowers or candy or fancy dinners or any of those old school concepts of love. I don’t want to be wined and dined at all. I want somebody to do nice things for me that are specific to me and to him and to our relationship. I don’t need grand gestures. I just need somebody who will always be making it clear that they are there for me.

21. Somebody with a nice ass – I don’t have a lot of physical requirements but the one thing of the utmost importance, physically, is having an ass. Those people who just have a “back with a crack” need not apply. It doesn’t have to be perfect or anything, just something nice to grab a hold of.

So, there you have it. I’m not sure how productive that really was but it was a way to write a blog after a wholly uninteresting day. I also feel like it was pretty informative. Basically, I am looking for somebody to rein in my various types of crazy. Honestly, I know that I am not that crazy anymore – not nearly as crazy as I used to be. I also understand, though, that I definitely have the potential to go back to that place and highly emotional situations like relationships tend to bring those things out in me. I essentially need somebody who won’t let that happen. The thing is, though, I really need to be able to rein my crazy in myself. I really do believe I am capable of it at this point, but I haven’t been in a relationship in a very long time so I can’t honestly be too certain of that. I have grown a lot in the time since my last romantic entanglements, though, and I am pretty confident that I would be able to handle myself much better than I did before. Like I said, though, I can never be TOO sure.

In other news, a couple of members of my “good” family, my Mom’s side of the family, confirmed today that they will be flying out for my brother’s wedding. I could not be more excited about this! I am really happy that we will get a chance to see them. It’s been too long. Also, today saw the world premiere of the first single from the new album by one of my favorite bands of all-time, Scissor Sisters. The song is called “Invisible Light” and it is very different than anything they have done before but it is completely brilliant. I knew that there was a new album coming but I had no idea there would be a single coming so soon. The music industry has not been the most interesting thing in the world lately but with this new Scissor Sisters record coming out soon, as well as new records by some of my other favorite artists like Christina Aguilera, Jewel, etc., it looks like 2010 is on it’s way to becoming a much better year for music than it has been so far. I am very glad for that. Lastly, I am finally on my three-day weekend! I am really excited for it. I will not sit here and discuss any of the million things that I want to do with my time this weekend, since I have already done plenty of that over the past few days, but I will just say that I am ready to have a really fun, relaxing weekend. Starting right now! Goodnight.