Chapter 350: The Beat Goes On

Okay, so it is 4:52pm on Friday and, once again, I am sitting down to write the blog for Thursday night. Fuck it. I’ve only got 14 days left of this, anyway. That means that exactly two weeks from today I will be sitting here writing the final chapter of this story… The very last post here. Wow. That is a lot to think about. I still can’t believe that I have managed to actually complete the year. I know it hasn’t exactly changed the world or anything but I do feel like this has been quite an accomplishment for me. I mean, I can’t think of any other time in my life where I have set such a long-term goal for myself and actually achieved it, so this is a big step. I am really excited about this whole thing coming to an end, actually. I mean, I am kind of sad about it but I am also really excited because I know that the end of this blog also means the beginning of a couple of really cool new projects. Aside from that, though, the end of this blog also means that I am no longer tied down to a strict schedule of writing every day. Not to say that writing every day has been a bad thing, or that I have stuck to that schedule all that well over the past few months, but I do think it will be nice to have a little more freedom, in terms of time, to get really creative with the things that I do. I am going to miss this whole thing, though. I was actually talking to my Mom last night about the ending of this blog. As I have mentioned here a time or two, I was really hoping to end the blog by being at the start of a healthy long-term relationship. I was hoping for that to be the connection that I managed to make with the outside world to finish off this story of my transition from living inside my own head to living and functioning in the outside world. Unfortunately, my time is running out very quickly and I can’t help but begin to doubt that it is going to happen in time to make the happy ending to this story that I wanted. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t have a single doubt that this is going to happen for me, and soon, but I do doubt that it will happen in time for the ending of this blog. As my mother and I were discussing, and as I have kind of discussed here in the blog, I think this story has already found it’s happy ending, anyway. What I mean by this is that I have already managed to make a connection to the outside world – not a love connection but a connection, anyway. Over the past few months I have blossomed in ways that I hadn’t really imagined would happen – I have put myself out there, I have been open with my feelings and I have made a connection with many different people. I have stopped being so internalized and feel like I have managed to let myself shine in ways that I never had before. I mean, I have always let myself shine but I also always kept a certain amount of my shine hidden away from the world. I have always felt like there were so many parts of my personality and who I am as a person that nobody had ever seen, and I can honestly say that I don’t feel like that is the case, anymore. Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely still parts that are hidden but, in general, I am about a million times more open than I ever have been before. I honestly feel like right now, in this moment, I am the very best version of myself that I have ever been and I couldn’t possibly feel more grateful for that. So, in that sense, this story is over. However, there are still two weeks left of this blog and who knows what could happen in that time? I am definitely keeping my fingers crossed for something great. Perhaps at my Halloween party?

I have these strange ideals in my head about parties that rarely ever turn out to be true. I don’t know what it is exactly but I just always imagine when you throw a party something magical has to happen or some major event or something like that. Like, you’re supposed to fall in love or have some exceptionally crazy shit go down that you will remember for the rest of your life. I have this same concept of summer, as I discussed in this blog several times over the course of this past summer, and it also rarely ever turns out to be true. I was discussing this recently with a friend of mine, who was saying she had the same ideals about summertime, and we determined that it was likely a product of watching too many teen movies growing up. It is true that, while discussing my Halloween party, my head is filled with all of these ideas from the movie “Can’t Hardly Wait,” about getting locked in the bathroom with somebody and realizing that we were meant to be together or confessing my feelings to somebody and having them mistakenly think that I was just trying to get into their pants, only to find my special letter to them later and then having them come chasing after me at the train station the next morning. I don’t have anybody to confess my feelings to and I haven’t written a special letter to them or anything, and I am not due to get on a train or anything the next morning… but you get my drift. I don’t think that anything all that monumental is going to go down at my party, aside from having a pretty epic evening of fun and inebriation. Still, I am really excited for the epic fun and inebriation that this shall bring. Speaking of Halloween, at my work they are doing Halloween festivities on the Friday before, October 29. Friday is my day off every week, so I was already planning on not taking part in any of their Halloween festivities. However, since I have kind of brought this to a couple of people’s attention, mainly my sister, I have kind of been encouraged to try to switch days off with somebody for next week in order to be there that day. I am not sure if I am going to do that yet or not but I might. It kind of sucks because when I was initially thinking I was going to be there that day I was planning on doing two separate costumes, one for work and one for my party, but now I only have the one and it seems kind of lame to wear the same costume to both. Of course, I mentioned this to one of my friends who then was like, “Oh, it’s going to be lame if I wear the same costume to work and to your party?” I didn’t know how to explain that away exactly because it would sound bad if I said, “Well, I hold myself to much higher standards.” That isn’t actually true, anyway… but, again, you get my drift. So, I suppose it all depends on whether or not the other person at my job wants to trade days off next week. I don’t care too much either way about that at this point, honestly.

So, this blog is supposed to be talking about Thursday. Thursday started off pretty shitty, honestly. I mean, it wasn’t shitty but work was absolute hell. It was just the longest, most boring day possible. Well, maybe not possible, but it was extremely long and boring. I was pretty excited, though, that my team lead had an assload of work to do at the last minute and let me stand up and watch the floor for her while she did her work. So, I basically got to spend the last hour of the day standing around talking to my friend since none of the agents there actually seemed to have any questions, or very few questions. So, that was fun. After work, I had a few friends over and got a little tipsy. I broke open my special treat to myself for the party – a bottle of Midori and some sour mix – and it is all gone now. So, that is a little money that I will have to spend from the paycheck before the party. It will be worth it, though, because I fucking love my Midori Sours. They were delicious last night. I had a lot of fun last night, actually. It was a perfect way to end this week, which was really not very much fun at all, and start off the weekend. After my party shopping earlier this week, I wound up really broke so I can’t really afford to go out and do anything this weekend, so it was nice to have a little bit of the “night out” effect at home for free. As far as the rest of the weekend goes I don’t really have a lot of plans. Today, so far, hasn’t been all that eventful. In fact, today has pretty well been focused on one thing. I will save the details of that thing, though, for tonight’s blog – let me just warn you, we have another theme post coming this evening. As far as the rest of the weekend, though, I know that Rachel is coming to hang out tomorrow evening. We have resigned ourselves to just spending this Saturday night hanging out at my house due to a lack of funds for a night out to TOTIs or anything. Then Sunday will probably just be spent trying to work on cleaning up this house, since there will be a good deal of people in it next weekend and I won’t really have a ton of time to do it next week. So, that is pretty much my weekend at this point.

One last thing to mention before I end this, is the fact that I received a shipment from Stila yesterday that I was really excited about! I was especially excited about it because I had completely forgotten that I had ordered anything from them. So, I opened up the package not actually knowing what was in it. It was kind of like Christmas or my birthday or something. This package included a three eye shadow palette, which was part of their Happy Hour Friday last week, that included three “earth” themed shades, all varying types of matte brown, which are pretty gorgeous. It also included the fourth in Stila’s set of five “travel palettes,” each including four eye shadows and one convertible lip and cheek color. This one is called “Make An Impression In Moscow,” and it is the Russian themed palette. The eye shadows in this palette are gorgeous, but I was most excited about the convertible color in this palette, Lily, which is a very soft pinkish brown color that I have already tried out and found looks absolutely gorgeous on the lips. I am kind of obsessed with it right now and think that it will be PERFECT for winter looks. As anybody who has been paying attention to this blog should know, I LOVE my Stila Cosmetics. I am kind of obsessing over Sugarpill Cosmetics at this point, as well, but I haven’t quite gone over the deep end with them yet as I have with Stila. So, needless to say, I was very happy with my Stila package yesterday. I am also very excited for a package that should be coming in the next few days from Sugarpill. As anybody who has talked to me for more than five minutes knows, I LOVE makeup, and I really can’t wait to get started on my beauty blog. In the meantime, though, I’ve got two weeks left with this one, and I plan to enjoy them. I’ll be posting again in just a few hours, most likely. Have a good evening until then!