Chapter 338: Sunday Morning

So, it is Sunday morning and, for the third day in a row, I am writing the blog for the day before the following morning. I've been trying to get more sleep this weekend than I have been the past few weekends in attempts to not feel so tired and such when the week comes. In order to try to achieve this extra sleep I have been taking Tylenol PM at night and getting sleepy enough to fall asleep before I can finish the blog. Fortunately, moving into the week, that won't really be an option to do and the blog can get back to it's regular schedule. In the meantime, though, this is Saturday's blog - from the perspective of Sunday morning.

"Sunday Morning" just so happens to be my very favorite song by one of my favorite bands of all-time, No Doubt. This is a song that I have always loved because it is a concept that I can pretty much ALWAYS relate to in some way in my life. It is basically a song about seeing somebody in a very different way than you did before. The chorus of this song says, "You came in with the breeze on Sunday morning, you sure have changed since yesterday without any warning, I thought I knew you, I've got a new view, I thought I knew you well." The rest of the lyrics kind of imply that it's talking about somebody that you viewed as being better than you or that you've put on a pedestal and suddenly seeing that they are just like you or on your same level. I listened to that song yesterday & it really made me think a lot about a lot of different things. I didn't realize until this morning, though, that it was really a bit of a theme for the day yesterday. I mean, it wasn't exactly as the song describes or anything but there was definitely a theme of suddenly looking at people in a different way than I had before.

I woke up yesterday morning at 10:30am and immediately went to writing yesterday's blog, which took up the bulk of my morning. It took so much time, in fact, that it caused me to get a really late start on getting ready for the day. You see, yesterday was my brother's baby shower. My Mom had to work until noon and the baby shower was at 2pm in Fort Myers, which is right around a 2 hour drive from Sarasota. So, the plan was to leave town pretty much immediately. Unfortunately, I was sitting around writing yesterday's blog until 11:40am, which did not play into that whole concept very well. Fortunately, my Mom needed to change clothes and such once she got home and we wound up being ready right around the same time. We stopped at a Race Trac station on the way out of town and picked up something to eat, since neither of us had eaten anything yet and all of the fast food places we passed along the way to the Interstate were incredibly packed. So, we decided it would be quicker and easier to just stop for gas station food - hot dogs, strange flavored "taquitos" and such. I got a french toast flavored taquito with sausage in the middle and it was fucking delicious. All the way down to Fort Myers my Mom and I rocked out to Kelly Clarkson's album "All I Ever Wanted." This is one of those records that my Mom and I both kind of immediately fell in love with when it came out and we both sat and kind of waxed poetic over some of our favorite songs on this album, like "Cry," and "Save You," and "Don't Let Me Stop You," and "All I Ever Wanted," etc. My Mom and I always have a really good time when we're just driving and listening to music and shit.

So, I wasn't entirely sure of how baby showers worked beforehand but I found out earlier in the week that I was not actually invited to this baby shower, as it was going to be a "girls only" sort of event. When my brother called to tell me that he said that I should come down with my Mom anyway and hang out with him while the baby shower was happening. He had told me that he was going to have a little barbecue sort of setup with his friends out by the pool at the place where the baby shower was happening. This sounded like an alright idea to me, although it is always a little weird for me to have to hang out with a bunch of straight guys. I mean, it's not anything too weird for me and I figured most of his friends that would be there would be the guys who I dealt with all day at his wedding and they were all really nice. I had heard from him shortly before heading down there, though, and he told me that his finances were not quite where he had thought they were and that he wouldn't be doing that after all. So, once I got there we were both kind of like, "Well, what do we do now?" With the money that had been burning a hole in my pocket over the past few days, even though I spent a good deal of it yesterday, was still there and still burning that hole in my pocket. So, I told my brother about the Halloween costume that I am in the process of building and the pieces that I still needed to find. He told me about all these different Halloween stores that have popped up in the area, including this really cool year-round Halloween store they have, so we decided to go there. We went into this store, filled to the brim with various types of accessories and masks and packaged costumes, etc. We kind of wandered the store aimlessly looking for things that screamed ME. We found a little plastic pitchfork that was kind of cute but that I didn't really fall in love with or anything. Then, as we continued wandering the store, we stumbled upon a piece that I did completely fall in love with, which has drastically changed my concept of my costume - it is a red faux-leather riding crop with a pitchfork shaped piece at the top. It is AMAZING and I am completely in love with it. I was already working with the idea of doing a "club kid" style devil but adding this piece has kind of moved me into the concept of doing more of a leather/BDSM style devil. I also picked up a little set with horns and a tail, as well. The whole thing is coming together really well and I am really excited to complete it and show it all off.

After leaving the store, my brother and I went over to this place called Grand Buffet. This was a new Chinese buffet in the area, which my brother is always into. It is a recurring thing that almost any time that we hang out with my brother we go eat at Chinese buffets. Since my brother had told me before that his finances were not doing as well as they could, I decided to go ahead and buy him lunch. It was an interesting thing because my brother had bought me dinner and stuff about a million times and I don't think I'd ever paid for him before. It was a nice feeling - it made me feel very grown-up and such. While we were eating, my brother was talking to me about the baby, who is due in just over a month, and it really made me see my brother in a completely different way. He was telling me things like how he is hoping to learn to speak Spanish and raise his baby bilingual, which I thought was a really brilliant idea. He was also telling me about the daycare they are going to use and all of this stuff about ways they were planning to raise the baby. It was really impressive and really cool to see how excited he actually seems to be about having a child and I really think that he is going to do a really great job as a parent. It's awesome. After we ate, we headed over to this really cool outdoor mall place and stopped at Starbucks to get me some coffee. Unfortunately, I asked the barista to make my drink with skim milk but they seemed to miss that request. The drink was made with whole milk and left me feeling really funky. I am not really lactose intolerant, I don't think, but if I drink whole milk or even 2% milk it makes me feel really queasy and ill. By the time we got to the location of the baby shower to meet up with my mother and such the milk had definitely started kicking in. There were a few different people there at the baby shower who I had met before, like my sister-in-law's fierce Aunt Hannah, who I danced the night away with at their wedding, who I was kind of excited to say hello to but I was feeling so funky from the milk that I wasn't quite as lively or upbeat as I could have been. I actually wound up leaving without saying goodbye to everybody, which I felt really bad about. I was just feeling really gross and ready to get back home.

On the trek back home, my Mom and I rocked out to the No Doubt Greatest Hits album, which is really great because No Doubt has always made music that takes me to a different place in time - the Greatest Hits album, in particular, really takes me back to a LOT of different times in my life because those songs were really the soundtrack to such a long period of my life. No Doubt is truly one of my favorte bands of all-time and I have been listening to a LOT of their music lately. While on the drive home there were a couple of pieces of contact that took place. I had initially told Rachel earlier in the week that I wouldn't be able to hang out today because we were going down to Fort Myers and I wasn't sure how late we would be there. It's also kind of a thing where after a 2 hour drive home from there, regardless of the time, I don't feel like doing much of anything when I get home. Still, she had asked me to call her on my way home and see if we could make plans to hang out afterward. So, I went ahead and called her and told her I wasn't sure about my feelings about hanging out that night - I was feeling really sick and gross in my stomach and the conversation didn't really say a whole lot. I just told her I'd call her once I got home and let her know how I was feeling by then. I also had a little back and forth exchange with the boy that I have been obsessing over recently, and who I'd recently decided I was done obsessing over. It was a really interesting thing for me because it was really one of the first times that I actually had an exchange with him without really thinking about what any of it meant or reading more into it than was necessary or feeling more about it than I should. I was actually really proud of myself for finally being able to just talk with this person without going crazy over it all. It was a big step for me and it was nice to just finally be able to view this person for what he really is at the end of the day - just a friend of mine.

So, once I got home I was still not feeling great but I went ahead and called Rachel and simply told her I wasn't really in the mood to go out or anything but that I was down to just hang out at my house. So, she came over and we sat and watched "The Wedding Planner" on Oxygen, then we just kind of hung out in my bedroom listening to music and talking while she sat on my computer shopping for makeup, which she says I have influenced her into getting into, and I sat on the bed dicking around on my phone and listening to music. We were listening to the Katy Perry album, "Teenage Dream," and my very favorite song on the record came on, "Hummingbird Heartbeat." I love this song because I feel like, through the law of attraction, it is kind of helping me to attract love into my life by making me feel the feelings of what I want out of life right now. As this song was playing, I kind of mused aloud to Rachel that I really hope to find a boy soon. This isn't new information to anybody who has been paying attention. Rachel's response to this statement caught me off-guard, though. She said, "I think you need to not worry about a boy right now." Being the inquisitive person that I am, I kind of pushed for an explanation of that comment. She said that there are a lot of really big changes coming up in the near future for me, like planning to move out and not live with my mother anymore, as well as learning to drive and things of that nature, and she didn't feel like looking for a boy right now is really conducive to the types of changes that are coming up in the future. I understand the point of what she is saying with that. It makes perfect, logical sense. However, I am not a really logical person, in general. I undersand that the things I am doing moving forward are going to be very big changes for me and I know that boys have a tendency to distract me from important things in my life but, right now, finding somebody to share my life with and falling in love and all the rest of it IS what is important to me. That is where my focus has been for a while now and where I really feel like I need it to be. I especially feel right now like I am so close to achieving this goal - I know that the person I have been looking for, my perfect partner, my James Dean, "the one" and all that, is right around the corner. Everybody knows that I love Rachel and I truly respect her opinion and take it under very serious consideration in my life, however I have to go with what I feel on the inside before anything else. I have made it a point, for my entire life, to always go with what I feel, regardless of what anybody else has to say about it. So, no matter how much I respect her opinion about this and am grateful to her for sharing her insights, I am not going to allow myself to be dissuaded from this quest that I have been on. I am going to find my love... and, you know what? I'm going to learn how to drive and I'm going to move in with Rachel in May and I am going to do everything else that I have planned. I am not limited. There are no limits in my life at all. I can find a boy and fall madly in love, and I can do everything else I want and need to do at the same time. It doesn't EVER have to be one or the other - I CAN (AND WILL) HAVE IT ALL. I am so excited for this time in my life because I KNOW that there is so much greatness coming up for me and I am going to have a wonderful, beautiful, amazing boyfriend and all of my really great friends, like Rachel, at my side. It is a wonderful life and it is only going to continue in that direction. I can't wait to see what's next.

So, after that I took the Tylenol PM I mentioned earlier and wound up falling asleep around 2am. Overall, it was a really interesting day. Like I said at the top, it was definitely a day of seeing things and experiencing things differently than I have before. Today, on the other hand, seems like a day for just relaxing. My Mom is at work and may be staying there for most of the day, so I am planning on spending today just laying around watching TV. Right now, I am sitting down to watch the premiere episode of my new favorite show, "The A List: New York," aka, "Gay Housewives Of NYC," for the third or fourth time, and eating leftover chinese food from Thursday night. I think I will devote this day to doing very simple things, like laundry and maybe washing dishes and things of that nature. Definitely NOT anything that will consist of me spending any more money. After yesterday, I am down to not a whole lot of money in my bank account and need to make it a point not to spend anymore this week or spend as little as possible, although I have to admit that I am already pre-shopping for next weekend. I need to calm down with my spending but right now I am prepping for a party, and these things cost money. I really need to limit my spending to only things that are party related with my next paycheck. We'll see how that goes. In the meantime, I am off to gather up my laundry and start doing the few chores I need to get done, in order to make sure the day isn't a complete waste. Have a great day!