Chapter 332: What It's Like To Be Me

Today was a bit of a strange, reflective day in a lot of ways. The main reason for this is because of the video above. I made this video as a part of the "It Gets Better" Project, created by Dan Savage of Savage Love, in response to the recent slew of suicides amongst gay youth across America. It has been said that 30% of teen suicide victims identified as being members of the GLBTQ community, although that number is near impossible to verify. Regardless of an actual number, though, it is far too much. Suicide is far too prevalent in GLBTQ youth, largely due to societal pressures, homophobia, bullying and harassment and a general lack of acceptance, particularly in more rural areas, (although it definitely happens in larger cities, as well.) Regardless of the reasons, this definitely needs to be stopped. Something needs to be done. The "It Gets Better" Project, in my opinion, is an excellent start. It was created because, as Dan Savage said, oftentimes when you hear about the suicide of a GLBTQ youth you can't help but think to yourself, "I wish I could have just sat down and talked to them for five minutes and tell them that it gets better." Oftentimes, based on their own home situations and the areas they live in, etc., we gay adults who have been through the things that these kids are going through simply don't have access to them. So, in this, the internet age, we finally do. This is an extremely large collection of videos made by gay adults speaking to the gay youth of America and the entire world, telling their own stories and providing examples of how their lives were made difficult by the same situations these kids are going through and how they have made it to the other side. It is like providing these kids with living proof that it actually does get better.

I found this cause particularly near and dear to my heart because of the fact that, back when I was 14 years old, I came out of the closet. This was the 90s and it simply wasn't a common thing for a teenager to come out that young then - nowhere near as common as it is now. I went through very long periods where I felt like I was completely alone in this world and that there was nobody else out there who really understood what it was like to be me. Like I said in the video above, I had some extremely wonderful, supportive, caring people in my life who helped me immensely in my journey to self-acceptance. In spite of those people, though, there were definitely some very dark times for me. As I also mentioned in the video, I attempted to commit suicide a few times in my youth because I just couldn't imagine that life would ever get better for me. I know what these kids are going through. I know how that feels and I really do wish that somebody, or a few million people, had been around at the time to reassure me that it gets better. This is why I felt so strongly about taking part in this project. If mine can be the voice of reason for just one gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered or questioning kid out there, I have done my job and I can feel proud of what I have done here today. In fact, it doesn't entirely matter if any of the youth hear what I have to say - I am already proud of what I have done here today. I really hope that I can be a help in some way to somebody, though.

With so much of my day focused on creating this video and kind of telling my story, I couldn't help but spend a lot of time reflecting on moments throughout my life when I have felt that type of desperation and loneliness. It is my hope that, eventually, there will come a time when the GLBTQ youth of this world don't have to face such difficulties in simply being who they are. I can honestly say that we have come an extremely long way from even back when I was initially coming out, some 14 years ago, but I also understand that we still have an extremely long way to go. I have faith, though, that future generations will get to see a day where they don't have to feel the kind of fear and solitude that I had to endure and that kids today seem to be struggling with so much. I have faith that there will come a day when these stories of young lives being lost because kids feel like they don't have any other options will simply be unheard of. It may not be in my lifetime but I do believe that it will come.

I know this is quite the somber way to end Britney Spears week but I felt very strongly that this video needed to be made and showcased here in the blog. I hope that you all will do anything you can to help any GLBTQ youths in your life, if there are any, and if you are a GLBTQ youth feeling alone or lost in this world or contemplating doing something drastic, please know that you do have somewhere to turn. Here in the Sarasota, FL area there is a great program called ALSO Out Youth, and a wide number of Youth Suicide Prevention and Support hotlines that you can call anytime, day or night. A few numbers are featured at the end of the video but I will go ahead and include them here, as well.

Gay & Lesbian National Hotline
(888)THE-GLNH (888-843-4564)

The Trevor Help Line
(800) 850-8078--Specializing in gay and lesbian youth suicide prevention

Gay & Transgender Hate Crime Hotline
(800) 616-HATE--Do Not Tolerate Hate

National LGBTQ talk line/support line
Trained peer supporters who are also youth.
(800) 246-PRIDE

Thank you for taking the time to read and watch this video. It really does come from the very bottom of my heart. Goodnight.