Chapter 294: Light Me Up

Today was a much better day than yesterday. This is a very strange thing to say at the end of the day looking back on the events of today and yesterday. In comparison, today should have been a much worse day than yesterday – the things that happened today were much more severe and could have a much bigger impact than anything that happened yesterday. Still, for one reason or another, I feel a lot less concerned about any of it today. I was able to brush it all aside today and remain positive about it all, which is the best way to be. I think the main reason I felt like yesterday was such a bad day was because of the fact that I wasn’t able to do that. In any sense, today was much better. I woke up on time, at 5:45am, but didn’t actually get out of bed until 6am. I didn’t let this stress me out, though. I got up, brushed my teeth and did my morning skincare routine, then had a bowl of cereal, some coffee, smoked a couple cigarettes and watched “Chelsea Lately,” like I do every morning. It was a pretty relaxed morning. I headed into the bathroom to do my hair and makeup for the day and decided to try something a little different than usual. I got dressed in all black, (well, my shirt was actually a really dark charcoal gray color,) and decided that I wanted to do a “goth” look with my makeup today, which isn’t really something I do very often. I was kind of going for the look that Taylor Momsen wore in the video for her band, and my favorite band of the moment, The Pretty Reckless’ video for their song “Miss Nothing.” It’s a really over the top, messy black eye shadow look, with a dark red lip. I went ahead with the eye shadow look and was really into the way it looked but when I put on the lipstick, I felt less confident than one should be to pull off a dark red lip. So, I tried to do a reddish pink lip stain instead but wasn’t very pleased with the look of that, either. So, instead I wound up putting on this golden peach colored liquid lip color, which I wound up being really annoyed with and removed as soon as I got to work. So, my lips were bare for the day. I will still really into my look today. It was a lot of fun having such a dark, intense eye look. I don’t know what it is about black eye shadow but it makes me feel really dark and mysterious and kind of sexy and dangerous. That sounded incredibly dorky but I’m sure you can understand what I mean.

When I got to work this morning, I was immediately in a really good mood and determined to have a really good day. Unfortunately, my workplace wasn’t being very cooperative and I spent a good portion of the day just feeling really bored. In the midst of that boredom, though, I remained happy. I was initially trying to draw something and I tried a couple times to write a song but neither was happening for me. I’m not sure what the issue was, exactly, but I was feeling really uninspired. When I went on my lunch break this afternoon, I wound up spotting my favorite of our new employees sitting down stairs in the smoking section, so I got to spend my lunch break shooting the shit with her. It was nice because I really like this girl and I am enjoying getting to know her more. It was even cooler, though, because hanging out with her on my lunch break actually inspired me to draw this really cool picture, which then inspired me to write this really cool song. So, I was really grateful for that. I spent my last break of the day with this girl, too, and it was nice to have a break buddy for the day. Also, some time after my last break, I happened to see my Mom going outside at a time that wasn’t her usual break time or anything. She told me that there was something wrong with her car and that my sister would be picking me up when I got off and taking me home. I wasn’t sure what to make of that or what could be wrong with her car, which worried me a bit. I just know that we simply don’t have the option of being without a car. It is not an option at all. Later this evening, my Mom and I discussed it a bit and both decided that we weren’t really worried about it. I mean, of course there is a small nagging concern about it but we both feel a strange sense of peace about it like whatever the issue is will be resolved easily and will not be overly expensive or anything. Basically, we both have the feeling that whatever the issue may be with the car is not going to create any sort of major issue in our lives. So, no matter what nagging concern there is, I will not allow it to take away from the feeling that I have that everything is going to be alright and it isn’t going to create an issue for us. I guess this all sounds a bit strange, considering I haven’t actually explained what the issue with the car is. My Mom drives a hybrid, a Toyota Prius, and the “hybrid system light” came on. The manual says that you need to take it to the dealership in order to have whatever the issue is repaired. My Mom absolutely hates the Toyota dealership, though, because apparently they are all a bunch of assholes there and are always really pushy and try to overcharge for everything. So, she is trying to figure out an alternative to taking it to the dealership. She did a lot of searching on the Internet and we are pretty sure we’ve figured out what the issue is – it’s just a matter of figuring out who can fix it. We’ll see. In the meantime, the car is running perfectly fine. It’s just this strange light. Strange lights in a car saying that there is something wrong with the car can definitely be scary. I am not scared of this one, though. Everything is going to be alright.

So, I have to take a minute to talk about the boy thing. As I mentioned was one of the things that made yesterday so shitty, I felt like I got completely ignored by the boy yesterday. I didn’t see him at all today. What’s worse, though, is that I didn’t see him but I did talk about him. I received some very disheartening news about him, as well, which sucks. I think the time has come to stop focusing on THIS boy and just focus on A boy. It doesn’t have to be this specific one, although I feel like I have been focusing on this specific one. The quickest way to block the Universe from bringing you what you want and need is by focusing your attention on something else that isn’t likely to be what you are really wanting. This would be a perfect example of that – I may have been blocking my REAL James Dean from finding his way to me by focusing so much on this one guy who I kind of thought could possibly be him but was always pretty sure wasn’t. There were simply too many factors and signs to make it clear that this wasn’t the one. Still, I kept my focus on him. Stupid, eh? Well, now I know better. No more focus on this boy. If he actually was supposed to be the one, then he still will be. In the meantime, though, I will leave myself open to the possibility of somebody else being the one – my James Dean. What is really interesting about this, though, is the fact that I had found myself thinking recently, particularly yesterday, that I need to just stop thinking about him and focus my attention to just finding the right one instead of somehow making this one become the right one. So, by having those persistent thoughts, the Universe attracted this news about him to me and I already find myself thinking about him less. Okay, maybe not thinking of him less but thinking of him with less affection and desire and all that jazz. He is still on my mind but now I am just thinking about how much and how clearly he was never supposed to be the one. I was just being silly and overzealous. The one is out there and he is on his way to me. I just know it. I am so grateful for it, too. I cannot wait for him to reveal himself to me. It’s going to be a “game-changer,” for sure, and God knows that my game could use a change right about now.

The only other thing I wanted to talk about is something that I think was a large factor in the reason why my workday felt so long. Seriously, I felt kind of antsy and anxious to get home all day long. One of the main reasons for this, I believe, was the fact that on my first break this morning I happened to check one of my favorite music blogs, Music Is The Heart Of Our Soul, and happened to see that something I have been waiting ages for has finally come – the debut album from my favorite band of the moment, as mentioned above, The Pretty Reckless, had officially leaked to the internet. As soon as I saw this, I did a series of cartwheels on the inside out of sheer excitement. I have been dying to finally get an album from this band for a LONG time now and today was finally the day that it leaked. Where do I even begin? The album is called “Light Me Up,” and it is FUCKING incredible! The album opens with a track that was also featured on their EP released earlier this summer, “The Pretty Reckless EP.” The song is called “My Medicine” and it is one of my favorites of all the songs that I have heard from the band prior to the album. It is also one of my favorite songs on the album. It is a cool, mid-tempo, druggy-vibed groove with a chorus of “Somebody mixed my medicine, I don’t know what I’m on.” The second song on the album is an upbeat, balls-out rock number called “Since You’re Gone,” which is one of those great, angry breakup songs about how everything is so much better without the person who was treating you wrong. This is definitely a song that I can relate to a few different situations in my past. The third song is the first single from the album, and one of my very favorite songs of the summer, “Make Me Wanna Die.” This song always makes me think that some cracked out, white trash stripper should be dancing to it. It just has that really cool hard rock sound that kind of grooves and has a beat. The lyrics on this song are brilliant. It is essentially a song about that feeling of meeting someone so amazing that you feel like you couldn’t possibly be good enough. It’s not the greatest message in the world for me to be taking in right now but it is just such a perfect song. The fourth song is the album’s title track, “Light Me Up,” which has a little bit of an old school Soundgarden vibe to it. The lyrics are kind of discussing a feeling similar to that described in “Make Me Wanna Die,” but with a much lighter tone. It is kind of about wanting someone to pick you up and make you feel better about yourself and your life. The fifth song on the record is called “Just Tonight,” and it is one of my very favorite songs on the album. This is a bit of a love song, or one of the closest things you’ll get to one on this album. The chorus says, “Just tonight I will stay and we’ll throw it all away, when the light hits your eyes it’s telling me I’m right, and if I am through it’s all because of you, just tonight.” It’s got this really big, epic sound and really puts you in the place of feeling the feelings that the song is describing, which is a beautiful thing for a song to do – especially a song like this one, which describes such a beautiful feeling. The sixth track is the second single from the album, “Miss Nothing.” This is a song that I only just heard recently and fell madly in love with. The chorus is just gorgeous, with the lyrics saying, “As I watch you disappear into the ground, my one mistake was that I never let you down, so I’ll waste my time and I’ll burn my mind, I’m Miss Nothing, I’m Miss Everything.” This is definitely a song that I can relate to. I also love the fact that this song, with these lyrics, heavily features church bells in the chorus. It is gorgeous and just genius. This is probably my very favorite track on the record. The seventh track on the album is another that was featured on “The Pretty Reckless EP,” and another of my favorites on the album. This song is called “Going Down,” and is telling the story of seducing a priest while confessing to him that you’ve murdered someone. Yes, it’s a pretty heavily layered song. What’s most fascinating about this song is the fact that Taylor Momsen, who is only 17 years old, wrote it and says that it is a direct response to all of the allegations of molestation in the Catholic Church. That little bitch is brilliant! The eighth track on the album is called “Nothing Left To Lose,” and is probably my least favorite track on the album through the few listens I have given the album as a whole so far. It’s a slower mid-tempo song kind of forlornly looking back on a long relationship. It almost has a Sheryl Crow, almost country vibe to it. It reminds me of something one of those 80s hair bands would have used as an album track. It is a really great song and I really love the chorus, which says, “Lost between Elvis and suicide, ever since the day we died, Well I’ve got nothing left to lose. After Jesus and rock & roll couldn’t save my mortal soul, well I’ve got nothing left to lose.” Like I said, it is my least favorite song on the record, which is really saying something because I absolutely love this song. The ninth song on the record is called “Factory Girl,” and it is one that I had heard before but only in the form of low quality live recordings and such. It definitely makes more of an impact in it’s full quality studio version. It is essentially a big, rock anthem about a girl who gets what she wants by doing what she has to do. It is a great song and another stripper anthem, with a chorus that says, “Wait a minute girl, can you show me to the party? I’ll let you in through the backdoor.” The tenth and final track on this album is an absolutely gorgeous, mind-blowing ballad called “You.” This song, of all the tracks on the album, (aside from, possibly, “Make Me Wanna Die,”) really feels like the bands real masterpiece. It is a completely stripped down, simple statement and also the true love song of the record. The lyrics are extremely simple and say exactly what they need to say. “You don’t want me like I want you, You don’t need me like I need you, and I want you in my life, and I need you in my life, You can’t see me like I see you, I can’t have you like you have me, and I want you in my life, and I need you in my life, You can’t feel me like I feel you, I can’t steal you like you stole me, and I want you in my life, and I need you in my life.” That is the entirety of the lyrics. Short, sweet and just saying exactly what they need to say. No need to dress it up. What really makes this song the masterpiece that it is, though, is the completely raw, stripped down instrumentation, with strings adding just the right rounded sound and Taylor Momsen’s vocal delivery. If you only download one track from the record, I would say don’t be dumb and at least download two – “You” and “Make Me Wanna Die.” These two should be enough to get you completely hooked and make you download the rest of the album. I highly recommend downloading or actually going out and buying this album. I actually intend to go out and buy this record when it comes out next week because it is incredible and incredible artistry deserves to be rewarded. So, definitely check it out. My only complaint about this record is the exclusion of two demos that leaked a few months ago – the two songs that have kind of been my very favorite Pretty Reckless songs prior to the album being released. These songs are the insanely gorgeous and heart-wrenching ballad, “Heart,” and the mid-tempo hard rock track, “SUS (Shut Up Slut.)” The album could easily have stood two more tracks and I think these both would have fit in quite nicely with the record. Aside from that, though, this record is just perfect and I highly recommend you all give it a listen. I think I will go give it another listen right now, while I go to sleep. Goodnight.