Chapter 286: Circle The Drain

Today was an odd day. It wasn’t a bad day but it wasn’t exactly a great day, either. It was mainly kind of a boring day. Therefore, I’m not going to spend a lot of time talking about it. I woke up at 5:45am with my alarm, did my morning skincare routine, brushed my teeth and shaved and such. I ate oatmeal for breakfast, drank coffee, smoked a couple cigarettes and watched “Chelsea Lately.” After that, I went into the bathroom and did my makeup. I did my makeup to emulate the look on the eye in the painting I did, which looked really cute but didn’t exactly go with the outfit I wore today so I felt a little funny throughout the day because of that. It wasn’t the best way to start the day. It’s not that it wasn’t a good look but it was REALLY bright pink and purple without much to darken it up beyond mascara and black eyeliner. Like I said, it didn’t really go with my outfit today with had pinks in it but no really bright pink like the one on my eyes. So, there was that. My stomach was feeling a little strange this morning, as well, but I didn’t concern myself with that feeling at all and eventually it went away. When I got to work I was in that weird not bad but not great mood. The day pretty well followed this pattern. I wrote a couple new songs this morning, though, which was a really good thing for me. I wrote one that is tentatively titled, “I Told That Slut.” It was, once again, very inspired by The Pretty Reckless. I was really excited about that one because I loved the way that it turned out, although I wasn’t all that excited about the title. Every line of the verses of this song begins with “I told that slut…” and it’s basically a song about one of those people you know who are on a downward spiral but who are very clearly doing it to themselves and not listening to you when you try to help. This song is from the perspective of seeing these people after the fact and being like, “God, what a fucking trainwreck! I told that slut…” Like I said, I was really proud of that song but I need to go over the lyrics again and see if any other lines pop out at me as a possible title because “I Told That Slut” just seems too obvious. I wrote another song, a slightly softer one, about that same topic, actually. This one was called “All Along,” which is another title I wasn’t overly thrilled with, and is also from the perspective of watching somebody doing it to themselves but it’s more sentimental and trying a little harder to understand the reasons why they would be doing these types of things to themselves. I’m not entirely sure why this topic was on my mind so much today but it made for a couple of pretty good songs, so I’m not going to complain. I am, however, going to move forward and stop writing songs about it because I definitely do not want to attract that sort of thing into my life. I also drew a couple of things that I was pretty happy with. One was a woman who was initially supposed to be Barbra Streisand but wound up looking a bit more like Idina Menzel, which I was very pleasantly surprised by. This one was a profile view, so I tried to do one from the front, as well. The front view didn’t resemble Idina Menzel at all but it also turned out to be a pretty decent picture. I then started messing around with drawing a super “scene” comic book heroine type character but wound up turning her into more of a mermaid by the end of the day.

The only thing that was slightly of interest about the workday was that one of the new agents said that he thought that I was a part of the “gossip circle” at work. You see, the way our seats are arranged currently and have been for a really long time now has me sitting next to two girls who I have become pretty good “work friends” with over the past several months. I love those girls – they are a lot of fun to sit with. I will admit that we all have a pretty good time sitting together and can often be caught talking shit about the random people that pass by, etc. I wouldn’t even really say that we are talking shit about them, at least not all of the time, but we are just cracking jokes and observing the fucked up ways that people dress at work, etc. It’s just silly, funny stuff to pass the day. It kind of bothered me, though, that this guy said that we were a “gossip circle” or whatever. I don’t sit around and gossip about people or anything, at least not very often, and neither do the girls I sit with. I just felt like that was kind of a judgmental thing to say and I didn’t take too kindly to it. So, I told this guy that and he backtracked and whatever but I was still bothered by the fact that this could be the reputation people are getting of me. I don’t want to be seen that way. At the same time, though, I have to remind myself of one of my favorite quotes and personal mantras from RuPaul – “What other people think about me is none of my business.” I can’t control the way that other people view me and I can’t let it affect the way that I act and live my life. So, you know… fuck that guy. Not really, he’s actually a pretty nice guy but it is still kind of annoying that he said that. I wish people would keep their thoughts about me to themselves or whatever because I really don’t care to hear it. Still, like I said, what he or anybody else thinks about me isn’t really of any concern to me and I refuse to let it change my behavior or anything.

Another thing that happened while I was at work is that I received a text message from Viktor, my piano instructor, letting me know that he is back in Sarasota and telling me to call him when I get a chance to schedule more lessons. I’m still not sure what I want to do about that. As much as I have been saying that I want to quit lessons at this point, my instinct is to keep with it. Of course I would love to save the money and not have to worry about getting a ride there every week and such, I am not sure that I am ready to give it up yet. I mean, I think that if I REALLY applied myself I could figure out how to write some stuff on my own already but I am not sure how well that would go. I kind of dicked around a bit and wrote an opening riff for a song on my own but an opening riff is a far cry from writing an entire song. I am not sure what to think about the whole thing. After watching Andrew McMahon at the Something Corporate concert I am feeling much more inspired to keep at learning. I am just very conflicted about what to do about it at this point. I want to find out whether Viktor will be going back to Allegro or if I would just be taking lessons privately with him but I’m not sure how to approach that topic with him. The thing is, if he is going back to Allegro I would be much less inclined to continue lessons with him. He is pretty flaky, too, so I don’t know if I should continue with him either way. Still, he has been working with me for a long time now and it seems like it would be foolish to switch to somebody else after all of this time. I’m just not sure what to do. I am giving myself tonight to really consider it, though, and figure out what I actually want to do before calling him back. Actually, the thing that would make this all work out perfectly would be if my Mom gets that job that she interviewed for. If that happens, we would be cut a little slack financially, making it easier to pay for lessons, and she would be off in the evenings after I get off of work, so I wouldn’t have to worry about bothering my sister for rides there and such. That would be the ideal situation because I would love to continue. We’ll see, though.

The one other thing I wanted to mention is that one of my most hyped albums of the summer finally leaked today! Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream,” which I have been dying to hear for months now, finally leaked today. There were several songs from the album that leaked in the past few months and I have absolutely loved every one of them. Starting with the first single from the album, “California Gurls,” which you may remember me dubbing the “song of the summer” a few months ago, a prediction that turned out very accurate, as well as the surprise hit of the summer for me, the album’s title track, “Teenage Dream,” which has become probably my very favorite Katy Perry song. Both of these songs are completely brilliant and I fell completely in love with them both in very different ways. Then there were the other random “leaks,” or “promo singles” or whatever you want to call them – “E.T.,” which is a brilliant, offbeat love song with an urban sound, comparing a lover to an alien, “Circle The Drain,” which is an incredible, angry rock/pop track about not wanting to stick around and watch somebody on a downward spiral, (kind of like my songs from today,) and “Not Like The Movies,” a gorgeous ballad about the struggle to make a relationship work. All of these songs were completely brilliant in their own special ways, and I can say the same about pretty much every other song on the record, as well. My personal favorites, aside from those mentioned already, are “Last Friday Night (TGIF,)” “Firework,” “The One That Got Away,” “Pearl” and “Hummingbird Heartbeat.” These are all kind of the more poppy songs on the record, which are always the ones I am immediately drawn to, but even the ones I didn’t mention, like “Peacock” and “Who Am I Living For?” which are the only two tracks left that I didn’t mention, are amazing, as well. Seriously, I am in love with this record. It is gorgeous in every way! The next major leak I am looking out for is the one that I wasn’t so sure about earlier in the summer but have since become COMPLETELY obsessed with – The Pretty Reckless’ debut studio album, “Light Me Up.” I cannot get enough of The Pretty Reckless. All of the music that has leaked from them, the demos and the live tracks, just completely blow my mind. They are insanely brilliant and I am already dreaming of seeing them on tour and becoming Taylor Momsen’s number one fanboy. This band is insane and I absolutely love them for it. So, that gets it’s actual release on August 30, so I am expecting the full album to leak sometime in the next week. I cannot wait!

For now, though, it is time for “Big Brother,” and my Mom should be getting home soon and we need to get something for dinner, since I spent my evening writing this blog instead of cooking. So, I am going to go. Goodnight.