Chapter 323: The Only Exception

This blog is becoming tedious for me to write at this point in time. There is a very good reason for this – it is because the main thing I want to talk about is something that I can’t really talk about on here, in such a public forum. So, it is becoming increasingly difficult to keep things up. I figure that there must be a better way to go about this but I have yet to figure that better way out. So, I’m actually planning on punking out on the blog again tonight. You see, I’m still sick. I feel better than I did yesterday but not by a whole lot. So, I spent most of the day in bed. I watched the movie “Funny Girl” again because I felt like Barbra Streisand would make me feel better about the world, which she did. I also finally received the Mary Kay products I had ordered from the girl at work who recently started selling them. I got a Mary Kay eye shadow primer, since I am running low on my Urban Decay Primer Potion and figured I would try a less expensive alternative. I tried it out this afternoon and I don’t think it works near as well as the Urban Decay stuff does but I’m going to give it another chance. I also got a Tinted Lip Balm, which I am kind of in love with, and a Liquid Lip Color, which I am also kind of in love with and am totally ready to order in a few more shades. The Liquid Lip Color, in particular, feels really awesome on your lips – much better than a regular lipstick or the lip stains that I have been so obsessed with recently. So, that is pretty cool.

One thing that also came to my attention today, which has been in the works for several months but that I didn’t realize was so close, is the fact that this coming Wednesday my Mom is going to be flying out to Michigan for a week. She is actually leaving on Thursday of this week and returning Wednesday of next week. She is leaving on Wednesday of this week, though, because she is going to stay at her boyfriends house the night before, so he can take her to the airport Thursday morning. That means that I am alone in this house for an entire week. I’m not going to lie, that is normally a pretty hard pill to swallow. This time, however, I have a feeling that it is going to turn out okay. In fact, I think it quite possibly may work out to my advantage for reasons that I can’t really explain here. Either way, though, I think it’ll be okay. I just have to depend on my sister and her girlfriend to get me to work and back during that time and such, which is okay. They are good for that sort of thing. They’re good for plenty of other things, as well, but they are really good for getting me where I need to be when I really need to be there. Aside from getting to work and back, I’m good. The only other things that I am worried about in reference to that week are boredom and loneliness. Fortunately, I don’t think that will be a problem. I am just going to make it a point to try to make plans for going out and such during that time. In fact, I think I already have plans for going out on at least one of those nights. So, you know, fun times will be had.

Another topic that I wanted to take on here before I end tonight’s post is this song that I have been listening to obsessively over the past few days. It is one of my favorite songs of all-time and one that just kills me and makes me bawl like a baby if I hear it at the right moment. This song is Paramore’s current single, I believe, called “The Only Exception.” It is a really simple, stripped-down song for Paramore but it is absolutely flawless, as far as I am concerned. The stripped-down instrumentation only serves to put the focus where it really belongs – on the lyrics. This song has some of the most heartbreaking yet hopeful lyrics I can think of. The lyrics describe having lived your life only seeing love go bad and not believing that it can ever last. All of this talk in the verses and the bridge lead up to a chorus that simply states, “You are the only exception.” Then the song ends with the line, “I’m on my way to believing.” I can absolutely and intrinsically relate to the concept of not having any real frame of reference for love where it works out in the long run or even doesn’t end in a huge fucking mess. Even my own relationships have never ended in a positive way. I have talked to many people in the past, although I don’t know that I have ever talked about it in the blog, about the fact that I am not sure that I have ever actually been in love before. Don’t get me wrong, there have been times in the past when I thought that I was in love but I don’t know that I have ever actually been. I think, perhaps, I have been and am only questioning it because I am losing sight of the fact that love comes in many different forms. Like, all of those times in the past when I thought I was in love I actually was but it was a different form of being in love each time. I don’t know that it would ever feel the same with two different people. Our chemistry is not exactly the same with any two different people in this world, so why would the feeling of falling in love be the same with two different people? Regardless of whether or not I have actually been in love in the past, I know that I haven’t fallen in love and had it actually work out. That is what I am looking for right now. I want to fall in love. I want somebody to give me that “Hummingbird Heartbeat” that Katy Perry sings about. I don’t just want that, though. I want all of those wonderful, amazing feeling but I want it to last. I want somebody who I can’t imagine living my life without and somebody who I won’t have to imagine living my life without because they feel exactly the same way about me. I want somebody who will be MY “Only Exception.” It’s a pretty simple request, right? Okay, maybe not. I don’t doubt, though, that I will find it. Perhaps I already have and just don’t realize it yet. Perhaps not… but perhaps.

It’s been a long day of sickness and I am ready for bed. I have been taking some medicine today and it seems to have helped, although I don’t know that I was actually taking the right things. It said it was for sinus issues but it listed all of the symptoms that I have, so I don’t know if that would actually help or not. A little while ago, I took some cough syrup with codeine, so I am hoping that this will help me to wake up in the morning not feeling like shit. We’ll see, though. If nothing else, it should help me to get a good night’s sleep tonight, which is also something that I could really use. Honestly, as much as I hate being sick, I think it couldn’t have come at a more perfect time – I am broke as hell this weekend but already found myself thinking that this wasn’t enough incentive for me to actually stay home and not go out and spend the tiny bit of money that I do have. So, the Universe worked in my favor by making me sick. That Universe is always doing little things like this for me, although next time I would prefer it not to include illness because this sucks. Also, my Mom and I have kind of made a plan for tomorrow night that I really wouldn’t want to break – sitting at home and watching the movie “Gypsy” together. I have had it from Netflix for nearly three weeks and still haven’t watched it. I think subconsciously I did that on purpose because before the movie ever arrived my Mom asked that I wait to watch it with her. Since it arrived, though, she has told me several times to go ahead and watch it without her. I think, subconsciously, I have refused to go ahead and watch it without her because of this. She was the one who came up with the idea for us to stay home Saturday evening and watch it together and I am very happy with this plan. I haven’t really spent any significant time with my Mom in the past few weeks, between my recently active social life and her trips up to her boyfriend’s house in Winter Haven. So, this is yet another reason why it is so great that I got sick this weekend. Yay sickness! Oh wait… no. Anyway, the codeine in this cough syrup is kicking in something major and I need to get to bed. Goodnight.