Chapter 303: Lovesick

Today was an odd day. It started out kind of okay. I woke up this morning around 11am, when my alarm went off, & immediately got up and wasn't sure what to do with myself. I had kind of made plans to go shopping and hang out with my sister but I figured I'd give her a little time in the morning before I called her and started harassing her to come pick me up. I also wanted to give myself a little time to wake up and take my time getting ready, doing hair and makeup and such. I got up and heated up some leftover chinese for breakfast, which was delicious. I watched an episode of "Chelsea Lately," while I ate. My Mom and her boyfriend were gone and I suddenly remembered that they weren't home when I fell asleep last night around 2am, so I figured I should text her & make sure everything was alright, even though I knew it was and they had probably just gotten up early to go to some flea market or something. It wasn't long before I got a text message from my Mom confirming that this was exactly what had happened. So, my mind was put at ease after that and I figured I was awake enough to go get dressed and ready for the day.

My head was in a little bit of a weird place this morning after one of the events of yesterday. You see, the boy I've been going on about recently had kind of hinted to me Friday evening about wanting to make plans for this weekend. I mean, he like really put the bait out there and, for some reason, I just froze up. I didn't take the bait. It would have been SO easy. I spent much of last night kicking myself for it. I don't know what I was thinking. I don't know what it is in me that decided to completely, for lack of a better term, cockblock myself. I just froze up. I knew exactly what to say and I was pretty certain about what the response would be, and for some reason I just couldn't do it. I don't know what my fucking problem is sometimes! I talked to Rachel about it a little later that evening and she told me that I must have stopped myself because it simply wasn't meant to happen this weekend. Like, had I gone ahead it would have wound up not working out the way it is supposed to. I know she is right about that, too. The Universe is guiding me to exactly where I need to be. By simple logical thinking, it can be deduced that the Universe would also be leading me AWAY from where I do not need to be. It all makes perfect sense. Of course, me being the big ball of crazy that I have become over these past few weeks, didn't give too much thought to this even though I know it's true and wound up spending a very long time this afternoon being an even bigger ball of crazy than I have been lately.

To make matters worse, after finishing my outfit and makeup, I was feeling really cute and in this pretty great mood. So, I called my sister. She told me that she and her girlfriend had a few things that they needed to deal with & would call me back shortly once they had figured out all that they were doing for the day. So, I sat down at the computer and dicked around for a while. I made ringtones out of the new Selena Gomez & The Scene songs, "Round & Round," "Live Like There's No Tomorrow," and, my favorite song of the moment, "A Year Without Rain." Seriously, let me just take a moment to make mention of "A Year Without Rain." It is just a perfect song! It has much more of a dance vibe than anything else Selena has done in the past, aside from maybe "Naturally," which has been the biggest hit of the band's career. It was a very good move to continue in that same direction because it works beautifully for her. The lyrics of this song are gorgeous, as well. Also, the video for the song was just released in the past couple of days and is completely gorgeous. I made a still from the video my wallpaper on my phone, as well as the ringtones. Good stuff. What wasn't good stuff? Going even crazier than I was earlier in the day after not hearing from my sister after like 2 hours. I don't know what it is about me but for some reason anytime I allow myself to get too bored my mind wanders to the most fucked up places. Already being kind of pissed at myself for the whole missed opportunity with the boy yesterday and now being irritated to not have heard from my sister, I became this giant ball of negative energy for a long time. I kind of got attitude with my Mom, which I felt really bad about. I also felt this really overwhelming urge to spend money, which is never a good feeling for me to have because it most often means that I am going to wind up spending more money than I actually am able to afford. Fortunately, I managed to resist temptation.

In spite of my bad attitude towards her, my Mom was kind enough to take me out to Walgreen's, where I needed to get money out of the ATM for my half of the rent and for this girl at work who harassed me enough to get me to buy some Mary Kay stuff from her. While we were at Walgreen's, I decided that I could afford to take a little look around the cosmetics section for a little bit. I have developed an obsession with lip products lately, mainly because they are the one thing I hadn't really dealt with much before and have recently begun experimenting with. After all, lips & contouring are the only parts of the face I haven't quite figured out yet. As with any makeup products, I am experimenting with lip colors in drugstore brands before trying to move on to actual high end versions. In spite of my brand loyalty to Maybelline, I was really much more drawn to L'oreal Colour Riche lip products. I bought two lipsticks, "Natural Nude," which is a much prettier nude shade than the NYX Round Lipstick I got with my Ulta gift card a few weeks ago, and "Reflective Sand," which is a gorgeous glossy pink with a ton of gold/bronze reflects in it. I also picked up two of the Colour Riche lip glosses, "Soft Coral" and "Rich Nude." I am completely in love with these glosses! They are thick and pigmented enough to be worn all alone, or with a lipstick underneath. In fact, the "Soft Coral" looks absolutely amazing with the "Natural Nude" lipstick.

While I was shopping the cosmetics section at Walgreen's, the woman working at the cosmetics counter came over to me and asked me "who did your makeup?" I didn't realize she was talking to me at first and didn't respond until she actually tapped my shoulder. I told her that I did it myself and she was all impressed with that. She told me that I looked really beautiful. Beautiful. I get told that my makeup looks cute or that I did something cool with my eyeshadow or that I am really good at applying makeup or whatever else but I don't know that I have ever been told that I looked beautiful. Like, I don't know that anybody has actually used the world beautiful for me before. I'm not going to lie, it was an amazing feeling. It was exactly what I needed to hear today to take me from a big ball of crazy to a big ball of happiness and positivity, like I normally am. It was a really great feeling and I am eternally grateful to this Walgreen's employee for that moment. It was awesome. You could even say that it was beautiful.

After leaving Walgreen's, I was really thinking about Starbucks & how great a Venti Iced Caramel/Vanilla Latte would taste. I knew my Mom was doing me a favor by taking me to Walgreen's because she could see how crazy I was making myself, so I didn't want to ask her to take me anywhere else since I knew she was anxious to get back home to her boyfriend. In further evidence of "The Secret" at work in my life, it wasn't long after I got home that I received a call from Rachel. She, along with anybody else who was on Facebook today, knew that I was extremely stir crazy & asked me if I might want to get out of the house and go out for coffee. Coffee like, for example, the kind you get at Starbucks. It was perfect! I was still slightly irritated with the fact that my sister just completely blew me off today but I was thrilled to have found some other plans. I reapplied my makeup & experimented with the new lip products for a bit and before I knew it Rachel was here to pick me up! There are many incredible things about Rachel that I absolutely adore but one of my favorites is that she is always willing to let me unload all of my crazy on her. It's not just anybody that I will even show all of my crazy to, let alone unload it on, so I really appreciate that I have somebody in my life who sees it all and never judges or gets pissed off about it or anything. We went to Starbucks and just sat ourselves in a corner and spent the evening talking about anything that came to mind, including re-learning the alphabet in sign language and then using it to talk to one another about people there in the Starbucks. Plus, Starbucks is apparently a really popular Saturday night hangout here in Sarasota, and was full of hotties this evening. After a while, we decided to leave Starbucks and were trying to figure out something else to do instead of just going back to my house. We had initially decided on going out to the beach but along the way decided that this was more of a thing to do when you're drunk and that it probably wouldn't be that fun sober. So, we decided to come back to my house to go to the bathroom and hang out for a bit. I text messaged my friend April to see what she and Devin were up to this evening and she told me that she was at the Comic Book shop with Whitney and Nate and kind of invited us to come down there, but we were already at my house by this time and Rachel had to go to work early tomorrow, so we decided to call it a night earlier than we surely would have had we gone to hang out with them all. It is kind of a shame, though, because I haven't seen April and Devin in a really long time. Still, I'll see them soon enough, I'm sure.

I also heard back from my sister around this time, as well, apologizing for not calling me back and telling me to call her when I get up in the morning so they can come pick me up to hang out with them tomorrow. This really actually works out better for me, in the end, because I wound up having a really great time with Rachel tonight and now have plans for tomorrow. So, despite my initial frustrations on Friday night, I have actually wound up with plans for this weekend. All that's left is Monday, which I may try to come up with plans for but at this point would be okay with just making a movie day out of. We'll see what happens, though. If I have learned anything today, though, it is that I need to learn to calm myself down when I find that my crazy is starting to emerge. Everything works out in the end. I just have to have patience. After all, if you let that type of negativity out it has a way of doing nothing for you but creating more negative feelings in you. So, no more of that for me. Normally I am really good at warding off negative feelings. I just let the boy situation get to me today. I have absolute faith in the Universe, though, that even that will work out in the end. It will all work out exactly as it is supposed to. In the meantime, I just have to remember to have fun. If I am having a good time then I will create more good feelings and good times for myself and whatever situation I am thinking about will work out in a positive way for me. So, I am all good.

One last thing I wanted to mention before I go to bed - while I was out with Rachel she played a little music for me that I immediately became kind of obsessed with. It is this 19 year old kid from Missouri named Christofer Ingle, who goes by the name Nevershoutnever. She was playing me songs from his major label debut EP "What Is Love?" which features mainly the most adorable spunky love songs you could possibly find. It is such a fun EP and I downloaded it as soon as I got home, as well as the recently released debut full-length album, "Harmony." Both of these records are absolutely brilliant. For one, they both heavily feature the ukelele, which is always a fun and unique intrument to use. In fact, the only other modern reference I can think of for use of the ukelele is Danielle Ate The Sandwich, who is also awesome. I am in love with this kid, though. Both of these albums are completely brilliant and really short. Like, neither is over 30 minutes long. They are chock full of great songs in that short time, though, and I have just sat here and listened to them both like 3 times in a row as I write this blog. I highly recommend checking this guy out - it is very much good mood music. It makes me smile just listening to it. If you are looking for individual songs to download as a sample, I'd recommend "Can't Stand It," "I Love You 5," "What Is Love?," "Cheatercheaterbestfriendeater," "Lovesick" and "First Dance." Like I said, though, these are both really short albums and I guarantee you will get a kick out of both of them - so go, get to downloading/buying! While you do that, I'm going to get to bed. It is late. Goodnight!