Chapter 328: Radar

So, today was kind of a boring day. It wasn’t entirely boring but it didn’t leave me with much to report this evening. Actually, that’s not entirely true – but I will get to that in a bit. This day had a bit of an odd malaise to it right from the beginning. I woke up when my alarm went off at 5:45am but somehow wound up falling back to sleep for another hour. This, for me, is definitely not a good way to start the day. I felt very frantic when I actually did get up and was really stressing myself out about how to go about my morning in order to make the most effective use of the limited time that I had. My automatic instinct was to skip eating breakfast, even though I knew that this would be a bad plan because I would wind up feeling starved and irritated as the day wore on. Still, as fucked up as it may sound, my main priority was making sure that my makeup was tight and I was looking and, in turn, feeling gorgeous. So, that was the first thing I did. I got up and did my morning skincare, brushed my teeth and such, then immediately went to doing my makeup look for the day. Unfortunately, because I was so stressed about the time it was already, I didn’t shave my face. This was particularly bad, though, because I also didn’t shave my face yesterday. I normally skip a day because I don’t really need a shave every day but in this case I skipped two days and felt like I was rocking a full beard today, even though it wasn’t actually all that noticeable. (On a side note, as a precaution, I went ahead and shaved tonight just in case I wind up having a time restriction tomorrow, as well.) Today’s makeup look, as I mentioned in last night’s blog, was taken from Britney Spears’ video for “Womanizer,” from her most recent album, “Circus.” It was a much less dramatic look than I had done for the previous two days, although I felt it was just as effective. I did the look from the scene in the video when Britney is naked in the shower/sauna room, which is basically just a simple black/brown smoky eye. This was a smoky eye in the traditional sense of the term, fading vertically from the lightest shade at the brow and getting darker and more intense as it moves down to the lash line. I really loved the look today, although one of my co-workers continually teased me that it wasn’t actually a Britney Spears look but more of an excuse for me to be lazy and oversleep. Whatever – the evidence is right here in yesterday’s blog.

So, after I finished my makeup and was all satisfied and feeling beautiful, it was still only 7:20am and I actually managed to have time to smoke a couple of cigarettes, drink a cup of coffee, eat a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast and put together my lunch and spill-proof cup full of coffee without having to stress about the time any longer. So, that actually worked out really well – probably better than most mornings. I just get really crabby and out of sorts when my routines are shaken up. Unfortunately, this actually kind of set the pace for the day. It’s not to say that my routines were shaken up for the rest of the day but I spent the bulk of today feeling really out of sorts and maybe, just maybe, a little bit crabby. Still, it wasn’t a bad day at work. I made it through the day without any major incidents or anything of that nature. Once I left work, though, reality slowly began to set in – this is the evening that my Mom left to spend the next week in Michigan. It was one of those things that I had known about for months but when it actually came time for it to happen I was really taken aback by the suddenness of it all. Now here I am in my house alone, as I will be until this time next week. It kind of sucks but I am feeling pretty confident about the whole thing. In fact, I am kind of viewing it as an opportunity to experience what it is like to live on my own for a week. Of course, I am also doing everything I can to make plans for the weekend and such. I received a call from Rachel this evening, whom I had kind of counted out for weekend plans because she has a close friend in the military who is coming in on leave this weekend, asking if I wanted to do a night out tomorrow night. I was a little hesitant because I don’t actually get paid until Friday and don’t have a whole lot of money in the bank currently, however with a very small amount of coercing and the brilliant idea to pre-game it again, like we did last time we went out, I have decided to say “fuck it,” and just do it! I am really excited about it, actually – I am ready for a fun night out drinking and such. Plus, since it has become our favorite place in the world now, we are going to TOTI’s, which has a $2 drink deal on Thursday nights, so I can totally afford it. Of course, that is most likely $2 for beer, which I don’t usually drink, so Rachel and I have decided that we are going to give me a little bit of a beer education tomorrow night since it is so much cheaper than drinking liquor and would probably be a good thing for me to pick up moving forward, since it appears that I am drinking a lot more lately than I have in years. So, I am really looking forward to that. Then I have a couple of other people lined up to possibly come hang with me over the weekend, so I should get by just fine I think.

Now, as far as my Britney Spears lesson of the day for today… well, it didn’t seem like there was one that I really applied for the day. Since “Circus” was my album for the day, I thought I may pick up a little sense of showmanship from the song “Circus” or a little of that naughty attitude so adequately displayed in the song “Lace & Leather,” or even some of the angry confidence of the song, “Kill The Lights.” None of those were the case today, though. However, listening to the album as I write this I have realized what the lesson of the day should have been and the lesson I need to bear in mind and apply to my life moving forward – this lesson comes from the song “Radar.” “Radar” was actually one of the standout tracks from Britney’s previous album, “Blackout,” which didn’t get a lot of promotion or anything because Britney was still in the midst of her big ball of crazy when that album was released. Still, “Radar” was always a fan favorite and is, in my opinion, one of the best songs of Britney’s career. The song is basically about spotting something, or somebody, that you want and just moving full-force ahead until you get it. I had an experience today where I really could have used this type of confidence and determination but instead just kind of let it fizzle out and didn’t take advantage of an opportunity. It was shitty. Still, I understand that the Universe makes us do these types of stupid things for a reason and the timing must not have been right. Still, it would have been nice if I could have just gotten my Britney attitude on and kept my mind focused on the chorus of, “If I notice you I know it’s you I’m choosing, don’t wanna lose you on my radar, on my radar.” Like I said, though, these things happen the way that they do for a reason. So, I will not question it at this time. However, moving forward, I will make it a point to keep it fresh in my mind and remind myself frequently that once I have got something on my radar, something that I really want, I need to do whatever I can to make it happen and not just let it go and miss my chance. So, once again, applying a little Britney to my life could have, and perhaps should have, made all the difference. So, Britney Spears Week, Day 3 was a success in it’s own way. Tomorrow is all about the album, “In The Zone,” which features some of my favorite Britney singles, like “Me Against The Music,” “Everytime” and, the inspiration for tomorrow’s makeup look, “Toxic.” I have finally decided upon a makeup look from the “Toxic” video, which I was having a lot of trouble with before. There are 3 main makeup looks I was moving between to do from this video – the gorgeous, sparkling neutral look from the scenes where she is in the nude-suit covered in diamonds, the BRIGHT blue cat eye she wears in the scene when she is the stewardess on an airplane or the completely INSANE and beautiful extreme winged out black liner with red eyebrows from the scene when she has the red hair in the video. Initially, I was certain that I was going to do the really intense, over-the-top look from the red hair scene but I was hesitant because it is such an extreme look to wear to the workplace. I also really liked the sparkly look from the nude scene but worried that it would be a little too neutral and not very recognizable. Finally, I settled on the blue cat eye look from the airplane scene because I went back and watched the video again and kind of fell in love with the look. I still want to try my hand at the crazy black and red look, though, so I think I may experiment with that one a bit on Friday or Saturday, just for the sake of doing it.

Anyway, it is nearly midnight and I am feeling really tired. I am ready to go to work tomorrow and get the day over with. I am ready for the weekend, in spite of the fact that I could easily wind up spending the bulk of it alone. I will be glad just to say that this workweek is over – it hasn’t exactly been hellish or anything but it has felt extremely long. I am definitely ready to get it over with and see what the weekend may bring. In spite of the fact that, as I mentioned, I could easily wind up spending this weekend alone I have a really good feeling about it. There are a few little things that I have planned that I think could wind up being really great. No details but I am kind of excited, like I said, to see what the weekend may bring. I am really ready for the weekend to get here. I have just repeated that same statement, in different ways, several times. I am just so ready for it. I am ready to finish with work tomorrow and go out tomorrow night, to spend Friday relaxing and watching movies or something, then whatever else this weekend may bring. For now, though, it is officially after midnight and I need to get myself to bed. Goodnight.

Chapter 327: Bombastic Love

Okay, so I just have to begin by saying that Britney Spears week is quickly turning out to be one of the best ideas that I have come up with in a very long time! It’s not necessarily to say that this is turning out to be one of the best weeks in the world – in fact, this week is passing by dreadfully, in terms of work and such – but it is turning out really well for me on a much more personal level. You see, as I discussed a bit in last night’s blog, I have been immersing myself in Britney’s music and images and such and, as crazy as it may seem, I am discovering that there is a LOT of inspiration to be taken from her. As in last night’s blog, I have kind of wound up taking a little bit of Britney’s lyrical advice in my life today. Last night, while I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep, I was listening to her third album, “Britney.” Much like my “album of the day” yesterday, “Oops!… I Did It Again,” this album also has a very clear theme of strength, but in a much different way than that album has. You see, the “Britney” album is all about breaking free from the labels and restrictions and such that people place on you – on songs like “I’m A Slave 4 U,” “Overprotected,” “I’m Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman,” “Let Me Be,” and “What It’s Like To Be Me,” Britney discusses the concepts of trying to be as true to ones self as possible and not allowing yourself to be ruled by the thoughts and opinions of others. This is very important stuff in life and stuff that I have been very focused on in recent times. This, however, is not the main lesson that I have taken from this record. You see, the record also has its share of really fun, spunky dance/pop songs, like “Boys,” “I Love Rock & Roll” and “Anticipating,” as well as a couple of really strong, “breaking free” breakup songs, like “Cinderella,” and “Lonely.” The songs that really stuck out to me on this record the most last night, though, were the love songs – “That’s Where You Take Me,” “When I Found You,” and, the one that has served to teach me the lesson of the day, “Bombastic Love.” I know what you must be thinking if you are not familiar with the song, “Who the fuck names a song ‘Bombastic Love’ and what kind of lesson can you learn from that BS?” Well, as this song played last night, I wasn’t paying all that much attention until the second verse came up. The lyrics of this second verse really resonated with me. The lyrics are simple, pop lyrics but they made a very profound statement to me that was very close to my heart at this point in time. She says, “Don’t know why I feel so insecure, I never understood what it’s good for, I’ve got to make sure that weakness doesn’t stop me again, I can’t sit and wait anymore.” These words struck me because they made me stop and realize that this is exactly what I have been doing in my life recently – I have been feeling insecure and letting weakness stop me from living life in the best way I can. It was as if Britney were telling me what I need to be doing in order to move forward in the most fantastic way I can – I have to let go of those insecurities, (I DON’T understand what they’re good for,) and stop sitting and waiting for the things I want. I need to stand up and make things happen for myself. No matter what it is I am speaking of, I am through with being reserved. I am done being quiet. I am done toning myself down. I am not a person who needs to be toned down – if nothing else, I am a person who needs to be amped up and that is exactly what I am going to do. Whether we are talking about going after a boy or going after my dreams, I am done sitting quietly and waiting for something to happen. I am ready to make things happen for myself.

It was with this sentiment in mind that I woke up this morning. I got more sleep last night than I had the night before and was feeling considerably better about the world than I did yesterday. I did all the normal morning routines and watched last night’s “Chelsea Lately,” over breakfast and coffee, then headed into the bathroom to do makeup for the day. I had a very clear vision of what I was going for this morning, although I wasn’t entirely certain that I had the products to pull it off properly. I did a little testing with some of the stuff I have last night and was pretty sure I could manage but I did begin working on the look this morning with a little bit of trepidation. Today’s classic Britney makeup look was from the video for the first single from the “Britney” album, “I’m A Slave 4 U.” This was a pretty over-the-top eye shadow look using a gorgeous teal/green color all over the lids, with a really strong, overstated black “outer v,” and a really bright, shimmery white highlight. Much like yesterday’s “Stronger” look, the rest of the face was pretty simple – another nude lip, although a slightly darker one than yesterday, and a lot of bronzer and shimmer powder to give the face a bit of a shine, like the sweaty shine that Britney and all of the dancers had in the video. In spite of my initial concerns, I absolutely loved the way that this look came out. I will admit, it was a tad more “drag” looking than I would normally go on a workday but I absolutely loved it and will definitely be keeping this look on reserve for some future night out. I was really happy with it and walked around all day feeling gorgeous! I am also really excited about tomorrow’s look, which I had a lot of trouble deciding upon. I knew that I definitely wanted to go with a look from one of the videos from the most recent album, “Circus,” but I wasn’t sure which one. It wasn’t really that there was such a plethora of great makeup looks to choose from so much as the fact that all of the looks from each of the videos were so similar to one another. There were slight variations between each one but, overall, they were very similar. I eventually decided, though, on a really gorgeous neutral smoky eye look from the video for the song “Womanizer.” I am really excited to see how this look turns out. I’m sure I’ll have plenty to say about it tomorrow.

Work was weird today. There was a weird vibe throughout the building today and I am not sure why it was but it weirded me out for most of the day. I also felt really tired through most of the day, although nowhere near as tired as I was yesterday. I spent most of today bullshitting around with my cubicle neighbor, like I spend most days anymore. Even that, though, seemed to have a weird vibe to it. I don’t know how to explain any of what I am saying right now but, like I said, it was a weird vibe and I really didn’t like it. I also kind of got the feeling that there was some drama brewing in my department, although I’m not entirely certain of what it was or why it is happening. I don’t honestly care that much, if I’m being honest. I am just going to make it a point not to get involved. I had a slight bit of drama in the workplace recently, which was resolved pretty quickly and without too much drama, and that was plenty for me. I don’t need anything more. Fortunately, the day passed fairly quickly for me and I wasn’t overly exhausted when I got home. Tomorrow should be fine, as well, because I intend to get another good night’s sleep tonight. In fact, I should probably go ahead and get to that – it is 10 minutes to midnight already. Goodnight.

Chapter 326: Stronger

Okay, let me start off tonight's blog by letting you all know exactly how fucking out of it I am this evening - last night I had a LOT of trouble falling asleep. When I say that I had a LOT of trouble falling asleep, I mean that I got into bed around 12am but couldn't actually fall asleep until somewhere around 2:45-3am. So, this morning when I woke up at 5:45am I wasn't in the best of moods. Actually, I was in a pretty decent mood I was just exhausted. When it was nearing 2:30am or so I knew what to expect. I still went ahead and muscled through the morning and went through all of my regular morning routines, including skin care, brushing my teeth, shaving, breakfast, coffee, etc. Then I went on to begin a little project I have decided to toy around with for this week. In honor of "Glee" doing their big Britney Spears tribute episode this week, I am doing a bit of a Britney Spears tribute of my own. I have decided that every day this week I will be recreating one of Britney's classic, iconic makeup looks. I started off today with a look that I fell in love with years ago, in 2000, when I first saw it - the blue/silver smoky eye from the video for the single, "Stronger," from her second album, "Oops!... I Did It Again." The look is gorgeous and I think I pulled it off really well. I loved the look of it - it was kind of big, dark and dramatic for a day-to-day, going to work look but in recreating looks from music videos it is kind of bound to happen that way. Still, as I said, I really loved the look. I particularly enjoyed the fact that it was such a dramatic eye look and the rest of the face and lips were really nude and understated. It was a really great look and I was very pleased with it.

Let me also begin by saying that I understand that I have been really weird about the blog recently because I have been exerting the majority of my thought and energy to this whole big thing that I am not talking about here in the blog. I don't know how to explain the whole situation and I don't feel at all like it would be appropriate for me to discuss here, yada yada yada. So, I have come to a decision about this thing - I am no longer going to sit around and obsess over it. I am going to focus on going through my day and living my life in a way that makes for a great ending to this blog and a great time in my life. That is what is important right now. This other situation will either progress to a point where it can be reevaluated and discussed here or it will resolve itself and get to a point where it is no longer such an issue in my head. I know that some people may have heard all this before, (namely, Rachel,) but I'm pretty sure that I actually mean it this time and am pretty determined to stick to it.

In fact, this makes me think that this Britney Spears themed week could not have come at a better time. You see, for all of the crazy that the world has gotten to watch play out in her life, one thing I can say for Britney Spears is that, to me, she has always exemplified a certain image of strength. In her early career, back when "...Baby One More Time" was released, she was always such a fearless performer - from her controversial Rolling Stone cover in a bra and clutching a Tinky Winky doll to her complete lack of shame for the fact that she created full-blown bubblegum pop music in the midst of a world full of nothing but rap, hip-hop and rock music. She has faced harsher criticism throughout the entirety of her career from critics and fans alike and she has managed to make it out the other side still standing, although definitely a little worse for wear. Today's makeup look was from a song off of the album "Oops!... I Did It Again," and I have kind of made that my album for the day. I listened to the album while doing my makeup this morning, on the way to work today and am listening to it as I write this blog. I didn't really see the significance of this album for the day until right now - this, to me, seems like Britney's total "strength" record. The majority of the tracks on this record, including "Oops!... I Did It Again," "Stronger," "Don't Go Knockin' On My Door," "Satisfaction," "What U See (Is What U Get,)" "Can't Make You Love Me," and even "One Kiss From You," and "Don't Let Me Be The Last To Know" all, in their own ways, exemplify the type of strength I am trying to summon in my own life at this point. These are all youthful, carefree, fun pop songs but they all express a certain type of "take me or leave me" attitude, a (sometimes) quiet confidence and a real strong sense of self-awareness. That is exactly what I need to be channeling at this point in time. So, without actually realizing it, I managed to pick out exactly the record that I needed to hear today. I love the way the Universe works out little things like that for you.

So, work was pretty fun today. I basically just spent the entire day bullshitting around with my friend who sits next to me, talking a lot of shit and debating about music and political issues and such. It's pretty cool because they actually managed to seat me next to somebody who likes a lot of the same things I do but also has very different political views and general views on life than I do, so we actually manage to sit and have things to talk about all day long, which makes the days go by pretty well. Of course, there wasn't a thing in the world that was going to make today pass quickly. I was exhausted. In spite of my positive attitude about the lack of sleep before work, by the time I actually got to work I was feeling pretty out of it. Unfortunately, that feeling pretty much stuck around all day. I was really having a lot of trouble functioning today, although I managed not to screw anything up or make any real mistakes. Still, I felt like crap because I was so exhausted. I spent all day just waiting for the end. When the day finally did end I came home and fought with myself not to fall asleep. My Mom and I discussed it and were both too tired to actually cook this evening, so we decided to just get pizza. I spent the rest of the evening sitting in front of the TV watching "Desperate Housewives" and fighting with myself not to sleep some more. It is time for this fight to end now, though. Goodnight.

Chapter 325: We Got The Party

Chapter 324: Wastin' My Time

Today was kind of a funny day. It had some disappointment, I'll admit, but it had some positives, as well. The day started off on an interesting note, for sure. You see, I didn't fall asleep last night until around 4am. In spite of having taken some cough syrup with codeine before getting into bed, I just laid there and couldn't get myself to actually fall asleep. I don't know if it was the sickness or just the fact that I've had a LOT on my mind lately or what but for whatever reason sleep just wasn't coming all that easily for me. So, after falling asleep around 4am, I was none too pleased to wake up just after 8am this morning, particularly because of the fact that when I woke up at 8am I had this really severe pain in my stomach. It wasn't like a stomach ache, exactly, but more like the muscles in my stomach were feeling really sore, which doesn't make a whole lot of sense because I have had a cough but not one severe enough to cause pain in my stomach. It was the same pain I'd had for the past few days, though, only considerably worse. I also really needed to go to the bathroom, so I got up and tended to that, then got back into bed. Once I was back lying in my bed, I decided to focus. I focused very hard on two specific things. One of those things was the pain in my stomach, and my illness in general, going away. Actually, I didn't focus on that at all. I focused on feeling wonderful & healthy. The other thing I focused on isn't really relevant to the story that I am telling right now, (but for the record, I am still hoping it works out today.) As I lied there and focused on wellness, the pain in my stomach started to dissipate and I fell asleep. I woke up again with my alarm at 10:30am and found myself feeling wonderful.

I was kind of expecting a visitor today. So, as soon as I got up I did my morning skincare routine & immediately began cleaning up a few things around the house. Once I was done with that I ate a little something and then went about getting myself dressed and looking presentable for company, in spite of the fact that I was only half expecting it. While only half expecting it, I was hoping it would happen. So, I figured that if I behaved as if I had company coming then, by the law of attraction, I would simply have to have it. So, I went with that idea and set about doing my makeup for the day. Plus, I didn't do much of anything at all yesterday and, since I was feeling so much better today, I was definitely in the mood to doll myself up a bit. I decided to try out a look that I had been contemplating for a while now, inspired by Hayley Williams from Paramore, which involved orange, yellow and red - 3 colors that I don't wind up using often at all. It was pretty over the top but I loved the way it came out.

After finishing all of that up, it was slowly approaching noon. At this point, I decided to go to my bedroom and just hang out for a while and see what I could do to occupy my time until something interesting happened, like company. I wound up dicking around on the keyboard for a while, which was cool, and doing a whole lot of my newest favorite "home alone" activity - bedroom performances. You see, the way that this works is that I simply pull up my music library on iTunes, pick out a random song & then get up and sing, & oftentimes dance, to it in my bedroom, as if I were performing. I understand that this sounds a whole lot like reverting back to childhood but I feel as though I have a couple of very good reasons for doing this. Scratch that, I don't really have good reasons for doing it but I have a couple of very good things that have come of doing it. First of all, singing and dancing in my bedroom has helped me to discover something that means more to me than I could possibly express here. It has helped me to discover the fact that I have NOT lost my vocals, as I had talked about in the blog quite a bit recently. After the debacle that was my "Glee" audition video and how awful my vocals were in it, I had kind of convinced myself that I had lost my ability to sing altogether. I was incorrect, though. That "Glee" audition video DID wind up teaching me something very valuable, though - it taught me to be aware of my limitations vocally. After all, in that video I was attempting to sing "Don't Rain On My Parade," for chrissakes! That is WAY more song than my voice is capable of handling. So, based on the trouble I had singing that song, as well as with "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going," which is another song that is way too big for my voice, I was convinced that my vocal abilities were actually gone. However, with all of the bedroom performing I have been doing recently I have come to recognize where my voice really shines and where it should just be stopped. Also, another EXTREMELY important thing that has come from bedroom performing is the fact that it has managed to remind me of the sheer joy I have always derived from the simple acts of singing and dancing. I feel like I kind of forgot about that somewhere along the way and I could not be more grateful for the fact that I have managed to remind myself. It is an absolutely wonderful feeling and one I am not ever willing to give up. So, laugh at my bedroom performances if you may - they are brilliant to me. After all, the bedroom is one of the places where I have always performed best. *wink wink, nudge nudge*

I wound up bedroom performing pretty much the whole time from noon until 4:30pm, when my Mom got home from work. I still hadn't heard anything out of my possible visitor, so when my Mom asked me if I wanted to go out to Venice & pick up some Panda Express for dinner, I said "fuck it, let's go." After all, I was hoping for company today, sure, but I hadn't received any word and wasn't just going to sit around & wait. Plus, my Mom and I had plans for tonight, anyway. We had already decided earlier in the week that we were going to have dinner together and watch the movie "Gypsy" this evening. So, once we got back from Venice that is exactly what we did. For those who don't know, "Gypsy" is the story of a notorious stage mother doing anything & everything she possibly can to turn her daughters into Vaudeville stars, so that she could live out her own dreams vicariously through them. It is one hell of a movie, that's for sure, with some absolutely stunning music scattered throughout and fucking knockout performances from Rosalind Russell as Rose, the stage mother, and Natalie Wood as her daughter Louise, who eventually becomes known as Gypsy Rose Lee. It was an absolutely brilliant film and one that I highly recommend everybody check out. Aside from the movie itself, it was also really nice to sit down and enjoy a quiet evening with my Mom, which I hadn't actually done in quite a while. We had a good time just sitting and watching the movie, although I will admit that we were both somewhat distracted - me with my phone and her on her laptop. Still, it was a good time.

For now, though, it is after 11pm and I don't necessarily plan on going to bed anytime soon. I do, however, plan on finding something more interesting than writing this blog to fill my time before I do go to bed. I'm not sure what that interesting thing will be but I'm gonna figure it out and then do it. As far as tomorrow goes, I don't have any plans at all. This makes for a pretty bland weekend but I suppose I don't mind it. This is simply what happens when you are sick and broke in the same weekend. Next weekend should be better - I'll have money then. For now, though, I am going to figure out something to keep myself entertained. Goodnight.

Chapter 323: The Only Exception

This blog is becoming tedious for me to write at this point in time. There is a very good reason for this – it is because the main thing I want to talk about is something that I can’t really talk about on here, in such a public forum. So, it is becoming increasingly difficult to keep things up. I figure that there must be a better way to go about this but I have yet to figure that better way out. So, I’m actually planning on punking out on the blog again tonight. You see, I’m still sick. I feel better than I did yesterday but not by a whole lot. So, I spent most of the day in bed. I watched the movie “Funny Girl” again because I felt like Barbra Streisand would make me feel better about the world, which she did. I also finally received the Mary Kay products I had ordered from the girl at work who recently started selling them. I got a Mary Kay eye shadow primer, since I am running low on my Urban Decay Primer Potion and figured I would try a less expensive alternative. I tried it out this afternoon and I don’t think it works near as well as the Urban Decay stuff does but I’m going to give it another chance. I also got a Tinted Lip Balm, which I am kind of in love with, and a Liquid Lip Color, which I am also kind of in love with and am totally ready to order in a few more shades. The Liquid Lip Color, in particular, feels really awesome on your lips – much better than a regular lipstick or the lip stains that I have been so obsessed with recently. So, that is pretty cool.

One thing that also came to my attention today, which has been in the works for several months but that I didn’t realize was so close, is the fact that this coming Wednesday my Mom is going to be flying out to Michigan for a week. She is actually leaving on Thursday of this week and returning Wednesday of next week. She is leaving on Wednesday of this week, though, because she is going to stay at her boyfriends house the night before, so he can take her to the airport Thursday morning. That means that I am alone in this house for an entire week. I’m not going to lie, that is normally a pretty hard pill to swallow. This time, however, I have a feeling that it is going to turn out okay. In fact, I think it quite possibly may work out to my advantage for reasons that I can’t really explain here. Either way, though, I think it’ll be okay. I just have to depend on my sister and her girlfriend to get me to work and back during that time and such, which is okay. They are good for that sort of thing. They’re good for plenty of other things, as well, but they are really good for getting me where I need to be when I really need to be there. Aside from getting to work and back, I’m good. The only other things that I am worried about in reference to that week are boredom and loneliness. Fortunately, I don’t think that will be a problem. I am just going to make it a point to try to make plans for going out and such during that time. In fact, I think I already have plans for going out on at least one of those nights. So, you know, fun times will be had.

Another topic that I wanted to take on here before I end tonight’s post is this song that I have been listening to obsessively over the past few days. It is one of my favorite songs of all-time and one that just kills me and makes me bawl like a baby if I hear it at the right moment. This song is Paramore’s current single, I believe, called “The Only Exception.” It is a really simple, stripped-down song for Paramore but it is absolutely flawless, as far as I am concerned. The stripped-down instrumentation only serves to put the focus where it really belongs – on the lyrics. This song has some of the most heartbreaking yet hopeful lyrics I can think of. The lyrics describe having lived your life only seeing love go bad and not believing that it can ever last. All of this talk in the verses and the bridge lead up to a chorus that simply states, “You are the only exception.” Then the song ends with the line, “I’m on my way to believing.” I can absolutely and intrinsically relate to the concept of not having any real frame of reference for love where it works out in the long run or even doesn’t end in a huge fucking mess. Even my own relationships have never ended in a positive way. I have talked to many people in the past, although I don’t know that I have ever talked about it in the blog, about the fact that I am not sure that I have ever actually been in love before. Don’t get me wrong, there have been times in the past when I thought that I was in love but I don’t know that I have ever actually been. I think, perhaps, I have been and am only questioning it because I am losing sight of the fact that love comes in many different forms. Like, all of those times in the past when I thought I was in love I actually was but it was a different form of being in love each time. I don’t know that it would ever feel the same with two different people. Our chemistry is not exactly the same with any two different people in this world, so why would the feeling of falling in love be the same with two different people? Regardless of whether or not I have actually been in love in the past, I know that I haven’t fallen in love and had it actually work out. That is what I am looking for right now. I want to fall in love. I want somebody to give me that “Hummingbird Heartbeat” that Katy Perry sings about. I don’t just want that, though. I want all of those wonderful, amazing feeling but I want it to last. I want somebody who I can’t imagine living my life without and somebody who I won’t have to imagine living my life without because they feel exactly the same way about me. I want somebody who will be MY “Only Exception.” It’s a pretty simple request, right? Okay, maybe not. I don’t doubt, though, that I will find it. Perhaps I already have and just don’t realize it yet. Perhaps not… but perhaps.

It’s been a long day of sickness and I am ready for bed. I have been taking some medicine today and it seems to have helped, although I don’t know that I was actually taking the right things. It said it was for sinus issues but it listed all of the symptoms that I have, so I don’t know if that would actually help or not. A little while ago, I took some cough syrup with codeine, so I am hoping that this will help me to wake up in the morning not feeling like shit. We’ll see, though. If nothing else, it should help me to get a good night’s sleep tonight, which is also something that I could really use. Honestly, as much as I hate being sick, I think it couldn’t have come at a more perfect time – I am broke as hell this weekend but already found myself thinking that this wasn’t enough incentive for me to actually stay home and not go out and spend the tiny bit of money that I do have. So, the Universe worked in my favor by making me sick. That Universe is always doing little things like this for me, although next time I would prefer it not to include illness because this sucks. Also, my Mom and I have kind of made a plan for tomorrow night that I really wouldn’t want to break – sitting at home and watching the movie “Gypsy” together. I have had it from Netflix for nearly three weeks and still haven’t watched it. I think subconsciously I did that on purpose because before the movie ever arrived my Mom asked that I wait to watch it with her. Since it arrived, though, she has told me several times to go ahead and watch it without her. I think, subconsciously, I have refused to go ahead and watch it without her because of this. She was the one who came up with the idea for us to stay home Saturday evening and watch it together and I am very happy with this plan. I haven’t really spent any significant time with my Mom in the past few weeks, between my recently active social life and her trips up to her boyfriend’s house in Winter Haven. So, this is yet another reason why it is so great that I got sick this weekend. Yay sickness! Oh wait… no. Anyway, the codeine in this cough syrup is kicking in something major and I need to get to bed. Goodnight.

Chapter 322: It Makes Me Ill

Okay, so I don't know what to say about today. Let's see. I had been feeling kind of funky over the past few days. Like, I didn't feel entirely bad but I had this sinking suspicion that it was all leading up to me getting sick. When I woke up this morning I felt pretty okay. I ate oatmeal for breakfast, I drank a couple of cups of coffee, smoked a few cigarettes and did a really cute bronze/neutral Kim Kardashian-inspired cat eye look and felt like I was looking pretty good. When I got to work I started feeling a little strange and that feeling just grew & grew until I was feeling genuinely sick. My body was achy all over and I had a really strange feeling in my stomach and the cough that was slowly developing over the past few days. I wound up being really fortunate in the sense that my work was really slow today and they wound up needing to send a few people home, without getting any issues, due to low call volume and since I wasn't feeling well they let me be one of those people to go home. I felt like crap. Once I got home, I was just exhausted. I fell asleep for a couple of hours. I really didn't do much of anything after that. My mind has been kind of plagued with one thing today - one thing that I am not willing to talk about here. For that reason, I am basically punking out on the blog tonight. I feel awful still and just can't focus well enough to really talk and can't really talk about the one thing I have to talk about. So, that's all I really have to say. Goodnight.

Chapter 321: So What Does It All Mean?

God, life can be funny. Sometimes it is “funny ha-ha,” sometimes it is “funny strange,” and sometimes it is “funny I’m going to shoot myself in the face.” This evening brought me a big dose of the last one. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t a feeling of “I’m going to shoot myself in the face” in a bad way, if that makes any sort of sense at all. It’s a feeling of “I’m going to shoot myself in the face” because I don’t know how to process a piece of information that has come to me. It is particularly funny because I knew this information was coming. I knew it was bound to happen any day now. What’s even funnier is that I had all kinds of ideas of how I would feel once I had received this information but now that I actually have received it I feel completely different. I don’t know how to explain my feelings about this information without explaining what the information was and, quite frankly, that’s not something I am going to do. There are several different reasons for me not to share this information but the main reason is because it is not my information to share. Plus, there is a big part of me that doesn’t want to explain my feelings on this information because I haven’t entirely sorted through all the different emotions that have come up in response to this information. It’s all one really big, long story that I don’t have the time, the will or the desire to share. What I can say, though, is that it has definitely made a major impact. It is definitely a bit of a game-changer.

It is also quite funny that just a few short hours ago I was sitting there contemplating what I was going to write in tonight’s blog and feeling a little frustrated with the fact that this day had been just like yesterday and the day before and I didn’t really have anything new to report. I woke up at 5:45am this morning, just like any other morning. I got up and did my morning skincare routine and brushed my teeth. I made myself some breakfast, had a cup of coffee and smoked a couple cigarettes while watching last night’s “Chelsea Lately.” I did my makeup in a golden/bronze look because I decided that there was no reason not to, even though summer is officially over and fall is all about the bright colors. I also wanted to make mention here in the blog of Stila’s One Step Makeup. I know I mentioned it on Monday, after I had received it, and discussed how I was a little afraid of it and wasn’t sure of whether or not it would work out well for me. I also mentioned in Monday’s blog that I wasn’t sure that I was applying it correctly. Well, after doing a little research on YouTube and such I determined that I wasn’t actually applying it correctly at all. So, yesterday morning I tried it out for the first time going out in public for the day, and applying it correctly, and it turned out AMAZING. I used it today and was just as happy with it. This product claims to be a replacement for four different face products – primer, foundation, concealer and powder. I decided to really test it out and put it on without anything else on my face. I also used it on my eyelids and did not use a primer. It turns out, Stila was pretty accurate in their claims. I did wind up using a separate concealer because I think this would replace a concealer if you really built up the product in the areas that needed concealing but I didn’t want to do that. Still, I didn’t use a powder to set the makeup and it stayed in place all day long. Also, I put eye shadow on without an additional primer and that managed to stay in place all day, as well. My eye shadow stayed in place and popped just as much as it does any day that I use Urban Decay Primer Potion. So, it did definitely do the job of a foundation, powder and primer. Like I said, I think it could do the job of a concealer, as well, but I don’t care to build it up that much when I have a perfectly good concealer to use, anyway. Also, one of the best things about this product is the fact that you can use a very tiny amount of it to cover your entire face. It has a pump top and it only takes one pump to get your entire face done. I have worn this product for the past two days in a row and I really feel like it is doing a beautiful job – my complexion has actually looked really good the past two days, if I do say so myself. So, I walked out the door this morning feeling pretty beautiful. I even recreated the iconic Barbra Streisand moment in the opening of “Funny Girl” any time I caught myself in the mirror today. “Hello Gorgeous!”

Most of the day at work was spent talking to my cubicle neighbor about how awesome the “Glee” season premiere was last night. Work was pleasant but, like I said, it was a day just like the past couple of days had been. I was happy and content with everything but nothing was NEW. I have this feeling that tomorrow will be a different story, though. I could be wrong but I don’t think I am. We’ll see tomorrow, I suppose. After work, I was really tired and didn’t really feel like doing much of anything. Still, I decided to make dinner and have it ready for when my Mom got home. Of course, talking about it like this makes it sound like I actually did something – making dinner consisted of nothing more than taking things out of the freezer and sticking them in the oven. It wasn’t strenuous work. Still, it was more than I felt like doing. It was a really good dinner. While we ate dinner, I decided to watch this week’s episode of “90210,” and realized that the show has gotten extremely “out there” this season… not in a good way. Don’t get me wrong, I will continue watching it but I feel like some of the storylines have gotten really far-fetched and kind of out of hand. There was a rape, which has caused the victim to go completely off her rocker, a creepy, obsessive molester teacher, a guy who is sleeping with one character’s mother while obsessively trying to sleep with the daughter, as well, and this whole strange storyline about a girl who had gotten a record deal but then her record was shelved because it wasn’t that great who then stole a book full of songs written by some pop star she had been working with after he was killed in a car accident. Can you say “WTF?” I can, and I am. There have only been two episodes so far this season but they have both seemed extremely over the top and unrealistic. I am not one of those people who believes that TV needs to be realistic but it needs to be, at least, somewhat believable.

So, that was my day. Then I received this piece of information that has really thrown me for a loop. I have pretty much spent the rest of the evening stuck with one thing on my mind: So what does it all mean? I really have no idea of the answer to that question right now but I am determined to figure it all out. It is just so interesting because, like I mentioned before, it is something that I knew was coming eventually. I didn’t expect it this soon but somehow I absolutely knew it was coming. In fact, I was thinking a lot about it today. It is almost kind of eery. It is like “The Secret” at work, once again, but I don’t think this type of thing is something that could be the work of “The Secret.” I am pretty sure it has been there all along and has only been brought to light now. I don’t know exactly what this means to me, or if it actually means anything at all to me, but I can’t shake the feeling that it is going to become a pretty important event in my life. Like I said, this doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to anybody reading this if I don’t explain exactly what has happened. So, I am going to stop talking about it now. I just have to remind myself that everything works out exactly the way that it is meant to and this is just another one of those things. For now, though, it is 11:16pm and I am determined to get more sleep tonight than I have the past couple of nights, which means I should get to bed. Goodnight.

Chapter 320: Remedy

I am getting bored with writing these blogs every day. The reason for this is because today, like yesterday and several other days lately, have turned up with nothing major to report. It is a very strange feeling when your life winds up on a really even keel because things are going well, you’re contented where you are at and such but you also can’t help but feel this overwhelming sense of “NOTHING’S HAPPENING.” I hate that feeling. I feel like since I have calmed down a bit on my boy stuff I have gotten to that place where I am happy with everything in my life for the moment but feel as though I am not progressing or moving forward. After all, I have only got 45 days left of this blog, which means that I only have 45 days left to find an ending to this story. I don’t know how this story is going to end at this point. I have a few ideas about how I would like it to end but I don’t know what will actually happen. Like I have explained here in the blog in the past, I have developed the basic plotline to the story in my head by this point – it is the story of a boy who has always lived inside of his own head trying to make a connection in the real world. So, the clear ending to this story would be the boy finding that connection. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always work out like a proper story and I don’t know that I will have that ending within this 45-day period. I am keeping my fingers crossed, though. At the same time, though, I do kind of feel like I have already achieved that ending, or am well on my way to it. You see, I have been thinking of that connection as having to be in a romantic sense – I have been considering that connection to be falling in love. What if that isn’t it, though? What if the connection I needed to make was actually being an honest, open version of myself with the people that I surround myself with in life? I have been doing that for the past several weeks now and I am really grateful for it. Sure, I am not as completely open as I would like to be – I still have my fair share of reservations and, VERY SLIGHT, insecurities but at the end of the day I can honestly say that, over the past several weeks, I have been living my life in a much more open-minded, honest, true-to-myself way than I probably ever have before. That is still a work in progress, of course, but it is a work that is actually progressing really well. So, maybe the ending of this story is simply about this boy finding a way to be open with the outside world and not living exclusively inside his own head. That’s all well and good, of course, but it isn’t what I’m actually looking for at this time. I mean, it is what I am looking for and what I am slowly finding but my main focus has been on finding somebody to really fall in love with – finding that person who I can navigate the real world with. I am keeping my faith that this will come true sometime soon and I am keeping my mind and heart open to whatever the Universe may send my way. It is quite possible I have met this person already. It’s a long shot but it is quite possible. We’ll see what happens. Of course, if the Universe could manage to make this happen sometime within the next 45 days it would be incredibly helpful to bringing this story to a proper close.

Speaking of the ending of a very different type of story, today was the day that the Senate finally voted on the order to repeal the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy in the United States Military. Unfortunately for the equality movement, it did not wind up passing. In order for any bill to pass through the Senate there must be a majority vote of at least 60. In this case, they were simply 4 votes short, for a total vote of 56-43. There are a couple of different reasons for this, I believe, the main one being that it was a part of a much larger defense policy bill and was pushed upon the Senate with limited chance for debate or for the Republican party members to fight for amendments and things of that nature. The Senate Majority Leader, Harry Reid, actually forced the vote this week. Perhaps had this not been pushed through quite so quickly and had there been further allowances for debate on the matter, it would have gone differently. After all, there were at least 3 Senators who were in support of overturning DADT who wound up voting against it in this case specifically due to their opposition of the limits on debate on the matter. So, perhaps if a little more time had been allowed and it weren’t pushed so quickly, it could have turned out differently. Of course, Senator Reid was facing a LOT of pressures from a lot of different sources, including Lady Gaga and her legion of followers. It is just awful that this did not pass, though. That is all I know. After all, over 13,000 servicemen have been discharged under this policy since it began in 1993. They say that the bulk of these cases have been gay service members outing themselves but that there is also a lot of vindictive co-workers using it as a way to rid themselves of people they had a personal problem with or whatever else. Either way, regardless of whether or not they outed themselves, it is an option that they should have. It is, more than anything else, an equality issue. Had this policy been repealed it would have been a MAJOR step in the right direction for the Equal Rights Movement. It just seems to me like every time it seems like we are making strides in the right direction, with things like Prop 8 in California and this, it just keeps turning out that we are still being viewed as something different, separate and NOT equal. Still, the dream remains alive. Civil rights are a-coming. After all, the Universe isn’t going to send me the one, my James Dean, just to have me never have the ability to create an open, honest life with him. Therefore, it has to happen at some point. It is just a slower process than it has ever seemed in my lifetime. Of course, I also have to stop and think about what it must be like for those old Stonewall gays and how much they must have never dreamed of us being where we are today. Someday I, and the rest of my generation, will feel the same way seeing how we are in 2030 or something. That is a very positive, reassuring thought.

There are only two other things I wanted to talk about this evening. The first is the new record “Bring It On” by Kaci Battaglia. Kaci Battaglia is a 22 year old girl from Clearwater, FL, who released a couple of albums that I only vaguely remember hearing about back in the early 2000s, when she was 14 and 15 years old. I never thought much about her until recently a friend of mine had been blowing her up on Facebook. I still hadn’t checked her out but when I saw that her album was released today I decided that it was finally time to give it a shot. I must say, while having several moments of feeling a little like that same old generic dance sound, the album has some really strong moments that I love. No song on this record, in my opinion, stands out more than the track “Remedy,” though. “Remedy” is a pretty simple dance-ballad about falling in love. If you haven’t noticed, these are exactly the types of songs that I have been drawn to recently. This song is absolutely gorgeous, though. She’s got a really strong vocal presence and the music on this song reminds me of glass or water or something. I’m not entirely sure how to explain that exactly but it is what the song makes me think of. It is a beautiful song, though, about finding somebody who can take away all of the stress and drama of your life – somebody who can be your remedy. I absolutely love it. Some other standout tracks on this record include “PartyAHolic,” “Seeing You Tonight,” “Captain Save A Ho,” “Tool” and the first single from the record, “Crazy Possessive.” It is a really good album if you’re in the mood for some generally fun, upbeat, party music. I recommend it! The other thing I wanted to take a minute to talk about is tonight’s major POSITIVE event, as opposed to the DADT vote, the premiere of the second season of “Glee!” I’m not going to go into too many details here but it was completely brilliant. It was really everything I could possibly have wanted out of the return of this show. The music from this week’s episode was brilliantly selected and they picked up the story in a really great way. I absolutely loved it. Plus, there were a few new characters introduced who I totally fell in love with, including the character played by Asian pop star Charice, who was absolutely adorable, and a new football player boy who is extremely hot. It was a really great way to end the day for me, I think, particularly after being so disappointed with the Senate vote. Like I said, the dream is still alive. All of my dreams are still alive and I have not lost a single ounce of confidence that I will manage to make them all come true. Speaking of dreams, I need to go to bed. Goodnight.

Chapter 319: Destiny Is Mine (Matt Moss' Vidon Remix)

Today was a pretty good day. Nothing too out of the ordinary took place, really, but I was in a good mood for pretty much the entire day and that alone constitutes a good day. I woke up this morning when my alarm went off at 5:45am and did all the normal stuff I do every morning. I watched last night’s episode of “Mel B: It’s A Scary World” while I ate breakfast. Let me just take a moment to say how much I love the fact that I have one of the Spice Girls on my TV regularly now. Sure, I would have probably preferred it be “Geri: It’s A Ginger World” or “Victoria: It’s A Posh World,” but Melanie B has proven herself very fun, endearing and entertaining. I just wish they would work together again. Victoria Beckham was on “The View” last week showcasing some of the pieces from Fall Fashion Week, which were really awesome, and Barbara Walters asked her, “Will we ever see you perform again?” Victoria’s answer to this question broke my little Spice fanatic heart – she said, “I don’t think so. I was never that good at it, anyway.” Oh, the sorrow I felt. I loved her work as a solo artist. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem that many other people did because she simply did not sell a lot of records and sold even less after several attempts to re-work her sound and having two different versions of a sophomore album get shelved. It’s really a shame, too, because large portions of the sessions for both of those sophomore albums leaked and I think either one of them was well worth getting an actual release. That girl is brilliant. It’s all just such a shame.

Anyway, I did a pretty simple, toned-down makeup look today. I was attempting to recreate the look that Julia Roberts wears in the commercials and print ads she did for Lancome Definicils Precious Cells Mascara. It’s a very simple two-shadow look, simply using a flesh-toned shade with a bit of shimmer to it and a black shade to create a little bit of a smoky effect. It came out really well, except that I realized shortly after I got to work that I had gotten caught up in doing my lips and left out the most important part of the eye look – the mascara! I noticed this right away with my first look into the mirror once I got to work because I felt like the lack of mascara made my eyes look a little more closed than they already do naturally and made me look like I was high or something. It annoyed me every time I stopped and thought about it throughout the day but not enough to ruin my good spirits. I did a good deal of drawing at work today, which went pretty well and I turned out some stuff that I was pretty happy with. I spent the bulk of the day, though, just dicking around and joking with the people who sit around me. It was a pretty light-hearted workday, all in all. Nothing extremely positive but nothing overly negative, either. It was one of those days that would have been just kind of “there” had I not been in such a good mood.

When I got home this evening, I found a package in the mail for me. Actually, I found two. One was from Amazon, which was the Complete First Season of “Glee,” which was really exciting because I am obsessed with that show and it just further fueled my excitement for tomorrow night’s premiere of the second season. I am really excited, particularly considering the new music from the premiere episode leaked over the weekend and is completely brilliant – a couple of the best songs the show has done so far! In particular, I am really excited by the fact that they have Lea Michele, who instantly improves upon any song she ever sings, singing one of my absolute favorite songs of all-time, “What I Did For Love,” from “A Chorus Line.” Seriously, I don’t know that I will ever be able to listen to another version of that song again – she just does it so beautifully. They also have a couple of songs including the new cast member, who I am very excited to see, Charice. She gets a solo on the song “Listen” from “Dreamgirls,” and duets with Lea Michele on Lady Gaga’s brilliant single “Telephone.” I am just really excited for the show to come back and, even more, I am really excited for next week’s all Britney Spears episode, with a cameo from Britney herself!

The other thing I found in the mail was the Stila One Step Makeup I had ordered on Friday – it was already here today! That was extremely quick shipping. I decided to experiment a bit with this product this evening in order to find out how it works and such before trying to wear it out in public or anything. It came out looking a little ridiculous on me. After watching a few different videos about it on YouTube, I have realized that I was applying it incorrectly and using way too much, so I am going to give it a try again tomorrow to see how it works out then. I also hadn’t really prepped my skin in any way beforehand, so I’m sure that affected the way it came out, as well. I am excited to see how it goes. Included in the package with this, though, was a free gift – a Stila “It Gloss” in Smashing, which is a gorgeous, sparkly pink color. It was kind of perfect because after buying the Revlon Just Bitten lip stain in Passion the other day, (the one I featured in Friday night’s video blog,) I kept thinking that I needed a really good bright pink lip gloss to wear over it and this one just kind of fell into my lap and worked absolutely perfectly with the stain. It looks gorgeous and has me all excited to rock some bright, hot pink lips tomorrow. It is further evidence of “The Secret” at work in my life. Still, “The Secret” keeps working for me in these really small ways – I need to figure out how to gather up all of my energy into making it work for me in a big way.

Speaking of which, I have developed a little bit of a dilemma. The boy I have been talking about here so much, (the first one,) whom I had decided was just a friend, has started doing a lot of little things recently that are making me think all kinds of crazy things about him – crazy things like, “Hey, maybe this could work out,” or “Maybe he DOES want me.” Bad news thoughts… or are they? Ugh, fuck all of that talk. I need to just focus on finding the right boy for me, like I have been saying for so long now. I need to just do it. If he is the right boy for me, he will show it to me. If it is meant to be, he will give me some sort of signal. If he doesn’t, the Universe will. The Universe has never led me in the wrong direction. In fact, any time I have wound up going in the wrong direction it has been because I have taken my eyes off of the signs the Universe has laid out for me and have allowed myself to follow along with the over-analytical thought processes in my head. So, I need to simply calm myself down and allow the Universe to do what it needs to do in order to get me to where I want to be to meet the one for me. In the meantime, I just need to have a good time and keep myself in good moods like the one I was in today. I just need to remind myself that I am looking for the perfect boy for me and that he will show himself when the time is right. In the meantime, I am having fun. So, fuck stressing myself out about anything any of these silly boys do until I know for sure that they are the boy that I am meant to be with. On that note, it is after midnight and I really need to get to bed. Day two of Week two of this whole “four-days-in-a-row” thing. I am feeling considerably more optimistic about it this week than last week. Like I said in last night’s blog, I just have this feeling that it is going to be a good week. Therefore, it IS going to be a good week. Fun times will be had by all… or, at least, by me. Goodnight.

Chapter 318: Gonna Find My Love

Okay, so I don't have a whole lot to say about today. My head has been killing me all day after doing a good deal of drinking last night. I have felt pretty awful all day long but it was probably worth it. We had a lot of fun last night. Rachel came over around 8pm and, because we were both had a little less funding than initially expected, we decided to do a little "pre-game" drinking at the house. I drank a whole bottle of Verdi and did Rachel's makeup for the evening using the Urban Decay Summer Of Love palette, which I felt was really appropriate since we are in the very last days of summer. It came out looking really great with the bronze and gold colors, with a slight touch of purple that didn't wind up staying on very long due to an excessively watering eye. I was in a mood earlier in the day when I did my own makeup and did a really dark, black look but covered in really sparkly gold glitter. I don't know what it was exactly but I just wanted to be really flashy and showy and fun. Like Britney Spears said after her "shocking" performance at the 2000 VMAs, "I just wanted to be sparkly." Actually, I had this feeling about last night before going out. We had decided to hit up this gay bar we had only recently heard about in Gulf Gate, called Barrel 87, which I had pretty high expectations for. After our two previous trips to TOTI in Venice, where we didn't have all that much fun, I was kind of over that place and ready to try a new gay bar. I just had this feeling that going out to a new place and seeing all kinds of new people, the possibilities were endless. Perhaps I would even meet my James Dean.

Unfortunately, when we arrived at this bar we were both really not into the vibe there and only wound up staying long enough to have one drink and a continuous discussion about how much we liked TOTI better than this place. I don't know what it was exactly - this place was really small but was very crowded and had a much more youthful clientele than we had ever seen at TOTI and was generally "cooler" than TOTI but it just didn't feel very inviting. So, we decided, after our one drink there, to get out of that place and head out to Venice to go to TOTI. We had more fun at TOTI than either of the times we had gone before and, for the first time, there were actually quite a few people there. Rachel and I spent the evening playing darts for the bulk of the time we were there and I drank like 3 Midori Sours. For me, that is a lot. It takes absolutely nothing for me to get tipsy - the bottle of Verdi before leaving the house was plenty. Add to that the Midori sour I had at Barrel 87 and the 3 at TOTI and I was pretty fucked up. I wound up spending more money than I had intended but that was okay. We had a really fun night. We spent the ride home listening to music, Robyn mainly, and singing along and gushing about how excited we both are that we will be seeing her in November. We also had a discussion about how much we both want to plan a night out in Ybor, going to one of the gay bars out there. They are much bigger and have much more of the "club" vibe than the "bar" vibe, like the places in town. I really want to do a club night instead of a bar night. I want to go dancing, on a dancefloor that is filled with other people. The bars all have dancefloors set up but they always seem to be empty. Nobody likes dancing on an empty dancefloor. At least, I don't like dancing on an empty dancefloor. So, we were kind of discussing the fact that we need to save up a little bit before we can do that because it will be considerably more expensive than just going out here in Sarasota. We figure we will probably need to get a hotel room up there because there is no way we are going all the way to Tampa to leave early in order to get home at a halfway decent hour. Fuck all that. Plus, we're both going to want to get real fucked up in Tampa, so we need to make sure to have plenty of money for drinks and such. So, I was kind of pushing for planning for the middle of next month, since I get 3 paychecks in October and will not have to pay any rent out of the second of the three. It seems like that would be the perfect time to do it. So, hopefully that will pan out properly.

I don't know what it is that has happened recently but I have kind of come to the realization that, no matter how old I may feel sometimes or how much I am supposed to be an "adult" at this point, I am still really young and need to be making the most of this time. I need to be going out and having a good time and putting myself out there in life at this point. There are a couple of different reasons for this, I think. First of all, hanging out with Rachel so much lately has kind of rubbed off on me a bit. One of my favorite qualities about Rachel is the fact that she has such a strong sense of fun and adventure and really comes across as a very carefree person a lot of the time. These are qualities that I know that I have inside but I have always been a person who allows my reservations to take control and errs on the side of caution and such. I think hanging out with her so much, probably more than I ever have in the years that I have known her, has caused these qualities to rub off on me a bit and I am really grateful for it. The other thing about that is the fact that I have dedicated myself to the search for somebody to love. I am sure it is evident, aside from all of the times that I have stated it in this blog, that I have been really focused on trying to find my live. I think my newfound desire to be young and have fun and go out more ties into that really well. You see, first of all, I am never gonna meet the guy for me, my James Dean, if I don't get out of the house and put myself out there for him to spot. Even if I could find him that way, what kind of guy is going to want to just hang out at my house with me all of the time. Don't get me wrong, I definitely want to date a guy who will want to just hang out at home with me and watch old movies and stuff, but I don't want to date somebody who only ever wants to do that. I don't only ever want to do that. I want to get out of the house and have experiences. I want to go out and have fun with my love. I want to date somebody who will be just as happy hanging out at home and watching movies as he will be with going out and having drinks or just having coffee or whatever else. Unfortunately, I didn't meet my James Dean last night. That is okay, though. I know he is coming. I know it is going to happen sometime soon. Like that song by Brandy, "My heart's wide open, full of hope and freedom to go wherever you are, Nothing can hold me down, nobody's gonna talk me out of it, I don't know where or when but I feel it in my heart, I'm gonna find my love." That song is kind of my anthem right now. It's coming. I can feel it. It is closer than ever and I am doing everything I can to remain completely open to it. If I keep an open mind and an open heart, love is bound to find it's way in, like those Jane Seymour commercials. I am ready and really excited for it to happen.

For now, though, my headache is starting to fade. I took one of those PM formula headache pills, so I my headache is fading but so is my consciousness. I need to go to sleep now. I have to work tomorrow - my second week of working four days in a row. I'm not entirely sure why but I have this feeling that this week is going to be considerably better than last week was. I don't know if I mentioned it here in the blog but last week was particularly hellish for some reason. This week won't be that way. I'm feeling pretty confident about that. I don't know what's going to happen this week but whatever it is, I think it is going to be good. I just have this feeling that something good is going to happen this week and I am actually kind of excited for it. I am not overly excited about having to go back to work tomorrow but I am excited for whatever good thing is going to happen this week. I suppose I will find out as the week goes on. In the meantime, though, I am going to bed. I am ready to end this day of hangover headache. Goodnight.

Chapter 317: Party At A Rich Dude's House

Chapter 316: Don't Tell Me

Also, check out Lady Gaga's video on the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, (in which she explains it much more eloquently than I do & without all the silly makeup talk.)


You can find out who your local senator is and their contact info, (including a webform to email them, which I have done,) here: http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm?State=FL

I urge you all to contact the senators in your district, if you are here in Florida the link above will take you directly to their contact information. If you are in another state, you can simply select your state in the drop down menu at the top. It provides you, in most cases, with both a telephone number and an email address or a link that leads you to a webform to send an email to the office of the senator. Just that is enough. It takes no time at all and could quite possibly make a difference in your Senator's decision on which way to vote on this matter. It is really of the utmost importance that these soldiers be able to serve openly, as exactly who they are. Please do anything you can. Thanks. Goodnight.

Chapter 315: U Should Know Better

Okay, so it is actually well into Friday right now and I am just sitting down to write the Thursday night blog. It has been a really long week and so, by the time that I would normally be sitting down to write the blog for the evening, I passed out on the couch and didn’t wake up until 8am this morning. So, as soon as I woke up I posted on Facebook that I had passed out last night and would start writing the blog then. Unfortunately, I wound up getting distracted… by what, I don’t even remember, but whatever it was lasted several hours. I’m pretty sure it was the TV. Then I threw on some makeup and filmed a perfectly good video blog that I could’ve posted but immediately afterwards just didn’t feel very good about what I had filmed and decided not to post it. Then I started writing this blog but decided to spend a few hours singing and dancing in my bedroom instead. So, here I am at 5pm without a blog posted for last night. I can’t just make it to only 50 days away from the end and just start missing days. So, this just means that there will have to be two blog posts today.

Of course, this is supposed to be Thursday’s blog, not Friday, so I guess I should talk about Thursday. I woke up late yesterday morning, about an hour after I normally would. I didn’t stress myself out about it, though, and managed to get everything done that I normally get done in the morning. I arrived at work feeling pretty decent and ready to face the day, in spite of how sick of it all I was on Wednesday. It was actually a really boring day at work. The guy who sits next to me normally was off yesterday, so I didn’t have that to keep me entertained. I tried to write a couple of new songs but nothing came of it. I did a little bit of drawing that I was actually pleased with, which was good because 90% of the drawings I have done recently have come out kind of funky. So, that was a good thing. I also got my break buddies back yesterday after they were in some random training on Wednesday, forcing me to take most of my breaks alone. Of course, that random boy kept popping up on all of my breaks Wednesday, which was somewhat of a pleasant experience. Overall, though, work was really boring and I was really excited to get out of there yesterday evening. The whole “working four days in a row” thing is going to take some getting used to again. I’ve never had to work four 10-hour days in a row before and, I must say, it takes a lot out of you. I’d say working five 8-hour days was easier than four 10-hour days. Either way, though, I am very glad for this new schedule and was pretty thrilled when I left work yesterday knowing that I wouldn’t have to go back for three days.

I also had some dealings with the boy I was obsessing over before, who I had kind of written off as just a friend, that were very different from the type of dealings you generally have with your friends. The whole thing was a little strange and confusing and just… ugh. So, there’s that. I also had made some plans with April, Devin, Whitney and Nate for tonight, (Friday night,) but realized earlier this week these plans wouldn’t work out very well. I am still not used to the fact that my Mom works on Saturdays and always assume that on the weekends when she is going out of town she will be leaving on Friday night. Not the case. In fact, she has to go to bed early on Friday night because she goes in to work at 8am on Saturdays. So, it would be kind of fucked up of me to have a bunch of people over to the house on a Friday night knowing that she does have to get up so early on Saturday morning. Because of this I went ahead and cancelled those plans. It kind of sucks but it works out fairly well for me because I actually need to use that night to get out and run some last minute errands with my Mom before she leaves town for the weekend. Basically, a Walgreen’s run is in order. I need to pick up a few supplies, like makeup remover pads, shaving cream and things of that nature, as well as enough soda to get through the weekend, etc. Plus, I have been eyeing up a few different pieces of drugstore brand cosmetics that I would really like to pick up. I need a new concealer and don’t feel like paying $16.50 for MAC Pro concealer, as much as I would love to, so I am going to look through the drugstore brand stuff. I have also been hearing a lot of good things about Revlon’s Colorstay Foundation, which I may pick up because moving into fall I want to go with a more full-coverage foundation. The main thing I really want to check out, though, are the Revlon “Just Bitten” lip stain & balms that they have come out with recently. I have read several reviews on them and seen a lot of swatches of the colors and am really excited to give them a try. I also need to pick up a foundation brush because I feel like the foundation application process will go a lot better with a brush and give a much more natural finish.

Like I said, yesterday was really boring so I am going to talk a little more about today – I have spent a little money already today. I spent $17 on a bottle of Stila’s One Step Makeup. I am a little leery about this because I bought it on Ebay, which I have had negative experiences with in the past, but I am giving it a shot because this product retails for $44 on Stila’s website and that is more than I care to pay for something that I am not entirely sure about. So, I am going to give it a shot through Ebay first. One Step Makeup is designed to replace the four main face products one would usually wear, primer, foundation, concealer and powder. Based on the reviews I have seen it does a really great job of replacing all of those products, aside from the concealer. So, I am still purchasing concealer later. It’s worth a shot, I figure, especially at less than half of the retail price. That also makes me question it a bit but the seller seems pretty legit. I swear, I hate Ebay. I also spent a chunk of my paycheck on something very special that I don’t have a single question about – two tickets to see ROBYN!!! I couldn’t possibly be more thrilled with this purchase. I am going to see FUCKING Robyn, for chrissakes! It is going to be amazing. It is a little crazy because I have been listening to Robyn since the 90s, when she was initially a pop star and actually managed to follow her success most of the time since then, even listening to those two albums that never got released or got any press in the US. She is one of my favorite artists out there, especially in the current musical climate – I think she is one of the best artists making music today and could not be more excited about the fact that I will be seeing her in less than two months.

Speaking of less than two months, there is less than two months until this blog project is over. I am kind of sad about that but at the same time am kind of excited about the prospects of what I may do after this ends. I’ve been tossing around quite a few different ideas for things to begin once this blog ends. Initially, the plan was to immediately begin a different blog – a multimedia fashion/beauty blog, which would include YouTube video reviews of products and tutorials and such. I still may do this because I have been thinking for a very long time about the concept of getting into the world of YouTube beauty. I’m not entirely certain about that, though. I think it may wind up being something that I do but only do sparingly. I have decided that I don’t want this to be my main project moving forward. None of what I do is going to be my main project, though – my main project is going to be writing music based on this blog. Still, I need something that will be considerably more structured than that process will be. One idea that I have come up with is doing a weekly podcast. It wouldn’t necessarily have any real central theme but would discuss all of the things that are of interest to me, including fashion and beauty, music, general life stories and things of that nature. Kind of like this blog, documenting my life, but much less focused on my day-to-day life and more about showcasing things that are of interest to me. One of the main factors of that podcast would be having guests on to discuss the various goings on of life with me. I would feature various friends and such and really try to make the podcast humorous, more than anything else. Kind of like the roundtable segments on “Chelsea Lately,” only less focused on celebrities. LESS focused on celebrities, not completely not focused on celebrities, of course. I really love the idea of that, although I know that a podcast is considerably more difficult to put together than just writing a blog. Still, it is something that I have always talked about doing and I think I would have a lot of fun with it. The only issue I really have is the fact that it doesn’t seem like podcasts have a huge audience, which isn’t necessarily important but if I am going to put the effort into doing it I kind of want it to have some sort of audience. I don’t know if I will actually wind up doing that but it is definitely something that I am going to put a lot more thought into.

Anyway, it is now 6:20pm and I need to go get myself showered and dressed for my errand running this evening. Is it sad that my big plan for Friday night has gone from a get-together with friends to going out to Walgreen’s to buy cheap makeup? I didn’t think so, either. I am just glad that this week is over with – it was a big mess and I am over it. Fortunately, it is over now and I have the whole weekend to forget about it all. So, I’d better go get cleaned up and ready to leave the house. I’ll be back to the blog in a few short hours, though. I think I’ll probably do a video blog tonight, just to save myself the hassle of having to try to find something to talk about enough to fill a whole blog post this evening. We’ll see, though. Good evening!

Chapter 314: Chinese

Today was a pretty decent day. I don't know what all to say about it - my brain is kind of scattered this evening. It was a REALLY long day. It's been a really long week, actually. Like I have mentioned on here a few different times recently, my schedule has changed recently. Instead of working 10-hour days Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, I am now working 10-hour days Monday-Thursday and am off Friday-Sunday. I am really excited for this change and glad that the opportunity was offered to me. Still, this is the first week that I am doing this schedule and it is really starting to wear on me. After all, this is the first week where I have had to work four days in a row. It sounds ridiculous but it is really feeling like TOO MUCH this week. It sucks. It's been...

11:56pm

Okay, so I was writing this blog from my phone right around 8pm, waiting for Rachel to come over and for my Mom to get home from work. Then, we all ate Chinese food and watched the VMAs. It reminded me of that Lily Allen song, "Chinese," where she says, "I don't want anything more than to see your face as I walk through the door, You'll make me beans on toast and a nice cup of tea, then we'll get a Chinese and watch TV." Basically, since the Chinese and TV part lasted so long, I am not going to say a whole lot here. I haven't the time for it tonight. Let me just do a quick recap of the main points of the day. We had a "client visit" at work, so I decided to experiment with natural looking makeup and I think I did a really good job of it today. I personally loved my look today. It didn't have a really obvious appearance of makeup, which I normally hate but really liked today. I felt like I looked really fresh-faced through much of the day. Also, after about a week and a half of hunting and finally getting the right piece of information to make me give up on the hunt, today I saw the boy from last week on every break I went on. Not only did I see him on every break but he came and talked to me on every break. He was all sweet and adorable and such and it was really annoying. I told Rachel about it and she said that I was developing a pattern that needs to be broken - I get obsessive about the "shiny, new things" for a while until I get a closer look, then I decide that they are not so shiny or new at all and give up on them. My question is this: If I am going to go all obsessive about every boy that I meet, how will I ever know when I have met the right one? Therefore, I must find a way to break this pattern. I'm not sure how exactly I will go about it but I will. I just find it so random and kind of going against "The Secret" that as soon as I decide to give up the search for him he shows up. I mean, I know that I was still thinking about him and such but it wasn't near as much as I was last week. I think, perhaps, it is because of the fact that my thoughts of him are coming from a much more rational place this week. Who knows? It doesn't make any difference because, as far as I am aware, he has a boyfriend. I probably shouldn't mess with all that. Today was kind of a boring day overall. My two friends who I take all of my breaks with every day were indisposed due to this random training thing they have going on at work right now, so I had to take most of my breaks alone, which sucked. The day passed quickly for the most part, though, and was pretty well free from any drama or issues. I did a whole lot of nothing between the time when I got home from work and when Rachel came over. Rachel and I had a very long conversation this evening about religion and how different our religious beliefs are. I think she and I living together will work out really well because we are so close and know each other so well but the more that we discuss the matter the more I have begun looking at some of the fundamental differences between us. Don't get me wrong, I don't think any of these differences are major enough to create any REAL drama or make living together a bad idea but I just find myself taking notice of them more lately. Also, I think that the differences between us are actually a really positive thing for both of us. I think that we could really stand to learn a lot from one another and will be very useful to one another in our growth as individuals. It's really cool. After all, I can't think of anybody I know who I don't have some pretty major fundamental differences with. I'm not a usual thinker, I've decided. I've never come across somebody who thinks quite the way that I do. I'm an odd one, I suppose. Who isn't, though? Anyway, it is 12:15am and I need to go to bed. Goodnight.

Chapter 313: One Minute

It was an interesting day for me. I was in an interesting mood all day. I wouldn’t say that it was a good or bad mood, per se, but it was an interesting mood. I had some trouble getting to sleep last night after getting into bed and then immediately receiving a phone call that lasted for quite a while. I didn’t fall asleep until after 1am, so when my alarm went off at 5:45am, I wasn’t exactly feeling ready to hop out of bed and start the day. For the first time in my entire life, I believe, I used the snooze button on my alarm. I didn’t wind up getting out of bed until a few minutes before 6am. I did my morning skincare routine and brushed my teeth immediately, then sat down to eat some oatmeal for breakfast, drink some coffee, smoke a couple of cigarettes and watch last night’s “Chelsea Lately” – typical morning stuff for me. I don’t know what it was exactly but I was feeling a little out of sorts this morning. I headed into the bathroom to get dressed and do my hair and makeup and did this really awesome look with my eye shadow that I absolutely fell in love with. You see, I have never completely understood the concept of a “smoky eye,” and have called various different things the “smoky eye” look. I was correct in most of those cases before because I have realized that there are various different types of “smoky eyes” out there. The look that I did today, however, finally made me realize what the technical definition of a “smoky eye” is. Essentially, the classic “smoky eye” is the look where you use various similarly colored eye shadows and blend them together to create the illusion of a fade from the lightest color to the darkest color. I guess anybody who is aware of makeup and how it all works was already aware of this, and like I said, I was aware, as well. I just had never actually achieved the perfect “smoky” effect on my eyes before. So, when I did my makeup this morning and found that I had created that perfect “smoky” effect, I was pretty damn proud of myself. Unfortunately, my skin was looking like a bit of a mess this morning so I wasn’t entirely pleased with my look. I think this was a perfect example of the “interesting” mood I was in today – it seems, looking back on the day, that this was the type of reaction I had to everything today. I was into it but I wasn’t into it. I still couldn’t really explain why that was the case but it definitely was.

The first couple of hours of the day went by pretty quickly – I was basically just bullshitting around with the guy who sits next to me because he is hilarious. It made the morning time pass pretty quickly. It wasn’t long after my first break, though, before my team lead asked me to stand up and answer questions from the lower-level agents. This is how I spent the bulk of my day today. Actually, that’s not entirely true. Yes, I spent the bulk of my day standing up and was supposed to be answering questions from the lower level reps but I really spent the bulk of the day standing around by where my two work BFFs sit and talking to them. It was pretty fun, although I had this weird feeling throughout much of the day like I was just standing around bullshitting and not paying enough attention to whether or not people had questions. I think a large part of the reason that I had this weird feeling is because, in many cases, I WAS just standing around and paying attention to whether or not people had questions. I figured this out when people kept pointing out to me that somebody had a hand in the air and I hadn’t even noticed. I felt so dumb. If I have to help out again tomorrow, which I kind of assume I will, I need to make it a point to be more attentive to my surroundings and make sure that I notice when somebody actually needs help. There was also one instance where I gave one of the reps a piece of information that wasn’t entirely accurate. In fact, it was downright inaccurate. It wasn’t anything that was a huge deal but I felt really bad about it for a while after the fact.

This “interesting” mood that I was in also wound up making the day really drag. It was weird because I’d be having fun or feeling content with the day in one moment, then immediately the next moment I’d be feeling like, “I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE.” It was THAT kind of day. I think it probably had a lot to do with the fact that, for the past three months or so, I have not been there on Tuesday. I was so used to being off on Tuesdays that today just felt completely off-the-wall and strange. I’m sure Tuesday will seem a lot better on Friday when I am off. I just have to adjust to the new schedule. It was really cool, though, getting to spend most of the day acting as a “team lead.” I really wish our department hadn’t been cut down so much and that they would somehow be able to offer up a “team lead” position again because I feel like I am really in a place now where I could take on that kind of leadership role and make it work well for me. Unfortunately, that is not the case and my leadership position is limited to what I have been doing so far this week – just standing up and acting as if I am in a leadership position. Of course, I also wound up getting completely “dissed” by one of the lower-level reps today, which kind of sucked. She had her hand in the air with a question but when I gave her an answer she didn’t want to accept it and wanted me to send the actual team lead over to answer for her. I told the team lead this and she confirmed that the answer I had given was correct and that I should go over and tell the rep that she had said for her to do what I had already advised her. So, I went back over and told her that and she still asked for the actual team lead. I went back and told my team lead that and she got pissed. She sent a supervisor, the next position above a team lead, over to tell this girl that I was right. This girl didn’t really say two words to me for the rest of the day, which was kind of bullshit, but I didn’t let it bother me. I also got quite a bit of recognition from our program manager, which was awesome because I have kind of a negative history with him, which has slowly developed into a positive rapport and today was downright friendly. That is a good sign, as far as I am concerned.

So, one last bit about work – tomorrow we have a “client visit.” The way that this work is that the place where I work, and the place that signs my paychecks, is not actually the company that I “work for.” I mean, they are but they’re not. It is a call center. They get paid by clients from various different companies to provide the staffing for the customer service lines or whatever else for their company. A “client visit” is when somebody from one of the companies that utilizes the services of the place where I work is coming in to check up on how everything is going and such. It is pretty interesting trying to explain this without speaking the name that shall not be named for security purposes. They are REALLY against being mentioned on the Internet by their employees, though, so I continue the ruse. Anyway, a gentleman from the corporate office of the company that I answer the phones for will be at our workplace tomorrow. For that reason, they want us to keep our work areas extra tidy and our appearances to be a little more professional than is normally expected of us. It is a little bit strange but I secretly enjoy client visits – they give me an excuse to experiment with subtle, more natural looking makeup looks and dress myself a little bit nicer than I normally would for a day at work. So, I have already plotted out my makeup look for tomorrow and I am pretty excited to give it a shot. I haven’t decided on an outfit yet because I haven’t decided exactly how dressed up I am planning on going. Our program manager said that they would like for us to be professional looking but we are still allowed to wear jeans and things of that nature, so long as we are in dress code. I’m thinking I may go with some black dress pants and some sort of polo shirt – I love polo shirts because they are just the right mix of casual and professional. They are typically considerably more comfortable than a button down shirt, like wearing a t-shirt, but look much nicer than actually wearing a t-shirt. I’ll have to do a little digging around in my closet before I go to bed to decide on an outfit so I will be ready to grab it and get myself dressed in the morning. I also decided that, as far as makeup goes, I want to go with something a little more full-coverage, in terms of foundation, than the tinted moisturizer I usually wear. Fortunately, I still have some foundation leftover from when the weather wasn’t as disgustingly warm. Hopefully I won’t have any issue with keeping it on and fresh looking throughout the day. Just in case, though, I am going to carry a powder with me for touchups and such.

After standing up for most of the day at work, I got home and found that my feet were kind of hurting. I am not used to being on my feet for so long anymore. Back in my days working at Borders, I got used to being on my feet all the time and didn’t really have a problem with aching feet by the end of most days. Now, a few years later, it is considerably more difficult for me. It doesn’t help, either, that I was wearing flat-soled sandals today, as I do most days. Fortunately, tomorrow I won’t be wearing flat-soled sandals because they won’t go well with my more dressed up outfit. When I got home from work I didn’t really do much. I made dinner, sat down to eat and watched this morning’s episode of “The View,” as well as last night’s season premiere of “Gossip Girl,” which was actually a lot better than most of last season, although I did miss the presence of Taylor Momsen. It’s okay, though, because I like what she’s doing now, as lead singer of the Pretty Reckless, so much more than anything she ever did on “Gossip Girl.” She just needs to focus on making music because I think it is what she does best. My Mom spent most of the evening on the phone with her friend Daisy, who she hadn’t talked to in a while. After she finished her phone call and I finished my “Gossip Girl” episode, it was about time for me to get started on writing this blog and for her to go into her bedroom and talk with her boyfriend. It was a pretty bland evening, overall, but nothing bad. Now, it is 11:16pm and I should really be getting to bed. Goodnight.