Chapter 247: Down

It is late. I mean, it’s 1:21am. That’s not really all THAT late for the weekend but I am pretty tired. I don’t think this blog is going to go on for too long. There’s not all that much to say about today, anyway. I woke up at 10am and did my morning skincare routine and ate a random piece of chicken I found in the refrigerator. I wasn’t sure where this chicken came from but it was tasty. I sat down in the living room and watched last week’s episode of “Pretty Little Liars,” the new show from ABC Family, which is actually getting considerably better as it goes on. Initially, I wasn’t all that impressed with it. It had a really pretty but generic-looking cast and all of the plotlines they introduced early on could be described the same way. It kind of floundered for the next two or three episodes, basically only furthering the plot in extremely minor ways and repeatedly reiterating the fact that the initial plotlines that were introduced were still intact. It was beginning to get a little tedious but the past two weeks’ episodes have been immensely better than the first few. When I finished with that, there were re-runs of “RuPaul’s Drag Race” on, so I kind of let myself get sucked into that, in spite of the fact that I have already seen every episode of the entire series several times before. Seriously, each week the show would air I would watch the episodes again at least three times before the next episode aired. It was a little sick. I can still sit and watch them like they are new, though. I love those drag queens. Logo is currently running a lot of promos for a new show, premiering on my birthday, called “RuPaul’s Drag U,” which features various drag queen contestants from “RuPaul’s Drag Race” giving women makeovers. I am pretty excited for that to start and have actually made plans to get together with my sister and her girlfriend that night, as well as my Mom, and all watch it that night. I mean, we are having my birthday party two days beforehand, so I figured that would be a nice, relaxed, laid back way to spend the evening of my actual birthday. I figure we’ll order some pizza or something easy like that and all just have a fun, relaxing evening.

Somewhere in the midst of the RuPaul marathon I remembered the fact that I had fallen asleep without posting my blog last night. I had written the whole thing, for the most part, but went to sleep without posting it. So, I came back to the computer and finished that off and quickly went back to RuPaul. Sometime around 2pm I received a call from my Mom, who was on her last break at work. She didn’t sound well, honestly. She said she was just tired but I felt like there may have been something bothering her. Her statement of just being tired, though, was kind of supported by the fact that she said that she wasn’t sure if she wanted to go out as soon as she got off. As I mentioned in last night’s blog, I was looking forward to a day of splurging on and pampering myself. Her tiredness kind of put a damper on that. It wasn’t a big deal, though, and I figured she may wind up feeling better once she left work – that has a tendency to happen to a lot of people who work there. I find that I often will feel awful while I am there but as soon as I walk out the door I start feeling considerably better. I’m not sure what it is exactly but I feel like there is something about that building that just kind of brings you down and that general negative feeling, as is often the case with negative feelings, manifest itself in your physical being. I assume it has something to do with the lighting and all the drab colors. Either way, I was kind of keeping my fingers crossed that this would be the case for my Mom this afternoon. I continued watching RuPaul until about 3:30pm, then I went to take a shower, shave and get myself dressed and made up for the day. I wore a purple v-neck today and did a purple smoky eye along with it. My entire outfit was inspired by an episode of “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” when Ru wore a gown made of purple feathers and did a purple smoky eye with it. I didn’t have anything made of purple feathers, so I figured my purple heather Old Navy v-neck t-shirt would work. My Mom got home just as I was finishing up the look and she said that she needed to call her boyfriend, so she went into her bedroom to do that.

In the time that they were on the phone, I noticed that I had a missed call and a voicemail on my phone. It was from an 818 area code, which I automatically recognized as Los Angeles. I knew exactly who it was, too, even though it wasn’t a programmed number in my phone. My Mom had mentioned previously that my favorite uncle, my Uncle Glenn, had called her and was asking for my number so I had kind of been expecting his call. I wasn’t entirely sure what he needed to talk to me about but, like I mentioned, he is my favorite uncle and I would be glad to hear from him whatever it was in reference to. This, by the way, is the same uncle who I hadn’t talked to in a while – since I asked him if I could stay with him when I was planning on moving to LA earlier in the year. I never really got an answer from him but I kind of heard through the grapevine that he wasn’t really in a position to have a houseguest or whatever. I wondered if he may not have been calling in reference to that in some way. This was not the case, though. He was actually calling to ask me about my clothing sizes because he wanted to send some clothes from my Uncle Bruce, who recently passed. I was very touched by the fact that he thought of me for this and told him I would be glad to take anything he wanted to send. I don’t really think that my Uncle Bruce and I had a similar style by any means but it would be nice to have anything from him, for sentimental reasons. I tried to ask my Uncle Glenn how he was doing since Bruce passed but he kind of shooed me off the phone because he had to go somewhere. In the time since my Uncle Bruce died, I have kind of been concerned the most for my Uncle Glenn because the two of them were extremely close and I would imagine that he is taking the whole thing pretty hard. He sounded like he was in decent spirits throughout most of the call but the fact that he didn’t really want to talk about how he’s been doing is a bit of a red flag that the answer to that question is “not very well.” It’s understandable, though. I can’t imagine what I would be like if anything happened to my brother or sister. It was really nice to get a chance to talk to my Uncle for a while, though, and I was very glad to have heard from him. Once I finished talking to my Uncle, it wasn’t long before my Mom was done with her boyfriend and she asked me if I was ready to go. Of course, I was.

Before going anywhere else, we were both feeling pretty hungry and decided to go get dinner. We went to the Panera Bread on University and had a delicious meal of soup and sandwiches. It was kind of refreshing to eat something different than the usual places we eat from when we eat out. It was delicious and we both kind of patted ourselves on the backs for making a somewhat healthier choice for dinner. After that, we headed over to Ulta. As I mentioned in last night’s blog, I had pretty well decided that I was going to buy myself the Urban Decay Eye Shadow Ammo Box. It was $39 dollars, which is a tad expensive for my taste, but included 10 Urban Decay eye shadows and a full-sized bottle of Urban Decay Primer Potion in their newest formula, which would cost $18 on it’s own. Once we got to Ulta and I started looking around, though, I started feeling less sure about it. After all, it was $40 for that one item. That $40 could have been spent on several items at lower prices instead. So, I decided to look around a little bit and see what else I could find. I already knew beforehand that I needed to buy some more brush cleanser because I had just run out two days ago. That was $12. I don’t know what exactly the issue was but while browsing Ulta I found myself starting to feel kind of down. I kept looking for different types of products, like bronzers or blushers, and not being able to find anything that I wanted, or I would find things that I was interested in but didn’t want to spend the money on. I still hadn’t taken my rent money out of the bank yet and was a little paranoid about overspending. I really don’t know what my issue was but it was really getting to me and I was feeling almost depressed in this store. Eventually, I did find a bronzer, Revlon Beyond Natural Blush/Bronzer in Peach, which has now been crossed off of my birthday wish list posted on Facebook. I also picked up a NYX Jumbo Eyeshadow Pencil in Hot Pink, which I have been meaning to do for ages. I bought one a very long time ago in the shade Strawberry Milk because I thought a softer shade of pink would work better as a base under a wider variety of pink shadows but it turns out that this shade was so light that it wasn’t even really visible on my skin. The big item on this Ulta trip, though, was the Ulta brand “92-Piece Blockbuster Kit.” This thing cost less than half what the Urban Decay palette would and includes 64 shadows, 22 lip colors, 4 blushers, a translucent powder and a lip gloss. This set seemed like a much better idea for a number of reasons. First of all, I already have a few of the shadows that are included in the Urban Decay box and I have found Urban Decay shadows to be kind of hit or miss. I just always get sucked in by Urban Decay’s packaging and such, because all of their stuff is really cool looking and have great names. Second, I have been very curious about trying out Ulta brand cosmetics for a long time because I have used a few select products from them and found them just as good as many of the higher end brands but I hadn’t used any of their eye shadows or blushes, so I have wanted to see if they would be as good as the other things I have tried. I haven’t actually used any of them yet but I have swatched them all and such and they seem VERY promising. I am really excited to give these things a try. I am fairly certain that these will all be put to use in whatever look I wind up doing tomorrow.

Anyway, after leaving Ulta, I couldn’t shake that blasé, depressed feeling I had gotten. It didn’t help that my Mom hates going to Ulta. She says it reminds her of going to the South Gate Mall, which is the super bourgeois mall here in town where everybody is all snooty and annoying because they have more money than God. Don’t get me wrong, I am not one of those people who give a shit whether or not somebody has more money than God, and I feel good for them and hope to be one of them someday. It’s when they are assholes about it that it becomes an issue. The people at the South Gate Mall, more often than not, are assholes about it. We have a tendency to avoid that place like the plague, even though the only MAC store in town is there. I never really got that vibe off of Ulta, though, so that kind of sucks. Anyway, my Mom wasn’t in the best of moods and kept trying to usher me out of Ulta every chance she got, so after we left neither of us seemed to be in the best of moods. We still needed to go to Wal-Mart, though, and to a Walgreen’s location so I could get money out of the bank. So, we headed up Cattlemen to the Wal-Mart on Bee Ridge, even though we were really close to the one on University. Somewhere along this way, I decided that I wanted to buy a DVD at Wal-Mart for us to watch this evening. We stopped at Walgreen’s and I got my rent money out of the bank and found that my balance was still over $100, even after spending $42 at Ulta. I knew I had extra but I figured my balance would be lower than that. Still, I do have a couple weeks until I get paid again and figured I shouldn’t spend too much more. Yet, for one reason or another, I still had money burning a hole in my pocket. So, at Wal-Mart, I picked up only a couple items that were really good deals. First of all, in spite of the fact that I have been reading the “Gossip Girl” series, as well as books that two of my co-workers told me I should read, I have been feeling the need to pick up a new book – something different and particular to my interests. Well, while at Wal-Mart, I spotted a little bargain bin of books that were all hardcovers for only $6. I wasn’t seeing much in this bin that I really had much interest in until suddenly something popped out at me – “Audition” by Barbara Walters. As you should all know at this point, I watch “The View” every day and am a pretty big fan of Barbara’s, as well as all of the other co-hosts… except for Sherri Shepherd. She is an idiot. Even Elizabeth Hasselbeck I can deal with most days but Sherri always comes across as completely ridiculous and imbecilic. Anyway, I am looking forward to reading that. I also picked up a DVD, for only $13, that my Mom and I watched once we got home, “The Box.”

I had seen “The Box” months ago, before it was out on DVD, and absolutely loved it. I was very anxious to see it again but once the DVD was released had never gotten around to actually going out and purchasing it so, finding it on sale today, it was a no-brainer. “The Box” is the third feature film from Richard Kelly, director of “Donnie Darko” and “Southland Tales.” I am a big fan of Richard Kelly’s and loved both of his previous films, albeit in very different ways. Still, after seeing this one the first time I immediately liked it better than the other two. “The Box” is the story of a young couple in 1970s Virginia, played by Cameron Diaz and James Marsden, who receive a package at their front door one morning from an unknown sender. Inside is a small wooden box with a glass dome on the top of it, enclosing a big red button inside. There is also a note saying that a man will be visiting them at 5pm that evening. When the man arrives, he makes them a strange offer – if they press the button inside the glass dome on top of the box, he will give them one million dollars. The catch is that somebody somewhere in the world, who they do not know, will die. They only have 24 hours to decide and are forbidden to discuss it with anybody but each other. I don’t want to give too much away but it is a fascinating story dealing with NASA in the 70s and the National Security Agency and all types of conspiracy, as well as a lot of more spiritual matters, dealing with our ideals of right and wrong and taking responsibility for our actions, etc. Like I said, I don’t want to give too much away and, really, if I tell you any more of the plot I will be giving too much away, but I HIGHLY recommend seeing this movie. It is suspenseful and insane at times but it is also a journey with a beautiful destination. It really touched me in a way I can’t even explain. It is definitely worth picking up if you have a chance.

Anyway, it is after 3am now and I really should get to bed. So much for it being a short blog tonight. Before I do end this, though, I wanted to make mention of the fact that this is the end of my unofficial, not previously mentioned Liz Phair week here on the blog. You see, much like I did with Barbra Streisand a while back, every blog post for the past week has been named after a Liz Phair song. I can’t say that I have only listened to Liz Phair this past week, like I did with Barbra, but I have listened to more of her music than anything else. I am thinking of doing more themed weeks, as far as the blog titles and my own general music listening goes. It is really something that is only fun for me but I don’t really see anything wrong with doing things that are only fun for me. So, someday soon you may be seeing a week of blogs named after Madonna or Kylie Minogue songs. We’ll see. Tomorrow should be a good, relaxing day. We got the movie “Nine” in the mail from Netflix, so I will probably end up watching that tomorrow which I am pretty excited about. Also, I am thinking about dying my hair tomorrow so that should be fun, as well. My Mom and I were talking about taking a trip out to Venice to get dinner from Panda Express tomorrow, which we have a strange obsession with, so it should be a pretty relaxing, fun summer day. We’ll see, though. For now, though, I am exhausted! I need to go to sleep. Goodnight.

Chapter 246: Girls Girls Girls

Okay, I know that it has become a bit of a tradition that on Friday night I do a video blog. Tonight, however, I didn’t feel like it. To be honest, I didn’t really feel like doing a written blog, either, but I figured this could wind up being quicker in the long run, because the editing/uploading process for those videos has come to take an extremely long time. Actually, the editing is really quick and easy, and is my favorite part of the whole video blogging process. The issue is all the waiting involved. You have to film the video, then wait for it to transfer to the computer, then convert it to a file format that Windows Movie Maker can edit, then load it in Windows Movie Maker, (which actually takes a good 30 minutes for a full-length video,) then edit it and save your newly edited version to the computer, (which can also be around a 30 minute wait,) then upload the video to You Tube, (which, again, takes about 30 minutes.) With all of that process, doing a video blog actually takes 2-2.5 hours. Writing the blog CAN be a lot quicker than that, depending on how focused I am while writing it. Now that I have decided to be more open to the idea of the blog not filling four pages in Microsoft Word, (which is what it used to always strive to be,) it can be done in a much more manageable period of time. So, considering the fact that it is after 2am already, I figured I would try my best to make this quick and skip the video blog for today. I have mentioned before possibly moving my video blogs to Monday nights, which I think could work out a lot better for me at this point. We’ll see how that goes, though. I am already kind of thinking about doing a video blog tomorrow night, so we’ll see. Tomorrow should be a pretty fun day for a video blog, I think – more on that later.

Today was a pretty decent day. I woke up on time. I did my morning skin care routine. I ate oatmeal for breakfast. I drank coffee. I smoked cigarettes. I shopped online. Correction – I window-shopped online. I didn’t actually buy anything. The online window-shopping actually began last night. You see, I still had over $100 in the bank that I had been saving from my last paycheck to pay for this month’s piano lessons. So, since piano lessons for the month were covered and I would wind up having some extra money after paying my rent, I decided that I could afford to do a little shopping this weekend. As much as I love the whole process of going out and shopping in the store, I was also really anxious to get started on the shopping. I went through various websites, including the MAC site, the NYX Cosmetics site, the Stila site, etc., looking for things that really popped out at me and screamed “BUY ME.” Unlike that period a while back when I was shopping for clothes and couldn’t seem to find anything I liked, I had the opposite problem today. I found about a million things that I wanted. The thing is, as I went through each website and loaded up my virtual cart, I kept finding myself thinking about going out to shop this weekend. I thought about “Confessions Of A Shopaholic” and that rush of joy you get as you run your card through the machine and know that all of this stuff is coming home with you in just moments. I love that feeling. Also, I don’t want to order myself pre-birthday gifts, which are what I decided I was shopping for, and possibly not have them arrive in time for my birthday. You see, I am looking for makeup to wear on my birthday. I am looking for the makeup I need to complete the perfect birthday party look.

I recently decided that I would just be having a small birthday party, with only my closest friends and family in attendance, and that I would not be decorating the house or anything for that. After all, the only people who will be coming are all people who have seen the house plenty and know what it looks like normally – why decorate for them? I also thought of possibly not doing a special, over-the-top makeup look for my birthday for the same reason but I came to the conclusion that the crazy makeup look wasn’t really to impress other people, anyway. That is all about making me feel happy and special on my birthday. So, I am definitely doing that still. Plus, I am really anxious to see how well I can pull off doing the makeup look I have decided upon for my birthday. I have done trial runs of it and the last one came out really well, so I am excited to give it another shot. It just needs a few very minor tweaks at this point – tweaks that I will need a couple other products for in order to get it exactly how I want it. So, tomorrow my Mom and I are going to go do some shopping after she gets off work. It seems like, over the past few days, my email inbox has been kind of inundated with ads for different things that I really want, or am at least really curious about. The main stop for me on this shopping trip will be Ulta, of course, and there are just a few little things I need to grab while I am there. However, I think I have decided on one “big ticket” item that I want to buy for myself, just to splurge and treat myself to a little something extra for my birthday. The thing is, I am already aware beforehand that I shouldn’t expect much out of the people I know for my birthday this year. Everybody is in some sort of financial dire straits and I don’t expect anything major out of anybody. So, with that in mind, I don’t see anything wrong with going out and spending $40 on something special for myself. What would that something special be? Why, it is the Urban Decay Eye Shadow Ammo Box, which includes 10 shades of eye shadow and comes with a full-sized bottle of Urban Decay Primer Potion in their newest formula, Eden, which would cost just under half the price of this set on it’s own. It’s a really good deal that they have going on this thing and since I have a little bit of extra money I don’t see the harm in a little splurge. We’ll see once I actually go to the store, because I could easily change my mind in the moment, but I am definitely thinking I will pick this thing up.

Aside from shopping, I don’t really have any plans for this weekend. I will probably spend the first part of tomorrow, while my Mom is at work, watching some movies on Netflix or something random like that. The movie “Nine” should be arriving in the mail from Netflix in today’s mail, so I will probably watch that with my Mom sometime over this weekend. I also want to see if I can track down some place carrying the DVD of the movie “Timer,” because I want my Mom to see it and I want to have it for myself. Unfortunately, in my research online it’s not only not available on DVD in any local stores but it’s not available in stores anywhere. It can be ordered online but that’s it. So, I think I may go ahead and order it, although that sucks because I was hoping to watch it this weekend. Perhaps I will just watch it again on Netflix by myself, just for the hell of it. I am also really thinking about trying to save up a couple hundred bucks over the next few months to buy myself a Wii. Not only is the Wii fun for games and such but you can access the Netflix Instant Watch service through the Wii console and stream movies to your TV that way, which would be much more convenient than only being able to watch them on the computer. Initially, I was considering trying to pick up a Wii at a Pawn Shop or something along those lines but I’ve kind of decided that it would just be more secure for me to pay full price and buy a brand new one. They aren’t actually THAT expensive, they are just more than I can afford to do out of one paycheck nowadays. I miss those days when I could go out and spend $200 out of one paycheck. I’ll get back there eventually, though.

Anyway, this blog has basically been a whole lot of talk about things that haven’t happened yet. Let me take a minute to talk about things that did happen, like today. It wasn’t all that interesting a day, honestly. Work was boring and we were short-staffed, which seems to be a bit of a Friday tradition lately. However, my workplace has been abuzz over the past few days with talk of hiring new people. It’s kind of exciting because the last new hire in my department was me, and that was a year and a half ago. It hasn’t really been necessary up to this point but it definitely seems like it is now. I am also really excited to be adding some new faces to my day-to-day work life. I have made it very clear to my supervisors that their objective in the hiring process should be one main factor: BOYS – cute boys, in particular, (cute GAY boys, to be even more specific.) I am basically trying to convince them to hire me a group of suitors. I’m kidding, of course. I don’t really care who they hire. I just think it will be nice to have some new people around at work to shake things up a bit. It’s been getting kind of boring there, so adding in some new personalities would be nice. Of course, there is also a lot of drama that will come along with adding in these new people because our account is one of the more difficult ones in the building to deal with and a lot of people have trouble making it through training or staying in place once they get on the floor. It should all be interesting to watch, anyway. Aside from that stuff, I basically spent the day writing. I actually wrote four new songs today. The first one I actually had started yesterday but didn’t finish until today. That one is my favorite of the group, called “My Least Favorite Day.” It is describing, in detail, the day that my ex-boyfriend moved away. It’s basically a song about how I still remember it all so clearly and, even though I am pretty well over it by now, it is still “My Least Favorite Day.” I really like this song because it is so much more descriptive than any song I have ever written, going into details like the fact that he was wearing a blue and white striped polo, we sat outside at the Metro Café, I drank a latte with cinnamon in it and we shared a muffin. It is funny how I remember all these little details of that day. There are a ton that I don’t mention in this song but that I recall. For example, we were both feeling kind of awkward about saying goodbye and talked about a lot of really random bullshit to get around having to discuss our true feelings. One thing in particular that we discussed was the Justin Timberlake song “LoveStoned.” As he was driving me to work, where he was dropping me off for work before he left, he had the Justin Timberlake “FutureSex/LoveSounds” album playing in his car and that song played. I said that this was my favorite song on the album because it has a really cool, sweeping, ecstasy-induced trip out sort of sound to it and changes tempos several times throughout the song, and he said that he really didn’t like the song for the exact same reason. We both agreed that the song was really “druggy” sounding but disagreed on whether or not that was appealing. I also wrote a song today that I was really proud of, in a very different way, called “Fat Whore.” “Fat Whore” is basically a song about those girls that you meet a little too often in life, who are clearly extremely insecure and are constantly trying to sexualize themselves and make themselves appear desirable to everybody around them. They are that type of girl with a Blanche Devereaux complex – they kind of build themselves up in their own minds but don’t honestly believe any of it. In fact, all the things that they make themselves out to be are actually the things that they are the most insecure about. I find it fascinating that people can live with that type of disillusionment. These girls are often complete bitches to everybody around them, in attempts to assert their dominance, and they are CONSTANTLY seeking attention from anybody who will give it to them. They are also the types who frequently place themselves in the role of victim in order to garner sympathy from others. This often works, until they let their true bitch faces show and people realize that they weren’t victims at all. They were just bitches all along. The reason I was so proud of this song is because I was trying to write something Courtney Love-ish, but in my own style, and I feel like I pulled it off really well. Plus, it is a very angry song but expressed in a way that I felt was really clever and fun. Also, it just makes me proud to have written a song with a title like “Fat Whore.” The reason it is “Fat Whore,” as opposed to any other type of insult is because, in my head, fat whore is always my go-to insult. If somebody is really pissing me off, in my head I ALWAYS call them a fat whore before anything else. Like I said, this song just really expressed something very different than I have expressed in any of my songs before and I love it for that.

Anyway, I fell asleep writing this blog last night, so it is morning now. I need to go eat something for breakfast and shower and such in preparation for when my Mom gets off work and we go out shopping! I’m pretty excited for it. For now, though, it is time for some food and maybe a movie. TTYL.

Chapter 245: Rock Me

Okay, so as I mentioned in yesterday’s mini blog post, I had planned to do a full blog discussing my songwriting process and including some songs that I wrote yesterday. You see, as I explained last night, I gave myself the project of writing three songs inspired by the three shades of eye shadow I wore yesterday from the Stila “It Girl” palette. It is summertime and I am a little obsessed with the bronzed/golden look, so this palette is absolutely perfect for me. It includes three shadows, a bright, glittery gold color called “Lame’,” a deep bronze shimmer color called “Chloe,” and a gorgeous, glittering champagne/soft pink called “Kitten.” I felt like each one of these colors had something extra special about them that could really inspire me in songwriting. Here is a picture of the palette and the three colors in it:



Before I get started in sharing the songs I’ve written let me take a moment to tell you all about what songwriting means to me. All of my life I have felt an intense connection to and passion for music. I remember being in Kindergarten and waking up extra early for school so I could watch a program on VH1 called “A-Z Videos.” My first great musical love, as far as I can recall, was Paula Abdul. So, I would wake up extra early each morning to watch this program and see which Paula Abdul video they would play that morning. It was the highlight of my day back then. Shortly after that, I started collecting Paula’s albums and quickly became interested in other artists of the time, like Madonna, Janet Jackson and, a little while later, Mariah Carey. Mariah Carey was my second great musical love. I became pretty obsessed with her as soon as I first saw one of her videos on TV and, as Paula Abdul was slowly fading out by this time, Mariah took her place as my very favorite artist. This pattern continued on and still continues to this day, only it is in much more rapid succession, so much so that I have to consider my favorite artists of all-time and my favorite artists of right now. However, I think it was really Mariah Carey, as well as Madonna, who really got me started considering what songwriting really meant. When I was a little kid and listening to Paula or New Kids On The Block or Debbie Gibson, I never stopped and thought about where those songs came from. They just existed to make me happy. I had kind of assumed that if the artist was singing the song, they must have written it themselves. When I started listening to Mariah Carey, though, I started to think about this more. I still remember looking at the liner notes of the cassette version of her album “Music Box,” and seeing her name on the writing credits. I can’t remember who I asked about it, but I assume it was either my Mom or my sister, and they explained to me that not every artist writes their own songs. This blew my mind. I knew from that early age that I wanted to be a singer, just like all of those artists, and after receiving this information I knew that I wanted to write my own songs, as well. It wasn’t until several years later, when I was 13 years old, living in Arkansas, in a beat-up old trailer with my Mom, that I decided to try it for myself for the first time. I sat down with a piece of paper and a pencil and began writing lyrics and humming them in a strange new melody that just somehow came to me. That first song was called “Times Square,” and, I have to admit, it was completely ridiculous. Several of the songs I wrote at that age were ridiculous – what can you really expect of a 13 year old in the 90s? We weren’t as sophisticated or worldly as 13 year olds seem to be nowadays. After writing that first song I never stopped. As I kept going, I felt like I got better and better at it. To this day, I still strive to keep improving at it. I have written, in the past 14 years, several hundred songs. I realize I will never do anything with most of these songs but I have come to realize that I am the type of artist who will never stop working, even if nobody will ever see or hear the things that I am working on. You see, more than anything else that I may be, I feel like being a songwriter is what I was put on this earth for. Before anything that I am or any label that anybody may want to put on me, I am a songwriter. It is the single most important factor of my being, as far as I am concerned. I think there have been plenty of times throughout my life where I have managed to forget about this or push it aside. I have a pretty obsessive personality and am very flighty, so I flock from project to project. At the end of it all, though, it always comes back to songwriting and I have a strong tendency to involve it in any other works that I may do. This is why it felt so natural to write a few songs inspired by makeup, as it has become such a major factor in my life.

So, let’s get to the songs. This first one was the first that I wrote, inspired by the eye shadow Lame’. I initially intended to title the songs after the shade that inspired them but I wasn’t all that keen on adding a song called Lame’ to my repertoire. Because of this lack of enthusiasm for the name, this is the only of the three songs that is not named after it’s inspiration shade. Instead, I titled it “I Am Golden.” With “I Am Golden,” I wanted to write the song in a style that I felt represented the color of the eye shadow well, as well. So, in dealing with a bright, glittery gold color my mind automatically went to pop music. I wrote this song in the style of something along the lines of Hilary Duff’s earlier work, like “So Yesterday,” or “Come Clean,” but with considerably more emotional depth, (I would hope.) I really wanted this to be a fun pop song with a heart. When I think of pop music, I think of things like simplistic lyrics, uncomplicated rhyme schemes, fairly even flow and a catchy hook. I also have to mention the fact that the title, and the line in the song that it stems from, also took a bit of inspiration from one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite newer artists, Mika’s “We Are Golden.”

“I Am Golden”

Everything seemed so good at the start
We’d turned our lives into a work of art
There was never any question you had my heart
I never thought it’d all fall apart

Somewhere along the line things started to change
Suddenly we weren’t in love, we were playing a game
It was like we were in competition, you were acting so strange
You just seemed so desperate for the fame

You couldn’t deal with the fact
I was golden, I was golden
You couldn’t stand up and have my back
You wanted to be the one to shine
I swear to God, I’ll never take it back
I am golden, I am golden
You can try to throw me off track
But you’ll never put out this light of mine
I am meant to shine

You really seemed too good from the start
You became the inspiration for all of my art
It took nothing at all for me to give you my heart
I never thought it would be so hard

For you to look at me and see somebody on your side
And to understand I wanted you to share in my light
This is not a competition, this is my real life
I never wanted to give up the fight

You couldn’t deal with the fact
I was golden, I was golden
You couldn’t stand up and have my back
You wanted to be the one to shine
I swear to God, I’ll never take it back
I am golden, I am golden
You can try to throw me off track
But you’ll never put out this light of mine
I am meant to shine

I never asked you not to stand at my side
I never accused of being along for the ride
You were the one always leaving yourself behind
I just wish our love could have made it out alive

You couldn’t deal with the fact
I was golden, I was golden
You couldn’t stand up and have my back
You wanted to be the one to shine
I swear to God, I’ll never take it back
I am golden, I am golden
You can try to throw me off track
But you’ll never put out this light of mine
I am meant to shine


As far as the actual process of writing this song goes, it came out really quickly. I find that some songs are a bit of a struggle or I really have to work at them to get them to where I want them to be, while some songs just come out automatically and just seem kind of perfect as they are. Well, I don’t want to say this song is perfect by any means but I feel like the flaws in the lyrics are what really make them work. The fact that many of the rhymes aren’t exact and that just reading it here I would imagine it’s really hard to see the melody in it are two of my favorite parts about this song. It’s simplistic and spunky and pop but it is also oddly constructed and kind of offbeat. In terms of the lyrical content of the song, it comes from a few different places. For one, I recently watched this movie that I had seen about a million times before, called “Committed.” I won’t go into all the details of the story or anything but it is about a woman whose husband disappears and leaves her a note saying he just couldn’t deal with life anymore and needed to be alone. There is a scene in this movie where she finds him, (and that’s not really a spoiler, if you haven’t seen this movie and intend to, which I do recommend,) and he tells her that he felt like he kept waiting for something good, some sort of luck, to come his way but every time he felt like it was getting close to him it went to her instead. This reminded me a lot of a situation that I have recently been watching a friend of mine go through, which also was a big source of inspiration for this song. Then, of course, it also reminded me of a few relationships that I have had in the past. Most significantly, it reminded me of my last REAL relationship, which definitely had a sense of competition to it. My boyfriend at the time liked to think of himself as a really fun, outgoing person. He was definitely fun but I always thought he was a little misguided in thinking of himself as outgoing. When we were alone he would be a lot of fun and we’d have really great times just the two of us but as soon as we were around other people, he kind of clammed up and I would be the one doing all the talking. It was a little odd. Eventually, he started acting a little funny about it and say things like, “Everybody likes you,” “Everybody approaches you,” or “Everybody wants to be your friend and I’m just part of the package.” It was silly and kind of irritating after a while but I have since come to realize that it was because I was golden. Not to say that he wasn’t golden, as well, because I really believe that he was. He just didn’t know how to let it show. The other thing I wanted to mention about this song is the fact that it is written in a very different style than I normally write in. I don’t normally write songs that are telling stories or describing a situation but this one kind of does that. It reminds me a bit of Kelly Clarkson’s “Since U Been Gone,” in that way.

The next song I wrote was inspired by the eye shadow called “Chloe,” which is the deep, shimmery bronze color. It is a very dark color in the pan but kind of lightens up and shines much more once it is on the eye. I really like that quality about it. The bronze color got me thinking a lot about artists working in bronze. I’ve seen a lot about and have always been fascinated by bronze as a metal and the way that an artist can dip something into bronze and mold the metal into the shape of the item. That was really the main source of inspiration for this song, although it also kind of touches on the topic of metal being kind of cold, unfeeling and unmoving, which often makes artworks in metal a little less warm. I like that about bronze – it can be cold and unmoving while still having a warm-toned color to it.

“Chloe”

You’re just so good
I want to duplicate you
I want to freeze you in time
And do whatever I want to you

I don’t want you to change
I don’t want you to move
You’re just so perfect right now
I wish you were a statue

I want to dip you in bronze
So I can hang on to you for my whole life long
I need metal cause it is strong
So I know there’s not a thing that can go wrong
I want to dip you in bronze

You’re just so hot
You hit all the right spots
I want to stop time right now
And give you everything I’ve got

I don’t want you to move
I don’t want you to breathe
Okay, you can breathe enough to survive
I just want you to last eternally

I want to dip you in bronze
So I can hang on to you for my whole life long
I need metal cause it is strong
So I know there’s not a thing that can go wrong
I want to dip you in bronze

I just want you to stand still
I don’t want you to think or feel
I don’t want you to be real
I just want my wounds to heal
So let my illusion of you be the real deal

I want to dip you in bronze
So I can hang on to you for my whole life long
I need metal cause it is strong
So I know there’s not a thing that can go wrong
I want to dip you in bronze


With this song, I was trying to write the song from a darker place. This song stems from an experience I have had several times in my life – when you just start getting involved with someone and build up a massive illusion of them in your head. More often than not, those illusions are not what the person actually is and you wind up being disappointed. This song is about having, and trying to keep, that feeling. I believe that anybody can be anything you want them to be if you believe it enough. Don’t get me wrong, they won’t actually become what you want them to be but if you really believe that is what they then they will become that in your mind. The mind, after all, is an extremely powerful thing. However, no matter what you turn someone into in your head, reality will always settle in eventually and you will be faced with the realization that a person isn’t what you thought at all. So, this song is basically about trying to hang on to the work of art that you have created in your imagination. Like I said, this is an experience I have had several times in the past. As far as the style of the song, I was really trying to go for a darker, more soulful vibe, in the vein of “Teeth” by Lady Gaga, except a little less dark and a lot more soulful. It is meant as a dance song but one of those mid-tempo, heavy bass style dance songs that you don’t hear as often as the regular techno/house type music. I also wanted to make mention of the fact that the lyrics kind of straddle the line between being sexual and being sadistic – that was on purpose. It definitely has a strong undertone of wanting this person in a very raw, sexual way but also wanting them to remain a nameless, faceless figure in your life. This is also something that I have experienced many times in the past.

The third song is probably my favorite, inspired by the eye shadow called Kitten. The thing you have to know about Kitten is that it is a very soft, pale champagne/pink color – it’s the kind of pink I like to call “ballerina pink” because it reminds me of the color of the classic child’s tutu. This gives it kind of a vibe of innocence and purity. However, this particular shadow doesn’t stick with the standard “ballerina pink” formula because it is loaded with glitter and really sparkles. This gives it a little more of an edge. When not using it alongside the other colors in this palette, I personally like to cover my lid with it and use black along the crease and in the outer corner and add lots of thick, black liner to give it a major edge. I just love the juxtaposition of the soft pink paired with lots of black. It was with that in mind that I wrote this song, also called “Kitten.”

“Kitten”

Come keep me safe
Think of me as your little kitten
This is a big place
I really can’t be trusted
To take care of myself
I am just so indecisive
I need your help
Just trying to keep my head on

Come keep me safe
I am nothing but a little kitten
I don’t need space
I need constant protection
From the woes of the world
I am just so absent-minded
Like a little girl
I’m so easily distracted

I’m filled with joy
All I need is a boy
To give me a reason not to be scared all the time
I’m just a toy
All I need is a boy
To play with me and stay with me and keep me in line

Come keep me safe
I’ll be your naughty little kitten
Put me in my place
Make me feel completely worthless
Because you think it’s true
I can’t keep myself out of trouble
Punish me for it
Think of me as if I were your child

I’m filled with joy
All I need is a boy
To give me a reason not to be scared all the time
I’m just a toy
All I need is a boy
To play with me and stay with me and keep me in line


I really like the way this song came out. This one was written completely free form, with no concern for rhyming or flow or any of it. The melody came to me first and I just wrote whatever I could to fit into it, regardless of whether or not it rhymed or flowed well or any of it. In that sense, it’s kind of more like a poem, except it can be sung and does have a melody. As far as lyrical content, I feel like it’s pretty self-explanatory. This is basically a song examining the straight male fantasy. It is kind of written from the perspective of a woman who has been feeding the ego of a man for far too long and has finally gotten fed up with it. I know it is not the case for every straight man but it seems like you see a lot of guys who want to treat their girlfriends or wives like they are children. They often seem to feel the need to protect them in a very overbearing, dismissive and, in my mind, insulting way. It’s as if they don’t believe the woman is capable of taking care of herself. It’s kind of like they find it cute and appealing when a woman can’t think for themselves. I find that whole idea kind of ridiculous and repulsive, which is made clear by the last verse of the song. As far as where I drew this from, I can’t say I’ve ever had this experience with a man but I do feel like I have had this experience in my life, with both friends and family members, who kind of dismiss me and consider me weak and unable to take care of myself. I guess I kind of get it in that way but the way that men sexualize the whole thing really puts a pretty fucked up, sadistic twist to it. I really felt like that kind of captured the essence of Kitten in a very different way than I was expecting at the start of this project.

One of my favorite things about songwriting, though, is the fact that you can begin writing a song with a very clear emotion and concept of where the song is going and by the end you can have something completely different. It is extremely therapeutic and can take you places you never would have imagined within yourself. Through songwriting, I have managed to tap into parts of myself that I don’t think I ever would have discovered otherwise. I can’t imagine what my life would have been without it. As I said at the beginning of this blog, it is the single most important factor in my life and I thank the Universe for giving it to me every day of my life. Now I just have to keep moving forward with my piano lessons so I can take it to the next level by writing music to go along with the lyrics and melodies that I have written. It’s a long road ahead but I am determined to make it to the end and continuing this lifelong journey of songwriting, with music and lyrics… even if nobody ever hears them.

Chapter 244: Baby Got Going

Okay, so tonight’s blog was initially planned to be something very different than it is actually going to be now. You see, I developed a plan that I thought was really cool for tonight’s blog but it has kind of been ruined. I talk a lot in this blog about my passion for music and songwriting, in particular. Songwriting is what I really feel is my strong suit and it is the part of the whole musical process that I am the most passionate about. So, I was thinking that, instead of just talking about it some more in the blog, I thought I would share a little bit with you. However, just filling a blog with songs that I have written seems kind of boring and like it wouldn’t really give you, the reader, the full concept of what it is I do. So, I gave myself a little project today. Today I wore the three eye shadows in my new favorite piece of makeup, the Stila “It Girl” palette. I am kind of obsessed with that thing and have used it a LOT since I bought it. So, the idea that I came up with was to write three new songs today, each inspired by one of the three shades in this palette. Then I was going to share each of the songs and discuss the process of writing each one, how they were inspired by the eye shadow, as well as how they were inspired by my own life experience and other little tidbits about the whole songwriting process. It was, in my mind, a pretty great plan. Unfortunately, I left the songs I wrote inspired by the eye shadows on my desk at work. I can’t remember them off the top of my head, so I can’t really share them here until I have them on me. It sucks, too, because I actually really loved all three of the songs and felt like they were some of my best work in a really long time. So, that blog is still planned but I won’t be posting it until tomorrow. What really sucks about that, though, is the fact that I don’t really have a whole lot else to say about today. It was a pretty boring day.

Today was my first day back at work after my four-day weekend, and I was REALLY feeling the effects of that. It was a really long day at work. I didn’t do a whole lot, aside from writing the aforementioned songs. I didn’t read at all and I didn’t draw or anything. I mainly spent the day chatting with my co-workers and, you know, actually working. Strange. Like I said, it was a very long, boring day. Now that I am off work, I am in the midst of cooking dinner. Once my Mom gets home, which will be in just a few minutes, we are going to watch “Remember Me,” so she can see it before I send it back and get another movie. I think I am going to move the movie “Nine” to the top of my queue because I am pretty anxious to see it and really in the mood for a good musical. Of course, from what I’ve heard, “Nine” isn’t all that great of a musical but based on the 30 minutes or so of it I saw, I am thinking it should be at least kind of good. I don’t know. I am completely over this day. So much so that I think I am going to end this blog here. I’m not saying shit and it seems kind of pointless. Tomorrow’s blog will be better. I’ll make it a point to bring home those songs tomorrow so I can write the awesome blog that I had planned for today. For now, though, I’ve got to get back to dinner. Goodnight.

Chapter 243: Lazy Dreamer

As I mentioned in last night’s blog, I have pretty well decided already that tonight’s blog is going to have a theme. It is only this way because this weekend had a bit of a theme. Going into this weekend, I had made the plan to make it an Audrey Hepburn weekend and watch one Audrey movie each day of the four-day weekend. The plan was to start with “Funny Face” on Saturday, then “Breakfast At Tiffany’s” on Sunday, “My Fair Lady” on Monday and something else that I can’t remember today. On Friday evening when I got home from work, this plan was thwarted when I went online to the Netflix site and found that they didn’t have a single one of these movies available for Instant Watch. I would have sworn that all of them were there before but I must have been mistaken. So, that sucked. Instead, though, I decided to go with a different kind of theme for my random movie watching this weekend. I spent this weekend watching a selection of independent films, mainly comedies but with a bit of drama mixed in for good measure. I’m not going to lie, they weren’t all great but they were all worth seeing, I’d say. So, here is a big independent film review post!

To start off, on Saturday I watched one of the most brilliant films I have seen in ages, called “Timer.” I explained this one pretty in-depth in Saturday night’s blog because I was pretty inspired by it and it made me think a lot. Still, for anybody who didn’t read Saturday night’s blog, “Timer” is set in modern times but introduces the invention of an implant that people can get which has a timer that counts down to the moment they will meet their soulmate or “the one.” The main character, Oona, has had a timer since she was a teenager but it has always been flashing zeros, which simply means that her person doesn’t have a timer of their own yet. Oona is on the verge of turning 30 and is kind of desperate for her timer to do something. In the midst of her desperation, or as a factor of it, she hooks up with a grocery store clerk/musician and begins a fling with him, in spite of the fact that he already has a timer that only has four months left on it. I absolutely loved this film and highly recommend everybody see it. Like I said, it is one of the most brilliant movies I have ever seen. It is a truly original concept and tells a completely different love story than what you see in most movies. I love the fact that it is kind of telling the story of the love you have before you find the one. After all, we all have had our own love stories that didn’t pan out to be “the one.” Fanny Brice didn’t wind up with Nick Arnstein at the end of “Funny Girl.” Tom didn’t end up with Summer at the end of “(500) Days Of Summer.” It doesn’t always happen that way in life and I really appreciate when filmmakers tell the stories of that kind of love because it is just as valid as the love you find that lasts you the rest of your life. I’ll say it again – SEE THIS MOVIE. It is so worth it. As far as I am aware, this movie should be available on DVD at this point and can be found anywhere, or on Instant Watch from Netflix.

On Sunday, I watched a very different movie. It wasn’t anywhere near as good as “Timer,” but it was still a pretty decent movie. Sunday’s movie was called “Keith” and it starred pop star Jesse McCartney. Now, I am a pretty big fan of Jesse’s music and was intrigued to see him as an actor. I must say, I wasn’t impressed but I wasn’t disappointed, either. He acted the way he always does as himself, only a little more sulky and mysterious. “Keith” is the story of an outcast kid who manages to weasel his way into the life of a pretty, popular, over-achiever type girl. She is in all AP classes and competes in major tennis competitions in hopes of getting a scholarship to an Ivy League school. Still, her dealings with Keith are the first time she has ever stopped to consider what she really wants out of life, as opposed to what she has always been told to work for or what her parents had planned for her. This kind of free thinking, of course, basically leads to her life falling apart… but also to her realizing that the life that is falling apart around her was never the life she wanted in the first place. It was a pretty quirky movie, although not quirky enough to make the plotline more interesting. In all honesty, for what they tried to do with this movie, it would have gone better had they had a smaller budget and less studio involvement and such, because it’s an indie story but it’s almost as if they are trying to tell it in a mainstream way. Because of this, it almost comes across at points like an ABC Family Original Movie or something along those lines. Still, the acting was pretty decent and the story was enough to keep you interested as it continued on. It wasn’t the best thing I saw this weekend but probably wasn’t the worst, either. Actually, no… it probably was the worst but only because I actually watched some really decent stuff this weekend.

On Monday, I watched a film that really blew my fucking mind. It was absolutely amazing. On Monday I watched the movie I had received in the mail from Netflix, called “Remember Me.” Now, for many people, “Remember Me” has an automatic mark against it because it stars Robert Pattinson, a.k.a. Sparkly Vampire Edward Cullen from the “Twilight” movies. For many people, this is an automatic mark in it’s favor but for most adults I have talked to, this is an automatic mark against it. I was a little in between about the movie beforehand but since I had read a major spoiler for the film online way back when it was still in theaters, I knew it was a must-see. I was absolutely correct, too. “Remember Me” is the story of two people dealing with major losses in their lives who come together through some less than savory circumstances and fall in love. You see, Robert Pattinson’s character, Tyler Hawkins, is still reeling from the somewhat recent death of his brother and it is causing him to lash out in all kinds of ways. One of those ways is by getting involved in a huge fight outside of some random bar in New York City, where the film is set. The police officer who breaks up the fight lets Tyler and his friend go but when he sees that they are letting the other people involved in the fight go, as well, he flips out and attacks the officer and lands himself in jail. His father bails him out and it’s not really a big deal but he is really pissed off about it. Shortly after this, he realizes that the police officers daughter goes to the same college that he does and his friend convinces him to get revenge by seducing the cop’s daughter and breaking her heart. The daughter, played by Emilie De Ravin, (from “Lost,”) is also dealing with her own person tragedy after having witnessed her mother’s murder some ten years before. What began as a revenge plot turns into something much greater as the film goes on, and that is absolutely all I can tell you about this movie. You really HAVE TO see it for yourself. Where the story goes from there is absolutely not at all what you are thinking or what you would expect. Also, after seeing this movie, I have realized that Robert Pattinson is a MUCH better actor than I had previously given him credit for. It may not seem that way when you watch “Twilight,” but I’m fairly certain that this movie will change your mind. Like I said, I absolutely recommend seeing this movie for yourself. It is gorgeous and brilliant. I’d say this was probably the second best movie I watched this weekend, after “Timer.”

Then, there is today. Today I pretty much did nothing but lay in bed and watch movies. I watched three movies, to be exact – all independent, all pretty great in their own ways. The first movie I watched today was one I had seen the trailer for a few times in the past and had always been curious about, called “Table For Three.” “Table For Three” stars Brandon Routh, (that HOT new Superman guy,) Jesse Bradford, (that HOT guy from “Bring It On,” and “Swimfan,” as well as one of my all-time favorite movies, “Heights,”) and Sophia Bush. This is the story of a man who has recently been dumped after proposing to his girlfriend after dating for only three months. He then finds out that his roommate is moving out of his apartment immediately. In the midst of a bout of depression, he decides to look for a new roommate and meets a couple who are really happy and perfect together. Initially, he doesn’t want to live with a couple but changes his tune after hanging out with them for a while. It seems like a perfect situation until they move in and their true colors start to show. When the guy meets a girl that he is interested in and wants to start a relationship with, the couple suddenly lash out and begin sabotaging his relationship. It turns out that they are what one character refers to as a “couple monster.” A “couple monster” is one of those couples who are together constantly and don’t have anything substantial to talk to each other about, so they have to constantly have a third wheel to project their issues with each other onto. It was a really funny, over-the-top movie. I got a kick out of it. I would recommend checking this one out if you’re in the mood for a few laughs. It’s a cute little movie. After that I watched a movie that I was extremely impressed with, called “Shades Of Ray.” Now, everybody is familiar with Zach Braff and the film he wrote, directed and starred in, “Garden State,” which was brilliant. People are less familiar with another movie Zach Braff starred in and was very involved with called “The Last Kiss.” I actually preferred “The Last Kiss” to “Garden State,” because I felt like it told a much more honest, beautiful story. The reason I bring this up is because Zach Braff is a TV star that transitioned into the independent film world in a really great way, much like the star of “Shades Of Ray,” Zachary Levi, (from the show “Chuck.”) I also bring up “The Last Kiss,” in particular, because I feel like this film was very similar to “The Last Kiss” in a lot of ways. It is telling a very similar story but with a different ending and a much more interesting twist. You see, “Shades Of Ray,” is the story of a half-Pakistani, half-American actor struggling to make it in Hollywood. At the very beginning of the film, Ray proposes to his white girlfriend, Noelle, and she tells him that she has to think about it while she goes away with her family for a week. That same week, his very traditional Pakistani father shows up out of the blue at his home having just been thrown out by Ray’s mother. Ray’s father is very hung up on the fact that his son needs to be with a Pakistani girl, so while he is at his house he sets up a date for him with a half-Pakistani, half-American girl, played by the insanely beautiful Iranian/Spanish actress Sarah Shahi. Remaining unsure of whether or not his girlfriend is going to accept his marriage proposal, he meets with this girl and realizes that they have a lot in common. In fact, she is the first half-Pakistani, half-American person he has ever met outside of his family. The beautiful thing about this story is that you get to watch as Ray deals with issues he has had since childhood with his racial background, as well as dealing with the traditionalism his father pushes on him. It is really a brilliant film, whether you are in it for the romantic comedy portion or the deeper, racial parts. It is really a brilliant film and I highly recommend it to anyone and everyone. The third movie I watched today was by far the most off-the-wall thing I watched this weekend, although I can’t say recently because I watched that insane movie called “Watch Out,” which I discussed here in the blog a few weeks ago. Anyway, this movie I watched today was called “Sleeping Dogs Lie,” which was directed by Bobcat Goldthwait. They say that this film is considered a dark comedy and I can’t even begin to REALLY explain how true that is. You see, the opening line of this film is “This one time in college I blew my dog.” Yes, the basis of this story is a woman having performed oral sex on her dog when she was in college. Several years later, this woman is getting ready to get married to her boyfriend and they have a very open, honest relationship. He feels that there shouldn’t be any secrets between the two of them. Because of his stance on this, she feels like she should tell him about this experience with her dog. She struggles with the idea of doing it but eventually decides to do it. Once her boyfriend, and all the rest of her family, find out about this her entire world starts to fall apart. Hilarity ensues. I assure you, in spite of the insane subject matter, it is actually a really hilarious movie and also very poignant at times. I was really impressed with the handling of such sensitive subject matter. I also love the fact that the entire film really examines whether or not you should actually share ALL of your secrets with the person you are with. It is a surprisingly good film and I definitely recommend seeing it. I warn you, though, it can be a little slow moving at times but overall it is well worth it.

So, it is 12:04am now and I actually have to go back to work tomorrow. I should really be getting to bed. I got a call from Viktor today canceling my piano lesson tomorrow night and rescheduling for Friday evening. It kind of sucks because I was really excited about this week’s lesson. I have been practicing a LOT this week and have gotten this new piece he gave me down really well. My initial talk of working on a second piece this week didn’t really pan out for me because I found myself getting kind of lost on the second piece. It is fine, though, because I really think it is better for me, where I am at this point, to focus on one piece at a time. I am thinking, though, that I am going to tell Viktor at this week’s lesson that I want to work on that piece next. I figure, it is probably best to get his reaction to that piece before movie forward with it. We’ll see on Friday, I suppose. For now, I need to go to sleep. Goodnight.

Chapter 242: Support System

Today was the third day of my four-day weekend and, in spite of the fact that I still have a whole day left, I can’t help but already begin dreading going back to work. I don’t know what it is exactly but I have really been in a place lately where I just REALLY don’t want to work. It’s not a matter of hating my job or anything like that. It just sometimes feels like a huge waste of time. I know it’s not, and that it is serving an extremely important purpose, but I can’t help but feel sometimes like I am wasting my life away staring at all the beige in this office building. I just have to constantly remind myself that no matter how bleak or bland it may be, both literally and figuratively, it isn’t forever and it is serving a very important purpose in my life. After all, this is what is supplying me with the money to support myself and keep my Mom and I living in this apartment and barely scraping by, as we have been for the past several months. I’m exaggerating. We aren’t exactly “barely scraping by,” we simply aren’t doing as well as we have in the past. We are living very normal lives without anywhere near as many luxuries as we used to enjoy. It’s not terrible. I just sometimes have a tendency to think of it as being a lot worse than it actually is because when I can’t go out and drop a hundred dollars on clothes or makeup or whatever else whenever I want to I feel like I am really struggling. I know it’s not the case but I sometimes get caught up in my own head and start to feel that way. The issue is actually with the fact that it is the third day of my four-day weekend and the third day that I have spent in this house all by myself. You see, when I spend too much time alone I spend too much time thinking and when I spend too much time thinking I spend too much time exaggerating every part of my life. Liz Phair has a song where she kind of declares, “I don’t need a support system.” Well, Liz, that is admirable and I would love to have that quality myself but, unfortunately, I don’t feel like I do. I mean, I always say that I don’t need anybody in my life, in the sense that I don’t have a genuine need for a romantic interest in my life or anything like that, but I DEFINITELY need people. I am more like Barbra Streisand said – I am a person who needs people. I need friends. I need family. I need people in my life.

Speaking of friends and such, with all the talk of my birthday party and such, I have only recently started considering a guest list. It is rough shit trying to figure out who to invite and who not to invite and such. It has also kind of made me realize that I have considerably less friends now than I ever have in the past. I mean, it’s not that I have less people that I know or acquaintances but I have less people who I actually feel close to or would want to come to my birthday party. Then there is the work factor. I have a tendency to not want to invite people from work to things outside of work, particularly things like this that are happening at my house. There are only a few people at my job who I would actually consider inviting in the first place and it’s one of those things where I would feel kind of bad not inviting them but I don’t think I will because my sister and her girlfriend are going to be there and the rest of my co-workers are the people they work over and that could be weird for them. I just know that they are normally considerably more reserved and less at ease when we are at an outing with other people from work, so I kind of want to avoid putting them into that sort of mood. Of course, as much as I initially wanted to do a bigger birthday party this year, looking at the list of people I know it is looking like it is going to be a small one again. I don’t mind having a small birthday party, so long as it isn’t like last year where everybody separated into different areas of the house and didn’t interact with one another. I am thinking I am going to position seating in a way that doesn’t allow that to happen, although I’m sure it still will. I am thinking I am just going to have my closest group of friends and my family come and be done with it. I don’t know, I may invite a few other people, too. I don’t know what I am going to do yet. All I know is that I need to figure it out soon because my birthday is two weeks from today. I am figuring I am going to buy little kid style decorations for the house and a little princess cake and shit like that, maybe even a piñata, and have a kid-style birthday party. I don’t know. Thinking about all of this is making me kind of depressed. I’m about to be 27, I don’t have enough friends to throw a big party, I have a shitty job, I don’t know how to drive, I don’t know how to play piano yet AND, to top it all off, my hair is REALLY thin. My place in life is a lot different from where I expected it to be at this point.

I need to shut the fuck up. My place in life is just fine. I am working towards creating a better future for myself. I am learning to play piano. I am really getting myself psyched up to learn how to drive. My job isn’t that bad. I have a good, if not sort of small, group of friends and 27 isn’t that old at all. My hair IS really thin. There’s no bright spot for that one, unfortunately. I was looking at some pictures of myself from my brother’s wedding that my sister-in-law posted on Facebook today and you can really see straight through my hair to my scalp. I don’t know what to do about it. I mean, I don’t want to shave my head again. I don’t think it would work with my look nowadays. I guess the answer is just keeping it short. I need to get it cut more often. Still, that isn’t going to help for too much longer – if I am running my hands through my hair too much or something along those lines, I can see all kinds of hairs coming out in my hands. It is awful. I hate it. Aside from that, though, my life is not so bad. This is all, again, to do with the fact that I have been at home alone for the past three days. I am beginning to look at things as being much more drastic than they actually are. I just need company. Thank God my Mom is coming back to town tomorrow. That’ll make things better. Of course, aside from spending time alone, I think I am also having the problem that I find myself having pretty much every year – the pre-birthday depression. I used to always get really depressed in the month or so leading up to my birthday. That hasn’t really happened in the past couple of years but it seems to be back a bit this year. I think it may have a lot to do with the fact that this is my 27th birthday and I am coming right up on 30. According to society, I should be in a much different place in my life than I am. Of course, I have never been one to follow the rules of society. Still, I am getting to a point for myself where I feel like I should have something much different. I am really starting to feel like I should be leading a much more independent life. I SHOULD be driving. I SHOULD be living on my own, or at least in a place where I am capable of living on my own. I SHOULD have better hair, damn it! I don’t know what I am going to do but I definitely feel like I need to start taking steps towards leading a considerably more independent life. I need to start leading a much more adult life. In fact, I have just changed my mind about doing a kid-style birthday party. I want my birthday to have a more mature theme. I am turning 27, for chrissakes! I don’t know what to do about my birthday. I don’t know what to do about my life… but I am confident that I am going to figure it out soon. My hair, on the other hand, I am much less confident about.

In the meantime, it is 1:25am and I really should be getting to bed. I want to get up in time to see my Mom when she comes home to get ready before work. I am setting my alarm for 10am, so if I want to get a decent amount of sleep I should probably get to it soon. I also watched a really amazing movie today but I am not going to take the time to talk about it here because I have decided to do a movie-themed blog tomorrow night. You see, this weekend was supposed to be my Audrey Hepburn movie weekend but that plan was quickly thwarted when I realized that Netflix really doesn’t have many of her movies at all available for Instant Watch. So, I have watched a bunch of independent films this weekend and have decided that I am going to write a blog discussing all of them tomorrow night. So, look forward to that. For now, though, I am off to bed. Goodnight.

Chapter 241: Satisfied

Recently I did a blog post listing some of my favorite things in this world, including my favorite musical artists of all-time. I have also talked a lot about the music that I have been most excited about coming out this summer, with the main topics of that conversation being Kylie Minogue, my third favorite artist of all-time, and Scissor Sisters, my second favorite “recent” artist. Now that the Kylie Minogue album is out, I was thinking that the really exciting music for the summer had finished coming. Well, I found out today that I was completely wrong about this. I was wrong in a very big way, as a matter of fact. You see, I just found out today that yesterday my second favorite artist of all-time, Liz Phair, went fucking guerilla on the music industry and, without any advance warning at all, released a full-length album of brand new material for download on her official website. For $5.99 you get a full-length new album from Liz Phair. Like I said, it was posted on her website sometime yesterday without any promotion or advance warning or anything, it just suddenly appeared there. It is very exciting because I feel like this is a very classic Liz Phair way of doing it – no hoopla, no fuss and not a word spoken beforehand. I’m not sure the full story behind how exactly it was done this way but upon listening to the album you get a very clear depiction as to WHY: Liz Phair HATES the music industry.

Before going into details about the album, let me give a little bit of a history on Liz Phair as an artist. Liz Phair is 43 years old and was born in New Haven, CT, although she was adopted by a wealthy couple and raised in the Chicago area. After a brief, post-college stint in San Francisco trying to work as an artist, Liz moved back to Chicago around 1990 and began writing and recording, from home, her original demo tape, known amongst fans as the “Girly Sound Tapes.” She quickly made a name for herself in Chicago’s underground, alternative music scene and began working with a very small, independent label called Feel Good All Over, who tried to re-record the “Girly Sound Tapes” for release. Unfortunately, Liz and one of the heads of the label had various disagreements about the work and the entire project fell apart because of it. Just to add my own little two cents about the “Girly Sounds Tapes,” I have to say that they are absolutely brilliant. They are extremely raw recordings and have a very rough sound to them but the songs written for those tapes are amazing. They have an alternative pop sound and are all completely off-the-wall, including songs with titles like “Black Market White Baby Dealer,” “Willie, The Six-Dicked Pimp,” “Fuck Or Die,” and, one of Liz’s most famous songs, “Fuck & Run.” After this, Liz got in contact with the president of Matador Records, another indie label at the time, who signed her and, in 1993, released her debut album, “Exile In Guyville.” “Exile In Guyville” very quickly became acclaimed by critics and developed a pretty huge fan base for her. For me, personally, “Exile In Guyville” is one of the greatest albums of all-time. It is filled to the brim with extremely open, honest and often times blunt lyrics. The album was extremely sexual at many points but also extremely emotional, heartfelt and introspective. More often than not, it was emotional, heartfelt, introspective and extremely sexual at the very same time, which is really something rare to find in music even still. In 1994, in attempts to capitalize on the success of “Exile In Guyville,” her second album, “Whip Smart” was released with a pretty big media blitz, hoping to open her up to a more mainstream audience. She was on the cover of Rolling Stone and the video for the first single from the album, “Supernova,” was getting airplay on MTV and such. Still, the album didn’t perform as well as expected and left Liz in an odd place, career-wise, with the pressure on for a big hit follow-up album. During the time between the release of “Whip Smart” and her third album, “Whitechocolatespaceegg,” Liz got married to a film editor and had a child. These changes in her life were definitely reflected on the third album, which had a much more polished and mature sound. “Whitechocolatespaceegg” was released in 1998 after several delays, including the album being rejected by the label because it didn’t include anything radio-friendly enough. The first single from this album, “Polyester Bride,” received a fair bit of airplay but the album didn’t wind up selling any better than the previous record had. Still, Liz managed to play the main stage at Lilith Fair and even made a movie following the release of this album. It was five years before she released another record, after signing to Capitol Records, Liz began writing and recording what would eventually become her eponymous album, “Liz Phair.” The “Liz Phair” album is kind of where the proverbial “shit hit the fan,” in terms of her career. You see, much like with “Whitechocolatespaceegg,” this album was not received well at all by the record label. Having already exhausted her recording budget for the record, though, Liz came to an agreement with Capitol Records, that they would fund further recording for the album if she would do that recording with the extremely popular at the time production team, The Matrix. The Matrix were best known for producing major hits for artists like Avril Lavigne, Britney Spears and Hilary Duff. While these recording sessions only produced four songs, they kind of became the focal point of the album and became the catalyst for a shit storm from both critics and fans, accusing her of having sold out and being a hack. Obviously, this record didn’t sell very well, although the first and second singles from the album, “Why Can’t I?” and “Extraordinary,” both had a fair bit of success. For me, personally, I think this is one of her best records after “Exile In Guyville.” It is a VERY different sound from what she had done before, in many places, but still had a collection of songs that, while considerably more pop sounding and catchier, were still very classic Liz songs. Still, this album was completely panned by critics and fans and did not perform well at all. A couple years later, at the end of 2005, Liz released her fifth record, “Somebody’s Miracle.” “Somebody’s Miracle” is probably my favorite of her albums. It does a beautiful job of combining her harder rock sound from the earlier albums with the more mellow pop sound of the eponymous record. It is a great record through and through. Unfortunately, it was the least successful of all of her records. It was just days after this album was released in October of 2005, that I got the opportunity to see Liz in concert for the very first time, (twice,) and attend a meet and greet with her. Now, having listened to her music for most of my life, and her being my second favorite artist of all-time, this was an intense thrill for me and the only thing I could manage to say to her was “OH MY GOD.” It’s okay, though, because I said it several times… and I do mean SEVERAL times. After the failure of “Somebody’s Miracle,” Liz was dropped from Capitol Records and decided to make ends meet by composing scores for television shows, including “90210,” “The Beautiful Life: TBL,” “Swingtown” and “In Plain Sight.” It really began to appear, after a few years of no word out of her, that there weren’t any plans for another album out of her. In early 2008, there was a re-release of “Exile In Guyville,” which included an absolutely brilliant documentary on the making of the original record. Aside from that and a single song included on a compilation CD from Banana Republic, though, it seemed that there wasn’t anything being planned for moving forward with her own musical work.

This is why it was such a huge surprise to find that she had written and recorded an entire new album. It was a VERY pleasant surprise. This album, very aptly titled “Funstyle,” is extremely surprising. No, I don’t just mean that it’s random release was a surprise but the album itself is extremely surprising. Liz has once again given her musical style a complete makeover, while still remaining true to her own quirky, cracked out songwriting style. Now, I discovered the existence of this record from a link on Twitter from Liz herself, and when I arrived at her website to purchase the album, I found what you would call the first “single,” I suppose, called “Bollywood.” They kind of supplied this track as a lead-in or to give you a taste of the album before buying. Now, just the fact that the album existed was enough for me to buy it but I decided to give the song a listen, anyway. Now, as I mentioned before, this album makes it very clear that Liz HATES the music industry and it all began with this song. Liz does this really cute little sing-song rap/talking thing on this song and basically tells the story of the past several years of her life – providing all kinds of details about labels telling her how her work doesn’t work for them and how “this is how it works in the Hollywood.” The song has a really cool, Middle Eastern inspired sound and is, to put it frankly, completely insane sounding. It is also completely brilliant. There was never a question as to whether or not I would buy this album but this little teaser to the album got me really excited and I paid my $5.99 and downloaded the album immediately. The album’s first track, “Smoke” is also all about how fucked up Hollywood and the music industry are and also has a really experimental, electronic sound. The third track on the album is probably my favorite, called “You Should Know Me.” This song is much more like a classic Liz song, with it’s acoustic guitar and melancholy, frank lyrics and melody. It is gorgeous. It is basically a song about realizing that the person you are with doesn’t really know you as well as you may have thought they did or as well as they should. The fourth track also has the classic Liz, acoustic vibe to it. It is called “Miss September,” and it is a really nice little love song reflecting on having those moments in a relationship where you are questioning whether it is worth continuing on or not. The album consists mainly of more experimental type songs, including “My My,” “Bang! Bang!” “Beat Is Up,” “And He Slayed Her” and “U Hate It,” which closes out the record. “U Hate It” is a completely brilliant song, which is basically two record label executives arguing over which one hates her record more. It also ends with an adorable little segment of her accepting an award for the record and the two executives then changing their tune and arguing over who loves the record more and how much they loved the record from the start. This album, more than anything else, is a commentary on the greed of Hollywood and all of its money-hungry executives. I understand this type of thing isn’t something that everybody can relate to but, I assure you, this album is well worth the $5.99 it costs. In fact, it is worth so much more than that. One of my favorite tracks on the album is “Beat Is Up,” which basically consists of some sort of doctor, a psychologist or something, talking about people who are in denial about their lives, and Liz talking as one of those Hollywood bimbo types, saying all kinds of hilarious things that you would hear out of any of these women on any given day, like “I absolutely have to have my coffee. I need my energy. My life demands it,” while the doctor is saying things like, “Sometimes you imagine yourself being impaled by a giant spike hanging over your bed.” Another favorite track of mine on the album is “Oh, Bangladesh,” which is one of the more classic Liz sounding songs about living out a relationship in a fantasy and suddenly realizing that none of it is real. The last song I will mention is “Satisfied,” which also has a more classic Liz Phair acoustic sound but with a much more pop sound than anything else on this record. This song really hit a button in me and made me think a lot about life. It is basically a song about taking a look at your life and realizing that you aren’t satisfied. In spite of the fact that you have everything you need out of life and are doing just fine, it is just that feeling that there is something missing from your life. Anybody who follows this blog should know that this is definitely a concept that I can relate to. I definitely recommend everybody check out this album – it may take a couple of spins for some but I am pretty confident that if you give the album a genuine chance you will fall in love with it as much as I do. It is absolutely brilliant. You can pick up the album direct from Liz’s website here.

Anyway, it is now 11:54pm and I am getting pretty tired. I doubt if I’ll go to sleep just yet but I think I may watch a movie on Netflix or something until I fall asleep. Speaking of which, I watched a movie on Netflix earlier today that I wanted to take a moment to mention. This movie was called “Keith,” and it starred the adorable Jesse McCartney as a troubled, outsider type kid, (typical role for a pop star, I know,) who manages to weasel his way into the life of one of the more popular girls in school. The girl is completely type-A and is one of those students who is in AP everything and is depending on a tennis scholarship to get into an Ivy League college. When these two get together, though, this girl’s whole world begins to unravel because he makes her understand that there is more to life than the goals that she has always been working towards. It was a really good movie and I would definitely recommend checking it out. I really liked it. Anyway, I am going to go try to find something else to watch now and get myself ready for bed. Goodnight.

Chapter 240: Cruel Summer

Let me preface tonight's blog by saying that I am going to keep it short tonight. As a matter of fact, I have pretty well decided that, moving forward, I am probably going to start trying to keep it short every night. There are a few reasons for this at this time. Of course, there is the fact that, as I have been mentioning a lot lately, it just seems like there isn't all that much going on lately & I don't really have a lot to say. Actually, that's not an entirely accurate statement - there is plenty going on lately, I just don't have a lot to say about it. I mean, I don't know what to say about a lot of it. I don't know what I'm trying to say here exactly but it just really feels like I have been struggling a lot lately to find things to say. Another reason for making the blogs shorter is the time factor for me. It takes me quite a while to write a full-length blog, based on what I am considering full-length right now. If I am really focused on what I am doing it takes me a good hour or hour and a half. On a less than great night, when I am distracted or doing other things, it has taken me well over 2 hours to finish. If I cut my blogs down to half or three quarters as long, that will save me a LOT of time. Another major reason for this is because I feel like cutting down the length of the blogs will make them better for you, the readers, to keep up with. The thing is, I know I don't have a ton of people who read the blog every day or anything like that, but I think I would probably make it a lot easier to have more people read regularly if I made them a little shorter. It would be a quicker read and would probably be considerably less tedious or repetitive. I mean, I don't feel like my blog is ever tedious or repetitive but, xlearly, my opinion is more than a little biased. So, moving forward I am going to be keeping this blog much shorter.

Today was a pretty decent day. It was a nice, relaxing day at home. I didn't step outside at all today & I am perfectly satisfied with that. I woke up at 10am after having fallen asleep around 2:30am. I got up, ate a muffin and sat down in front of the TV. I didn't really have much left over on the DVR from this past week, so I watched last night's "Chelsea Lately," and then was pretty much done with the TV for a while. After doing my morning skin care routine and brushing my teeth and such, I came back into my bedroom and dicked around online for a while. I wasn't doing anything substantial enough that I can even recall it at this point. I basically spent most of the morning/early afternoon today wasting time, which isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes I really enjoy just sitting around and wasting time on asinine things... as long as it isn't TOO MUCH time. The initial plan for this evening, as of last weekend, was to have a girl's night with Whitney, April and Rachel. Earlier in the week we found out that April wasn't available this weekend, so we cancelled those plans. However, Rachel and I talked about it and decided that we still wanted to get together and just hang out at the house and watch movies or something. So, we decided to go ahead and invite Whitney over for that. She wasn't sure whether or not she could come but she said she likely could. Then last night she asked if Nate could come along, as well. I told her that of course he could - Nate is pretty well ALWAYS welcome to anything I am doing. So, the plan was for the four of us to all hang out tonight. Still, I tried to get a hold of Whitney today and couldn't get a response out of her for most of the day. I tried Nate, as well, but didn't get any response out of him, either. I went ahead and cooked enough dinner for four people, just in case, but it wound up that they didn't come. So, this evening wound up just being Rachel and I hanging out and eating enough dinner for four people. It was really nice, though. I have hung out with Rachel a lot more than usual lately and I feel like, after spending forever saying that we need to start hanging out more often, we finally are actually hanging out more. I really hope it continues because I enjoy it a lot. Rachel is awesome because she is one of those people who I can always just relax with - there is no concern of anything. We can both be perfectly content just being exactly who we are with one another and we always manage to have fun, even if we're doing nothing more than just hanging out and watching whatever happens to be on the television at that time. That's basically what we did this evening. We watched a random episode of "Clean House," and, after it came up in conversation at random, watched the movie "Baby Mama," which I love and Rachel hadn't seen before. We basically just spent the entire night talking, though, about all kinds of random things.

Earlier today during that time when I was just wasting time, which I kind of skipped through in this blog, I watched the most brilliant independent film on the Netflix Instant Watch. It was a film called "Timer," which starred Emma Caulfield, (from the original "Beverly Hills, 90210" and "Buffy The Vampire Slayer,") and the gorgeous John Patrick Amedori, (who played Aaron Rose, Serena's magic disappearing boyfriend, in season two of "Gossip Girl.") This film is set in present day but has a certain fantasy element to it, in a very practical, everyday sort of way. You see, in this film, there was an invention created some time in the 70s or 80s or so that is an implant you can have place on your wrist, which is a timer that counts down to the day that you are going to find the person you will spend the rest of your life with - your soulmate or "the one" or whatever you want to call it. Now, if your "one" doesn't have a timer, as well, yours will remain blank until they get one. Fascinating concept. Now, in this world where this timer exists, clearly pretty much everybody has one because who wouldn't want that? The main character in this film, Oona, is on the verge of turning 30 and has had her timer on for half her life and it has always been blank. Oona is desperate for her time to come and lives out her love life in a "process of elimination" sort of way, where she meets men who don't have timers and dates them for a little while, then makes them get one to find out for sure if they are her one or not. If they are not, then she feels she doesn't need to waste her time with them. Still, all this waiting gets lonely for her, so when she meets the adorable cashier at her local grocery store, Mikey, it doesn't take her long to give in to his advances, in spite of the fact that he is wearing a timer that only has about four months left to go. I won't tell much more of the plot because I definitely recommend that everybody check out this movie - it is available on Netflix for Instant Viewing, otherwise it should be available in video stores and such. It is an absolutely brilliant film and I highly recommend seeing it. In fact, I recommend it so highly that I will provide you with links to buy the DVD at Amazon AND Barnes & Noble AND Borders. Seriously, pick this movie up - it is well worth it. It really got me thinking a lot about the concept of finding "the one." I mean, I don't necessarily believe that there is a "one" out there, although it is certainly a nice idea. I think the whole concept really just came out of lonely people needing some form of comfort about their love lives. Still, it's a nice idea. One of my favorite things about this movie is the fact that it is the story of a woman trying to find her "one," but the love story that this movie tells isn't the story of a woman finding "the one," it's the story of a love she has on her way to "the one." I feel like too many romantic comedies are focused on finding the one when, in real life, it doesn't necessarily work like that. In fact, for many people, life is nothing but those passing "on the way to the one" stories. There isn't anything wrong with that and I think this film demonstrates that really well. Once again, I highly recommend seeing this film. It is absolutely brilliant and really proves to me that there ARE still truly original ideas out in this world.

It's 4am and I should really be getting to bed but before I do I wanted to mention my newest makeup inspiration. No, it's not like how I will do my Barbra Streisand or Taylor Momsen or whoever else inspired looks. It is more just something that provides a certain type of feeling that influences the looks that I have been doing lately. You see, recently I have been listening to one specific album while I am doing my makeup and it has really had a huge influence on the looks that I have been doing. What album would that be? "Cruel Summer" by Ace Of Base. This album was originally released in 1998 and it's lead single was the title track, a cover of the classic Bananarama song. This album has a really big, fun, summery pop sound that I absolutely adore. It makes me smile a lot. You just don't find pop music quite like it anymore, which sucks. I was a pretty huge Ace of Base fan in the 90s and have recently kind of rediscovered them. It's really fun music and, like I said, this album has had a major influence on a lot of the makeup looks I have been doing lately. There are a few songs, in particular, that have been my main staples for makeup time - "Cruel Summer," "Donnie," "Whenever You're Near Me," "Adventures In Paradise," and "Don't Go Away." I don't know how to explain the influence they have, exactly, but I consider this album very light, very blue and gold and bronze colored. This has been the main influence that it has had on my makeup looks. I love it. Another thing I wanted to mention is this new album I came across earlier today. It is by a new artist, named Ashley Arrison. The album is called "Hearts On Parade," and it is pretty gorgeous. It is kind of reminiscent of Sheryl Crow's more recent work but with much more of a pop edge to it. It is really upbeat, peppy and positive. I would also call this album very light. It is really kind of a perfect summer album, honestly. I am really in love with it right now. Every song on the record is really strong but my favorite tracks would include the lead single, "Trying To Help You Out," which is a song about trying to deter somebody from getting too involved with you because you know you'll only end up disappointing them. That's definitely a concept I can relate to in a lot of ways. There are also two really sweet little ditties about love, "Favorite Thing" and "Walk Me Home," which I adore. Another favorite of mine is "Winter," as well as "The Hard Way," "California" and "Breathing." Like I said, the entire album is brilliant and well worth checking out. Definitely pick this record up if you spot it some place where you are picking up music. It is well worth actively seeking out on it's own even. Anyway, it is now getting closer and closer to 5am and I REALLY need to get to sleep. Goodnight.

Chapter 239: Taker

Chapter 238: Indian Summer

Okay, so I am thinking of perhaps making it my new thing to write the daily blog a little earlier in the evening. It is currently 7:21pm. It’s right around the same time I wrote it yesterday. It is also right around the same time that I updated with my video blog on Tuesday. It is really nice having it finished earlier in the day and having the time before bed for other things. One thing, in particular, that I have every intention of using that time for is piano practice. Why? Because, damn it, I have to make that a major focus in my life and the best way for me to make something a major focus in my life is to make it a part of a routine. So, writing my daily blog in the time after I get off work but before my Mom gets off work makes the most sense. I think in general, I would prefer to start a bit earlier than I did today but I don’t intend to write too much today, so starting a bit later seemed like it would be alright. I don’t really have a lot to say about today. It wasn’t really an exceptional day in any way. To start off with, I woke up late. I woke up once at 6:45am, but managed to fall back to sleep until 7am. Then I got up and did my best to convince myself there was no need to rush. After all, I haven’t been working out and I have basically been filling the time I would normally work out with useless crap, like dicking around online. So, I figured that was a good hour of my time that I could just cut out and everything would be fine. I was right, too. I got out of bed, did my morning skincare routine, brushed my teeth and had coffee, cigarettes and breakfast, all while sitting on the couch and watching one of the past few episodes of “Chelsea Lately” that I had missed. I was in the bathroom doing hair and makeup by 7:30am, finished just after 8am and everything was on schedule as usual. When I arrived at work, I was greeted by really friendly faces and spent most of the day chatting with my co-workers and people from the other account that sits right by us. I also finished the third book in the “Gossip Girl” series. That’s as far as I’ve gotten, so I’m kind of excited to start reading the ones that I haven’t already read before, though. Unfortunately, I am afraid I may be derailed from the “Gossip Girl” train yet again, because two of my co-workers have recently brought in books that they want me to read. I have them both sitting on my desk right now. I should probably read them and return them before I move on to more of the “Gossip Girl” series.

There is a random thing that my supervisors do every month where we have a “game” for each of the teams at work where whoever gets the most sales or the most whatever else gets some sort of prize. I normally don’t put too much thought into these games because they are silly but somehow, without even realizing it, I have managed to be one of the final two in this month’s game. All that’s left is to figure out the scores from yesterday to determine the winner. This is the first time I have ever come this close to winning so I am kind of excited about it. The other person at the end with is my dear friend who sits right next to me. I honestly am pretty sure that she wound up winning but I don’t know yet. It would be pretty cool if I did manage to win but I’m pretty certain that I didn’t. I mean, I don’t really care – it’s not like the prize is every anything all that interesting, but it’s still nice to be able to say that you won something. Either way. I am also really excited about the fact that tomorrow is Friday and once we get Friday over with it will be a four-day weekend. I mean, it will be a three-day weekend for everybody else but for me it will be four. I couldn’t be happier with having Tuesday as my day off for this reason. I am actually taking another four-day weekend a few weeks from now because I requested my birthday off and it happens to be on a Monday. I am using the last of my vacation days for the year on my birthday. I was initially going to try to save a couple of vacation days for later in the year but I decided to say, “fuck it,” and just go ahead and use them all up during the summer. After all, I want my summer to be fun and working less definitely ups the chances of that happening. Also, I am kind of banking on the fact that we will be in a better financial situation later in the year so it won’t be as shocking a blow to take an unpaid holiday then as it would be now. Plus, I just want to take some time off right now and see no reason not to take advantage of the opportunity I have with having Tuesdays off to take four-day weekends. So, I am and I have enjoyed the ones I have had already and am REALLY looking forward to this one that is beginning tomorrow. I also got my first QC, (quality control, where they grade one of your calls,) for this month and it was much improved from last month, which was kind of a dismal month for me. So, that was pretty exciting. Hopefully this will become a trend for the rest of the month. One thing I am not excited about, though, is the fact that I have to go into work at 8am tomorrow morning. Sure, I normally go in at 8:30am so it’s not a major difference, but I am going to be alone there for 30 minutes and I find that annoying. It will be okay, though. It means that I get an extra break tomorrow and that is definitely a plus for me. I don’t know why but the world feels better when I have an extra break.

Now work is over, dinner is cooking and I really need to take a shower. I mentioned to my Mom that I was thinking of taking a shower as soon as I got home because I just felt funky after work and she text messaged me a while later asking if I had. I don’t know why. It’s not like I’m smelling funky or anything. Now she expects to come home and find me extra clean and such. I really want to get extra clean, anyway, so I think I will go ahead and go take one. It’s for the best, I suppose. Before I do end this blog, I did want to make mention of my most recent Netflix arrival – “The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie.” It is the straight-to-DVD feature length spin-off from the show “Drawn Together,” which is by far my favorite of the “adult” animation series that have sprung up in the past decade or so. I loved that show. The humor was all really fucked up and racial and sexual and just generally hilarious. It was a super fun show and the movie did not disappoint, either. They came up with the most clever concept for the film ever – the cast somehow figured out that the show had been cancelled and had to deal with the fact that they were all just knock-offs of real cartoon characters. Then, they go on a giant quest to try to get their show back on the air. The best part of the movie, though, was a new character – the show that took their show’s timeslot, “The Suck My Taint Show” starring the Suck My Taint girl, who was a little girl who sings songs about her taint. It was fucking hilarious and led to all kinds of fun jokes about the taint, (“I don’t know whether I should call you a pussy or an asshole!”) It is well worth checking out if you are a fan of “adult” animation or really horrible, offensive humor. It was an awesome show and an awesome movie! Alright, time for me to go take a shower! Goodnight for now!